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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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In before the deLOLtion
Learn your lesson, beeter.
Ive just bought 2 new pairs of aviators, what have YOU bought?
alt. what is the secret to a long and happy marriage (not to get married at all amirite?)? let's give some tips for a best man speech.
altalt. lunch or something.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:03, 144 replies, latest was 5 years ago)
the rights to a film version of your mum's life story
marry somebody you enjoy fucking ... I'm not sure there's much more to it than that
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:05, Reply)
my folks are still married.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:11, Reply)
your dad clearly enjoys your mum as much as the rest of us

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:12, Reply)
I might buy some lunch.
Alt: marriage is bent. Speech tip: Be nice, take the piss out of yourself rather than being a cunt about the groom.
Altalt: TBC
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:08, Reply)
I like lunch.
I have smoked salmon farfalle
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:13, Reply)
I don't know what to have.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:13, Reply)
i might go to gino's and get some pasta
but with pesto or arab sauce?
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:18, Reply)
WHAT'S ARAB SAUCE? (HE ASKED WITH TREPIDATION)

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:35, Reply)
oops caps lol
I WAS TYPING ON MY SPREADSHEET
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:36, Reply)
Hi Chompy

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:57, Reply)
Arrabiata

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:00, Reply)
I thought that was mexican

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:02, Reply)
You should know by now not to trust what you think

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:07, Reply)
a car. and a massive pillow. the two are not connected.
and will shortly be buying a new kitchen, carpets, curtains, sofa, bookshelves and fitted wardrobe for the spare room.

alt: my parents were v happily married for nearly 40 years. the secret seemed to be, "someone who makes you laugh a lot."

altalt: possibly pasta. possibly sushi. possibly a sweet potato falafel box from leon with brown rice and salad.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:20, Reply)
Didn't take him too long to replace her though

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:24, Reply)
you're no rory

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:25, Reply)
I know, I miss the little guy sometimes

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:26, Reply)
i hope he went out in a blaze of glory
surfing an avalanche and doing wheelies in his chair
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
don't h8 the playa, h8 the game

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:26, Reply)
Was it an upgrade, do you think?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
Absolutely not

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:28, Reply)
Her real mum was hot, eh?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)
Totes

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)
to be fair
if you were a skinny beardy weirdy who smells like lentil farts and hash and had to marry someone with an IQ in single digits just to get his hairy cock wet, you'd hate both
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)
Less bullying please. Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are nice, but because you are

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:32, Reply)
I'm a little hurt by rachel's comments and may have to spend a little time away from the internet
I hope my true internet friends will understand
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:37, Reply)
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:38, Reply)
liked and shared, 94% won't

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:38, Reply)
*makes a mess of pots and pans*

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:53, Reply)

"someone who makes you laugh a lot."
Ship the kids off as soon as possible, buy the daughter a half flat at the other end of the country and convert the loft into a sex dungeon."
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:27, Reply)
he fucked that one up
my brother lives about 5 mins away
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:28, Reply)
Maybe he was a regular participant?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:29, Reply)
i think it unlikely
he's an accountant
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:34, Reply)
so are 84% of suburban swingers

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:57, Reply)
maybe he likes your brother

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:34, Reply)
how far away are your parents again?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:34, Reply)
their place in France is about twenty minutes

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:40, Reply)
so you're saying they moved countries to get away from you
entirely understandable
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:41, Reply)
by buying a house twenty minutes away from ours?
what?
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:43, Reply)
that's properly tragic
but it does explain why french property prices have halved
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:49, Reply)
what are you bibbling on about now, you unlovable pork chop?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:56, Reply)
I agree with the humour element. More than sex.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:36, Reply)
it's the building block of most good relationships i think
friends, family, work - you've got to have a laugh, otherwise you might as well shoot yourself in the twat.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:37, Reply)
swipe combines the two by laughing at my willy

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:37, Reply)
to be fair
everyone does that
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:40, Reply)
Point out that its been such an emotional day
Even the cake is in tiers.

They won't have heard that one before. Absolutely not.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:26, Reply)
the last 3 weddings i've been to
had a cheese cake instead of a wedding cake
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:28, Reply)
Guessing the happy couple thought Caerphilly
When making that decision.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:31, Reply)
you're so cheesy

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:34, Reply)
yarg

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:45, Reply)
Not bought much recently
other than some headphones to replace the pair I accidentally broke the wires on.

alt: secret of any relationship is not to harp on about every little thing the other person does that annoys you, if you want everything your own way all the time, stay single, but don't moan about how lonely you are. Too many people want it both ways these days.

altalt:chili
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:30, Reply)
also: choose a wife who takes it both ways

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:36, Reply)
on top and missionary
woah bit wild there dude
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:39, Reply)
it should be illegal

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:04, Reply)
^ single bisexual

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:37, Reply)
I just got a fright off a Frozen balloon lodged in a tree in the garden
Ffs
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:35, Reply)
let it go, man

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:37, Reply)
it's about 30 foot up

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:39, Reply)
let it go

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:45, Reply)
that perfect girl is gone

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:47, Reply)
coal never bothered you anyway.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:49, Reply)
Cigarettes.
Alt: Find someone appropriate, like a member of the opposite sex.
Altalt: £3 salad.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:40, Reply)
Afternoon Jay
I recently purchased a family ticket for English Heritage and used it to visit Tynemouth priory, Corbridge, Hexham and Belsay Hall
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 13:59, Reply)
My gran used to take me to all them places.
Before she got cancer and carked it.
HeaLthiest woman ever, so we know it doesn't discriminate!
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:03, Reply)
It was a really good wander yesterday
Even took the gaydog
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:07, Reply)
Bausch and Lomb Ray-Ban Aviators or some hooky shit off the internet?
Best man speech, smash your cock into the grooms face whilst shouting remember when we were 14.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:00, Reply)
Hooky shit.
im always bargain hunting on amazon
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:04, Reply)
bum hunting on gaydar Moah loike ammirite

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:26, Reply)
I had chicken and rice.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:06, Reply)
an peeeeeeeeaa

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:14, Reply)
Actually, yes.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:19, Reply)
altalt had a craving for a pot noodle so had that with a co-op meal deal instead of an extra sandwich.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:28, Reply)
Classy as fuck.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:37, Reply)
All the shame of eating a Ginsters, but without the buyers remorse.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:38, Reply)
I had an urge to eat a pot noodle about 6 months ago
trying to hark back to poor student days... they are still fucking disgusting
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:41, Reply)
They're about how I remember them.
Unlike Ginsters, I always seem to underestimate how vile they are.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:47, Reply)
i don't think i've ever had a pot noodle
my flatmates at university were all into super noodles. super noodles and smash (not together). gross.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:51, Reply)
I used to love pot noodles when I was a student
Super noodles defeat the object as they require more than just a kettle and a fork.
Smash is for fucking idiots.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:03, Reply)
Yeah. All the geniuses buy frozen mash.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:04, Reply)
Please tell me that doesn't exist.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:05, Reply)
Fraid so.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:06, Reply)
I really hate people.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:07, Reply)
Jokes aside I have considered doing a big pot of mash and freezing some for later.
Not actually done it. Have reheated it the next day though. It's alright.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:09, Reply)
i guess you can freeze fish pie and shit
(if you're into space docking)
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:10, Reply)
Fish pie is vile.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:11, Reply)
i make a lovely fish pie
holy shit look, those frozen abominations you found are delia recommended:

www.deliaonline.com/recipes/main-ingredient/lamb/good-old-shepherds-pie.html
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:12, Reply)
It comes in discs!

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:13, Reply)
i bet she owns shares in aunt bessie

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:13, Reply)
Well it'd be difficult to vary portion sizes if it was just in one big slab wouldn't it?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:14, Reply)
they were prolly making novelty kids potato things and the machine fucked up

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:15, Reply)
MASHTAGS

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:17, Reply)
those look like modern alphabites
as a kid, i was desperate to try those. my poor mum with her insistence on healthy, homemade food, and all her kids wanted was processed shit. i was finally allowed a packet for tea on my 9th birthday.

they tasted like processed shit.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:22, Reply)
the thing to remember about Delia is that she's a joyless hack who hates cooking

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:13, Reply)
I'm not sure if mash is complex enough to be considered 'cooking'.
I bet it has a disappointing amount of pepper in it as well.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:15, Reply)
you'd be amazed at how clueless some folk are about really basic food

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:16, Reply)
i like mustard mash
and cheddar mash
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:16, Reply)
I like monster mash

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:17, Reply)
Wasn't her main thing recipes for fucking idiots who can't cook?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:16, Reply)
if you are trusting someone to cook meat properly
you should trust them to boil potatoes
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:21, Reply)
Or understand the difference between a clove and a bulb of garlic.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:22, Reply)
you're so racist about french people

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:23, Reply)
I thought that was an urban myth, like my mum leaving you a cup of tea when you were... you know.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:23, Reply)
mashing your potatoes?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:29, Reply)
No, trying to make his own toad in the hole

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:34, Reply)
fucking heck

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:08, Reply)
I love a good Pot Noodle... It's all about the added condiments.
"secret's in the sauce"
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:59, Reply)
You lot still here?

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:59, Reply)
No

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:59, Reply)
y

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:59, Reply)
sub thread:
Give me the members you would have in a super band/group
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 14:59, Reply)
elvis, eminem and andrew lloyd webber

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:02, Reply)
Fucking hell.
You rotten troll.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:02, Reply)
you know you'd listen to it

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:09, Reply)
Supergroups invariably fall disappointingly short of the sum of their parts.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:02, Reply)
it's just a bit of fun, GRUMPS!

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:05, Reply)
Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invite me.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:08, Reply)
just George Harrison

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:03, Reply)
Nice.
On guitar, sitar or moog?
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:04, Reply)
all of them plus qarkabeb strapped to his knees
like a hippy one man band
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:06, Reply)
Lemmy, Rick Wakeman, Obie Trice and Schlomo.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:07, Reply)
And the talented one with the better name from The Yurtsmiths.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:16, Reply)
Why is his name better :(

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:17, Reply)
Because it has more letters

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:20, Reply)
He even wins if you include middle names :'(

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:26, Reply)
Your surname is better

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:27, Reply)
It's one of my best features.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:32, Reply)

Posh, Sporty, Ginger, Baby, Scary
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:20, Reply)
sounds like a flock of budgies

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:22, Reply)
4 dogs and a blackbird.

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:39, Reply)
Stephen Fry, Johnathan Wilkes, Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber and Madonna?
You're weird.
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:24, Reply)

Monty Boyce
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:22, Reply)

Monty Boyce
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:25, Reply)

Young Tangle
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:28, Reply)

Mrs Tangle
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:34, Reply)

Secret London Bash
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:38, Reply)
ello der mon

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:30, Reply)
Awesome, finished my speech thanks guys
Now I just need to decide if I leave out the joke about going down on Heather Mills
(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:39, Reply)
Might be a bit close to the wood

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:44, Reply)
Its probably not as bad as the joke about the bride fucking the local rugby team

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 15:51, Reply)
i dont think it has enough buoyancy

(, Tue 14 Apr 2015, 16:16, Reply)

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