Happy Mondays all


I've pinched clendrix's sign. Hope she doesn't mind...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:19, 304 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hello
hello...hello.
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:44, Reply)

Mr Nong
I'm not entirely sure why I have appeared, as I need to disappear pretty much now in order to go and do a talk in uni. What funs.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:46, Reply)

Good morning, all!
What's going on, today?

Countdown: 12.5 working days before I'm made redundant!
(The Stig, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:51, Reply)

after 28 days, weeks now months
Can't wait till 28 years later when all the infected are doddering geriatrics.

www.imdb.com/title/tt1322885/

reckon it will happen?
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:53, Reply)

on the subject of 28days later
I remember my absolute joy when the goofs I had submitted to the 'goof' section went online. Don't you love the pendatic nature of people who do not sit there to enjoy films, rather, everytime, say, there is a count down thinks to themselves
"Right, I'm going to count down in my head and we'll see if the bomb really DOES detonate in 10 seconds"
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:57, Reply)

Morning, peoples
It's very quiet in these parts today.

Where are the rest of you?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:59, Reply)

Morning all
How are we all?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:05, Reply)

Morning Lab
@Charles - I do that all the time with films. And it irritates me to see bad science and so on. I think Armageddon must be the worst of all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Morning al
It's quiet in here today!

28 Months Later? God I hope they don't, weeks ruined Days, so god know what crap they'll do with months!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:08, Reply)

I quite liked weeks, in an odd way
except the fact that the office manager could have a key which would get him anywhere.
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:14, Reply)

Oh gods
There's bad science in filums! ;)

It irritates me as well, they could do a bit of research and get it right. It's not rocket science!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:19, Reply)

Bad science in films
Anything revolving computer investigations portrayed in films/tv really gets my back up. The CSI shows are the worst...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Yes
In all the times I've mistyped my password, I've never yet had "ACCESS DENIED" appear in large flashing green letters.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:26, Reply)

I always laugh at
"Hang on. There. Enhance that. Can you go closer in?"
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Ha ha
Yes, that pixel there - that's him. Now zoom in and make that pixel into a recognisable 300dpi image that I can print out on A4...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:32, Reply)

Yeah
Zooming in on photo's with no pixelisation, I love that!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:32, Reply)

You're both just
jealous because they have more awesome computer skillz than you.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:35, Reply)

Oh Al
How right you are.

I fail at the mad haxor skillz.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:38, Reply)

I fear that the day has finally arrived
when everybody suddenly thought that all this b3ta stuff was just a big waste of time.

Pity really.

Still, it was fun while it lasted.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Hello everyone!
HI DR NICK!

Glad to hear everyone's ok!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 9:59, Reply)

I think everyone
is dead.

Kaol, have you been sleep stabbing again?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Nope
the point of B3ta is to let a bunch of misfits feel like they have friends surely! ;)

EDIT It looks like he has Al, he's working his way up to us!

Hi Jim
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:02, Reply)

I'm not dead
I just have to do some work on occasion :(

And yes, the whole idea of this b3ta business is that it's a nice diversion from work. I like it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:03, Reply)

But I still
don't have any friends!

That's not fair, I'm going to steal some of yours Dok.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:03, Reply)

Morning everyone.
I'm struggling to deal with the fact that it's Monday again.

I want to be back in bed.

How is everyone?
( wanderlust, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:04, Reply)

Guten morgen Herr Doktor
I'm never going to sleep again. Anyone got any recommendations for a Digital SLR? I've got around £400 to spend, looking at a Panasonic Lumix DMC-L10, EOS 400D and any other suggestions people may care to offer me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:05, Reply)

@jim
www.amazon.co.uk/Nikon-D40-Digital-SLR-Camera/dp/B000KIX65S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=electronics&qid=1228730766&sr=8-1

This is a good starter SLR, but when I bought Mrs Al one it was only £250. For £400 it probably isn't such a great deal.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Al
You can steal some of mine if you want.

Hi Lusty, I'm struggling with the fact that I'm in London this morning, never mind the fact that its Monday.

I wish I was still in bed as well BTW, I hate the cold!

EDIT Jim, yeah the Nikon D40 is a nice little camera to start with.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Or, just browsing amazon
the D60 is on sale cheaper and gets a very good write up from some customers.

The Canon 450 is also praised for the good lens it comes with.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

*sneaks behind Dok*

*steals friends*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

That's the best price
I've seen that one anywhere. I thought it was well out my price range, hence the D400 I mentioned before!

Cheers guys :)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

I didn't get to sleep 'til
Well after six, and I had to get up at half seven.

So I'm half-cocked today, to say the least.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

@Dok
Where have you been then?

I got back from Leeds last night, where I spent a silly amount of money on cheese and gin.
It was ace!
( wanderlust, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Good morning all
Hi there chaps and chapesses, it's my B3TAday today! Hooray for me!!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Happy b3ta day, dear Captain!
How's the slicing and re-bone-jigulating going?
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:15, Reply)

*Drags self in*
Morning. I'm unusually grumpy this morning, for the following reasons:

- It's Monday (naturally).
- I have to undertake two more inspection visits which need to be done by 31st December.
- I found out about these on Friday
- The visits need to be done because the last visits raised some issues that weren't dealt with satisfactorily at the time and rather than try and do this the files have sat on dusty shelves instead.
- the files are actually in Durham which is about an hour's drive away from me.
- In reality I've only got until the 18th to do these as I'm on holiday the last 2 weeks of the year.
- Inspection visits are generally a right pain in the arse to do.
- The mods have done fuck all about Rathen and Amorous Badger's posts from Friday.
- It's Monday.

*Grumps*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:15, Reply)

Good Nings to all!
And to all, a good Ning!

Strange you should be talking about cameras... I'm in the market for a new DSLR... I am interested in a Sony Alpha - anyone know if I should carry on with this or should I just go for a Canon?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

hi D-i-T
Not seen you for a while.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:18, Reply)

Lusty
I almost went to Dorset to see a friend, but I didn't because I needed to get my xmas shopping done, and it made me sad.

Happy B3taday Captain! Yay!

DiT, to be honest unless you have lenses that will fit it already, stay away from them, they look good but are made by the cnuts Sony!

*looks about*

Where have all my friends gone!

EDIT Morning DG!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Yo Kaol
Well the MRI was unpleasant yesterday (I wasn't warned about the potential "nerve stimulation" that occurs when you put very strong magnetic fields through a neck that's already got a fair amount of Titanium plate and bolts in it). Ended up with a version of "pins and needles" that I've named "holy shuddering fuck, who's scouring my skin with red-hot acid-drenced rotating wire brushes".

Not sure if the term will catch on in the medical profession.

So! how is everyone?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

I used to be a fan of Sony products (had walkmans, stereos and TVs)
But every single Sony digital camera I've owned has gone tits up along with a shady reluctance for Sony to fix them without me parting with £120 because the faults were apparently my fault.

For this reason, I won't be buying a Sony.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Morning Dok
apologies for my grumpy demeanour this morning, I think I've driven everyone off.

I just hate being landed with stuff at the last minute that was the responsibility of someone else. I've got enough of my own bloody work on without taking on someone else's as well.

*Grumbles incoherently under breath*

Oh, and happy b3ta day, Captain. I'm off now for a bit.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Happy B3ta day Captain
The pins and needles sounds horrible.

Morning DG - That all sounds poo.

Morning DiT - How's you?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Morning all
How are we?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:29, Reply)

Hey DG!
Bye, DG!

I think I'll give the Sony a miss then, thanks for the advice chaps! *lusts after Canon EOS 450D*

O, HAI AL!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Where did you have it done Captain P
Davros, good luck with your extra jobs!

DiT - My opinion on Sony is in my post above. :P
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:30, Reply)

HAI DIT
DID USE HAV A GUD WKND!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:31, Reply)

DiT
I have a Pentax K20D, it is wonderful.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Sounds an absolute cunt of a day, Capt'n P.
Hope you get all bolted back together though.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Morning all
I'm on a late start today, so I'm pissing about on here for a bit.

Re: cameras, I'd go for a canon, even if they work out a bit more expensive.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:35, Reply)

@Jim
Thanks buddy! TBH, I have been quietly mistrusting of Sony for a long time now, so your thoughts clinched it for me!

@Al - AI HAD AN GRATE WKND! HW WZ YRZ?

AND: *leaps on Becky* Hi!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Hey guys
Kaol hasn't gotten to me yet *hides*
( Captain V, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Bloody Mondays
I have a bad case of the humps today.

bastard world.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Hi becky, hi DiT!
How's the new place, Mr. Tights?

Right... Today I'm designing the company Christmas cards.
I fuckin' hate Christmas, so this job is not fun.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Hey DiT
when are you going to write us some more stories? I miss them. *bear hugs*

Edit: Hi K, make the company one and the alternate one to make you feel better :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Kaol
Do it in the style of Nightmare Before Christmas. Tim Burton rocks.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Have Arnie dressed as Santa mowing down
Christmas shoppers with an M60 and inside have "GET TO DA SHOPPAH!"
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

The new flat is fine, thanks!
It is stressing me out though, there's still boxes everywhere and the tumble dryer is in the kitchen and there's no hot water and other things too.

Still, the Christmas Tree is up and I have 4 new fish to look at. They are called Mallard, Crazy Eddie, Pe-ete, and Steve-Dave.

EDIT: Do you mean my book story, Becky, or just QOTW stories? I just don't have much to say at the moment! :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Clickamajig
for Himmy
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Yay for steve dave
I'm off to work now kids, so play nice and don't leave all the lights on :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:51, Reply)

I've been given a strict
Design brief, I'm afraid.

And they want it done this morning.
Luckily I'd pre-empted this, so I've only got about ten minutes actual work to do on it, company logo and such-like.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 10:54, Reply)

Just heard I'm being made redundant boo
in feburary yay

I'm not getting compensation boo

But I'm getting 6 months notice yay

*thinks of something to do which can easily be summarised by being put in quotes* I suppose I could steal stationary for 6 months and then sell it on ebay.
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

That's Bad News, Charles...
I hope something comes together for you in the next six months!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:13, Reply)

6 months of drinking gin at work
instead of vodka; who cares if it smells more?
I'm going to try to learn Russian or something; might as well make teh most of this free time.
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:15, Reply)

I hope so too, all the best Charles.
DiT, what kinda fish have you got?
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:16, Reply)

@Kaol
Is is this Big George that you're gonna send in? The one who did the theme tune for Have I Got News For You (I think).

Or do you have another one?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:17, Reply)

I thought he meant boy george
he's quite big.
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:19, Reply)

@ the website link
someone's got a fucking nerve asking to be credited for that shambles of a website:

© 2006 Big George Webley| Site Map | Website Design JavaJane

Source code says it was built in 2002.
Woeful.
(sirolimus, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Yes
It's not really a highly complicated site, is it?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Morning again
Who the hell decides to have meetings first thing on a Monday morning? Bastards...

Is it home time yet?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:24, Reply)

Er...
No...
It's something that came up in conversation when my Dad was talking about debt-collecting companies.

Something along the lines of "You know, if you don't pay, they send in Big George or some gigantic fella, who says "I'm not leaving 'til I get the money", scare tactics."

Sorry, not that exciting...
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:25, Reply)

'Ning!
Hi everyone!

How are we all this fine sunny Monday morning?
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Hello all
I'm back at work... and my week off has made me realise one simple fact. I really hate the people I am forced to deal with on the other end of the phone.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:27, Reply)

PPD
keeps talking about bacon sandwiches. I really want one now :(

*waves at everyone*
*waves madly at bill*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:33, Reply)

The B3ta high horses rider again.
Have you seen this post

www.b3ta.com/questions/cougars/post322053

Fair enough, it's a shit story, but my goodness, the bile and vitriol poured out by all but the last couple of replies make me wonder what website they have been reading for the last 5 years.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:34, Reply)

What's that?
Kaol made a QOTW suggestion?
Excellent!
www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post322316#qotw-post-322337
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Also
the first reply is from Rathen, who also re-posted tourettes tale as a joke.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:38, Reply)

Hey Kaol!
They're Goldfish, is all. I'm going to get a Tropical tank next year though - my Mum sold my other one. Cheers!

I made a QOTW suggestion too... Go look!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:38, Reply)

*Waves Madly Back*
I've got a bacon and chicken panini, does that count?
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:38, Reply)

I just can't work out
Why people got so wound up by that story. Sure, if it's true, then it's pretty awful but who really gives a monkeys anyway?
( Captain V, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:40, Reply)

I've been shopping on Oxford Street,
which was already filled with cunty, directionless, ambling mongs at 10am.

Subsequently, I have an even shabbier work ethic than usual today.

Nings, you nongs.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:44, Reply)

Goldfish are awesome :D
I had one that I won at a fair that lived for nine years and got gigantic, he was awesome!
RIP Jim The Magnificent.

I went to an aquatic shop near Epping on Saturday, and they had Axolotls!
They were so cute :D
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:45, Reply)

There was certainly a lot of vitriol in those replies...
But she was probably 15 anyways. Considering the time involved, and the fact she herself made the decision (I certainly knew my own mind at 15, and what I wanted, i.e. sex, now, and lots of it please), so I'm just going to shrug my shoulders and have done with it. I didn't realise Daily Mail readers made their home here.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:45, Reply)

*steals bill's sandwich*
*scoffs*

I am going to order what smal amount of christmas giftage I have to get online. I refuse to go outside with the *shudder* people.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:45, Reply)

Al
I am shocked.

Was she good?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:46, Reply)

The thing I like
about Oxford Street, is knowing that two other roads run parrallel to it on the north and south side and that most big shops have rear and side entrances as well. These help a lot when it's busy and you want to get from A to B and shop in a hurry.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:46, Reply)

Oh al...
We can't keep you out of those back-passages, can we?
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:47, Reply)

I actually hung around there for a while
hoping Al would appear.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:48, Reply)

@kaol
I love Axolotls. My friend Holly had one, we weren't sure if it was a boy or a girl so it was called Jean-Claire.

RIP Jean-Claire :(
( wanderlust, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Hi again
Wow I vanish for 5 minutes and the population in here explodes! *hugs* to all the new arrivals!

Oh and Al, you better not abuse any of the friends you stole, some of them fight back!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:52, Reply)

I'm like the shopkeeper
in Mr Ben you know, I don't just appear magically out of back passages.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Quick Dok is back
everyone leave again!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:53, Reply)

al
The irony of Rathen's reply is not lost on me.

A somewhat disturbing story in my book, although I realise that these things aren't always black and white. Still, by posting it he has left himself wide open for flaming.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:54, Reply)

Oh NOes!
I forgot about Doks friends, they are all in my school bag in the wardrobe.

*checks*

Oh noes, they has gone all mouldy.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:54, Reply)

Lusty, you're very much right,
Axolotls are all kinds of fantastic :D
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Al...
But you are pretty magical, though.
*pinches Al's cheek*
*pinches all of Al's cheeks*
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Hey where'd my food go?
I was enjoying that!

Agreed, knowing the area is half the battle when risking Oxford Street.
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Don't get me wrong
I'm not saying that the story itself does not lend itself to thinking that the guy involved is a bit morally dubious, or in fact it could be argued that he's a bit of a sicko for keeping going, but there is no information that he actively sought an underage girl to sleep with and also, IT'S B3TA and therefore quite likely to be a lie, or certainly massively embellished anyway.

The responses just reminded me of HYS on the BBC, not a website where the magenta CDC is the height of humour.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:57, Reply)

When it comes to Rathen
One usually requires a very large pinch of salt. The whole bag, usually. Maybe a rock salt mine would work quite well...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Hmmm
I have been reminded by Clenders' post that I am doing all of my Christmas Shopping on December 24th this year.

I am going to need full battle dress for this one, I think!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:58, Reply)

OK Badger
You got me!

Sorry about that but the two lovely ladies who were in the pub on Friday wouldn't let me stay and chat with you lot!

Oh noes Al what have you done to my friends, mouldy you say! Now I will have to beat you with a spoon!

EDIT Hehe Al said cock!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:59, Reply)

Tighters, you're going to need
big spikes on both knees and elbows and a helmet to mash people out of the way.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:59, Reply)

Dok,
Is that a mile-long spoon?
*grins*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:01, Reply)

Yeah Kaol
Can I borrow it please?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Rathen & /talk trolls
I'm a long time lurker and have enjoyed reading so many of your posts. Of late there have been a number of wankers from /talk behaving like a pack of hyenas to troll in the cruellest fashion.

Ignoring the fuckers isn't enough... Some of them are in dire need of a bitch-slap (Rathen especially).
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Oh no!
Bloody mile-long spoon.

I'm about a mile from Dok.

*hides*
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Hi Gloria!
I've enjoyed reading some of your reply-sparring.
But it seem kinda pointless, surely?
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:06, Reply)

Quick!
Gloria is here! She's a women! On the Internet! Lets all behave like twats! Show us ur fanny! Wooo! Tits out! Tits out! Tits out!




I'm dreadfully sorry, I got a little carried away after Clendrix rubbed my cheeks.

While it's true that the relentless trolling is annoying and dull. Getting riled is actually the worst thing you can do. It is possible to make them look like tools by th esimple application of logical argument, but if something actually bothers you it's best to ignore it.

The exception being of course taking a serious post and using it for comedy effect a la tourettes, that is out of order and really should be taken down by the mods.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:07, Reply)

I also enjoy the sparring.
But the replies of the upset among us is what keeps them going, I think.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:08, Reply)

But Drixy
I don't want to hit you with it! *hugs*

Hi Gloria, how ya doing?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Pointless?
Sure, there is an arguement for just ignoring it. However, what was said over the last couple of weeks to two female QOTWers in particular is unbelieveable.

And the mods have done nothing to discourage it.

I've been raised to stand toe to toe to a bully and take them on at their own game if necessary. I can't say I'm riled personally, but I've enjoyed giving a few feckless individuals both barrels.
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Hullo to Gloria
and welcome to our little corner of the intertubes!

I used to get very wound up by the trolling, but at the end of it all these are people calling other people names on the internet. I myself have got caught up in it a few times, but in the main it's not worth it.

Sometimes, however, ypou do have to stand up to them. There have been several examples of this recently...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Dok
Phew! Alright then, have your spoon. Be careful when you turn around though.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:14, Reply)

Thank you all
Nice to be welcomed here. Despite my on-screen vitriol I'm a nice person really.

Maybe a policy of "Persistent Trollers Will Be Flamed" is appropriate? Ignoring them simply makes the worst offenders think they're able to troll with impunity.
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:15, Reply)

I'm not suggesting
that replying is futile, but you do have to be very careful what you say, just getting angry and calling them cunts isn't going to work they just go "wooooo! look a the wobbling fatty lonely virgin on the internet" and you can't really sa much to that.

I'm not suggesting that you are a lonely fat virgin BTW, just that there isn't a real come back to that sort of taunting.

The comments have been pretty bad, but there really is very little in the way of moderation on this website and to a certain extent you have to accept it and move on, personally I would like rathen and Amours Badgers posts about tourettes taken down because I know her and she's lovely, but if I didn't know her, I can imagine I would simply think it another piece of bad taste humour with which this site abounds.

I am also going off on one about this partly because I like playing devils advocate, so please don't get upset with me.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:15, Reply)

Will do Drixy
But if you hear a loud quack, hit the deck ok.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

allthegeordie
No, no offence taken at all.

It's quite funny, I've read the responses. But then I'm all for kicking below the belt when necessary.

If "you're a lonely fat spinster" is the best they can come back with then it's pretty obvious they're struggling to come back with anything relevent or biting themselves.
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:16, Reply)

And if they
were saying those things in a pub, I would happily open the cellar door while you rolled them down the stairs. But on the internet, what are you going to do? You can occasionally make them look like twats by arguing. But if all they are doing is throwing insults then replying to them just encourages them.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:18, Reply)

Mods
myself and tourette's both pointed out baldmonkey's post last week, and it was subsequently deleted. However, I have again pointed out both Amorous Badger's somewhat blatant link to the same post, and Rathen's subsequent posting, and nothing has been done...

And as I pointed out on Rathen's post the clue is in the actual wording of the question.

Ironic that it's made to his profile page, since he didn't actually write the fucker.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Apologies for thread-jacking
Point taken. Ordinarily it wouldn't bother me.

However the baiting of Tourettes and a couple of others has been cruel in the extreme.

I honestly don't think that doing nothing is an option. It's like capitulating to them.
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:20, Reply)

Who do you gaz about offensive posts then?
If lots of us gazzed them, would it make us look like we were whinging or would it make it more likely to get removed?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

@Gloria
This is the joy of Off Topic, you can't thread jack!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Gloria
Al's right. No thread jacking here.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:24, Reply)

It's
via the 'email us' bit on the home page, and select 'messageboard stuff'.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:24, Reply)

This is a thread jack!
Now give me all of your money, valuables, and sexyfuntiem!





Sorry
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:27, Reply)

*gives dok sexyfuntiem*

Don't look so surprised, you asked for it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:31, Reply)

Mmmmmmmmm
Al I didn't know you cared!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Sorry,
I got distracted by work.

Gloria, I mostly agree with you, but I think half of the reason that they're replying is because they want to get a response, to show that their actions are making an impact.

The main difference between the internet and the pub is that I'd've beaten the ever-loving shit out of them by now, but on the internet I'll just quietly ignore them.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:33, Reply)

*Gives Dok Broken iPod*
While hiding all other valuables and standing back to the wall
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:33, Reply)

*frowns at Dok*
Behave yourself!
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:34, Reply)

Yea dok
Behave yourself!

*whistles innocently*
( Captain V, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Kaol
It depends on who's doing it. In the main it's harmless and sometimes funny, however there are a few persistent offenders who are getting kicks out of picking on the vulnerable.

Anyway, enough for now. Thanks for being kind and making me smirk with your posts.

/relurks
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:35, Reply)

Oooooo
I love it when Clenders gets all stern like that.

Tell me I'm naughty Clenders, tell me I'm really really bad!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:36, Reply)

Oh Al, you're beyond bad.
You need to be corrected, and quickly.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:38, Reply)

Exactly,
It depends on the amount of malicious intent really, doesn't it?
I mean, al, bless him, could easily be mistaken for a troll by people that didn't understand what he's up to.
But there's no malice in his posts. And they're fucking hilarious.

These particular individuals that we're talking about are being spiteful and vicious for no reason other than the fact that they're cunts.

EDIT: You've gone, ok! Feel free to gaz me if you want though.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:38, Reply)

Al
At least give me time to get my camera out
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:38, Reply)

Cheers Bill
I'll fix that right up. Not!

Drixy, don't you give me that bear stare! I'm lovely, and have been told so recently.

But V, I am behaving myself!

*hides in dark corner again*

Mwahahahahahahahaha
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:38, Reply)

Morning all
How is everyone?

Am sat here waiting for my caffeine fix to shake out the cobwebs. As I discovered on Saturday, I've lost my ability to hold my alcohol (cringes).

According to chickenlady, I was slurring and talking bollocks on Saturday night.

After four beers and a shot of whisky.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:41, Reply)

PJM
Welcome to my world!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Dok
at least PJM has to drink to get to that state :P
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Nowt wrong with slurring and talking bollocks
I do it all the time.

Cos I has MS and a testicle fixation...


/not really
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:43, Reply)

DG in cruel humour shock!
*chortles*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Sorry
some of the /talk wankers must have rubbed off on me...

Eeeew, that sounds SO wrong!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:45, Reply)

Talking bollocks
would be quite fun, if they talked to each other. Imagine having a conversation going on in your pants!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:45, Reply)

Red
Yeah I just talk bollocks most of the time, as for slurring, it's just my natural state!

EDIT K2 Mine would be saying "Let us out! We have far more imprtant things to be doing than hanging around in the dark."
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:45, Reply)

Having
a conversation in your pants would be very off putting in meetings.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:47, Reply)

How did your swim go PJM?
did you make it?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:47, Reply)

It depends
on who your fellow meeting attendees are, Al.

Edit@Dok Minge - mine would be complaining that they're forced to always hang around with some cock.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Right
I must go and do some work. Lunchtime is over.

Laters.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:49, Reply)

@al
Jeez...

chickenlady, nugget #2 and I had a gym induction yesterday.

I managed to cycle six miles and run one mile (in a pretty piss poor time), feeling like I was carrying lead in my nikes.

I'm getting old...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:49, Reply)

It's only PJM!
Alright fella, it's been a while!

I went out on Friday night. One, and I'm not joking here, pint and I was bungalowed. That said, I was ill, so I do have an excuse!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 12:56, Reply)

Hey DiT
Good to catch up. I hope you're groovy apart from the lurge?

"Bungalowed" - like it.

My alcomahol consumption has quartered in the last eighteen months or so. I was woken up on Sunday morning to find Basil the cat sat virtually on my face purring way too loudly and the sound of chickenlady's mum outside the door saying "I think PJM is hung over this morning".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:00, Reply)

'noon all
how are we?

Apparently, it's "drive at 43mph or 7mph below the speed limit whichever is the lower" day today, and I've just received a letter that starts "Dear Sir's" asking me if I have any general labouring jobs going at the moment. This person can also "hover carpets". Tsk.

Honestly. What is the world coming to?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:05, Reply)

All groovy, ta, I hope all is with you, too!
As far as 'bungalowed' goes... Look at Michael McIntyre's DVD, if you can, it's down to him. He has a theory that a posh person can use any word as a way of saying they were drunk:

"I was completely bungalowed."
"I went out last night and got totally paperbacked!"

That kind of thing. I reckon it works!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:05, Reply)

HLT
Maybe he is a Genie. I'd like a flying carpet :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:09, Reply)

Afternoon all
Another weekend behind me...and the week looming.

14 weeks until I fly off to Morroco :)
( snee held his breath since, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:09, Reply)

I wish I could
hover carpets. It would be fun.

Fair play to the guy, at least he's looking for work. Maybe you should politely write back and give him some spelling tips. Is that really rude?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Even if they mean "Hoover" carpets
does that mean they're vacuuming abilities are solely restricted to fabric and hessian based floor coverings?

What if they're confronted with laminate flooring or linoleum?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:18, Reply)

Does it also mean he can only use a Hoover?
What if you have a Dyson? What will he do?

Hello Snee. How long will you be in Morocco? I've always wanted to go there.
Edit: I'm not trying to invite myself along :)
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:19, Reply)

I just remembered
I'm off the see The Wildhearts tonight! Roll on 5pm!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:20, Reply)

Ah yes, below the belt kicking
I know a few of the individuals involved who are actually nice blokes if you meet them in person, but their sense of humour is very /talkish. That is, they poke until you snap. Mind you it could be a lot worse, this could be 4chan.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Mark it with a red pen
Then write a big F on the bottom and send it back!

*Might have done this with bar CVs in the past*
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:23, Reply)

Hey clendrix
Just for a week - should be fun though, 2 hours each way to sandy beaches and snowy mountains. Good job I get fully comp travel insurance through work...I can see me breaking something while attempting skiing.

Woo, and just found out I'm in Dublin for the day Thursday - loadsa Guinness :)
( snee held his breath since, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:24, Reply)

I'll correct his letter and CV
and send it back, saying if he can actually hover carpets then he can have a job as my personal carpet chauffeur and fly me to and from work every day!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:25, Reply)

Snee
Sounds lovely. I think I might try to go there in the near future. It's been a while since I went somewhere new.

Er, actually it's three months. But it feels like a long time.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:25, Reply)

@DiT
I hate being all uppity, and I like that Michael Macintyre character (big fan of Live at the Apollo), but me and my mates have been using any old word for getting shitfaced since I was at Uni!

It's CLEAR Macintyre has stolen this from us!

Incidentally I was Bangladeshed on Saturday and I'm still feeling it now :(
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:26, Reply)

I get the feeling
that this guy hasn't though his application through.

You could probably tell if a b3tan was applying for a job due to the amount of care they would take in considering all the different possibilities.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:28, Reply)

ahem
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post322207

(not I love horses)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Been a good year travelwise for me
I'm determined to keep it up next year too.

Anyway, would it be best to haggle if I'm offered a camel (or more) for the SO?
( snee held his breath since, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:30, Reply)

Afternoon HLT
If this bloke really can hover carpets, you may want to get him in for next year's pantomime.

Assuming there's a panto with a magic carpet in it. And if not, I'm sure you could write one in.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:35, Reply)

If he can hover carpets
do you reckon he can also hover other material based products?

What I'm getting at is, could you get him to hover the back of some nice totty's skirt so you can see if she's get her fancy knickers on and is therefore worth talking to?

I beg your pardon? Misogynist? Never heard of them, are they any good?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:37, Reply)

I'm not sure camels are the way to go.
They're a bit arsey.

However, there must be other delights in Morocco that would make the swap worthwhile.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:42, Reply)

Morrocan boys
they are cheaper than Turkish boys, and only slightly less efficient.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:45, Reply)

@k2k6
good idea!

@al - no!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:46, Reply)

Oh ok

So, errr, are you wearing your fancy knickers today?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:48, Reply)

@Al
Did you ask Enzyme about this? Apparently he knows about Turkish boys.

No, not like that!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:48, Reply)

@Al
I am!
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:48, Reply)

@TDW
Well excuuuuuuuse me! ;)

Although I like my new flat, I am bored of the whole moving process. My Estate Agents are useless, and I want to hurt them.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:49, Reply)

@ al
What's it to you if I am? Eh? EH?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:51, Reply)

What have your estate agents done DiT?
When I moved they didn't do anything, which was part of the problem, though it was mainly down to the other people solicitor. Luckily for us, my sister was our solicitor so she kicked their arses for us.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:51, Reply)

Hmmmmmm
by the grouchy response to that knickers question, I am considering that it may be that week when hlt wears her great big comfy granny pants and a hot water bottle.

Am I allowed to make those kind of assertions here or is it considered bad taste?

@bill - Pictures! or it didn't happen.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:53, Reply)

Mr Nong / Mr Noon all...
I'm off work feeling shit, after a weekend of lying in bed feeling shit. Joy!

How's everyone today? I'm lying in bed listening to obscure Chilean music and in fact wishing I was in work, cos I can't really afford to lose a day's pay.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:55, Reply)

@Al
Maybe she's forgotten to wear any knickers...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:55, Reply)

@ K2
lucky for you if I have, it being Monday and all

*winks*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:57, Reply)

@K2k6
Yeah, because God is just that kind.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:57, Reply)

Oh, yes
I'd forgotten it was Monday!

How could I forget such an important thing? So, let's have a look...

*checks for knickers*

Oh :)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 13:59, Reply)

*a deep dark voice issues from the deep dark corner*
Bollocks!

It is now offical I am *sads* :( Bloody hotels, I hate them! Fucking refurbishment!

But Hi folks

Drixy QUACK.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:02, Reply)

*grins*
*blows raspberries at al*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Dok...
why are you quacking at me?
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:03, Reply)

Drixy
The Mile Long Spoon!

I'm about to turn to twat somebody with it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Al...
Here's an example. It's a brand new build, so my postcode is still a bit 'flexible' as they are still registering the house with the land registry.

Not too much of a problem, we have a postcode for the land so postie can still get to us.

BUT - The address that I have been given is wrong. I was told that it was Flat (x) Bridge House, when in fact it's Flat (x) Lancaster House. So when I have phoned the council/gas/water people, and they have asked if I live in Lancaster House, I've been saying no, when actually I DO!

The ESTATE EGENT gave me the WRONG ADDRESS!

Legendary!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

what's up, Dok?
I'm never going to get tired of that!

*hugs to banish sads*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Dammit Dok,
Hotel referbs are good!
It means business for my work :p
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:07, Reply)

HAHAHAHA
That's ace, I can't believe your estate agent didn't actually know the address of the house they sold you!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:08, Reply)

And lunch dates for me!
May Kaol continue with his site visits.

Dok, mind out!
*ducks*
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:09, Reply)

Yep,
Site visits keep me out of the office, and into mischief :D
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:11, Reply)

ahem
mischief Clendrix
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:12, Reply)

When I moved into my last flat
the estate agents gave me the right street address but the wrong postcode.

Took me fucking ages to figure out what was happening when I transferred utility/phone bills etc to my name, nightmare!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:13, Reply)

200
Woo!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:14, Reply)

*shocked*
My goodness Al!
*blushes*

I'm not that kind of boy...

EDIT: 200! Woo!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:15, Reply)

@ DiT
That's so lame! Stupid estate agents.

Happy new flat, btw :)
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Kaol...
you could have said, 'Clendrix isn't that kind of girl.'
/ruined
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Well, that too :p
*grins*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:17, Reply)

Refurb is good for you Kaol
Bad for me.

Tulip I was going to bring somebody to the Edinbash, but can't change the booking now because of the refurb!

*hugs back*

But I'm still not coming out of the corner yet!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Oh. How rubbish!
*sends hugs to the mysterious Dok-infested corner*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:24, Reply)

I'm confused
Is Clendrix implying that she is now ruined? Who by?

Or what by?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:24, Reply)

Herr Dok
That reminds me, I need to look into accom for the Edinburgh bash :/
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:24, Reply)

Fanks, HLT!
I'm still not sure though. Sure I'll be fine when all the boxes are unpacked though!

Stupid renting. I wanna buy a place!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:26, Reply)

Lab
I'd do it quick if I was you!

Thanks Tulip.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:26, Reply)

That reminds me
I still need to arrange accommodation for the Edinbash. Perhaps I'll just sleep in my car somewhere.

In other news - I'm regretting wearing trousers today. It transpires that I've lost enough weight to put my trousers on again but not enough for them to be comfortable.
( Captain V, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Al
my reputation has been ruined. It was pristine and clear and now it looks like my cute little lunch dates are actually sordid affairs bordering on paedophilia.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:29, Reply)

Well, at least it gives you
A story for the QOTW :p
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:30, Reply)

Lol
Kaol nicely done!

EDIT I've just noticed that my misfortune has reminded people to get off their arses and sort things out!

Woo and fucking Yay for me!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:31, Reply)

@Clendrix
Pffft!

Nice one, you nearly had me there!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:33, Reply)

Well!
That's the end of lunch dates for me.

*feels ashamed and unclean*

And Dok, you can stop adding your tuppence worth.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:34, Reply)

Ah yes
Edinbash accommodation, I really do need to sort that! That will be a Dec 19th jobbie I think (next payday). Have we any idea which hotel we will be staying in, and for how long?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:35, Reply)

Drixy
But I have a whole bag of tuppences with your name on it!

EDIT Piston, I think that we're all staying in different hotels, for differing periods of time, me I'm up fo 5 days.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:35, Reply)

Tuppence is all he's worth!
It's ok Clendrix, we can keep our liaisons secret.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:37, Reply)

secret sordid
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:38, Reply)

OK then, Kaol.
Al, you're just a dirty, filthy bastard.



Get over here.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:40, Reply)

*sighs*
Al, you abusive, bulling AIDS-bastard :(
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:40, Reply)

Pffft!
I resemble that comment Kaol!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:40, Reply)

*gets over there*

*gets what he's due*

*enjoys it*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Right!
Question time people. Mrs Al is out having fun without me tonight (not like that. Or at least, I hope not like that. No, she wouldn't. *cries*)

So I have to plan, prepare and cook my own dinner. Actually, this is no different to virtually every other night, except I just make less food than normal.

Anyway, In the fridge I have creme fraiche, philadelhia, cheddar cheese, parmazan (the real solid stuff, not the gym shoes smelling pre grated stuff), eggs, onion, carrots and brocolli. I have both chicken and mince in the freezer along with potatoes, tinned tomatoes, kidney beans and lentils.

So, my question for you lovely people and Kaol is this. What should I make for dinner?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:45, Reply)

I think
You should stalk, main and kill a goat and then have it for dinner.
( Captain V, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:49, Reply)

@ al
buy some aubergines and when you've finished laughing at their little aubergine faces, make some moussaka!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:49, Reply)

Why would you mock
an aubergine tulip, why? I used to think you were a nice girl, and then you go and reveal you don't wear knickers and you are rude to vegetable. I'm not angry, i'm just dissapointed.

*shakes head*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:51, Reply)

I can easily live with the vegetable rudeness
if she wears no knickers on Mondays!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:54, Reply)

Hehehehehehehehe
Laughing at little aubergine faces!

*Officelol*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:54, Reply)

@al
I think you'll find I never actually said I wasn't wearing any knickers.

And aubergines deserve to be mocked for being so purple you can't not eat them.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:57, Reply)

Right...
Take out the Mince to defrost.

Open a beer. Drink.

Chop up the onion and fry it. Add the beef.

Chop the carrot finely and add once the beef's cooked.

Have another beer.

Drain the kidney beans and tip 'em in, add a can of tomatoes, and stir well.

Throw in some chilli powder to taste. And Cayenne pepper, if you've got it.

Let it simmer for as long as you can.

Cook some rice up.

Serve with a sprinkling of grated cheddar.

(Also, cook loads, and freeze the extra)
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Buy bacon, and garlic
And make carbonara.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:00, Reply)

Edinbash accommodation
Edinburgh Haymarket Travelodge still has some rooms available for £49 I think.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:01, Reply)

@son of sam
but he doesn't have any cream!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:01, Reply)

Real carbonara doesn't have cream
You just need bacon (well, pancetta really, but bacon offcuts will do), eggs, garlic, spaghetti, salt, pepper and parmesan. And maybe a dash of milk.

/used to live with several Italians
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:02, Reply)

ah
fair enough.

*concedes*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:03, Reply)

Had carbonara
last night. And "real" carbonara may not have cream, but mine does. In "real" indian restaurants, your food comes covered in flies and human excrement and you have to wipe your arse with your left hand. Hence the popularity of the english style "indian" restaurant.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:07, Reply)

^^
That came across as highly petulant, I didn't mean it to, I just like to point out that "authentic" doesn't always mean "better".
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:09, Reply)

I demand a cook-off between Sam and Al.
Let me the judge of what's good and what aint.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:10, Reply)

yeah, it was a bit
anyway, don't have carbonara. it gives me indigestions.

*rethinks*

although, that's no reason for you not to have it, if you want it.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:11, Reply)

Pffft,
You should have chilli!
I even wrote you a recipe, rather than just saying "make chilli!".
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Hmm...
Al, I think you should do what Kaol says, because he is huge and dangerous a bloody good cook.

What time shall I come round?
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:17, Reply)

The Job letter talk earlier reminded me of this:
www.actsofgord.com/Annoy/chapter11.php

I've now been reading it most of the day trying to stifle the officelols

Edit: crap laptop keyboard dropping letters!
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:18, Reply)

Phew
Slightly worried moment, our IT "support" company just needed to get on our computers.

But it was just to change our IP addresses to prevent network conflicts.

Looks like I wiped my temp files for nothing then.

I like Kaols idea, I think it has real merit and will more than likely be seen through. No becuase he's scary.

Clendrix, I'll see you at 8.

Tulip, if I made carbonara again would you come round and laugh at my aubergine?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:34, Reply)

Actually
I will add a comment to Kaols recipe, you should cook the mince first in some very hot oil in order to make it nice and brown rather than a pale grey colour which can happen if you cook it after the onions.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:35, Reply)

Bill!
Thank you for that link - that's another 15 minutes of my day gone and a new addition to my favourites list.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:36, Reply)

@ al
Thank you, that will be lovely.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:39, Reply)

That's a good point Al,
But I find it a bit harder to do that when the mince has been frozen, as it's a lot wetter, so the oil will spit like a mother-fucker.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:39, Reply)

@kaol
Not if you use groundnut oil
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:42, Reply)

My pleasure Miss Clendrix
Unfortunately having worked in a video game shop I can relate to Gord far too well!
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:43, Reply)

Oil should always be really bloody hot
before you bung anything into it.

Bollocks, I've only got beer and soup for dinner.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:47, Reply)

Oh!
That's my exciting piece of useful learning for the day, thanks Tulip!

How can I ever repay you?
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:48, Reply)

Drixy
Beer and soup, the dinner of champions!

Can I come round?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:49, Reply)

you're very welcome Kaol!
Um... ooh, you choose!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:49, Reply)

Dok,
if you come round, when will you do your shopping?
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Careful there Tulip
He might choose knives.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:51, Reply)

oh no!
*hides behind al*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Don't worry tulip
I'll run slightly slower than you so as to distract him.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Dagnab it!
I forgot all about that!

*sad for missing beer and soup*

And I've not had soup in ages as well.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Point taken al, and I am a fan of adapting cuisine - it's what British eating is all about
But in the case of carbonara I maintain that the addition of cream is used by those who can't create the adequate texture just with eggs. There is definitely a knack to it.

So because I'm bored, and because carbonara is one of my specialities, here's the recipe in full:

You need about 5 cloves of garlic & 200g pancetta per person (the 200g is a guess, I never weigh stuff when I'm cooking. Just go for what feels right). Also, cured pig's cheek is better than pancetta, but I don't think you can buy it very easily in this country and I've forgotten the Italian for it, we always jsut called it cheek.

Skin the garlic but leave it in whole cloves, don't chop it. Fry the garlic cloves in some olive oil (not extra virgin!) over a very low heat for a couple of minutes, or until the whole house smells of garlic, then whack the pancetta in and crank the heat up. You're aiming for pretty crispy bacon here so don't be afraid of frying it for a while.

Next, put a pan of water on to boil for the pasta. Salt is somewhat unfairly demonised these days, it is certainly the secret to good pasta. You need, no joke, about 15-20g salt to every litre of water you're boiling. I use Maldon, cos I'm a posh cunt. the 75-100g per person they put on packets of pasta is a lie, go for at least 150g. Or maybe I'm just greedy. Also, always boil the water from cold, don't use your hot tap, and add the salt just before it begins to boil.

Meanwhile (and keep stirring the bacon so it doesn't stick to the pan), beat up some eggs in a bowl. Free range cos they taste better, I don't really give a fuck about the welfare of the chickens. About 2-3 eggs per person, depending on the size of the eggs. To the beaten eggs, add a lot of ground black pepper, and a pinch of salt, then shitloads of grated Parmesan or pecorino, the real shit not the feet smelling rubbish as al pointed out above. A very very small dash of milk may help here, I'm literally only talking a tablespoon or so though.

Now, if you've timed this right, the bacon should be ready first. Remove the garlic cloves and bin 'em, strain the pasta which should be nicely al dente by now and throw it back in the pan with the bacon.

Now the bit there's a knack to and is hard to explain! You tip your bowl of eggs & cheese into the pasta/bacon mixture and stir. The heat from the pasta and the bacon should cook the eggs, resulting in the lovely creamy texture we all know and love. It's not a horrendous crime if you have to touch the base of the pan back onto the hob to get it to cook a bit, but don't do it for too long - you're not aiming for pasta with scrambled eggs! It is difficult to explain but there's a knack to the timing of it all, not difficult once you've done it a few times though.

Serve with garlic bread and a nice chianti.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Wow, that was a long post, I must be bored
And the thread's moved on somewhat since then!

But enjoy... :D
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:55, Reply)

@ al
Aw, thanks, I don't care what the others say, I think you're nice!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Sam,
I'm gonna try that next time I have a willing victim visiting me for lunch or dinner :)
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 15:59, Reply)

Thanks Sam!
I'm certainly gonna try that out!
Although, can you be a dear and gaz it to me?
I'll lose it otherwise :p
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Tulip
I'll be the one in front throwing small children between Al and Kaol!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Now I just remembered...
I have to brave the sheep in the supermarket and find something worth cooking and eating...

I hate shopping...especially this time of year.
( snee held his breath since, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:02, Reply)

I don't mind food shopping
As I can go at midnight, and it's pretty quiet.

P.S. Tulip, you don't need to worry, I'm lovely :p
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:04, Reply)

@ Dok
Yay!

@ Kaol - yes, I know you are, lovey.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:05, Reply)

My only fear
with that is that you may end up with undercooked eggs in your efforts to avoid scrambled eggs with spaghetti, and I know it's slightly irrational as very few eggs contain salmonella in the first place, but i'd always have that worry.

Personally, I like adding cream to my scrambled eggs so the idea of putting cream in my carbonara isn't filling me wiht revulsion, actually, I usually use creme fraiche, partly because I'm posh and partly becuase I like the slightly sour tang it has.

Also, I like your point about free range eggs. Personally, I do care about chickens and make a point of avoiding battery eggs and chicken, but I also like chicken and battery chicken doesn't taste half as good as free range. I'm not evangelical though, I'm not going to refuse to eat food someone has made me or anything like that, I wouldn't even bother asking, I just buy my chicken from the nice butchers rather than the stuff from sainsburys.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:08, Reply)

There's nothing like
throwing small children at raving madmen.

Not that Kaol is a raving madman mind you!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:09, Reply)

Dok,
which Kaol are you talking about? Is there another one, or something?

God forbid...
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:12, Reply)

I used to keep chickens
They're great :D
The taste difference in the eggs is massive between free-range and battery.
But eggs from your own garden are even better, don't get 'em any fresher than that.

Free-range chickens are still often fed certain chemicals in the feed that dyes the egg yolk a certain colour.
So yeah...

I miss my chickens.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:12, Reply)

Two Kaols?
That'd be terrible!
(Kaol - Scourge of Wales, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:13, Reply)

Terrible?
It's be awesome!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:14, Reply)

Drixy
The nice Kaol. Not that horrid Kaol Black!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:14, Reply)

Two Kaols...
hmmm. I can just about exercise a teeny-tiny bit of control over one crazed Kaol, but if another one turns up, we are all lost. Lost, I tells ye.

WWWWWOOOOOOOOOKKKKIIIIIIEEEEEEE!
Come and play!
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:17, Reply)

I dunno,
I think two Kaols would cancel each other out.
One would get drunk, and the other one would keep him in check.

*sighs*

Who am I kidding, we'd both get wrecked and go on a drunken rampage :|
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:19, Reply)

I just sent my friend a link to Tattsyrup's Shannon plate on the homepage...
and received simply this in response:
Crying in the office.

Kaol, one of you is just fine. Let's not ruin things, eh?
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:20, Reply)

*administers smelling salts to ailing thread*
You can't all have gone home - it's only 4.30pm.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:30, Reply)

I don't know Clenders
If you can have a naughty lunchtime liason with one Kaol. With two it would be positively debauched.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Sorry about the delay
I was having a wee.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:32, Reply)

Al, I daren't imagine what that would be like.
*imagines anyway*
*gets arrested by Thought Police*
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:35, Reply)

Hahaha!
It'd be the end of the god-damn world.

*packs apocalypse knife*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:39, Reply)

I'm scared now
Dok, is there any room in your corner?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:40, Reply)

@clendrix
I thought you were imagining Al having a wee!

Maybe you were
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:41, Reply)

Would having
a threesome with yourself be totally weird, or far more acceptable than with a stranger?

It's got to be better hasn't it, you're not going to be embarressed at seeing your own vinegar face, it's just like looking in the bathroom mirror in that respect. Obviously, I always put a sheet over the bathroom mirror in case is judges me.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:41, Reply)

Why are you facing the bathroom mirror?
Are you refilling the toothpaste?

'Noon chaps.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:44, Reply)

I wouldn't have a problem
With that.

Although the thought of any other kind of threesome doesn't really appeal *shrugs*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:44, Reply)

With another me and mystery guest
it would be good.
I refuse to reveal name of guest or my reasons.

K2k6 - I refuse to answer that, too.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:44, Reply)

That's where the knack comes in al
If you do it properly the eggs are safely cooked; it's a very fine line between raw eggs on the one hand and scrambled eggs on the other. Hard to explain in text as I'm no cookery writer, but come round to mine and I will show you! Easy to learn, hard to master, which was the strapline from some board game or other I played as a child, I think.

I live in the countryside *chews piece of straw* so our eggs are usually from a friend's chickens, and the meats's from the local rural butcher (or bought whole/half animal at a time from farming relatives). In a supermarket I'll always go for the most expensive free range eggs though, battery ones really don't taste of anything in comparison.

Why did you get rid of your chickens Kaol?

I'm bored and may type up another of my world famous* recipes for you all.

*_{Some elements of lie may be contained herein}

Edit: wow, I'm doing well at being really really slow keeping up with this thread! I'm ill though, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:47, Reply)

Al
imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parallel_universe.jpg
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:48, Reply)

Two of me?
The third party is going to feel terribly left out.

/narcissist
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:49, Reply)

My chickens got eaten by a fox
While I was away at uni, years ago.
Then my parents didn't get any more, as I wasn't there to look after 'em.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:50, Reply)

Pffft!
Wookie, you're a card.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:51, Reply)

Al,
it's bad enough being out with just one of him. He sits there, touching himself, and I have to just drink my beer and pretend I can't see.
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 16:52, Reply)

*cries about chickens*
*points and laughs at wookiee*

I just found out I have to cancel my band practice tonight, as I've got family coming down from Scotland :|
I don't wanna see them instead, rubbish!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:00, Reply)

That would
explain the drinking problem then.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:00, Reply)

Al,
it takes a lot of beer to wash away that imagine.

A lot.

Kaol, will they wearing kilts?
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:02, Reply)

Nope.
They only moved there.
Ages ago, but they're Essex-folk too.
Although their accents got all mangled, and they sound really posh now.

So... Essex + Scottish = Posh.
*shrugs*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Shame about band practice though :(

( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:08, Reply)

Would grated
carrot be acceptable, I can fine chop them, but it's just easier to grate them.

I sharpened two of my knives yesterday. I got one of them sharp enough to start shaving hairs off my arm. I was pleased with that. I need some 1200 grit emery paper to get a real razor edge on now.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:11, Reply)

I'm sure grated would be fine,
Although I'll take any excuse to use a knife, so I don't know!

EDIT: I'm going now, g'night!
( Cawl, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:14, Reply)

Me too!
G'night!
( thealternativefact, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:22, Reply)

Goodnight All!
I'm away.
(bill, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 17:36, Reply)