Monday again
I've stolen TGB's sign as I couldn't be bothered making my own.



In you come.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 8:21, 334 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning Al
You can tell us all about your allotments later then!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 8:36, Reply)

Morning all
*waves*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 8:54, Reply)

A'right BK?
I was beginning to think everyone was avoiding me!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 8:56, Reply)

I'd be interested to hear everyone's views about the recent gnome problem

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:02, Reply)

Morning
I see we have suffered an invasion.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

I for one welcome our new gnome overlords.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

this thread is a pale imitation of the spectacular events of last night

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:08, Reply)

@k2
No, just been a quiet few days I think.

@Mrs L
It would appear so.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:08, Reply)

I don't like putting people on ignore
it seems so rude.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

I'm alright really.
But you've probably already put me on ignore so fuck you.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:10, Reply)

No I haven't
so fuck you.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:11, Reply)

Oh.
Sorry about the fuck you thing. Unless you decided that I really SHOULD be put on ignore. In which case, fuck you.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:13, Reply)

It's OK, Mrs L
No doubt they're only here because there appear to be no toilet facilities in /talk, as they always seem to be bursting for a piss.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:13, Reply)

Can't we all just get along?
I mean, you gnome you want to.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:15, Reply)

you know what, I could really use a toilet right now

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:16, Reply)

That'll be it.
I'm posting from the bath! I think if like the standard school bully if we just ignore them the should get bored and go away.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:17, Reply)

look mike, I think we owe QOTW and b3ta in general and indeed the world at large a sincere and heartfelt apology
and I'll do this, right after I have a piss because honestly, I am BURSTING right now
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:18, Reply)

I NEVER MEANT TO HURT ANYONE I'M SO SORRY I JUST WANTED A FRIEND AND REALLY NEED A PISS

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:21, Reply)

YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY!

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:22, Reply)

Good morning everyone
How are you all today? Did anybody have an exciting weekend?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:22, Reply)

Hey Lucy
Was lovely to meet you Saturday!
I'm usually more talkative than that - I was a bit worse for wear having topped up from Friday evening.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Morning
My little lubblies.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:26, Reply)

Morning Lucy, Ethel
Exciting? Don't know about that, but I got done what needed to be done, and found time to sit down for a bit on Sunday.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:28, Reply)

K2K6 + Miss Lucy +BK (Whopper - ooh err missus)
How do?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:29, Reply)

Hey Ethel
Not too bad thanks.
Did you have a nice weekend?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:29, Reply)

Morning!
Thats ok BK, I had a sneaking suspicion that you would have consumed a lot of cider the night before!

Morning everyone else!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

@ Lucy
I'd had a few, and pretty much no food so I was slightly dazed and away with the fairies.
You probably noticed Lusty was having to steer me down Oxford Street:)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Lucy, that's a nice name
Ethel, less so
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

BK
Ace.
I too hadn't eaten so got home, carried on with some wine and when Mr VP finally got home he was pretty amused at the state I was in.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:35, Reply)

@Lucy
As long as you made it home for Strictly Come Dancing!

It was a lovely afternoon, and I really like that pub.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:37, Reply)

BK
Not bad at all, first party filled weekend for months!

Gilg..

The syllables in mine are easier to pronounce when combined than yours :P
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:38, Reply)

I did indeed
And I made mr VP and his friends watch it with me. I threatened to confiscate their pizza if they didn't shut up.

And that pub was pretty damn good!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Gilgamesh-
Do you have a prosthetic forehead on your real head?

Morning Lucy, Ethelred, BK and others.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Gilgers...
Now you've got your foot in the door and everyone seems to really like you, can you put in a good word for me?
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:43, Reply)

@Lucy
Nicely done!
It was confusing walking back out that pub into daylight. Felt like it should have been about 10pm!

@Ethel
Think I could do with a few quiet weekends.
Gettingtoo old for the partying nonsense.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:44, Reply)

oh yeah, right, listen everyone, this is my friend Michael
he's a bit of a dick but humour him, he's fun to laugh at
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:44, Reply)

@Gilgamesh.
thx
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:45, Reply)

everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:45, Reply)

Good morning all!
I appear to have wandered in to some kind of /talk crossed with /OT dimension. Can it be that we're getting along?



No, what am I saying, that's crazy talk!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Morning DiT
It seems there's some attempt at cross-pollination at foot.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Indeed we do.
I fancy a bigger forehead as it would be easier to nut people.

Not only that, I'd have the added bonus of being taller without the worry of hurting myself when I headbutt low-slung ceilings.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Morning all!
What a lovely frosty morning to get up to!

I'm glad I moved my plants in last night :)

Bash went well, Kaol didn't stab anyone.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Ethelred
We are referencing a song.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:55, Reply)

Hey himjim
Glad it went well.
How was the gig last night?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:01, Reply)

Morning all
Looks like I might have to have yet another day off because the staff at the hospital seem to be very poor at communicating with each other.

*sigh*

How is everybody else today?
( Captain V, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:08, Reply)

hurrah for
people who are not working today.

It does mean I need to do the ironing though.


What cake shall I make people?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:09, Reply)

G'mornin' Cap'n V
Perhaps some arses need to be kicked at your hospital.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:09, Reply)

@k2
You may well be right. Don't really have the heart to get moany about it yet as besides the poor communication they've done a stella job so far.
( Captain V, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:12, Reply)

What is your job
Captain V?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Mornin' Cappy, K2
I do think you need to prod donkey, old boy. Sooner the better!

I've to go to Hospital on Saturday to have me balls rubbed, I hope I don't have delay issues!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:14, Reply)

@DiT
I'm beginning to think that you just went through all this to get your balls handled by a nurse.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:16, Reply)

MLIAB
In that case, here is Ethelred Music Quiz's Guess The Song^TM:

Watch out boy, she'll chew you up...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:18, Reply)

Hall and Oates
Maneater!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

@Mrs Bin
Chocolate sponge cake, with cream filling, I think.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Question 2:
16 in the clip, and one in the hole...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Mrs.Bin...
Damn! You've seen through my cunning plan!

At this count it will have been the fourth person who has cupped my testes. Although this time I'll be covered in gel.

I'm not worried any more though... The quack says it's not anything to worry about, the scan is just to make doubly triply sure!

EDIT: Ethel: "Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold!"
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Gig went really
well. Couldn't stay to the end, I was ebbing fast by half 9 and all I wanted was my bed.

They were incredibly funny and Pooflake is an amazingly enthusiastic singer.

I ate a lovely Bratwurst and Sauerkraut too, along with a half pint of 7.5% table varnish stripping cider.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:22, Reply)

@ Ethelred
No idea. Remember, I am old, nothing after 1988 please.

Chocolate cake sounds good, but it needs to keep for a week as it's for Mr Bin's lunchbox.

|*edit* DiT I'm glad to hear they are taking it so seriously. Too often you hear of people having to force their doctors to get test like this.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:23, Reply)

@Mrs Bin
I work for a firm that design and manufacture shelving and other shop fittings for the supermarkets, WH Smiths etc.

I'm mostly involved with costing and management of our MRP (Material and resource planning) software.
( Captain V, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:23, Reply)

@DiT
It's good that you're getting extra checks, and also that they involve a nurse rubbing gel into your nutsack!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Morning
This is the best I've felt on a Monday for yonks.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:28, Reply)

@ Captain V
So where does the hospital come in to this then?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:30, Reply)

DiT
Well done.

or should I say "Regulators! Mount Up!"

Next one: Song title and artist, bonus points for year.

"When its cold outside, am I here in vain?
Hold on to the night, there will be no shame."
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Not sure Ethelred
The only thing I can think of is Take a Chance on me, Abba.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Morning 'pink
Any particular reason?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:37, Reply)

I'll give you a clue...
Erasure is the artist.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

bum
A job that I applied for in london AGES ago have just emailed me to tell me I'll find out whether I was successful by the end of the day.

That is good news however I have just accepted the fact that I'll be staying in Wiltshire so have applied for jobs here and gotten used to it.
It's not the practical problems about moving to London IF I do get the job, it's the fact that they've now raised my hopes so if I don't get it then I'll be disappointed with Wiltshire again.

Stupid awkward timing.

Sorry for the rant!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Sorry Ethelred
No idea at all.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Morning all.
This morning there were four bearded men on my train.

It was ace.

Everyone well?
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:42, Reply)

ethelred
I can sing it to you but I don't know the name of the song.

Always!
ha. i win.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Morning all
Hope everyone is well today.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:43, Reply)

dunno why I feel ok
I did the usual 'super-sunday' cider bash but I'm not hungover.
Weird!
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Hey Lusty
*facenom*

Did you manage to stay on your seat, or slide off at beard-induced moistness? :P

This makes you a pogonophile!
*BK's interesting fact of the day*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:45, Reply)

@BK
I was standing up so I left a bit of a puddle.

Lovely mental image for you all this morning there!
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:48, Reply)

Morning Lusty
FFS! Monday morning, and already we're discussing your secretions.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:49, Reply)

Lusty
You dribbler you!

I am going to attempt to make my first ever toad in the hole today.
Any tips or hints people?

wish me luck
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:50, Reply)

@Mrs Bin
Under orders from the doctors (at the hospital) I'm off work and at home.

Was told yesterday that a doctor would be coming to see me today and that I'd get a call to tell me roughly what time.

Got that call earlier and was told that the doctors don't see patients on Mondays and that I'd not see one until tomorrow.

:edit: @LVP Toad in the hole is about the only thing I can cook well! As far as tips are concerned - In all the recipes I've found on the net there never seems to be enough flour. I usually make the batter as per recipe then slowly add flour while whisking.

Don't cook the sausages too well before you put them into the batter either otherwise they burn. Lightly browned is good enough in my experience.
( Captain V, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Question 4:
Congrats Lucy :P

When you walk into the room
You pull me close and we start to move
And we're spinning with the stars above
And you lift me up in a wave of love...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:52, Reply)

@ Elthred
Heaven Is a Place On Earth.

Belinda Carlisle.


@Captain

The hospital is daft. Why tell you that they are coming today? I think the doctor just can't be arsed to work Mondays.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:55, Reply)

Mornin' all!
Thanks to all of the B3TANs who made it to the gig (Massive apologies to RWH, I did try to text him with the change of time but there y'go!).
I'm suffering with a bad throat (you may have noticed it last night - that's why Pooflake does the singing - I'm shite at the best of times but with a raw throat - truly awful!)
Thanks too to Kaol for his rendition of "Wicked game", we might put it in the set if I can get Pooflake drunk enough.
Looks like we can get a residency if the gaffer doesn't find out about the - ahem - "adult humour" section we put in, how we got away with it God only knows.

Have fun!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:55, Reply)

LVP
Use half milk and half beer for the batter.
I have ze recipe zumwhere.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:57, Reply)

@K2k6
I'm sorry.
I'll try to stop getting so excited, or at least I'll keep my excitement to myself.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:58, Reply)

OITP
Beer! That sounds like my kind of recipe!

nom.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:59, Reply)

@Mrs Bin
Perhaps. Apparently the person I spoke to is having a meeting with him this afternoon to discuss my case and said she would find out if the doctor thinks I can drive again and go back to work tomorrow and if I can then they'd arrange seeing me around my work.

:edit: All this talk of toad in the hole makes me want to cook one. I wonder if I could cook a cock shaped toad in the hole? Would take some ingenious modification of a roasting tray me thinks.
( Captain V, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:59, Reply)

MLIAB well done
Question 5:

Listen, lately you've been actin' mighty strange
To me it seems your attitude has changed
and suddenly you just don't seem the same
Instead of playin' all those silly games
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Heh!
It's OK Lusty. I wasn't offended, just amused.

Feel free to drip/ooze/gush on the floor any time!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:01, Reply)

@Ethel
Two can play that game.

Can't remember the 'artist'.
Big pile of shit it was.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Oh Eth
Don't know, that one has me stumped.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:03, Reply)

BK
Bobby Brown, ex/current of Whitney Houston.

Question 6:

Take me back home
There is nothin' fair in this world
There is nothin' safe in this world
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:04, Reply)

*drips*
*oozes*

*gushes*
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Hmm
*grows beard*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

@ Lusty
Does it have to be a full beard?
I'm currently on 5 day stubble!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Hmmmm
HAS beard!

*lusts*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:12, Reply)

@Captain P
Argh! I wish I'd been there! :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

@al
spot on there.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

*waves*
There was much beard stroking this weekend!

And no stabbing! Woooo
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

lusty
have you sprouted a leak?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

Morning TGB
Question 7:

Broken hearts lie all around me
And I don't see an easy way to get out of this
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Al...
I had the exact same sensation the last time i went to Mean Fiddler.

Yeah! Let's go rockin'!

Oh. Everyone is 16 and they won't stop playing My Chemical Romance. All the kids are very 'scene' and 'individual'.

Let's go to the pub and talk about the good old days.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

It's time for...
K2k6's Rubbish Joke of the Day

A vampire was walking down the street one evening, minding his own business, when suddenly he was struck on the side of the head by something thrown at him very hard. Reeling from the blow, he looked down and spotted the missile lying on the ground - a sausage roll.

Before he had time to recover, a vol-au-vent smacked him straight between the eyes, almost knocking him out. It was swiftly followed by a sharply thrown chicken leg to the temple, which caused him to fall over.

Then a blonde girl appeared over him and stabbed him in the heart with a silver cocktail stick, on which were impaled little cubes of cheese and pineapple.

With his dying breath, the vampire looked up at the girl, and said, "Who the hell are you?"

He just heard her reply before he expired:

"Buffet, the vampire slayer".
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

@pink
nopes, I'm leak free at the moment.
I can't promise I'll stay like it all day though.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

@ Ethelred
I don't know that one either. I think Al might be right.

I'm off to the shops.
See you guys later.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:24, Reply)

Sorry Al!
Are you suggesting I BUY biscuits?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Ooh, al
You've hit a nerve there.
Mrs L. bakes biscuits, never buys.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:28, Reply)

Todays biscuits
are Coffee Snaps.

And very nice they are too. I made a load on Saturday and they were gone by last night.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Snapped up
you may say.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

DiT's Bad Joke of the Day
(just getting in on the action)

Patricia Wack, bank teller, was sat in her seat, waiting for the Monday Lunchtime rush. Looking up, she saw a frog sat in front of her.

"Alright," said the frog, "I'd like a loan, please."

"Um," said Patricia, "We don't do loans for frogs I'm afraid."

The frog arranged his face in to a look of abject horror. "You don't do loans for frogs?" he cried "O, the injustice! O, the foul reek of the capitalist machine crushing the enterprising amphibian! O, the woe! O, the..."

Before he could continue, Patricia cut him off.

"Look," she said "I'll have a word with the manager, OK? Just a couple of things, though. Do you have any collateral on which you can offset your loan?"

"Well," sniffed the frog "I've got this..." With a flourish, he produced a tiny Elephant, carved out of exquisite ivory. Confused, Patricia took it, not entirely sure how this could be of any value.

"OK. And, do you have a guarantor, someone who can pay the loan off should you not be able to?"

"Hm." said the frog. "Well, my Dad, if that helps."

"And who's that?"

"Mick Jagger."

"As in, the singer?"

"That's the one."

So Patricia bustled off to the Manager's office. She explained the whole story to him, and asked if she could approve the loan. When the manager said yes, she cried "But why? He's only a frog, his collateral is a carved Elephant! I mean, what is it anyway?", slamming the Elephant down on the table.

The bank manager looked at her coldly. "It's a nic-nac, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Al, you are correct!
Question 8:

Songs are always buried deep
There’s a lion in my arms
There is a motion in my arm
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

My favourite joke for the week
Vicar books into a hotel and says to the hotel clerk "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled"
She replies "No sir, it's just regular porn you sick bastard!"
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:31, Reply)

hahaha
DiT I hate myself for laughing at that
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:31, Reply)

Oi, DiT!
I do the crap jokes around here!

It is rather good though
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Tightly
I'm already at death's bloody door as it is...that joke has pushed me closer the turning the handle.

*hugs Tightly cos he's lovely despite the joke*
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:35, Reply)

No, Clenders!
Don't go towards the light!

EDIT: *purrs and enjoys hug*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:37, Reply)

DiT
That joke is so bad it's amazing.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:38, Reply)

'Ning all
Where 'bouts in Manchester did you go al?
(gin'll fix it, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:38, Reply)

Hey clendrix
Sorry we couldn't hook up Saturday!
Have a *flex* to make up for it!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:41, Reply)

BK
Thank you for that welcome flex.
The anticipation of meeting continues!

Edit: *pinches al's bum*
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Another old one
but I've been chuckling at this for 20 years, it's so awful.


Three bits of string go into a bar. The first one says it's his round and goes to buy the drinks.

"Three pints of lager, please", says the first bit of string.

The barman takes one look and says, "Hang on - you're a bit of string. I'm not giving you any drink - we don't serve bits of string in here."

So the bit of string goes back to his mates and tells them that he isn't getting served. The second bit of string, who is a bit coarser and thinks he may get away with it, goes up to the bar.

"Three pints of lager, barman", he commands.

The barman looks at him, and after a couple of seconds, replies, "Hang on - you're a bit of string. I thought you may have been rope, but no, you're definitely string. We don't serve bits of string in here. Sorry".

So the third bit of string comes up with a plan. He ties himself in a knot in the middle, ruffles his ends and goes up to the bar.

"Three pints of lager, if you please", he says.

Again the barman looks carefully and replies, "Hang on, you're a bit of string too, aren't you?"

Whereupon he declares, "No. I'm a frayed knot".
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:49, Reply)

@ K2
I still tell that joke too.
I still think it's really funny.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:50, Reply)

I'm really disappointed
that I probably won't be able to afford the bash on the 18th as I had a lovely time this weekend.

My favourite:

Two sausages in a frying pan; one says to the other "Fuck me it's hot in here" and the other goes "FUCK ME! A TALKING SAUSAGE!".
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:54, Reply)

@al
Your beardyness and face in general is always drip worthy.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:00, Reply)

*drinks beer*
*jiggles boobies*

Better?
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:06, Reply)

Did I see jiggling there?
Excellent behaviour, Lusty.

Thought I was going to get in trouble the other day. I stole 23 bottles of beer from a shop. But the police dropped the charges.

They said there wasn't enough to make a case.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:08, Reply)

@ K2
Ahaha! I did actually laugh!
*ashamed*

*appreciates Lusty's boobie jiggling*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Yays!
I'm alone in the office for a few hours.

Let the slacking off begin.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Aah, coffee and smoke...
and back in time for booby movements from Lusty!

*remembers getting boobs squeezed by Lusty*
*needs another smoke*
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:17, Reply)

I'm off to get naked, wet and out of breath
in a few minutes.

Edit@Al - elder statesman? Moi? Pfft!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Afternoon guys
how's it going today?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:20, Reply)

clendrix!
*cuddles*

*touches boobie*

I think I might have to go have a lie down in a minute.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:23, Reply)

Oh Lusters!
How you brighten my day!

Al, the boobie touching did happen, but no photographs were taken. You'll have to use your own depraved fertile imagination.
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

@ al
Are you suggesting that lies are being told on the internet?
Who would do such a thing?!
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:30, Reply)

@ al
It's ok. You're forgiven.

It's all gone a bit quiet in here. People aren't actually working are they?
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:45, Reply)

I am working
it's most unfortunate.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:48, Reply)

I'm not
I'm getting ready for my Job Centre interview.

Living the dream.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:48, Reply)

I'm supposed to be working
but the system is playing up and it might be my fault :(

Waiting for help and then I'll be MIA for most of the rest of the day. How poo.
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:49, Reply)

I should really go and do some work.
*sigh*

I don't want to.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:52, Reply)

I'm looking
for a good podcast to help me start to learn French but the one I've found, the man has the oddest French-Scottish accent ever.

I'll never learn with this one, I keep going back to hear his pronunciation!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Works sucks
more than a poor whore. But it's gotta be done.

Grumble. Whine.

Lucy, I had French lessons from a Vietnamese woman for whom English was a third language. Learned feck all.
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

I have returned from the shops
Wander, you can do my ironing instead of your work if you like.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

@MrsBin
I would actually prefer to do your ironing than my work at the moment!
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:58, Reply)

Clendrix
That's ace. I bet you picked up a bloody good accent though.

I really want to learn French. I can't watch a French film without putting on an accent and repeating what everyone says.
It drives Mr VP mad.

I find it funny.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:59, Reply)

Lucy
Yes, the accent was a bit, er, interesting!

I was terrified of her.
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 12:59, Reply)

No al
You should spunk it on a trip for your lovely Mrs to Paris and encourage her to keep learning French.

languages enthusiast/
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:04, Reply)

@ Lucy
I watched a strange french horror film last night where a bloke shagged a pig.

At least, I think it was french, the pig had a beret.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:04, Reply)

BK
Erm, I don't really watch that sort of French film.

*backs away*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:08, Reply)

@ Lucy
I didn't realise that sort of thing was going to be in it.
It's not really my thing either.

*protests too hard*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:10, Reply)

BK
you were after sheep instead, eh?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:11, Reply)

Hmmm
More of a crustacean man myself.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:13, Reply)

Crabs?
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:15, Reply)

@ clenders
*poker face*

I walked into that one:(
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

@ al
I get it!
Very good.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:17, Reply)

Oi, that's my joke, Al
(see profile for confirmation)

I have returned.

*is flushed*

*drips*

*pants a bit*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:18, Reply)

BK
*feels ashamed*

You're too nice to tease.
*hugs*
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:18, Reply)

That's ok clendrix
*enjoys hug*

*flex*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:20, Reply)

*looks at K2k6's profile*
*swoons*
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Thanks Al
You are most kind!

*poses*

*gets cramp*

Edit *wafts smelling salts under Lust's nose*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:30, Reply)

afternoon all
and...

There's two teddy bears in an airing cupboard, which one's in the army ?

...

The one sat on the tank...

There's two birds on a perch, one turns to the other and says "can you smell fish" ?

Thanks, I'm here all afternoon.
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:34, Reply)

I've just done a really stupid thing
I'm almost too embarassed to say what, so I'm going to sit in the corner and try to give myself chinese burns for half an hour.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:34, Reply)

@ 'pink
You can't say things like that and not elaborate!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:35, Reply)

@pink
I know you want to tell us....

Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on.

/Mrs Doyle
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:36, Reply)

@oneinthepink
did you send a load of people gazzes saying you would read their posts this week?

Or did you just have a wank in the staff toilets? Because that's nothing to be embarresed about.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:37, Reply)

How about......................
going to the cashpoint, entering how much I would like to withdraw, removing card............
..and walking off without collecting cash.

Twat!

*edit* Al, I didn't do the first one, thinking about doing the second one though.....
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:38, Reply)

Oh, nuts
that really sucks. Did you go back and have a look? Sometimes not everyone is a total bastard.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:39, Reply)

Helloes all
I am slightly too sleepy to say much, but just wanted to tell you all that reading the HSH thread always makes me smile.

It's nice to know you're there.

edit - pinkie, I did that once. Went into the bank when I realised and they sorted it out for me. If the money gets sucked back into the machine it shows as being up at the end of the day.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:40, Reply)

Oh, that's not good, 'pink.
Hope it wasn't too much cash?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:40, Reply)

Oh dear
That sucks.
I've done that before.

Oh wait; no I haven't.
Sorry, that's rubbing it in.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:41, Reply)

Could be a QOTW story
I went to order my lunch (pint) realised I hadn't got cash and ran back to the ATM.
A nice lady crossed the road and informed me that she saw the machine suck it back in and that she'd informed the staff.
Took 20 minutes of queuing and form filling to get it back.
*faith restored in humanity*
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:43, Reply)

@'pink
At least the lady was sweet enough to tell you.

Has anyone ever been queued at cash point, got to the front only for the machine to tell you there's no cash available? None of the three people in front bothered to tell anyone behind; ignorant cunts.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:45, Reply)

BK
I think that some people just don't know how to behave in a social manner.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:55, Reply)

Afternoon all
everyone well? Or at least alive?

*offers cake*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:59, Reply)

A'noon, TWW
*noms cake*

I've been swimming at lunchtime, and now I just want to fall asleep!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Halp me!
I bloody hate invoicing at the end of each month. Always bloody job sheets missing. I seem to spend half my working life looking through piles of paper.

*grumble*
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:04, Reply)

BGB
I wish I was close enough to help you.

Here, have some of this

*offers cake*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:06, Reply)

*passes BGB chocolates*

*passes BGB gin*

My work here is done.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Hi
cake would be good.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:06, Reply)

@ TWW
Ooh thanks!
*noms*

@ 'Pink.

It's clearly just basic common courtesy.

*edit*
'Noon, Miss Blouse!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Cake and gin.
*happies*



I'll be finished today so can play tomorrow.

Yay!
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:08, Reply)

If the cake runs out
I have some Tunnocks teacakes as well. Oh, and some Jaffa Cakes I hid from the kids ....

*rummages through kitchen cupboards*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Noon all!
*spies TWW*

*sees BGB*

*distributes Turkish Delight*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:09, Reply)

Cash machines
When I lived in Guildford I used to go to the Nat West on the High Street.
This had a row of cash points inside so it was always quick to get cash out.
One day I went there and there was a long queue of stuck up Guildford women.
All the cash points were busy except for one. I went to check it and it was working.
I joined the queue and no one went to this machine.
So I said to the woman at the front of the queue. 'That one's working you know'. She, and all the other stuck up old bints in the queue looked at me like something that had just dropped out of a dogs bottom.
'That one is cash AND pay in'.

So I jumped the queue, used it and watched all the daft tarts stare at me in disbelief as I walked of with my cash, without paying in.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:09, Reply)

DiT!
dahling!

*hugs squishily*

MrsL, I love it. Did you walk off shaking your head sadly at them? I would have ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:13, Reply)

@ Mrs L
Well, if they were happy enough to stand there and waste precious minutes of their existence then I guess that's up to them.

I would have shook my head too though.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:15, Reply)

*takes a flying leap back into b3ta*
Hello everyone!

I'm back!

I missed you all!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Ooh!
I JUST FOUND ONE GREAT BRITISH POUND!

It was on the sofa in reception. What shall I do, b3ta?

a) Buy 100 penny sweets?
b) Buy 50 twopenny sweets?
c) Buy a £1 scratchcard?
d) Save it?

EDIT: *enjoys hug*

DOUBLE EDIT: *flings self at Tulip* NEVER LEAVE AGAIN!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Woo, HLT's back!
We were just talking about your sex cave recently, Tulip.

@DiT - here's some advice. Don't invest your pound on the stock market!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:18, Reply)

I don't think
you can get 1p sweets anymore DiT.

Yes I did shake my head. I also watched to see if any of them realised. They didn't and stayed in the queue.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:18, Reply)

Hey Tulip
*huggle*

Did you have lovely hols?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:19, Reply)

DiT
Gamble it - fruit machine or random horse in the bookies.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

HLT!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

*leaps*

*squishes*

*hugs*

Now, where is that sex cave?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

OK
£1 on Madame Swish in the 3.30 at Chepstow!

*has a red-hot tip*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Tulip
welcome back my lovely

*squishes*

*snogs*

Edit: DiT, you know you can get a cream for that 'red hot tip' don't you?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

DiT
You're guaranteed to come first.
ooh er.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Oh, you lovely lovely b3tans!
*is overcome with teh fluffeh*

*flings self at everyone*

*realises that would be quite difficult*

*contents self with beaming at everyone and wearing pink pants*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:23, Reply)

Ooh, the pink pants!
*spluffs*

@ 'pink
You were wrong.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:23, Reply)

I think you'll find
That I'll come first, second or third. ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:25, Reply)

DiT
does that depend on how red hot your tip is?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:26, Reply)

@ DIT
How many people are going to be there?!



*shamelessly feeds lines*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:26, Reply)

Third?
So you mean you'll have a,

oh hang on, you're talking about horse races not threesomes.

*sulks*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Speaking of pants
albeit not HLT's sexy pink ones, I am today wearing a really old pair of boxers, which have an acid stain on the front (seriously!) and very worn waistband elastic.

In fact the elastic is so worn out that when I put them on in the changing room after swimming today, they fell down again!

I really must consign them to the duster box.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Afternoon folks
Apart from K2k6 dropping his pants, what have I missed today?
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:29, Reply)

K2k6
see, if you had a wife, it wouldn't be a problem. My beloved's boxers get confined to the bin loooong before they get that disreputable.

*twangs K2k6's elastic*

*giggles*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:29, Reply)

@ k2k6
I see standards have slipped in my absence. I demand that you consign your manky boxers to the bin/pot of acid/fume cupboard RIGHT NOW in an interesting and exciting mad scientist way and report back to us on the outcome, sir!

EDIT: Especially as it's Monday. Did you really think I would let you get away with that sort of behaviour?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:32, Reply)

@HLT
Well, about a thousand... :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:32, Reply)

You won't get it to twang much, TWW!
More of a 'flupp', I feel!

They're fine when my trousers are on though, as the belt holds them up. And I wouldn't wear them when there's the possibility of their being removed in an enjoyable situation!

Edit@HLT - Oops, forgot it was Monday today. I shouldn't have worn these pants, should I?

*prepares vat of hot nitric acid*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:33, Reply)

@ WW
I'm glad I'm not the only one who throws their hubbies pants away, and buys new ones and they never notice.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:35, Reply)

Harumph.
I wish my mrs would buy me some new grots. I hate pant shopping.

Although she has chucked out my Pink Panther boxers from 1996 that had developed a convenient hole in the front of them. And they were comfy!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:36, Reply)

MrsL
I've been replacing his pants without him noticing for 19 years now .... he's not what you'd call observant. I do the same with socks.

My rule is "If I'm too ashamed to hang them out to dry, they're going in the bin"

His rule is "They're clean aren't they?"
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:36, Reply)

@K2k6
I have a legitimate request of your pants.

Is there any way you could take your pants, put them in some liquid nitrogen (obviously not while wearing them) and then hit them with a hammer?

And can you take photos of all this and post them so we can see the results of the great OT pants experiment?

Plskaithxs
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:39, Reply)

I second
al's suggestion.

Liquid nitrogen ftw!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:40, Reply)

^
yes, yes! what they said!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

That is
The best idea ever!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:43, Reply)

Frozen pants!
That would indeed be proper awesome!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Tonight's Courier headline
(do they still have the Courier, K2k6?)

Exploding pants cause mayhem.

Several people have been hospitalised following what Police are describing as a 'prank gone wrong' in a laboratory today. An un-named scientist is being questioned, and is insisting that a guy called al, a witch and a tulip (among others) put him up to it. Injuries range from shrapnel wounds to severe shock at the sight of a previously respectable scientist shucking off his pants in the middle of the lab.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:45, Reply)

@Al et al (see what I did there?)
Yes. Yes, I could, as I have pants, liquid nitrogen and a hammer all readily to hand.

Unfortunately, the results would be disappointingly unspectacular, as cotton does not embrittle satisfactorily when it's frozen. (You can tell I've tried this! Not with actual pants though)

I have done this with rubber gloves in the past. They work well. You put a little liquid nitrogen into the glove and quickly tie the open end up. The nitrogen evaporates, and simultaneously chills the rubber, so when it expands and bursts with a bang, the rubber shatters into little pieces.

Unfortunately (damn you, health and safety) we don't have rubber gloves now, because some people are allergic to latex. So we have to use plastic ones, and they're not so good.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:46, Reply)

@ k2k6
huh.

*shuffles about moodily*

I wanted to see a pic of your broken pants.

*brightens up a bit*

Have you got anything else you could do to them? Haveyouhaveyouhaveyou?

edit: actually, if you get the right kind of pants, i.e. big, bridget jones-style, wet pants (clean from the wash) and spread them flat, and then put them in the freezer, then when they're frozen, they look like big cotton poppadoms. And you can frisbee them at your prankster friends.

don't ask me how I know this. they weren't my pants.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:49, Reply)

@K2k6
well, i'm sorry about having to do this, but I'm going to have to invoke the "if you can't use your pants you have to use your penis" rule.

I'm sorry, but the matter is out of my hands _{go web go!}
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:52, Reply)

@K2
If you froze, say for example, a human hand with liquid nitrogen and then hit it with a hammer, would that shatter?


Not that I need to know, or anything. Honest guv.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Apart from getting in The Courier
for indecent exposure in the lab, there's nothing that would be particularly noteworthy. Destruction methods could include:

1 - combustion. This could be enhanced using sodium nitrate, or pretreatment with nitric acid to form nitrocellulose, but it would just be a fire.

2 - dissolution. Preferably in hydrochloric acid, which dissolves cotton quite quickly. But it would be as exciting as watching a sugar lump dissolve in hot water.

3 - shredding. I don't have a shredder at work though, and I suspect the cotton may not cut cleanly and chew up in the blades.

4 - feeding them to a goat. Unfortunately I do not have ready access to any goats.

Perhaps I should come up with another experiment.

Edit@DiT. Very probably!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:54, Reply)

k2
I vote goats. Goats always win, especially when sporting condoms:

news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7648860.stm
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:56, Reply)

K2k6
forget the shredder. The elastic would jam it if the cotton didn't. Not that I've ever tried putting pants (mine or anyone else's) in a shredder ....... but we did try it with a tie and it made an awful mess.




Maybe we should have taken it off the boss's neck first?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:58, Reply)

K2
Rilly? That is brilliant!

Er... I must reiterate that I do not need to do this.

*writes to Mythbusters*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:59, Reply)

@TWW
that's a shocking thing to come from you. I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you.

In general, does anyone have any good ways of relieving nasty stomach cramps, my guts feel like they are trying to form a small black hole inside me and it's not nice at all.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:01, Reply)

@DiT
It's true, did you not see the first episode of spooks when the fit blonde bird what was in casulty got her face put in liquid nitrogen and then smashed?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:03, Reply)

al
I do apologise. Really, I do. Nah, not really

Try a hot bath - works for us girlies. If it's indigestion or trapped wind, sometimes a fizzy drink helps.

*takes off "mummy" hat*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:05, Reply)

Liquid nitrogen
is fantastic stuff to play with.

You can dip your bare finger in it for brief periods, despite its temperature being a maximum of -195°C, because the heat from your finger is enough to instantly boil a layer of nitrogen around it, so the skin doesn't actually touch the liquid.

The skin does cool down though, and any more than a second or two in the nitrogen results in a very cold, frostbitten finger. Frostbite hurts.

*knows*

I also once made a nitrogen bomb. This was a plastic milk bottle, with a little liquid nitrogen poured in, then a bung jammed in the top. For best results it should be rolled gently across the floor. This both chills the plastic of the bottle so it becomes brittle and also, because of the heat transferred, increases the rate at which the nitrogen evaporates, so the explosion occurs more quickly.

And it's a hell of a bang!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:05, Reply)

I'm back
from the Job Centre.

I had to have some goats cheese to cheer myself up.

:(
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:07, Reply)

Aaaw LvP
*hugs*

JobCentres are usually grim, grim, places.

*passes Teacakes*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:09, Reply)

@LvP
so that's cheese, extracted from a goat.

Now, would that be a male goat, or a female goat?

@TWW - thank you for the advice, sadly I'm at work so the hot bath isn't an option. I might go and try and get some coke in a bit.

It's nice having b3ta mummies when you're feeling a bit poo.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Thanks TWW
Al - I would hope that it came from a lady goat. I can't imagine ManGoatMilk to
A)Exist
B)Make a good cheese.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:11, Reply)

*hugs lucy*
Er, tea?

*is rubbish at making people feel better*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:11, Reply)

Poor, poor al
*hugs al to bosom*

There, there. All better soon.

Hang on. Is that a canoe in your pocket? A canoe for someone very, very small?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:11, Reply)

@Lucy
I think the man-goat cheese would be pre-formed, and thus extracted directly...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:14, Reply)

@TWW
Why yes, you're quite correct, it's a model of what a canoe would look like if Jimminy Cricket wanted to take up watersports.

And here is a tiny microphone in case he wanted to enjoy some scat.

And here is a tiny strap on in case he wanted to try getting sodomized by all the nice ladies.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:15, Reply)

awww BK
You're not rubbish at making people feel better.
Your sick, perverted mind always makes me feel cheery.
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:16, Reply)

k2k6
I instantly regret mentioning ManGoatMilk or Cheese.

Edit - I'm off downstairs to try and make some batter for the toadinthehole.

nom.

But I shall return!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:17, Reply)

*wipes eyes*
Al, you can't keep a good pervert man down, can you?

In pain, but still able to entertain. I like the cut of your gib, young man.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:18, Reply)

Ah, now
that's not my gib, that would be my penis.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:20, Reply)

oops, sorry, al
well, it was just the size, you know ....

*giggles nervously*

*borrows next-door's dog for protection*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:21, Reply)

Come to the jobcentre
in Lancaster - it's not so bad! I have to go on wednesday.

Also, tummy cramps - try rubbing gently with chamomile oil. It's a nice soothing anti-spasmodic. Fennel is also good. Failing oil, drink chamomile or fennel tea.

And, does anyone know where I put the very important document my mum gave me the other day which I can't find now?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:27, Reply)

I'm back
Batter is remarkably quick to make.

I hope it turns out ok, this is my first foray into ToadInTheHole territory.

*REALLLLLLY needs to get a life*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:27, Reply)

wff
it's in a safe place, that much I'd bet on.

Bye for now, all, the housework is calling

*is dragged off to tidy around then make spaghetti bolognaise*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:28, Reply)

Is it just me
or is all this talk of holes and batter making anyone else smirk?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:28, Reply)

Batter?
Heeheehee!

@Lusty
Aww, thanks. That's the nicest thing anyone's every said to me.

*edit*
Bye TWW!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:28, Reply)

K2k6
I was hoping nobody would pick up on that!

Damned b3tan minds of filth.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:31, Reply)

@LvP
I'm sure you will fine, Toad in teh Hole is pretty straightforward to make. Just make sure you get the pan and oil nice and hot before you add the batter and then it will rise nicely.

Also, don't keep opening the oven to check it as this can cause the batter to go "PWWWOOOOOOOOOOFFFFF" and collapse.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:35, Reply)

@ Lucy
You were expecting anything else?

*grins*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:35, Reply)

^
Where's the filth in al's post?
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:36, Reply)

@Lucy
When you said you were going to make some batter, I just laughed.

You should know better by now than to think innuendo won't be picked up on! :)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:36, Reply)

Al
I knew the oil needed to be hot due to years of Yorkshire pudding experience however nobody, and I mean nobody, mentioned the
PWOOOOOOOOOOOOF factor.

You are a true friend.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:36, Reply)

Cor!
Toad in the hole?

*makes trip to Lucys house to beg for eats*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:37, Reply)

Sorry clendrix
I don't know what came over me.

Oh, it was you wasn't it. I recognise the taste.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:39, Reply)

I found it!
*triumphant*

I hid it in plain sight on the coffee table. A very safe place, I never would have thought to look there.

Also, does anyone know what is wrong with my cheeseplant?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:44, Reply)

warmfuzzyfeeling
Have you asked the plant what's wrong?

Aren't plants supposed to respond well to conversation? I have a gerbera called Martin and he gets sad when he's left on his own.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:45, Reply)

@fuzzy
Cheeseplant issues can be caused by underwatering, overwatering, lack of heat, lack of humidity, insufficient light or too much light.

It's difficult to pin it down!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:45, Reply)

@warmfuzzyfeeling.
Have you been feeding it the wrong kind of cheese?
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:48, Reply)

The problem with Cheeseplants
is normally that although they are cool when small, they rapidly become mahoosive and pull themselves around the room with their big air roots.

I do like them, just not in my house. Not after it tried to eat my keyboard.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:48, Reply)

@fuzz
What type of cheese is it?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:49, Reply)

@ BGB
there's no such thing as "the wrong kind of cheese"!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Al
That's more like it, you dirty boy.

/normality restored
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:51, Reply)

My cheeseplant was from outer space.
Still, that was back when I lived on Skid Row, me and Audrey are very happy together to this day.


EDIT: Damn, Al go there first.

DOUBLE EDIT AND DOUBLE DAMN: I think I might actually look a bit like Seymour...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:52, Reply)

@HLT
There is such a thing as the wrong type of cheese. I once bought cheese in Germany which smelled like dog shit. We couldn't even think of eating it.

Should have suspected something, as it was kept underwater in the shop!

Also, knob cheese
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Ah, ok
@ Lucy - silly me, that should have been the first thing I tried! I will go and ask Trevor.

@ K2 - I realise I didn't give you much to go on there... the plant himself is fine. I moved him from a dark corner to a lovely light place and repotted him recently. He has responded with a burst of shiny new leaves. He seems happy. But since the last time I looked at him closely, a few days ago when I watered him, a growth of lurid yellow/green tiny balls has appeared on the surface of his soil.

@ BGB - I suspect I may have been... see above.

@ Al - yes, Trevor is quite big now. Moving him was fun. But his new home has plenty of space for him to spread his roots.

@ pink - Edam, I think. Possibly gouda.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:56, Reply)

@fuzzy
I'd suspect it's not too much to worry about if the plant itself is healthy. It'll either be algae/moss (in which case, scrape it off and replace a little compost if necessary) or some kind of fungus. Water it with a decent systemic fungicide if that's the case. Or dilute copper sulphate solution.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:00, Reply)

@ k2k6
Ewwwww!

Go and sit in the corner!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Edam is funny stuff
it's made backwards.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:01, Reply)

@DiT
I wasn't actually going for a Little Shop joke, but I can see why you thought I was!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:02, Reply)

*trudges off to corner*
*sits*

:(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:05, Reply)

*sits in corner with K2k6*
*tickles him*
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:07, Reply)

Ooh!
I've not been tickled there for a while, clendrix.

Carry on...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:09, Reply)

*waves*
Well I have just about recovered from that weekend. Although I still seem to have an aversion to food :(

How is everyone else?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:10, Reply)

*bounces into corner with K2k6 and clendrix*

*passes around hot chocolate and marshmallows*

Oh look over there in the middle of the room, all high and mighty and without any hot chocolate and marshmallows, it's HLT.

*waves*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:10, Reply)

*carries on*
:)

I've not got enough hands for chocolate, marshmallows and tickling.

*looks for suitable place to store marshmallows*
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:10, Reply)

Yo TGB
Its going well here, if a little tired.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:11, Reply)

*feeds marshmallows to clendrix*

*by spearing them on his knob*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:13, Reply)

The thing about als is...
Their bottoms are made out of rubber, and their tops are made out of springs!

EDIT: In reference to the bouncing, I mean!

*waves* Hullo, TGB!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:13, Reply)

I slept about
80% of Sunday.

Just dropped Kaol off at the station and tempted to go have a nap...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:13, Reply)

May I ask...
Just what the feck is going on on the main page? Is it school holidays or something?

EDIT: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! (300!)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:15, Reply)

Oh I say!
I am enjoying this muchly!

Have a good time with our Kaol, Badger?
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:15, Reply)

Further investigation
has revealed that Trevor has mushrooms.

Tiny, lime green mushrooms. Little spherical bobbles, with stalks.

This is a new one on me. How can a cheeseplant suddenly grow mushrooms? I repotted all my other houseplants at the same time as Trevor, and they are all fungus-free. And I've been watering them with the same water.

Maybe he was just lonely?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:16, Reply)

I did indeed Clendrix
And I am returning him in one piece too :p

I had much fun stroking peoples beards as well *glees*
mmm cheese *waves at fuzzy*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:17, Reply)

This is good
because clendrix still has a free hand for tickling!

@fuzzy - my suggestion of a fungicide is now the one to go for. The compost probably contained some mushroom spores from decomposing wood or whatever, and they've grown.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:19, Reply)

Badger
Glad to hear you had fun. I'll be there to greet him when he gets off the train, so any damage I shall assume happened en route!

Beards. Love 'em and anyone who says otherwise is a small, insignifcant cunt.
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:19, Reply)

I don't need your marshmallowy hot chocolate, al
So NER.

*pokes tongue out*

*cries*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:20, Reply)

I'm slightly worried
that Kaol seems to need so much transport assistance!

@DiT - That's another one I've put on ignore.

Edit - tempts HLT into corner with kittens and Irn Bru.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:20, Reply)

*wants a beard to stroke*
Slightly angry there clendrix! Has someone got your goat?
( wanderlust, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:21, Reply)

@ K2
I will do as you say. Although I will feel guilty that I will be depriving him of company.

*waves at TGB*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:21, Reply)

Lusty,
gosh no. Whatever made you think that?
*coughs*
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

I don't have any facial hair
However...

*lowers tone*

*lifts kilt*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

*waves back*
Kaol is upset I beat him at Mario Kart as well.

I can say there was a very good beard turn out this weekend! Except Pooflake and Rubberduck who are disappointingly beardless.

*looks in k2k6's direction*
arrghhggh
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:23, Reply)

*looks under kilt*
*faints*

Badger - really? *sniggers* I will be sure to mention this later.
( thealternativefact, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:23, Reply)

He will try claim
the one time he beat me makes him better, but don't listen to that ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:24, Reply)

Have you got any sandwiches?
You could try stroking bread.
Or wouldn't that be the same?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:25, Reply)

*scampers to corner*
*plays with kittens and noms Bru*

*does not look in k2k6's direction but concentrates on kittens instead*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:29, Reply)

*takes opportunity while HLT is in corner*

*proffers marshmallow enclosed knob*

*smiles*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:31, Reply)

I think maybe I should let my kilt hang down again
Better?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:32, Reply)

In one marshmallow Al?
*sniggers*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:33, Reply)

ooh, a marshmallow!
*opens mouth*

*takes second look at marshmallow*

hmm, I'm not sure I want to eat this.

*frowns*

but I am rather peckish.

oh well!

*eats it anyway*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:35, Reply)

ooh marshmallows!
are they white ones or flumpy ones?

doesn't matter.

*lights fire*
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Ooh Marshmallows
Hmm, Tulip pulled a face at that one.

Think I may pass.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:38, Reply)

*runs away from the fire*
Aaaaaaaahhhh!

@TGB - No! not just one marshmallow.

I like to think of it like a marshmallow stwister that you get form Starbucks. Its marshmallows on a stick covered in chocolate and hundreds and thousands.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:38, Reply)

@brixbrux
I had my first toasted marshmallow when on holiday in the US this year. I had never tried them before, which my American friends found amazing. So we did some on the barbecue embers one night.

They weren't as salty as the ones Al's offering though...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:39, Reply)

Good afternoon, all!
How are we today?
(The Stig, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:42, Reply)

a question
I am but a simple tulip with a very small brain. Please can someone tell me why marshmallows are called marshmallows?

Thank you.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:42, Reply)

HLT
Ancient Egyptians were the first to enjoy a gooey treat now called marshmallow as early as 2000 BC. The treat was considered very special and it was reserved for gods and royalty.

Marshmallow was made from the mallow plant (Athaea officinalis) that grows wild in marshes. The term marshmallow was derived both from the native home of the plant and the plant name. Mallow is native to Asia and Europe and has been naturalized in America. The Egyptians squeezed sap from the mallow plant and mixed it with nuts and honey. However, no one knows what the candy looked like in those times.

www.candyusa.org/Candy/marshmallows.asp
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:44, Reply)

^What TGB said
I was going to reply but she made a better job of it.

You can still buy proper marsh mallow-based marshmallows, from specialist suppliers.

Right, I'm off home. See you all tomorrow.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:45, Reply)

@TGB
That's a superb reason, however, I am not clicking on your link in case it's all bollocks and you;ve linked to I like Horses.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:46, Reply)

@k2k6 or k6k2, i am rubbish at remembering :)
were they those s'more thingies that merkins are always going on about?
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:47, Reply)

ooh, thanks!
although I am too mistrustful of all links now to click. in case it's the horse thing, like what al just said.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:47, Reply)

smores
are a small digestive biscuit with a marshmallow on top covered in a piece of chocolate which you then microwave. They are apparently gorgeous, though I suspect we would only like them if they were made with UK chocolate.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:48, Reply)

haha
Well you can copy and paste the link into your browser if you like! I do guarantee it is not I love horses though

S'mores are explained on the site too!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:48, Reply)

@TGB
yeah I know, I did click in the end, Ilovehorses holds no fear for someone with flashblocker and no speakers.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:49, Reply)

uk chocolate
definitely. that hershey's stuff is manky.
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:50, Reply)

At my old place of work
someone bought back those Hershey peanut cup things and my old boss said they were far too chewy. Turns out he had unwrapped the foil but was eating them with the paper cups still on
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:52, Reply)

Hershey's
Tastes like vomit. It's disgusting.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:54, Reply)

Oh apparantly
they were Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. Which were ok but no Cadburys :p

Edit: Which are made my Hersheys. *shuts up*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:55, Reply)

Tis true
but, I once ate a bowl of vomit, and was pleasently surprised as it tasted like Hersheys.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:55, Reply)

Whilst UK, French and Belgian chocolate.....
.....is very good. A special shout must go to German chocolate. It's surprisingly good. Same for their coffee, too.

With regards to sweet things (I'm not talking about TGB!), the best cakes I've ever had, didn't come from France, the UK or Belgium. It came from the Netherlands! The Dutch take their bakery products extremely seriously!

Who'd have thought it....?
(The Stig, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:02, Reply)

Swiss Milka
Is by far the best.

Although Tugmybone is great.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:06, Reply)

@Ethelred
My point exactly! :O)
(The Stig, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:07, Reply)

@stig
i agree, while most dutch food is dire*, their cakes are gorgeous. massive portions, too. normally i'm not a fan of apple stuff, but their apple tarts....nom nom nom, indeed.

*except patatje pinda, which i wish they did over here.
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:07, Reply)

Eve'Nings all!
I am fully pimping right now... enough with the fluffehness!

www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post263616

Click if it floats your boat... or little man therein.

Also... wtf's up with the /talk invasion? Or are we just ignoring them?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:08, Reply)

invasion
the latter, i think.
how often do they invade anyway?
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:12, Reply)

Ning No3l...
That's a bit grim!

Although, I'm having a bit of a QOTW drought at the moment, I can't think of anything to write!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:12, Reply)

Because I'm not sweet?
I have been told I am more bitter.

Some of the talk stuff made me laugh like the gnome sweet gnome thing.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:12, Reply)

Yeah ditto.
Last week's one I stayed out of cos the only thing I could think of writing was about bumsex for boys, and I thought I'd be in for a bit of a bashing, and this week, nothing really stands out.

And /talk have never invaded to this degree before... I guess they's trying to make a point. Oddly, I do find Gilgamesh amusing (please Dog let him be somewhere else!) but the rest just seem to be locked in a mental meme :(

Anyway, how are we all?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:17, Reply)

TGB
You remind me of a apple cinnamon tart. Sweet, but a little kick to it!

@BrixBrux

You forgot Bami Schijfes! Those spicy noodle cakes. They're flipping gorgeous! Plus chips with satay sauce! Oh blimey, I'm hungry now!
(The Stig, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:18, Reply)

patatje pinda = chips with satay sauce
and those bami things are lovely too.

my blokey, who is dutch, is addicted to kaas souffles. they are a bit like the cheesey findus crispy pancakes.

stig - were you in holland for long? which city?
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:21, Reply)

@BrixBrux
I've been to Amsterdam several times (going again in November). It's like a second home to me. I know all the roads of the main town. My favourite bar (apart of the coffeeshops, cough cough) is the "De Bekeerde Suster") on Klovernierburgwal.

I'm planning (once exchange rates sort themselves out) on buying a second home in the Netherlands, I love it that much.

Kaas Souffles are nice, but there's a flaw. Unless you eat it hot (which means bolting it down in less than 5 minutes and, thus, burning your throat) it forms something, not too dissimilar, to toxic molten plastic!

P.S. I know it as "patat frite mit sate saus" I've never heard your term. You learn something new everyday! :O)
(The Stig, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:25, Reply)

i'm gonna live out there one day too
but it'll most likely be den haag, kijkduin or delft. i've been to amsterdam a few times, but it was too hectic for me! the paradiso is great for gigs, though.

i'm going over there at the end of the month for a wedding. i've no idea what to expect. i've already been told the hen night is nothing like a british one. so no willy deelyboppers for me. ach well.
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:30, Reply)

something else new....
um...a favourite insult of people from den haag, is 'kankermongool'. yes, it means exactly what you think it means. apparently the haagses are known for their particularly offensive insults!

i've been trying to learn dutch for 2 years now with little success. i can understand a lot, but they're so arrogant and impatient when you try and speak it back to them ;)
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:34, Reply)

@BrixBrux
Amsterdam was too hectic? I find it quite peaceful and relaxing. Nothing like drinking a beer (or something stronger) by a cafe or bar near a canal and watching the world go by.

Whilst I've never been to Den Haag, it strikes me as very official and clinical (it's the Netherlands' bureaucracy capital). It's the equivalent of living in Westminister, nice to visit, not so sure about living there!

As for the Dutch language, I know a few words to get me by, but I'm not convinced Dutch is a real language! Think about it, even the Dutch don't want to speak it and prefer to speak English! What does that say about the respect the Dutch have for their own lanaguage?! ;O)

P.S. I can't believe I forgot the best biscuit in the world! Stroopwaffels! I have a bag of them in my kitchen from the Albert Heijn from my last trip.
(The Stig, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:40, Reply)

yay for stroopwaffels!
love them :)

den haag is a bit clinical, yeah. it has a good music scene, though.

i'm off to the gym now, seeya!
( gypsy turnips, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:49, Reply)

@brixbrux
take care, m'dear!
(The Stig, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:52, Reply)

Evening All
And because it's the evening I've started an evening thread.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 6 Oct 2008, 18:00, Reply)