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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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It's Wednesday!

Come in and do that thing you do.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 7:05, 325 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why?
Why am I up so early?

It hurts. I may have to lie down again.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 7:12, Reply)

Morning Miss!
Happy B3taday!

I'm not only up far too early I'm in a cab on the way to the eurostar! :-(

Still better than being stuck in the office I guess! :-)
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 7:17, Reply)

Thank you, Bill!
Oh how glamorous you are with all your foreign travel.

You're not a spy, are you?
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 7:29, Reply)

I Wish!
Then I'd have all the cool gadgets and stuff! I'm off to Brussels to do tech support for the EU summit.

Which basicly means sitting around for two days hoping nothing breaks!
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 7:43, Reply)

Morning all...
*sips coffee*
(

snee held his breath since, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 7:49, Reply)

Morning Snee
Alright there?
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:07, Reply)

morning
happy b3ta day Clendrix!

didn't realise you were quite such a v3teran
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:11, Reply)

Thank you, V!
I do seem to have been here for a long time, but I'm not as old as Bill, K2k6 and Kroney.
However, I'm considerably older than Kaol, as the cheeky little sod likes to remind me :)
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:17, Reply)

Mr. Nong New Arrivals
I'm now on the train about to leave, unfortunately I think I have a rear facing seat so will be feeling a littlw queasy by the time I get there :-(
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:19, Reply)

Poor Bill!
*strokes Bill's beard until he purrs*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:23, Reply)

Did I hear my name being mentioned?
Morning clendrix. And happy b3taday you old bugger.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:23, Reply)

what was b3ta like back then?
I can't really remember what it was like when I joined, but I think that is because it hasn't really changed all that much
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:26, Reply)

Thank you!
Yay! Remember back in the day when we didn't celebrate our b3tadays?

I prefer it like this.

V, OT has changed things a lot and lots of us get together at bashes more often. But QOTW is much the same. As are the other boards.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:27, Reply)

Well, Vipros
It was black and white, with only 405 lines to a page, so it was a bit grainy....
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:28, Reply)

Mr Nong
I need someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery.
I've never felt iller or miserabler in my life :(

Happy B3taday Clenders, I'd give you a hug but I don't want you to get my germs...
(

warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:30, Reply)

OT has indeed changed things, but that was recent
I've been here 3 years myself!

Would be good if I could make some bashes. One day!
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:33, Reply)

*sends medicine to fuzzy*
Happy b3taday Clenders!

*goes back to tedious data entry*
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:34, Reply)

Yep
OT is the only real change since I joined in early 2003.

Oh, and there were more CDCs back then!
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:38, Reply)

Thanks Cap'n!
Oh poor Fuzzy.
*throws caution to the wind and hugs anyway*

I don't think b3ta has changed radically - just made a few improvements.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:43, Reply)

This is written
by a talk troll, but it's still very funny

www.b3ta.com/questions/cougars/post323888

Morning all, happy b3taday Clendrix. I've got a special present for you, it's in my pants if you want to have a look.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:44, Reply)

Does anyone else
get fed up with people knocking on their door asking for donations?

It really pisses me off. So much so that when a woman came round the other night collecting for the sperm bank, I gave her a right mouthful.

/coat
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:47, Reply)

Morning all
And a very happy B3taday to you Clendrix.

And now, I must again disappear into the wonderful world of uni. I almost feel like a proper person with all this work these days.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:48, Reply)

Oh god

*groans inwardly*

I'm shocked you even know what that joke means K2k6. I thought you were a nice boy!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:48, Reply)

I don't understand it, Al
Not at all.

No.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:50, Reply)

Morning everyone!
B3ta day *flex* for clendrix!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:55, Reply)

Thank you Podders!
And as for you, Al...

*takes present*
*shakes it*
*unwraps it*
*plays with it*

Beekers, that was a bloody good one!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:55, Reply)

Reads K2's post 3 times
Finally gets it!

*Innocent*
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 8:55, Reply)

I still don't get it
*injects coffee into eyeballs*

How are we all this morning?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:03, Reply)

Clendrix!
Don't shake it like that you'll ruin the icing.

Oh, too late, you're playing with it now. It's not a real snake, it was a cake snake and you smooshed it all now.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:03, Reply)

Al, it's fine.
I'm enjoying it just as much.
*smears icing over face*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:05, Reply)

Clendrix!
Happy Candle day.

I've got a camera lying around if you want some b3day topless shots?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Kent, the garden of england!
I'm sat waiting for the tunnel to be free for entry (ooh er missus).
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:08, Reply)

Thanks, himjim.
Erm, that's a lovely offer, but I'm really not sure that the other b3tans are ready for that sort of horror...
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:09, Reply)

I look good
with my top off though :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:12, Reply)

@ himjim
I look not too bad, maybe we should make a B3ta-bloke calendar for clendrix:)
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:14, Reply)

himjim
I don't doubt that for a second.

Lordy, look at the time. I think I may have to go to ~~work~~ my office to continue chatting here.

OH MY GOD! Beekers, that's the best idea EVER!

12 blokes...
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:15, Reply)

No wait...
eleven blokes and Lusty.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:17, Reply)

'Ning all
Hope you are all fine and well this crisp Wednesday morning?

Bill - can you make the EU summit systems put up a subliminal message to the attendees saying "Give us a referendum you bastards"?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:17, Reply)

How about
10 blokes and lusty and me?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:18, Reply)

Happy B3taday Drixy
*hugs*

How're you today?

Morning everybody else, are you all fine?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Mr Nong all!
I'm back in work, would have jibbed the rest of the week off 'ill' but can't afford to take any more unpaid sick days.

Happy b3taday clendrix!

Edit: urgh, I have a lot of very unpleasant voicemails from annoying people. Might just delete them all and blame it on a telephone system glitch, they'll phone back if it's important won't they?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Thank you Sam and Dok!
Al, that's eleven pages. Who will be December?
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:26, Reply)

Let's do it!
I reckon it'd be fairly easy to organise!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:27, Reply)

I'll be December if you want
I'll even dress up as Father Christmas, if you pay me enough.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:28, Reply)

A calendar
What a brilliant idea. Can't you get calendars printed in places like le Tesco? Would just need to get the photos taken.
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:28, Reply)

I'm keeping my clothes on.
Haha!
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Yay!
So which eleven blokes will it be?

Kaol, no! I'll be terribly disappointed.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:28, Reply)

I'd be up for it
Wouldn't mind getting my kit off either so long as the photos are being taken somewhere warm =p

I like the idea of CDCs to hide everybody's naughty bits. They'd have to be comically large too, like in boarat.
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:29, Reply)

*flexes beard*
*poses*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Captain V
It's calendar, before badgerface turns up and notices!

There'll be loads of places online that print them so you can give them to your grandparents etc, not sure what they'd make of naked b3tans with CDCs though!

Kaol, I'm disappointed as well...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Oh my!
I'm going to get even less done next year than I did this year.

*imagines pictures*
*wanders off for a while*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:32, Reply)

I'll save you the trouble of the photoshoot
you can use this pic of me in the buff

(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:33, Reply)

What are you talking about Sam?
I spelt it right *shifty eyes*

Looks like Tesco are temporarily unavailable.

Boots do them too though.
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:34, Reply)

A B3taCalendar!
Great idea there.

But we'd have to do two.

The men of B3ta and the ladies of B3ta.

It would only be fair!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:34, Reply)

There are some things nobody needs to see :p
In other news, I'm glowing with anger at a client right now.
They wanted something done for tomorrow, which I sent 'em on Friday.
They've emailed me back this morning, saying "Oh, can you change this, and this and this? Oh, yeah, and change that too. I need it by lunchtime."

Do I just pretend I was out of the office, and make them suffer for their stupidity, or do I do the two hours of hard work?
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:35, Reply)

Kaol
Make them suffer! Suffer with knives!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Herr Doktor
Did you settle on a name for your spiny new friend?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Haha
The calender from boots "contains active ingredients"
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:39, Reply)

I think
in the current economic situation, you knuckle down and do the work. Clients are cunts, but having no job because you have no clients is even worse.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:40, Reply)

Kaol
You do it because you don't let the twattery of others dictate your ethics and sense of professionalism.

Or chop the fucker up. I don't mind either way.

No really, do the work.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Strange
on how scrolling down I instantly knew who would be behind that cartoon!

Happy B3taday Clendrix! *snogs*

Hello everyone else *waves*
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:41, Reply)

*sighs*
Al, you realise that my anger has to go somewhere though, right?

I'm thinking I'll do the work, and attach it to a particularly sarcastic, abrupt and venomous email.

Case closed :D
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:42, Reply)

*snogs Badger*
Thank you!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:42, Reply)

*enjoys the snogfest*
*waves*
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:43, Reply)

*hugs Badgerface*
Hiya, how are you?

again, good luck with the interview today!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:44, Reply)

PJM
Nope not yet, still tossing around a few ideas though.

Badger *waves* *hugs*

Good luck later!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:47, Reply)

Thanks!
*jumps around with glee*
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Kaol
Make loads of changes but the wrong ones, just to piss them off. Then abduct their children and rape their pets.

Good luck with your interview badgerface!

(& good ninja skills Cap'n, don't think she noticed)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:52, Reply)

*pokes head around door*
Did I hear mention of calendars?

I've got previous experience...
(

rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Morning all!
Happy Betaday Clendrix!

*reads the rest of the thread*

Nuh uh, I'm not taking my top off, no way no how.

*backs into a corner and pulls out a rapier*
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Speaking of tossing
There was a guy on the Today program this morning talking about the Governor of Illinois allegedly selling off the Senate seat.

He also "tossed off, or tried to have other people toss off" several journalists from the Tribune who had written nasty stories about him.

How do I get a job as a journalist then? The rewards for writing hatchet jobs sound awesome?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:53, Reply)

"Tossing"
Fnar fnar...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:54, Reply)

*points ferret with jetpack and frickin lesers on it's head*
Lab. You will do as you are told! Or I release the ferret!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:55, Reply)

Calendar, eh?
Don't know if I'd be willing to pose for it though.

It would require copious quantities of alcomohol I think.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:56, Reply)

Well Duh K2
We'd all need huge amounts of alchomahol!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:56, Reply)

b3ta calendar
Only if it's necessary and relevant to the role...

*purchases man-thong*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Dok
Never! I will fight to the death to protect my dignity!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:57, Reply)

@ al
Quote difficult I found. I trained as a reporter about 6 years ago and sent off about 50 cv's when I passed it, got two interviews and no job.

I think the main issue was I don't have a driver's license.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Lab,
I'm with you on that one...
*whips out hunting knife*

Nobody shall see me naked!
Oh... *curses double-edged sword*
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Could you not just sit in the office and make it up BK?
Worked for that fella at the New York Times. or was it the Wall Street Journal?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Are you sure
it wasn't that you didn't like being tossed off?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:00, Reply)

@ al
I've never ever complained about being tossed off.

Of course at Boy's Brigade as a young un, I was too young and scared to say anthing:s

*edit* @ sam

I could for all the glamour I'd have been involved in for the Halifax something or other and the Hawick News, which is where I got the interviews for.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:01, Reply)

Morning all!
First things first- happy b3taday Clenders, here's to many more.

Now then. Sorry about my ranting last night, but the housemate's girlfriend, henceforth referred to as WOD (Waste Of DNA) really really bugged me. What can be said about a person who thinks it is a good idea to start an argument with her boyfriend in the room and put him in the middle of a very awkward situation? I was chatting with him this morning (and apologising) and apparently I did the right thing using the evacuation vs decapitation approach (walking away rather than ripping her head off) was the right thing to do even though it annoyed her even more in the short term. Still, I really cannot wait for WOD to move out so that my blood pressure can come down.

*And relax!*
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:02, Reply)

@ PB
If nothing else, use it as material for your stand-up!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:04, Reply)

It's Ok Guys
Calm down. you'll not be made to take your clothes off!

Myself I'm thankfull of that, I don't think even the strongest stomach to take seeing me in the buff!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:09, Reply)

BK
I'm not that suicidal, considering the housemate is also my landlord.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Nicely done PB
I'm slightly disappointed you didn't go for the saucepan / spang option though.

Three more months... Then she's gone.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

@Dok Minge
But if we don't take our clothes off, then we've no reason to expect the b3taladies to disrobe either...
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

After spakka's
story the other day I am never getting naked ever again ever.
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:12, Reply)

@ Badger
What an active imagination that man has.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

After spakkas story
I don't think we need you to Badger!

*was disturbed*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:14, Reply)

What story have I missed?
*gets naked just for the hell of it*

*wiggles*
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Dagnab it!
K2 your logic has defeated me!

*strips to boxers*

I'm ready for my clos-up Mr DiMilo!

*waves at Badger*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:16, Reply)

I could just imagine...
his cheeky wee face as he was writing it:s
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:16, Reply)

@TGB
Does this pldege apply to toilet breaks too?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

@ PJM
Given enough provocation I might make creative use of the wok...
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

*emerges from tunnel in french france*
*dons union jack shorts and string vest*

*shouts loudly asking if anyone knows where I can get a full english and see the match*
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:21, Reply)

@bk
~~cheeky wee~~ sex
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:21, Reply)

What story's this?
I think we should all get naked and have a naked b3taday in honour of clendrixes b3taday.

Hopefully there'll be a computer I can post from at the police station/job centre after I get sacked for stripping off at work...

@ bill - make sure you talk really slowly and REALLY LOUD, with plenty of hand gestures, it's the only way Johnny Foreigner will understand your request for some proper food.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:21, Reply)

I demand a linky
As I suck today and can't find his post!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Don't worry
you don't have to delve further, that's the one.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Good story, but slightly disturbing....!
I remember the preceding conversation about shirts and badger's comment that must have inspired the story, but I must have logged off before spakka posted that gem.

Hi btw Completely Underwhelmed, I don't think we've met.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:28, Reply)

I JUST GOT ANOTHER GOD-DAMN-MOTHERFUCKING EMAIL
From that STUPID FUCKING BITCH of a client, asking me to change all of the stuff I've just fucking done.

"I don’t mean to rush you, but send files back to me this morning so I can print and laminate for tomorrows event."

*twitches*
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:29, Reply)

Morning All
and how are we?
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Sees Kaol twitching...
Perhaps you could explain to your client that the problems can be solved with a frying pan type spang solution.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Naked
and slightly sweaty.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Reads spakka's story...
*twitches*

Eh???
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Moring you fucking sexy people.
and Happy B3ta birthday clendrix!

*cuddles*
(

wanderlust, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Spang?
I'm tempted to rip her fucking guts out and spit in her still-twitching heart.
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Morning Lusty and Mrs LiaB!
Just read Spakka's story...

Sweet titty-fuckin' Christ.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:33, Reply)

@Completely Underwhelmed
Thanks for finding the link but sweet mother of pearl it's a bizarre link. I can see why TGB wants to keep her clothes on now.
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Fluffah
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQi3q-Nf9wA&eurl=http://icanhascheezburger.com/&feature=player_embedded
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:34, Reply)

*trembles*
Spakka can write very eloquently, but I feel a certain sphincter clenching awkwardness reading it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:36, Reply)

I can't get naked
I'm all shivery at the moment.
Wait til the next bout of sweats though, and I'll be throwing off all my clothes with abandon.

I do like the idea of a b3ta calendar with CDCs and everything. It's cheering me up enough to make me smile despite my dyingness.
(

warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Dear God
Even I wouldn't write that, at least not in an open forum!

Boss I don't even want to think of it, please don't make me!

Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh

Pass the mind bleach, you all should have told me not to read it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Thanks Labs, Lusty and Piston!
I'm glad to see there is still talk of nudity going on.

Kaol, I think you are now within your rights to point out the unprofessional manner in which she is conducting her business.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:37, Reply)

@ C-U
How did you manage to do that?

Did it pop off?

@ al
Yeah, sex face is what I was thinking too, but with liberal doses of mindbleach I managed to tone the image down a tad.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Aw Fuzzy
You now well then?

*hugs*

Get well soon!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:41, Reply)

It's written eloquently enough
but it's not the quality of the writing that makes me feel a bit strange! Mind bleach might be needed over here as well...

Hi fuzzy - long time no see, got the flu? How's the new job going?

& hi Mrs Bin, not teaching today?

Kaol - sharp implements sound like the answer, or bare hands if you're feeling REALLY pissed off. Tell her she can have exceptionally speedy service or her every whim pandered to, but only one or the other. Spray paint this on her still warm corpse and hang it from your office window so your other clients get the message.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:41, Reply)

No Sam
there is less call for supply this time of year. I'm not working today or Friday!
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Fuzzy!
Hope you feel better soon! *hugs*
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:42, Reply)

@Kaol
Kill her, twice!

@Dok

I would have warned you but I went into another tunnel and now it's too late.

I'm nearly in Brussels now and am dying for a smoke!
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Kaol
I don't envy you, I had a client like that in my last job. It got to the point where she blamed her fuckups on me for not picking up on her fuckups if that makes sense.

*rages*

Why is she changing her mind so often?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:46, Reply)

*sips coffee quietly*
Well... The "event" she's going on about happens to be the one I'm running for 'em tomorrow.

Enjoy your drinks, Ma'am.

*smiles slightly*

EDIT: PJM, she's changing her mind because she's stupid, I think. And clearly hasn't got a clue what she actually want's done.
*rolls eyes*
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

@ Kaol
I feel your pain, really I do. Which is why I love Photoshop layers and css... so easy to reconfigure! Five minutes work, job done.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:49, Reply)

They probably thought it was the best assembly ever!
I'll wait for spakka to immortalise the moment in a story for you...

Kaol, you have to try and slip some mistakes in she won't notice, when you correct the things she's asking you to. Bonus points for swearing and CDCs that make it to the final print.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:51, Reply)

Thanks for the hugs
but I hope you were all holding your breath!

I do have the mother of all colds (sore throat, cough, headache, snot and sneezing) but what is making me miserabler is the kidney infection I've got too :( I have symptoms everywhere.

And the antibiotics I am taking means no dairy, no sex, no alcohol, no zinc or iron (!?), and might make me unable to drive... for two weeks! What a great festive period I'll be having... Soz, I am feeling uber sorry for myself. And today is the only day apart from from sunday that I have off work until Christmas Eve, and I am too ill to do anything so Christmas will just have to be cancelled.

/self-pity
(

warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:51, Reply)

Under?
Is that true? I would still be hiding now.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:51, Reply)

@ C-U
Oh dear!

That would have made a good story for the last QOTW though.

@Fuzzy
That sucks massively. Have another hug for the collection! *hugs*
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:52, Reply)

Fuzzy
no dairy, no sex, no alcohol

Sorry hon, you might as well kill yourself.

I could live without sex and alcohol, but the 'no dairy' is a deal-breaker.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:52, Reply)

Why is everyone reading the
story!!! *cries* Please let's all just say it never happened

*drowns herself in mind bleach*
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:53, Reply)

That sounds fucking rubbish!
I'll get onto the powers that be and see if we can get Christmas put back a few weeks.

Halfway through January sound OK?

*sympathies*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:53, Reply)

@Fuzzy
No sex? Really?

Shit. That's not good.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Which antiobiotics are you taking Fuzzy?
It sounds remarkably strict...?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:54, Reply)

Wait,
I'm missing out on The Story.

Link please, anyone?
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:56, Reply)

CU
I think that is what the brain does with things like that, just blanks them out.

A girls school and only to 7 -11.
Now I had visions of a room full of 6th form boys.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:56, Reply)

@ clenders
It's further up the thread. ^^
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:57, Reply)

@clenders
Quoting CU here for you "Not the actual post, but the subject is The Video and it's over here www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post322771"
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:57, Reply)

Oh CU
I feel your pain at that, what a horrid thing to happen.

Bill I know you would have warned me! now pass the mind bleach!

Fuzzy that sounds terrible *hugs*. I can haz coldz please? I can do with some time of work
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:58, Reply)

I had some antibiotics for a kidney infection when I came out of hospital (for something else) last year
that had similarly strict instructions, most of which I tried to ignore, in usual fashion, which turned out to be an error in terms of alcohol etc (thanks to my GP for giving me incorrect sweeping general advice a few years previously)

They made me hallucinate when I smoked weed!

Can't remember what they're called otherwise I'd probably try and score some.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:59, Reply)

I wonder
how many more visits C-U's profile got after that story?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

I'll have some of that mind bleach too thanks
very strange. was that story prompted by anything?

or just out of the blue?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:02, Reply)

CU
Remember to take a photo of yourself for the female calendar =p

I think it was prompted by a discussion of smart dress and TGB saying smart shirts were too tight or something along those lines.
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:02, Reply)

I have now read The Story.
Who knew I could vomit three whole bucketfuls having only consumed a bagel for breakfast?

*holds Badger tightly*
*is lost for words*

Bye Underwhelmed - thank you!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:04, Reply)

Yeah
It's in the thread above it, we were talking about why we all hate wearing shirts and TGB said she doesn't like them because her boobs are too big.

spakka was obviously inspired by the comment!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:04, Reply)

Does anyone else
need holding tightly after reading the story?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:04, Reply)

Actually
Christmas in January isn't a bad idea at all... I won't have any money til then either, so I'll be able to do all my Christmas shopping when everything's cheap :)

I'm on Ciprofloxacin for two weeks... apparently the calcium in dairy products inhibits the absorbtion, as do indigestion remedies or anything containing iron and zinc. If I drink alcohol while taking them I'll prolly be sick :( And they stop the pill from working, so it's not exactly a ban on sex but sex with barrier methods instead, which are known to be a contributing cause of bladder infections, which obviously I would rather avoid right now!

Although it's a moot point really, as everything is so painful down there I can't imagine wanting to have sex for a while yet anyway...

TMI?

The button popping stories are making me laugh :)
(

warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Drixy
Do you want the mind bleach?

I'm blanking it out of my mind!

Bad Spakka, no anything for you!

EDIT Yes please Al, make the badness go away!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Apologies to Clendrix
When you said "*holds Badger tightly*" I imagined you grabbing onto a black and white angry mammal for comfort. The imagine is amusing me!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Oh al!
Hold me! *jumps into al's arms*
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Mornings All
The first day off for ages when I can do the t'internet thang... how are you depraved/demented/lovely people doing?

I am freezing cold, hung over, skint and about to stop smoking for the umpteenth time...

*glares at Nicorettes*

*twitches*

*eyes cat in threatening manner*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Oh and Dok
you can have my cold! I don't need it!

I can't take any time off work coz I can't afford it :(
(

warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Ha PJM
I read 'the image is amusing me' as 'the image is arousing me'....!

Nobody likes a quitter osok!

Do you get free/5 finger discount on OTC flue remedies tho fuzzy? Must be a perk of the job, surely...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:11, Reply)

PJM
If I had such a creature, I would hurl it at Spak. Out-fucking-rageous!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:11, Reply)

*supplies tight holds to those in need*

that is all.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:12, Reply)

NEWSFLASH: this just in
apparently a significant internet/phone exchange thingummy was vandalised last night, with some fibre optics damaged, leaving a lot of people with no internet.

Mrs V's work for example.

*also jumps into Al's arms*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:12, Reply)

Fuzzy
Think I've had those antibiotics before, didn't know about the dairy thing...

Hopefully it'll pass soon, and you can have an almighty cheese and wine session!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Oh noes!
The precious tubes!

*runs around flailing*
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Oh Clendrix
I do hope you don't have the same poorly that I had.
I was so sick. So violently sick it had a effect on the other end, which itself was not well.
Without going into detail, I'm glad I was not wearing anything and that the bathroom has a lino floor.

I cleaned the bathroom with disinfectant after that!
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Thanks Fuzzy
Now We'll just have to find some interseting way for you to give it to me!

No Drixy, badgers as cute and shy ickle animals don't thow one at him, I suggest a wolverine or a Tasmanian devil. Much more rewarding!

EDIT V stop faliling, you'll turn into Al!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Badger arousal
Haha, I'm now imagining a horde of righteous badgers bringing justice over the interweb.

I don't want to be too harsh with spakka - he's very eloquent and has a florid imagination. However, I do think that he's overstepped good taste boundaries amongst friends. I can see why TGB would feel awkward.

*watches out for badgers armed with lasers*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Oh dear, Mrs Bin.
Thankfully not - mine was brought about by the hideousness of Spak's post and as soon as I've referred him to my cousin* for treatment, I will be feeling better.

*Yes, Kaol - that one.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Dok
I think a bobcat would be better: xkcd.com/325/
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:18, Reply)

I just
had to stuff my fist in my mouth after mrs bins post!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:20, Reply)

@ Fuzzy
It truly does suck to be you right now, doesn't it?
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:20, Reply)

*OFFICELOL*
I like that V.

EDIT Drixy remember picture or it didn't happen.

PJM badgers for justice, maybe they could climb Tower Bridge, or Buckenham palace!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Al
~~mouth~~ arse
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Fear The Wrath
Of the Righteous Badgers and Cower, Brief Mortals who foolishly err on t'internet...
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:22, Reply)

*Pfft*
Poor Mrs Bin!

That's awful, the most wretched feeling in the world.

Your wonderful description hints at the shame, discomfort and misery of severe intestinal distress.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Yay!
Clendrix's cousin is gonna work for me.
I've always wanted an evil henchman :D
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Kaol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:26, Reply)

What?
*panics*

Is the zip on my jeans undone again?
That happened yesterday.
And I didn't notice until I went for a piss.
After lunch :|
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:27, Reply)

@ Mrs Bin
I hope never, ever to be in that situation. Although if I was, I would probably head for the nearest roundabout.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:27, Reply)

You're getting a bloody gaz, young man...

OK, everything's OK again.
*peeks at zip anyway*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:27, Reply)

A bloody gaz?
Is that a b3taladies sanitary product?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:30, Reply)

I do indeed get
a discount on flu remedies as a perk of the job.

It was also quite handy for the speediness of my prescription - I spoke to the doctor on the phone, then he had a word with the pharmacist and told her what to give me, and then she gave it me.

OK, I've done enough wallowing in self pity now, I think I will get dressed and try to eat something.

And I do look forward to the uber wine and cheese fest to celebrate my recovery... :) Mayhaps with some sex too.
(

warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:31, Reply)

Piston
Luckily I was at home on my own.

I'm off out, see you chaps later.

Badger, if I don't speak to you before then good luck. I will be thinking of you at 1:30.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Al,
No. Not my blood.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:36, Reply)

I suppose the onlt thing worse
than that happening, would be for that to happen and a concerned love one to walk in after hearing your moans.

What do you say in that situation!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Al
"Don't look at me!"

Then desperately try and flush yourself down the crapper.

EDIT: Gimme that fuckin' hat :(
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:38, Reply)

*hands Kaol hat*
Ha ha!

I'm going to go and have a b3taday smoke. Try to keep this going while I'm gone.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:44, Reply)

Oh God oh God oh God
I have just had one of the most cringe-worthy moments of the year.

A colleague of mine recently informed me his girlfriend was pregnant. I just asked him how far along she is. Turns out she isn't anymore. The conversation was swiftly changed.
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Al, that post vanished!
Hahaha!

Just after I'd written a massive long reply to it :(

EDIT: Bye Clendrix!

EDIT 2: That's pretty bad, P.B, but you weren't to know.
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:54, Reply)

Which one, the James Bond one?
I just noticed that as well...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Yeah, the not-Bond one.
If you're gonna post something, be prepared to stick by it, regardless of people thinking you're a twat or not.

So, in conclusion, that guy needs to grow a spine. And stop objectifying women.

*calms down*
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:58, Reply)

I just found out they've fucked up my hotel booking!
They had me checking out Friday not Saturday so if they can't sort anything it looks like a fun friday night for me!

Oh well, off to the client now.
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:00, Reply)

I had just written a reply to it too
or to Al really

then it disappeared as I hit submit!

amusing
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:01, Reply)

@P-B
I've done the exact same thing. Asked a mate how his wife's pregnancy was coming on, only to get the reply, "She's lost it".

Makes you feel like shit, but of course he understood I of course had no idea and was pleased I was interested enough to ask after her in the first place.

Two kids, three cats and a vasectomy later, and things are fine with them.

(The cats were born of other cats, by the way)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Obviously
the groundswell of people berating him touched a nerve!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:09, Reply)

@ K2
My mate did that as well. He asked a lass we knoew to be pregnant how far along she was. She told him she'd lost it.

His response: "Well, that was fucking careless!"
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:11, Reply)

Oh my God Al!
Your a dick!
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:12, Reply)

I Know!
I'm actually a dick, it must be true, the internet told me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:13, Reply)

*slow ballads*
He's a threeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad killer,

and he know's that it's wrong

*violins*

He's a thread killer,

But he don't care.

*harmonicas*

*dons hat*

*rides into sunset*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:24, Reply)

Your such a dick.
AND you killed the thread.
(

Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:29, Reply)

I'm back.
You're supposed to be taking care of my thread in my absence.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:32, Reply)

I think
I killed the thread for so long I need to get a Thread Killer tattoo, not just a hat.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Oh for fucks sake
not again.

*cries*

*wanks*

*cranks*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:40, Reply)

*sees crying*
*goes to console*

*eyes widen*

*thinks better of it*

*leaves, quietly*
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Oh Al,
don't worry. You can't be expected to prop the thread up by yourself.

I was having an emergency lunch, but I'm back now.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Emergency lunch?
Sounds dangerous.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:43, Reply)

@ clenders
Everyone must be at lunch. I'm nipping off for mine now, after a productive morning:)
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:43, Reply)

I think I needed food.
I feel a bit crap :(
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:45, Reply)

This ^^
I feel a bit floaty:(

Need some food very soon!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Awwww, poor Clenders
*applies emergency hugs*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Al,
perfect - thank you.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:47, Reply)

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mrs Al has a new job!!!!!!!!

Wooooooo!!!!!!

And she'll be earning considerably more than me!!!!!

This holiday is going to be awesome!!!!!

*runs around in circles kissing and hugging all that he encounters*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:53, Reply)

@ al
That's awesome. well done to her!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Al,
great news! Please tell Mrs Al congrats from me :)
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Fantastic news Al!
I have yummed lunch, and ripped apart a minion's report*, and now I'm catching up on b3ta shenanigans.

*well, pointed out a few errors...
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Wow!
Congratulate her from us!
(bill, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:58, Reply)

*sidles in, like I've always been here*
Happy B3taday, Clenders!

And Woo to Mrs. Al!

Also, I might have a couple of hours free in my festive schedule on Friday night... any B3tans fancy a couple of OJs and a chance to share glad tidings?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:00, Reply)

Thank you Tightly!
I currently have no plans for Friday.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:02, Reply)

Hey Tightly
How's it going besides being full of teh festiveness?
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:06, Reply)

I'm free on friday
But that's the only day I am free before I go on holiday, so I don't think I will make it anywhere.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:11, Reply)

Congratulations to your Mrs Al
And I've just come back from my lunchbreak, after advising my colleague (whilst in Argos) not so show his girlfriend a Mr Tickle doll just in case she gets the wrong idea...
(

jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:17, Reply)

Not bad thanks, Beekers, yoursen?
Well fine then, al. You go on holiday. :(
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:17, Reply)

*makes sure Al encounters his penis*
sweeeet
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:18, Reply)

How many
packets of mini cheddars is it acceptable to eat at lunchtime?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:19, Reply)

@ DiT
Little bit meh at the minute, will be glad when all this Christmas malarky is over.

@ al

I would say around 6
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:19, Reply)

I was going to say 5, but better make it 6
just to be sure
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Hehehe
I'm not even close to being unacceptable then.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:21, Reply)

@Al
You need an upper limit?
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:21, Reply)

I've eaten 2
and I wanted to make sure that wasn't the greediest thing imaginable.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:35, Reply)

Anyone slacking at home
put on Channel 4

One of the finest Second World War films is just starting.
Went The Day Well?
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:42, Reply)

Fine
just rub it in why don't you.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:44, Reply)

I'd only want to be slacking at home
if I were being paid for it.

Slacking off is no use if you're skint. However, slacking off at work is why b3ta was invented.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:47, Reply)

Al
I am enjoying my time off before I get my soul ripped out by the biggest bunch of fuckers you've ever met. I refer to my new class.

Anyway I am working.

*edit* and I'm not being paid.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:47, Reply)

@Mrs Bin
That is diametrically opposite from where you want to be. Working and not being paid is bad. Especially for those little brats you have to teach.

You have my sympathies!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:55, Reply)

@ Mrs L
Are you preparing a lesson?

My housemate teaches Spanish and French, and Saturday and Sunday she was sat downstairs on her laptop surrounded by paperwork. She was there when I got up in the morning and when I went to bed in the evening on both days.

Fuck that!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:55, Reply)

I'm not being paid today
as I work supply, so I only get paid for the work I do.
However when I start at my new school in January I will be being paid.

I am planning the whole of next term.
Lesson planning takes far to long.
Good thing is that I taught year 5 last year so I can use a lot of the same lessons again.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:58, Reply)

*returns from interview*
job sounds awesome! Should hear within the next few days *explodes from excitement*
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:03, Reply)

Afternoon TGB
Harken...is that the sound of popping shirt buttons? No, it's TGB exploding.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:05, Reply)

*dances*
Go badger, go, go, go badger! How did the interview go badger?

Can I squeeze go in again or should I just go?
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

*glares at k3*
*puts on another jumper*
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Fingers crossed, TGB!
I see the hih horse brigade has stormed in to town again... Well, fired an opening salvo, anyway...

It's B3ta people, it's not like it's real life!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Good to hear it TGB
How do you think the interview went?
Do you know how many other people are up for it?
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

I think the high horses
tried, but then me and Kaol got very silly.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:10, Reply)

I think it
went ok. I hope it did anyways! Dunno how many other people they are interviewing
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:10, Reply)

Also
Hooray for TGB! Hope you hear soon.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:10, Reply)

I saw that.
If I could be arsed, I'd make you some kind of badge.

But for effort, and a lack of any kind of measurable talent, you'd have a great badge. Oh, look, just imagine it.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:13, Reply)

*imagines badge*

Oooooo, look at it, I like the sparkly bits. And that bit on the top that wobbles. Why is it all sticky though?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Badger!
I had everything crossed for you, and I was sending out success vibes. So here's hoping!

Don't asplode though, that would be messy!

Hello again everybody.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:17, Reply)

That'd be the PVA.
I watched a very disturbing programme last night about people that are sexually attracted to machines, such as cars.

One guy claimed that he had had sex with Airwolf, and nearly cried when he talked about it crashing.

And then, the docco crew caught him cranking one off the wrist over another guys car (a TransAm Pontiac) in a motel car park in the dead of night (he'd also left an obvious ejection by the wheel of their truck).

The documentary closed with what I think is an Oscar Winning line:

"Dude, did you Jizz on my car?"

EDIT: There are many strange people in this world, and no mistake...
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:21, Reply)

*sprints in*
ningles all

*throws cake*

meetings beckon!

*sprints out again*

ps calendar is EXCELLENT idea!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:23, Reply)

Wow
Did anyone else see some pink pants flash by?

EDIT DiT that's a classic! How you doing today?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:28, Reply)

@Dok Minge
I think those pink pants belonged to Miss February... :)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:35, Reply)

*flutters eyelashes*

Hello!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:36, Reply)

Dok,
Where did you get your sig from? Shouldn't the 'e' be a 'te'?

I may well be wrong...
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:38, Reply)

K2
If they had been red it could have been Miss December, but February is a good month for her.

Al were you just trying out for Miss Febraury?

EDIT Thanks Drixy never noticed it, it was my typo! I would put it in Kanji, but I can't, and it makes me sad. I've been wondering when you'd notice it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:38, Reply)

Sorry Dok!
I should have noticed your sig sooner - was just getting some stuff done and not really concentrating.

Looks eloquent as it is!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:43, Reply)

@ Dok
What does it mean? I really want to learn Japanese!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Come on Dok, don't be shy...
You know you love talking about anata no chinpo, ne?
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Boss and Drixy!
I'll start of by saying I've never studied Japanese, I got a friend to translate it for me.

So unless he's been a cnut it should say "Want me to draw a penis for you?"

Is it right Drixy?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:57, Reply)

Yep, close enough!
:)

(Chinpo being the fun word - also chin-chin, which makes me laugh when I hear people use it instead of 'cheers'.)
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:01, Reply)

Afternoon people of B3ta
How is everyone this fine afternoon?
(

scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:04, Reply)

I knew chinpo
Didn't know about about chin-chin though.

Have to use that at the next bash! LOL
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:05, Reply)

@ clendrix
I knew chin-chin!

I got a book of Japanese slang last year.

There was a 17th Century poem that roughly translated as:

As I watched/
My Father slowly die/
I farted.#

Moving. Deeply moving:D
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:05, Reply)

Well in that case...
chi-chi (pronounced chee-chee) is tits.

/informative

Beekers, that's art, that is.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:07, Reply)

The only Japanese I know is:
watashi wa kugoi des

Which I think means "I am cool".
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Officelol
Chi-chi and chin-chin sitting in a tree!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:09, Reply)

Labs
I think it might be 'sugoi'.

You certainly are :)
And, might I add, kawaii!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:11, Reply)

@ Lab
Watashi wa Nihon-jin go ga totemo jooshu des!

(I speak very good Japanese) *lies*

Watashi wa Eego to Chugokugo hanase mas!

(I speak English and Chinese)

That's all I can remember - got loads of books, I think I'll dive back into this:D
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:11, Reply)

Lordy
You lot have been busy... or not, paradoxically.

Happy b3ta day clenders!
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Thank you, DG!
It's been fun :)
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:13, Reply)

I thought
'sugoi' meant cute? I know it's said by Japanese girls a lot.

And you're far too kind Clendrix!

I'll have to get my colleague to tell me how to say the kanji I have on my leg, him and his (Japanese) wife translated it for me. It says "nothing can stop me now".
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Lab
I've now got the mental image of this tattoo being on your thigh and you taking your trousers off at work so your colleague can read it...
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:19, Reply)

Labs,
sugoi means great (and cool guys pronounce it su-gay).

Kawaii is what the Japanese girls usually say, and that means cute.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:20, Reply)

I was once taught how to say
"you shag sheep" in Norwegian.

By an Icelander.

But I've got no idea how to spell it, so I won't be writing it down. Nor indeed voicing it should I ever visit Norway...
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:21, Reply)

V
Unfortunately for my colleague, it's not on my thigh, it's on the back of my calf ;)

Clenders, thanks! Ahh, B3ta, a place for education as well as CDCs :D
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:21, Reply)

I really should
pick up learning Russian again, didn't do enough of it, and still want to learn it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:22, Reply)

Great
Now I can't even go on QOTW for fear of my boss coming face to face with Jane Birkin's twat.
(

scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:25, Reply)

You people and your exotic languages
I'd be pleased if I could speak French! I might take an evening class at my local college when they start again next September or I might get drawn into learning Latin and Greek instead...
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:25, Reply)

V
I fucking hate French, it's a crap language created by crap people!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:26, Reply)

Best thing ever!
In Punjabi!

Dairi mah dee gan deeka-chee! (rough phonetics)

You sniff your mother's underwear!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:27, Reply)

That may be so Dok
But it'd be dead useful for going skiing (as would Italian and German)
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:31, Reply)

@Captain V
Couldn't you just speak English REALLY LOUDLY and look at the French with contempt because the stupid foreigners can't speak our language in their country?

Seems to be the way with a lot of people...
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:33, Reply)

Do German
It's a much better language!

Oh how about
"Watashi wa ninshinshiteiru."
I think I'm pregnant.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:34, Reply)

I've never tried that
But the only time I've skied in France pretty much everybody I encountered spoke English anyway. It'd be nice to be able to venture outside of the touristy parts though. (And to chat up French women)

:edit: True Dok but I'm not sure I'll be skiing in Austria or Germany as often as I would France.
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:36, Reply)

That fucking twat Emadex
What a stupid cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:37, Reply)

I would just like to reassure everyone
that I am shit at languages and cannot actually speak Japanese. I just know a few bits.

/talentless
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:38, Reply)

@Al
Agreed.

I gaz'd him. But no reply.
(

scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:39, Reply)

I too cannot speak any other languages
and I have to teach French!!
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:39, Reply)

I gazzed him too
useless cuntball, it's not a difficult concept to understand, tits = NSFW.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:40, Reply)

Phew
I'm glad i didn't look then, thanks for the heads-up guys!

What a twunt though, NSFW isn't hard to understand really!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:46, Reply)

Like many other pics at work
it just showed the red cross. *phew*
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:48, Reply)

I tend to
forget that people read this at work.
I'm sure I've been guilty of posting NSFW pictures before.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Have you posted
a picture of a totally naked lady displaying both arse and tits?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:52, Reply)

I think that for some,
any pictures are a no-no because it alerts people to the fact that they're doing no work even quicker. A screen of text posts is easier for people to not really notice.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Oh Mrs Bin
If you did you a very naughty girl!

In other news, today I have mostly been wearing a fossil round my neck, tomorrow I may wear a Rattlesnake spine!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:53, Reply)

I don't recall
doing so Al.

But I don't remember what I had for breakfast.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Did you have
a totally naked lady with both arse and tits?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:00, Reply)

I WAS
a totally naked lady with arse, tits and a front bottom.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:03, Reply)

AND a front bottom!
Woohoo!

Were you not cold? Or do you have your central heating set very high?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:04, Reply)

OMG
What did you change into :-)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:04, Reply)

*finds the hat*
*hands it to Dok*

*goes back to working*
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:14, Reply)

I can't possibly wait for the answer any more.
Let's make up answers on Mrs Bin's behalf.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:14, Reply)

Well
This was, strictly speaking, when I got out of bed, not breakfast.

And I don't have any heating!!
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:14, Reply)

*dons Hat* OMG
You got out of breakfast?

Was it somebody elses breakfast?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:16, Reply)

Yes Dok
I come free in Corn Flakes at the moment.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:17, Reply)

@ Mrs L
Really? I'm sure there could be niche market for that type of thing.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:18, Reply)

Note to self
Buy all the cornflakes, just to get a free Mrs Bin!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:18, Reply)

you "come" free in cornflakes?
what is this hat?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:21, Reply)

The Hat
It the Threadkiller Hat of AWESOME!

And I wear it well!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Oi
vipros. Less of the muckyness.
(

Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Don't worry Vipros
I read it like that as well.

But i'm sure no-ones surprised at that.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:24, Reply)

Hang on Vipros
Should that not be spelt differently?

Right I'm away to the shops to get cornflakes, well actually I'm going home.

See you all later folks. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:24, Reply)

ah yes
Mrs L: apologies ;-)

Herr Dok: technically. that's why I had to "" it
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:25, Reply)

*does everything*
What? Dok said not to do anything he wouldn't do!
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:26, Reply)

V
You're treading a slippery path to doom.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:28, Reply)

Vipros, didn't see them
Damn my necrotic eyes!

V, Keep up the good work!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:30, Reply)

necrotic eyes conjures up a revolting mental image
thanks ;-)
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:34, Reply)

Clenders
I thought I was already in trouble for being a dirty sod lately. More trouble can't be good. *shakes in boots*
(

Captain V, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:37, Reply)

V
How could you ever really be in trouble?
*ruffles V's hair affectionately*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:47, Reply)

Run, you fools!
I mean, I'm going home

cheerio
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:58, Reply)

This thread is dead.
I suggest someone starts a spangly new one elsewhere.

*douses thread in petrol*
*sets fire to it*
*runs away*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 17:23, Reply)

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