It's only cocking Tuesday.

( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:07, 201 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning lusty
how are you doing?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:07, Reply)

Morning
Mr Sex. I'm ok, I survived the tube which is always a relief. Hows your lovely, hairy self?
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:10, Reply)

Morning, dears
I just got an email from uni saying that they have organised a special extra lecture for us this afternoon by some people from London, and that we should make every effort to attend.

Shame they have already given us heaps of work that take up all our time really, isn't it? I feel that will be getting done instead.

Oh, and it snowed here last night, but it all seems to be gone this morning :(
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:14, Reply)

Morning Lusty and Bert

How are you both this fine Tuesday morning?

I'm on the bus at the moment and it's rather cold!

Edit: Hi POD
(bill, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:15, Reply)

Morning all
Bugger me*, it's snowing here!

The car park was fun this morning... :)



*not an instruction
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:17, Reply)

ello POD and Busman Billiam.
That's rubbish about the snow! I love the snow, just not in London as I know getting to and from work will be a nightmare.
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:19, Reply)

Morning everyone else
I'm not feeling too good, I think I caught the AIDs yesterday.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:25, Reply)

Is that
the Bad AIDS, Bert?

I'm still sneezing for some reason. I tried taking an antihistamine this morning, but it hasn't made any difference.

I think I must have a sneezing disease.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:26, Reply)

I think it is, K2
and it's leaking out of my nasal cavities, making me cough, giving me a sore throat, and a I ache from my lower back downwards.

I knew I shouldn't have licked that tramp.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:28, Reply)

Ache?
Is that like arse-ache, Bert? Sure it was just licking? You didn't let the tramp reciprocate?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:33, Reply)

It would've been rude not to
I love a bit of good old-fashioned mutual hobo licking.

My arse does ache, but not the hole, my bum cheeks are all sore so I don't like sitting down.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:35, Reply)

Corrrr
I haven't been hobo licking in agggggess.
There's a lovely old crazy homeless woman who always hangs about by the launderette near my house. She doesn't have any teeth. Looks like I know what I'm doing tonight then!
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:38, Reply)

No teeth, eh?
*considers benefits*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:40, Reply)

I like that
they taste like the perfect balance between sweat, grime, piss and cider.

A bit like students, really.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:40, Reply)

Snowsnowsnowsnowsnowsnowsnow.
Snow!
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:44, Reply)

@bert
They're a tad more musty than students though. I like the homeless flavour of age and crazy.
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:44, Reply)

Morning BGB
What's the weather like with you then?

Oh.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:45, Reply)

@Lusty
Two words for you:

Mature student.

Best of both worlds!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:46, Reply)

K2k6
You're giving me the horn.

BGB, I want SNOES.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:48, Reply)

K2k6
I think you could be on to something there. I don't think a mature student would slur "Fuck the lot of 'em, those feeving bastards stole my house! I invented the internet doncha know." In my face though.
I think I'd miss that aggression.
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:49, Reply)

@k2k6
It's a bit snowy. *glees*


Although not good to drive in for the inexperienced driver. If I'd have gripped the steering wheel any tighter, my hand would have melded into the wheel. Oh and braking on a steep icy road is a bit nerve racking, especially when the brakes make a noise you haven't heard them make before.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 8:50, Reply)

It's all gone quiet again.
*dances*

*shimmies*

*jiggles*

*licks tramp*
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:05, Reply)

Threadkiller!
Break of the Threadkiller,
break of the Threadkiller,
break of the Threadkillerrrrrr...

If anyone can name the song I'm referring to, I will marry them and give birth to their babies.

*licks lusty*

Mmm... trampy.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Morning!
And that would be 'Edgecrusher' by Fear Factory ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:15, Reply)

I don't know the song
but I'm getting licked by you anyway, so I'm happy.
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:16, Reply)

Yay!
Now I'm going to marry you and have sex with your spikey head!

*moshes*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:16, Reply)

Woohoo!
My life is now complete!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:17, Reply)

I'm in the office now
15 minutes late but first in so I can pretend I was on time after being over an hour late yesterday!

I knew I shouldn't have stopped to lick that hobo's beard on the way yesterday morning!
(bill, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:19, Reply)

Morning folks
Reading this thread anybody would think it's been snowing. Shame it's not been snowing down here and I could get into work fine.
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:22, Reply)

Same here Vster
It was cold, but my path to work was sadly clear.

So now I'm playing Zahada.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:25, Reply)

I think I'm going to cry today
My mp3 player hardly has any battery power left and I forgot to pick up the cable to charge it when I left home.

This means I'm going to quickly run out of music to drown out the noise of this shitty open plan office. If anybody can explain why companies list open plan offices in their job advertisements you're a better man (or woman) than me.
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:27, Reply)

Captain V
Because surely open plan is better than being cooped up in a cubicle?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:33, Reply)

I've never worked in a cubicle
But I really struggle to work in this office without trying to drown out all the noise and ignore everybody completely so I know I hate open plan.

Why it's not obvious to more companies that small offices are best is beyond me. Either I'm being naive or there are a lot of stupid people about.
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:39, Reply)

Open Plan
Our office is open plan, and I too cannot work without music to drown out everyone else :/
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 9:48, Reply)

*returns*
My office is a small room with a locking door. It also houses my boss.

It's all good except for the last bit.

It's also snowing more heavily now. Think I should go home!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:03, Reply)

I can only presume
that the string "Open Plan Office" in an advert attracts the smug, ostentatiously-conscientious types who want everyone else in the office to be able to see just how hard they're working. Perhaps it also assists the petty little gits in their sad little competition to be the last person to leave the office, because it's far easier to see who's still there at some silly hour of the evening when they're laid out in front of you, as opposed to checking round the doorframes of other offices to see if the lights are still on.

Edit: There is no snow over Londinium. It's just bloody freezing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:05, Reply)

*shimmies in*
*shakes snow off hat*

*stamps feet to rid of snow*

woo, it's snowed more! yay!

*pelts everyone with snowballs*

*snow glees*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:06, Reply)

Last in the office?
Pah. Doesn't interest me. I'm usually first out. Which I feel justified in doing, given that I'm always first here in the morning.

I'm more of a morning person.

Edit - Morning Tulip. How's the gas supply?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:07, Reply)

But that's the point
You're a morning person because you find you work better in the mornings. They're last out of the office because they want everyone else to see them working hard whilst their colleagues go home at sensible hours like the slackers they are. Sorry, I'll stop ranting - I'm not even in an open-plan office.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:09, Reply)

Morning all!!
Open plan offices are really rubbish, although smaller offices are still pretty rubbish. Corner screen FTW.

How are we all?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Wooly Woo Woo!
How goes it you sexy beasts
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:10, Reply)

I wish it was snowing here
but instead we have this miserable snow/sleet/rain/hail/freezing wind combo, I just went out for a fag and nearly got frostbite, and visibility was pretty much zero on the way to work, which made the icy roads really fun...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:12, Reply)

@K2k6
Apparently it's off?

*electric glees*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Freezing
It's bitterly cold here, but no snow.

Still, at least I don't have to leave the building until 5pm, so I can stay all warm!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Yes, HLT
I saw on the news this morning that Kelso has no gas supply.

Not really a useful time of the year for that to happen, is it?

However, it's been snowing, so let's warm up in the traditional way..

*throws snowballs*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Does
anyone like funk music?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Woo, snow AND fame!
It must be my lucky day!

*throws snowballs*

*builds snowman*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:18, Reply)

Morfuckingning.
Who wants to do this pile of photocopying for me? Anyone?

Anyone?

*needs slave*
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:22, Reply)

*gets slammed in the face by a snowball*
Oh, Hi HLT!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:23, Reply)

hello clenders
I'll do it.

For a price.

edit: woo, I got Lab in the face! Score!

sorry Lab. hope that didn't sting too much
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:23, Reply)

*passes clendrix's copying to admin drone*
Whatever happened to the concept of the paperless office?

I'm ashamed at the amount of trees we get through here.

How goes it?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:23, Reply)

It's ok HLT
At least there wasn't a rock inside the snowball.

I want snow, dammit!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Snowmen
should be anatomically correct. Hence the concept of snowballs.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:28, Reply)

*Falls over in the snow*
Mornin' all!

Today's bad news is that I had to gracefullly bow out of the beard growing compo as my face got all dry & itchy and started to look like a Leper's arse.

The good news however, is that during the shave, I documented with photos and attempted several styles before settling on the "'3 Muskateers' Moustache/Mungo Gerry Sideburns" combo.

Photos will be posted in accordance with compo rules on Xmas eve...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:28, Reply)

I know, Sam!
I have as much of my stuff stored electronically as possible, but this is stuff for the old, grinding wheel that is the finance department. Nobs.

Apaprt from that, and apart from post-beer-with-Wookiee syndrome, all is well, ta.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Morning everybody *flings snowballs*
*Remembers it's not snowing here*

Sorry about the rock folks.

HLT I saw about the gas in Kelso on the news this morning as well, and I thought of you.

K2, how's the snow, one of my mates has just txted me to say its's heavy up there!

Sorry Drixy, I've enough of that myself thanks.

Why is it that London never really gets snow? Is there some kind of snow exclusion zone down here?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Morning Dok!
The large amount of heat generated by the buildings creates a micro climate over the centre of London.

God I'm boring. I'm beginning to think my only role in life is to compete in pub quizzes.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:37, Reply)

I'm fluffeh
So I never put rocks in my snowballs.

@Dok - it's ok, we've just got leccy, so we're still snuggly warm.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:40, Reply)

Morning all!
I fell over on the way to the train station. Bit treacherous in Leeds it is.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Morning Dok Minge
It's been snowing for a couple of hours now, but there's only about an inch or so on the ground. It's currently coming down as a kind of snow-drizzle. It's worse up in the north east, towards Aberdeen, according to my other half, whose parents live there.

@Sam - this is true, although the fact that London's in the south east corner of England makes it naturally less cold than the chilly north.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:43, Reply)

BK
Drunk again?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:44, Reply)

@ Ethel
Strangely no.

Slipped on some ice - landed on my wrist so it's a bit achey. Think my dignity took the biggest battering though.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

London is gorgeously perfect today.
I am determined to be in a good mood.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

Morning all
In t' grim North it's cold as buggery and slipperier than greased weasel shit - A day of huddling and staying indoors is afoot.

Only 4 more shifts til 12 days off!

*Dances*

*Dodges the barrage of snowballs*

*Licks a tramp*
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

BK
Dignity is for wimps.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:48, Reply)

My dad once broke his back by falling over on some ice
So be careful out there, kids. That's today's public service announcement.

@ Swan Vesta - bastard, I've just come back from 10 days off, and wishing I hadn't bothered...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:49, Reply)

@ BK
Oh no, do I need to put my Nurse Tulip hat on?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:49, Reply)

Sam
I live right on the outskirts though, no snow there either! Boooooooo.

Tulip, glad about that, you keep cozy now ya hear!

K2, that's crap, I wanted it to snow so much that you lot got snowed in! I still remember the time I walked to school in May in 3foot of snow, doesn't happen now!

Yes Drixy, it's a lovely day, even the wind has dropped, and I too am in a great mood!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:53, Reply)

It sucks mamoth balls doesn't it Sam?
The worst part is that I have no adgenda whatsoever and will probably spend it doing fuck all.

Did your Dad regain mobility?
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:54, Reply)

You may be in a good mood now, Dok...
but are you being Sad later?
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 10:56, Reply)

@Dok Minge
I'd like to be snowed in, but in all the years I've been working here, I've never yet not made it to work because of the weather. I've taken several hours to get here on some occasions, and have had to leave early to avoid being snowed in, but I've always turned up.

It's not so much dedication to the job as bloody-mindedness, to be honest! I start out and I've got to make it all the way or I've failed.

Yet some of my colleagues, who live in the city, nary a mile from campus, would not appear on those days "because the buses were off".

They could have bloody walked.

Walking through snow in May - would that have been 1975 by any chance?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

I had no agenda either
I just went to see some friends, and got trashed lots, and made lots of nice food, and nearly got arrested for shouting at some fascists.

_{(shouting may be a slight understatement)}

My dad did regain mobility, after squashing a vertebra, losing about 2" off his height and spending 6 months in a neck to waist cast. He did another vertebra in in a car crash (along with a lot of other bones, it was a nasty one) about 8 years later, and amazingly fully recovered from that as well!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

@k2k6
I bet you've got a shovel, a blanket and some rope in the boot of your car, haven't you.

and some dead hookers
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Drixy
No I'm not, my sisters two kids are costing me a small fortune this year!

K2, that's pure dedication, I like it. Those others are just wimps.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Dok
You remember the time you walked to school in May in 3foot of snow? Did you have to walk 7 miles with no shoes on like my grandad?
Blimey, you must be almost old enough to remember when Michael Jackon was still black!
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:14, Reply)

@HLT
Only when it's a foot of snow of more. I'm that hardcore.

(No hookers though)

@lusty - Chuckle! That old bloke in the pub cracked me up.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:20, Reply)

I had to walk 30 miles to school dressed in half of a third hand coal sack
And work 25 hours a day down t'pit.

It did snow at Christmas in them days though.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Lusty
Strange you should say that, some bloke said the exact same thing in a pub the other week!

No only 2 miles, and I had shoes, no coat though!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Well
I remember when all this was fields!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Bit slow in here today isn't it!
So time for some shameless pimping of my mates' band's new album, out yesterday...

(this is a random site I found with audio samples, I'm not suggesting you buy it from here, but buy it from somewhere cos it's amazing!)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:33, Reply)

Fields you say Tulip!
I remember when all this was ice.

Tens of feet thick it was, and not a mammoth to be seen. We had to eat nothing but snow for years, that and the occasional passing traveller!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Ice you say Dok?
I remember when all this were molton lava and there was no way to chill one's champagne!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 11:49, Reply)

Molten rock you say, Miss P?
I remember this big bang...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:02, Reply)

When I were a lad
Round here was nothing but chaos as far as the eye could see, then there was this little pop* and suddenly** there were all these buildings and stuff

*Well, some called it more of a bang
**14,000,000 years is sudden
(bill, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:04, Reply)

I remember very little.
I remember meeting misspiggy though! It was a pleasure.

*waves*
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:04, Reply)

Hi MissP
K2, a big bang, I remember nothingness!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:05, Reply)

Yes bill
14,000,000 years is but the blink of an eye.

The universe has been around for nearly 1000 times longer than that

/pedant

Edit@Dok Minge - Aye, but that was probably due to drink.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:06, Reply)

oops
I I put million not billion didn't I? I'll not ninja it though.
(bill, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:11, Reply)

Hi Clendrix!
It was lovely to meet you too!

*waves back wildly, falls off chair*
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:13, Reply)

I even come gift wrapped
So, bidding starts at 99p...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Blimey Bill, you is so dim.
*pretends to have known*

Misspiggy - I remember that every time I went past you, Kaol grabbed me and yelled, 'This is Misspiggy! Have you met Misspiggy?' I think he's still convinced I haven't actually spoken to you :)
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:14, Reply)

Aye Lads
I remember it like it was yesterday.

When you think of it, the initial bang would have had to release one hell of a lot of energy, and all from absolutely nothing, not even a vacuum!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:14, Reply)

Ethel
I bed four carrots and a peanut and that is my final offer!
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:15, Reply)

V beds four carrots?
You're getting worse, you are.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Oh god
Damn this cold office causing my hands to be cold, limp and ineffective.
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:18, Reply)

V?
Polyvegophilia?
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:18, Reply)

Release energy?
Or create it?

And for the record, the current wisdom is that the universe appeared about 13.7 billion years ago last Thursday, at half past 6 in the evening.

May not be entirely accurate
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:18, Reply)

The overseer has just spent 37 minutes talking about
a)The menopause?

b)What a wanker our boss is?

c)Her grandchildren?

d)All of the above?
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Was it
D!
(bill, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:20, Reply)

@bill
nopes.
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Got to be
a) then. It's the only minge-related one.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:22, Reply)

@ Lusty
I think grandchildren! c)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:24, Reply)

Lusty
A?

Ethel, how about a turnip?

K2, energy from nothing, is that like a spark in the dark?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:24, Reply)

K2k6
Hurrah! You win.

Here, you can lick the salty tears of despair from my face as a prize.
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:25, Reply)

@ Lusty
Surely, she's had the menopause for the last 15 years? How long does the change take?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:28, Reply)

Ethel
Two Pink Lady apples and half a pack of Aldi smoked salmon.

Beat that!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:29, Reply)

*licks Lusty's tears*
I win!

The heating in my office and lab appears to have gone tits up. I'm currently sitting in my office with the door closed and hot air from a hairdryer directed onto my person.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:30, Reply)

BK
I think she's been going through it since 1962.
Or am I getting that mixed up? Maybe 1962 was the year she became a fucking self involved, miserable old bitch.

Sorry everyone. I'll be less angry now. :(
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:31, Reply)

Oh dear
I take it she has absolutely no self-awareness about it either.

I know I can be an irritating bugger, which makes it funnier to me:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:37, Reply)

K2
I read that as 'directed onto my penis'!

I think I'm going mad!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:39, Reply)

I need to go down town now
I'm going outside. I may be gone some time.

Edit@Dok Minge - no, but that's a good idea.

*redirects airflow*

*opens fly*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:40, Reply)

K2
It's not far to walk though. You'll be needing a extension!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:41, Reply)

I think there's something wrong with me.
I've been smirking to myself about K2k6 going down town for a few minutes now.
Why does everything sound dirty to me?

*sigh*
I'm a thread killer.
I'm going to go to the pub.
( wanderlust, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Hmm
Bidding is still open.

Typical, I wait for 4.5 hours for the courier to turn up, and as soon as I go for lunch he appears.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:04, Reply)

I can't remember what I'm bidding for
But I want it so I'm going to up my bid from 4 carrots and a peanut to 4 carrots, a peanut, a miscellaneous left shoe and the fluff from my belly button.
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:11, Reply)

Any advance?
Capn V, you might just get a gift-wrapped me for xmas.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:19, Reply)

Bloody hell
it's cold out today.

So, despite my beanie hat and thick fleece, I was feeling it chilly when I was out. So I decided to adopt a thermal management strategy of walking really fast. But the problem is that I'm quite a fast walker anyway, so when I put a spurt on (snigger) I'm walking at least twice as fast as the average Dundee shopper.

So not only did I have to dodge the people coming towards me, I also had to avoid those aimlessly wandering shoppers whom I was catching up. All this, and slippery conditions underfoot.

I also, for some unknown reason, decided to wear suede shoes today.

I am an arse sometimes. And shopping sucks.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:26, Reply)

*coughs*
Leaving myself open to gales of derision, I've just posted a rather sordid tale on QOTW!

*pimps own humiliation*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:29, Reply)

BK
I was about to pimp my own tale (not really mine) only to find that yours is far worse. damn you!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:44, Reply)

But Vipros
Yours made me cry. I think everybody wants to try riding a dumb waiter but I've never met (or heard of anybody) mad enough to actually do it!

:edit: Grrrrr. Somebody in the office is playing games on the net with the freaking sound on. All of the happy that I was yesterday is slowly being drained away =[
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:51, Reply)

my mate is a nut
that's just one of his many stories that reduce me to tears of laughter.

Just the other day we were playing a gig, him with a recently healed finger wound, and halfway through our last song he was playing a djembe and his finger basically exploded blood everywhere...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:53, Reply)

"riding a dumb waiter"
has other connotations. The sort of thing which could land you in more trouble than appearing in some bloke's kitchen!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:54, Reply)

@ Vip
I've just posted an even worse one.

I was such a bastard in my younger days!

*shames*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:55, Reply)

good stories though BK
I just noticed that I made the newsletter with the lamest thing ever

COOKING WITH TOASTERS

* "Generally veggie burgers give best results."
(Vipros)

lame. I'd written a whole long thing about it too, and they use one damn line!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 13:58, Reply)

'Ello
I hate being ill. I have to be off sick, stuck at home with nothing but a deranged cat and the internet for company. And the heating isn't working. This sucks.

In other news, me and BK have decided to do a comedy gig up in Leeds at some point in March. We must be off our fucking rockers.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:00, Reply)

You can go on first PB
So I can mop up the stunned silence;P
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:04, Reply)

BK
I feel far too much empathy towards you. *shames*

:edit:*cough*makeitabash*cough*
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:04, Reply)

Oh please Beekers
You just want me to warm them up for you so you can have an easier time of it :P
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:05, Reply)

@ V
For the story?

I don't deserve any!

*shames*

*edit*
When we get definite word when it is we shall make it a bash. I'll either be incredibly witty or die on my arse like Elvis!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Oh yes
I have a feeling this is going to be a big one.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:10, Reply)

No no
For "I was such a bastard in my younger days".

*shudders at some memories*
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:13, Reply)

threadkiller!
*checks is alone*

*dances in the snow*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:38, Reply)

*shamefully wears that hat*
*has no snows*
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:40, Reply)

Ooh, I'm not alone!
*carries on dancing*

what a lovely smashing hat you're wearing, Captain!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:42, Reply)

You know what
I should wear this hat with pride. Being a threadkiller must be like the b3ta version of being a lady killer or some such.

*dances*
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:46, Reply)

yes, be proud!
my, you dance divinely, Captain!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:47, Reply)

I don't think anybody has ever said that before
*blushes*
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:48, Reply)

*peeks in*
Thay's some bad hat Captain!

Nice dancing there Tulip, you better watch you don't fall over in the snow though!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Surely not!
*beams*

@ Dok, I won't fall, I'm as sure-footed as those baby deer over there

*falls over*

Ow!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:49, Reply)

Dok
Was that some sort of gangsta compliment? Dat iz baaaaaad hat bruv! Or were you actually saying that my hat is bad?
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:50, Reply)

*helps Tulip up*
You ok Tulip?

*hugs it better*

Nope Captain, paraphrased from Jaws.

EDIT I didn't know we had baby deer in here! How did they get in, and why aren't they posting? Damn lurkers!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:54, Reply)

Nice hat V
*relurks*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:59, Reply)

I blame my youthful years
For my not getting your paraphrasing.
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:59, Reply)

thanks Dok
*brushes snow off*

I think the baby deer sneak in and play when no-one's looking...

...and they don't post because, well, how can they, with cloven hooves and all?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:02, Reply)

*unlurks*
I think someone is playing with Time in my work, my computers are being exceptionally slow, and i've just noticed it's only 3pm :(

I could've sworn it was later than that.

Someone, please, tell me something interesting/juicy!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:06, Reply)

Captain
you youth you :)

They sneak in when nobodies looking, but who leaves the door open?

*hungerily looks at baby deer*

Anybody fancy some Venison?

EDIT It was me Lab, I'm messing with time. Me and my Time Lordy ways!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:07, Reply)

*grabs hunting harpoon*
I do dok. It's one of my favourite meats. So lean...mmmmmmm.
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Damn you Dok!
Couldn't you have messed with it the other way? Make my computers whizz along, and make it be 5:30?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Captain
you won't get much meat if you use that harpoon!

Lets do it nicely and use the chainsaw!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:11, Reply)

no no no
far too messy

*gets rifle*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:12, Reply)

OK Lab
But just this once.

*hops into TARDIS*

*forgets that it doesn't work properly*

*hops out of TARDIS 5 minutes earlier*

How's that?

EDIT Tulip, that's too quick, How about a garotte?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Well Dok
I don't know how you managed it, but I'm now my own mother.

Kids, do not play with time machines.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:16, Reply)

@ Lab
were you warning yourself just then?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:17, Reply)

HLT!
Yes I guess I was! This new situation I find myself in will take some getting used to.

*makes his desk messy, then tidies it up, then can't find anything*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:20, Reply)

Lab
Glad I'm not a kid then.

*sniger*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:21, Reply)

Dok
You're not old enough to escape being put over my knee!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:22, Reply)

Oh Lab
You know what that kind of talk does to me!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:27, Reply)

quiet you two
or I'll bang your heads together!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:31, Reply)

*giggles at bang head*
For some reason.

Erm, yeah!

*huggles tulip*
*and Lab*
*and Dok*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:34, Reply)

HLT
I'll get my mum on you!

Are you threatening my boy?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:35, Reply)

Greetings day-thread peoples
Once again, I'm taking the day off sick and having an orgy of sleep and Lemsip. How are you?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:35, Reply)

Boss
*hugs*

HUGFEST

*AWESOME HUGS for everybody*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:36, Reply)

*enjoys hugfest*
I'm being so lazy at the minute.

Hence my presence on here:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:39, Reply)

* injects some spakka-hugs into the hugfest *
* but does not get too involved in case someone catches something *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:47, Reply)

don't threaten me Lab!
Else there'll be no pocket money this week!


EDIT: *huggles everyone*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Yeah Lab
No pocket money for you laddie!

Tulip, how big is the snow?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 15:55, Reply)

it's not as big as it was
I think it's melting.

And I haven't played in it yet.

*cries*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Wait HLT
Are you my Dad?!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Hello again all, only an hour left until we can go warm ourselves in front of the fire with a glass of whisky
Some of you may remember a large and unbearably tedious job I was procrastinating over before I went on holiday, purely because I would rather surf the internet than do it.

I have just come out of a meeting with the big boss people and, since the job is proceeding so glacially slowly, rather than jump to the obvious conclusion that I'm a lazy shit, they have given me three data input droids technicians for 20 hours a week each, to get the project moving.

Yay for procrastination, and delegation! Now this project will get done without me having to lift a finger, which is the only conceivable better result than me not having to lift a finger, and the job getting filed under B.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:04, Reply)

yay Sam, that's ace!
@ Lab

*checks pants*

erm, definitely not, m'boy...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:13, Reply)

Lab
What? Tulips your dad?

*checks Tulips pants*

I don't thinks so!

Maybe you're your own dad as well?

EDIT Nice one Sam.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:17, Reply)

*is confused*
*attempts to tackle Zahada one more time*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:18, Reply)

What is this Zahada
of which you all speak?

Edit: found it, oooh this looks like an amazing way to use up my last 40 minutes at work.

And maybe tomorrow's 8 hours at work.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:19, Reply)

Say goodbye to your free time Sam
www.mcgov.co.uk/zahada.html
( Captain V, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:21, Reply)

I'm up to 44 now
A few of them are just time consuming, rather than brain taxing :/

Some have made me want to tear my hair out though!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:23, Reply)

who's this in my pants apart from me?
DOK!

*shocks*

what are you doing?!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:28, Reply)

@Dok Minge
Are you in HLT's pants?

Are they comfy?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 16:38, Reply)

FFS
Is this thread dead again?

You people. You're just not putting in the effort you used to.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Hiya clenders
I'm here, but I'm too full of the AIDs to talk sexy today, how are you doing?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:10, Reply)

Hello Bertram!
I've been having a very busy day! Good though.

How are you?
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:18, Reply)

How insensitive of you to ask how I am
when I just told you that I'm dying of the AIDs?!

I'm not bad thanks, just a bit lurgied up and spaced out.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:20, Reply)

I didn't realise you were actually dying!
But some people die when they're feeling quite well, so one doesn't like to assume.

Poor Bert.
*dons lead-lined suit*
*hugs*
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:22, Reply)

Sorry my dear Drixie
I am too sidetracked by work and Zahada and cringey stories and I've neglected you all.

Bad scarpe.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:24, Reply)

I have to admit
I've been rather scarce myself today, what with suddenly developing a work-ethic (how hideous).

I intend to be away from here very soon, lest it becomes a permanent feature.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:25, Reply)

I reckon it was that al wot gave me the AIDs
Why is it that at the first bash I attended, when Kaol face-raped me I felt violated, but when al did it on Friday it just felt right?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:29, Reply)

Well,
Al has a gentle sensitivity that envelops one in a warm feeling of joy.

Kaol takes bits of actual skin with him when he eventually lets go.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:31, Reply)

I think it might have been because Kaol
was cold, slimey, and tasted of Cider, whereas al was warm, soft and ever so slightly prickly.

Just like my step-dad used to be.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:34, Reply)

Back in the office
And back on my own damn computer.

EDIT: "cold, slimey, and tasted of Cider"
Thanks :(
( Cawl, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:36, Reply)

Kaol definitely tastes of cider
but I'm not so sure about the other two attributes.
*thinks back*

*waves at Kaol*
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:38, Reply)

*stumbles through the door*
Christ! It's like a warzone out there in /offtopic

Evening all!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:38, Reply)

Sorry Kaol
I think you just used a little too much tongue.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:40, Reply)

Bert...
he may have with you, but a little training goes a long way.

Evening No3L - it's fun out there!
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:42, Reply)

Hello :)
I'm gonna have to have a very hot shower when I get home, I've got the bug-itches :|
( Cawl, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:44, Reply)

Have you been in dodgy hotel rooms
measuring things and scratching yourself again?
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:45, Reply)

Yeah :(
Well, I had to go to a certain hotel to measure up some rooms for new furniture.

Because they'd had to gut the rooms completely, due to "to many bugs".

I know most hotels have bed bugs, but how bad does it have to be before there are "too many"?

How do you think they measure it? Bugs per square inch?
Bites per guest per night?
Grams of bugs per room?

*shudders*

*looks for carbolic soap*
( Cawl, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:51, Reply)

*scrubs Kaol's back*
Dirty? You love it.

And on that note, I'm going home.
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 17:56, Reply)

Kaol
why didn't you take specimens?

Nings all, I'm at work still, waiting to see if we'll be doing puppy school in an hour.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 18:00, Reply)

Because when I got there
The rooms were stripped back to the plaster and concrete when I got there.

I'm at work still too, but no dog-related reasons.
( Cawl, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 18:04, Reply)

Hi Becky,
That's not a euphemism is it?

I'm on the bus and it's like a sardine tin in here!
(bill, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 18:09, Reply)

Ah, the bus...
I was on the Tube earlier, but it was ok, before it got busy.
( Cawl, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 18:16, Reply)

Was it fun Mr. K?

My 4 tubes and 2 busses today weren't!

However I am in the pub now so life is good.
(bill, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 19:13, Reply)