b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Off Topic » Post 365346 | Search
This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

« Go Back | Popular

Morning all
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

How are we all today??
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:19, 390 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Morning V-cat
I'm fine. How are you?

I see we're in black and white today. How retro.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:20, Reply)
Morning VC & K2
Both well I hope?

After a 14 hour day yesterday I am pretty shattered. Still, despite crashes, file corruption and DVD Burners being destroyed, I have managed to finish the Huge Bastard Case.

Well, sort of, it's still backing up, so all I'm doing is watching a progress bar and praying it doesn't fall over.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:34, Reply)
Destroying DVD burners, Lab?
How did you manage that?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:39, Reply)
Well
It failed to burn three discs, and then on the last one it refused to eject or do anything.

So I punched it.

It made a deeply satisfying crunching noise for a few seconds, then I punched it again and it was silent.

I then dismantled the kill and disposed of it in the bin. My boss was in the room at the time, but he didn't say anything, likely due to my stress levels being rather obviously high.

edit: I'm not a violent person, despite the evidence to the contrary, but I was really quite angry :p
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:42, Reply)
Ah, OK
Now I understand.

*steps back slowly*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:45, Reply)
Good morning
I am very cross this morning.

I read an article in the local paper over breakfast about the 'shocking and appalling' fact that, when our local county council employees were unable to make it into work because of the 1/4" of snow on the floor, they were forced to take it out of their annual leave. Plenty of quotes from council employees on how unfair this apparently is and how they shouldn't be penalised for the snow. Completely one sided article, entirely from their point of view, by the way.

Do these workshy public sector cunts honestly expect to sit at home, on full pay, funded by my taxes, making fucking snowmen?

I have raised the issue with my county councillor* already and am currently composing a bilious letter to the local rag from my position as an employee of a private company who, funnily enough, had to take the half day I had off last week out of my holiday entitlement. And I think that's entirely fair!

/rage

*My mum!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:49, Reply)
Come back, please! I don't bite!
Any news from you three (hi Sam!)?

Sam, I completely agree with you. We had a few people off here when the snow hit (the usual skiving bastards), and when my boss said that they can either take it as annual leave, or make up the hours, one of them went ballistic!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:49, Reply)
*pokes*
*in a good way*

Morning sexehfaces.

I'm fighting an inner battle between really bouncy happy and terribly darkly low. It's kinda fun.

It helps that it's wonderfully sunny outside!

How're we all?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:49, Reply)
@Sam
I too am disgusted with the amount of "holidays" these public sector cunts try and pull.

I work for a small business in the private sector and took 10 holidays last year (plus bank holidays)! Plus no sick days!
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:52, Reply)
The fact they have too much holiday is a separate issue
As is the fact they do the work of ~0.1 person when they do turn up...

(as is the fact that the snow wasn't actually bad enough to prevent 99.99% of people round here getting to work, as K2 points out)

But how can they expect to not go into work, not take it out of their holiday, AND STILL GET PAID?

They need a fucking reality check!

Edit: yeah Lab, I took half day off and obviously it came out of my holiday. Leaving aside the simple 'don't turn up to work = don't get paid' equation that I don't find very difficult to comprehend, it would be unfair on the people who walk to work and worked that half day if I had the afternoon off without being penalised for it.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:53, Reply)
Ah, Lab's OK really
I think...

Well, like I've boasted about mentioned here a couple of times, I've never not made it to work because of the weather. But I would expect to take it as a day's leave if I just couldn't be arsed.

By turning up late, having battled through the snow/floods/fallen trees or whatever, at least I'm showing that I'm making the effort. It's not really that much bother, to be honest. So long as you have some sort of adventurous spirit!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:55, Reply)
I've found
A lot of council employees, and a chunk of NHS support staff (ie, not medical, rather HR, H&S etc) have an over-inflated sense of entitlement. They always get that stern look on their face as they argue their rights (that they've convinced themselves they have).

And yes, most of them barely lift a finger when they're in work as well.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:57, Reply)
'NHS support staff'
i.e. 80% of the NHS these days...

My colleague's wife is the head district nurse for the area. She has eight levels of management above her before you get to the head of the LHB!

I've worked in the public sector in a couple of places and you cannot deny it is nothing but an enormous skive. You could comfortably sack 3/4 of the civil service, except that would obviously require the remainder of them to pull their fingers out.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:59, Reply)
backers!
now lets not all get angry and sour yeah?

deep breath everybody!
*huggles for everyone*

Glad to see you're all here today.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 8:59, Reply)
Of course I'm here... where else would I be?
I might get less enraged when I have had more tea.

I may cancel my pointless 10.00 meeting as I am cross enough to shout at people in it.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:01, Reply)
gives everyone a cup of tea and a block of chocolate
So who's been the biggest sexpot today?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:01, Reply)
I used to work for the NHS
I was covering for one staff member who was having surgery for 'carpal tunnel'. She'd claimed she was overworked, and that she had months of backlog and couldn't cope, so left due to stress for the whole school summer holiday.

I did her "month's backlog" (glorified data entry) in 4 days, then had to ask for more work as I was bored of the restricted internet after a day. I ended up doing a middle manager's project (a lot of fun, I went 'round interviewing managers in every area of the hospital, and was asked to stay and watch surgery for the afternoon if I wanted), which he'd claimed would have taken 6 months.

Workshy cunts.

Edit: On the flip side, there were also a number of staff who worked their arses off come rain or shine. Unsung heroes.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:05, Reply)
Morning everybody
Me Vamp, I've been the biggest sexpot today. Who wants some of my sexyness?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:06, Reply)
Hey Vamps,
what's the holiday allocation like in Oz?

In Ireland you start out on 22 days and work your way up as the years go by.
You can also skive up to 2 days without a sick note but anymore and you're paying your GP E50-60 for a skive note. Recent legislation means you also need one if you take a Monday or Friday off.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:07, Reply)
I've been the biggest teapot today.
Does that count?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:07, Reply)
Morning you lovely people
I have had my bacon sandwich and am enjoying a nice mug of green tea.
Sadly bacon sandwiches are not really a good idea when you're trying to lose weight.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:08, Reply)
*pushes Dok out the way*
not any more now that I am here!

*wins prize for biggest egotistical maniac*
WOO look how shiny it is!!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:09, Reply)
@ TLIC
they are if you take them with a laxative. Or 11 pints of Guinness.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:09, Reply)
Ummm
I think I get 20 days off a year on holiday.

not sure though.
I work part time during term and full time in holidays.

And aww - look at all my lovely sexpots.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:12, Reply)
*trips Badger*
You may have a big ego, but today I'm hella sexy. I'm so sexy that they're worried I may sex up the whole office!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)
I don't feel like a sexpot today
I feel like i've been shagged through a hedge backwards.

By Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:15, Reply)
Lab
that makes you an even BIGGER sexpot.

I'm just a sex fiend though. So What do I know?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:15, Reply)
Poor Lab
We've told yo before about that Bert bloke.

Would you like some of my sexy? I have plenty to share.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:17, Reply)
No need to say it twice Baz
11 pints of guinness would make a pretty decent laxative.
*does sexy dance for ladies*
*feels dirty*
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:17, Reply)
LiC
thanks. I just had a very vivid mental picture of you doing a sexy dance and then getting all awkward about it - made me chuckle.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:18, Reply)
If you're feeling dirty
Chains maybe we you should take a shower
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:19, Reply)
I don't feel like a sexpot
No change there then...

Edit: badger, I'm making our badge of awesome today!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:20, Reply)
I think this is what daterape feels like
I'm dazed, my body aches, I feel dirty and i have a lingering icky fuzziness in my mouth.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:21, Reply)
Lab
Good night was it?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:23, Reply)
Woo badge of awesome!
Aww poor Lab *huggles, brings tea and donuts*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:23, Reply)
Witness the power of the sexy dance!
Actually they have showers here at work. I've used them a few times, they're better than my home one.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:26, Reply)
Thanks TGB!
No Dok, I was in work. Since Monday I've done approx four days worth of hours.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:28, Reply)
Chains
Wow that adds a new dimension to possible saucy office encounters ;)

*turns up the smut to eleven*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:29, Reply)
Lab
That sucks big monkey balls, you need a rest, and a holiday!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:30, Reply)
Dok,
Sadly I can't take time off from work at the moment, too much on. Soon though, soon I shall relax like a King.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:31, Reply)
on the subject of monkey balls
I accidentally flashed my boss the other night at work. that was bad.

I'm a walking disaster zone. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:32, Reply)
Yummy
Now I'm imagining my coworkers naked AND wet.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:33, Reply)
VC
How the hell did you manage that?!

I'm glad my mental shields are strong enough to not picture any of my colleagues naked and wet. It would be harrowing.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:36, Reply)
*pictures Lab naked and wet*
Oh wait I have actual pictures of that!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:37, Reply)
Ummm
I tripped in the bar and my boob fell out of my top.

/blush.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:38, Reply)
TGB
You have pictures of Lab naked and wet?
Lets have a look!
*rubs thighs*

Morning everyone!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:38, Reply)
Lab
I an pretty good at restricting it to the pretty ones.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:39, Reply)
*hands Lusty pictures*
*snogs* How are you today?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:40, Reply)
I have NEVER seen a boob accidentally fall out IRL
TGB, you do? *looks worried* You'll be needing counseling soon then!

Morning Lusty!

Lights, for your sake, I'm glad you can be so selective!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:41, Reply)
Hi lusty!!
/huggles

how're you today? better?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:42, Reply)
Hi Lusty
Vamp, did you pop them back in with warm spoons?

Could somebody explain to me just how boobs accidently fall out of clothing?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:43, Reply)
*takes pictures*
*pervs*

*lady spluffs*

I'm okay. I've decided to have an adventure day and not sit about in my pyjamas all day again.
Just as soon as I'm done with these pictures.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:43, Reply)
Sure Lab
I have lots of pictures of you. Taken from far away with a wide angle zoom lens.

And a collection of pictures with mine and your heads photoshopped in.

Here's when we were on the Titanic and here we are on the moon and here we are on the bodies of the two Ronnies.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:43, Reply)
yesss
Came into work and decided to drop off a few mail items that were sitting in reception. About to hand a package to my mate Ben and I realise it has a liquid centre so give it a quick shake/squeeze before handing it over.

"I didn't think that was for me for a second the way you were pausing to tease me."

"No, I only do that to women."

*Ben laughs heartily*

Me 1-0 World.

Just thought I'd report this before the World brings on his star striker to fuck me over good and proper.

Ahem, good morning :D
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:44, Reply)
I'm picturing my colleagues naked now :S
It's mostly a horrible thought!

Morning djtrialprice

*pictures of Lab arrive in inbox*
*prints out and takes to the toilet to study in more detail*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:45, Reply)
Um no dok
I put them back in with my hands.

The reason my boob fell out is because i'm not very large in that department. and my top was a bit too low cut already but then a button broke and I tripped and woops there it was.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:46, Reply)
Today I am mainly singing (badly)
Psycho Killer by Talking Heads
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:50, Reply)
*is too tired to care about the pictures*
*steals the Two Ronnies one though*

Good idea Lusty, go on an adventure in the sprawling metropolis of London!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:50, Reply)
Oh Noes
Not broken buttons. You would not believe the trouble I have with buttons that break, and zips. Much hillartity/ebarisment alwys enshews.

Nakey pics of Lab, pass them around?

EDIT Badger are you feeling all killy then?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:52, Reply)
Dok I hope
that awful spelling of embarrassment was intentional :p

And I'm letting you off ensues because I'm not feeling all killy :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:53, Reply)
Em-bra-assment
Would have been better.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:58, Reply)
Badger
My brain has stopped working today, some say that it's never worked but that's a lie.

It's because of my sexyness.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:59, Reply)
That was four misspellings in a row Dok!
Please see either of the Sams after class...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:00, Reply)
Oh Crap
I think I'll just go and digest a dictionary.

It has to do some good.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:03, Reply)
Morning folks
Half way to work today I heard a nasty bang going round a roundabount which was followed by the sound of something dragging and my car not developing as much power as normal. Seeing as the exhaust would be hot and I didn't have a lot on me I decided that there was nothing I could really do about it and to just limp to work, inevitably getting in late, and sort it out there where I could make use of tools in the factory if required.

Pulled in to work only to realise that my exhaust was fine; my rear right tyre, on the other hand, was fucked.

I drove the best part of 10miles with a buggered rear tyre! Didn't even cross my mind that it could've been a puncture as the car seemed to be handling fine probably due to the speed I was driving.

Still, spare is on and that's all sorted. Last night I was trying to decide whether to just get new fronts at the weekend or replace all 4. At least I don't have to think too hard about that any longer!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)
Oh Holy Fuck
I've been listening to NIN Live from their last tour, and Josh Freese's drumming at the end of Piggy is just mind blowing.

*Aural orgasms*

Edit: Morning V :)
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)
I'm sure many of you have already seen it
But Kaol is featured in today's XKCD: xkcd.com/542/
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:10, Reply)
Morning all
I have a set of new speakers for my work PC, they are all of the awesome.

I've found all the missing documents for my current car, ready to trade in on sat, so all happies in the land of ethel & red.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:13, Reply)
V
that is gold.

And I orgasmed when House come on five minutes ago.

Fuck I love that show.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Yo V and Ethel
V I had to drive a few miles on a fucked rear tyre before,not too bad as long as you take it gently :) But still a shock when you see how bad it is! Hopefully the rim will be ok.

Lab I hope you're going to clean that up
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Hi V & Red
Bad news of the tire V, but good news on the documant Red.

Vamp, and yet another House fan.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:20, Reply)
You're right oh badgery one
It was the shock more than anything. The tyre was shredded to fuck. I reckon I'd have lost the tread within another mile or 2.

Was doing about 45 down the M10 which couldn't have helped. Wish I'd realised so I could've just pulled over and changed it. Still, ostensibly the rim looks fine but I'm no mechanic moon!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:21, Reply)
Pimparoonie!
www.b3ta.com/questions/pubs/post365459
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:23, Reply)
Hungover
Messy hair, tired eyes, lost things, amnesia.
I'm turning into Edna Krabappel
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:23, Reply)
Tee hee
Just reading my Oracle mailing list and one of the DBAs on it is a Belgian named Freek D'Hooge.
What an awesome name.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:24, Reply)
well yeah
I love House - it's awesome - watched it from season one.


And I can't wait for sunday now.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:26, Reply)
Morning roota, Ethel and V
I had a blowout doing about 65 on the M5 toll about a year ago V, fucking scary shit! Managed to get it to the hard shoulder without wiping out and killing myself...

House is great, he's one of my role models.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:29, Reply)
I'm glad
I can't drive. It would be one more thing that gave me anxiety...

Mornin!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:30, Reply)
Nasty Sam, very nasty
I'm just glad for my wallet that it wasn't my exhaust even if I do feel like a pleb for driving so far with a flat when I could've changed it.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:31, Reply)
Hey Roota
V you plebian. Yeah I went there.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:33, Reply)
Morning Roota
I've been in a car that's been hit by the tire coming off a car in front that was real scary.

House is great, but I don't really have the time to watch it every time it's on.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:35, Reply)
And the Huge Bastard Case is done and shipped!
Now to spend the day installing stuff on my new work pc, while cracking on with my other case.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:36, Reply)
now come on
no need for insults you pack of reprobates :p

(just kidding)

EDIT: I was blocked into my lane by four B-Double trucks once. nearly shat my pants.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:38, Reply)
I saw a lorry shred a tyre on the motorway as well
It went flying off down the road. Could ruin your day if it hit your car!

My car seems to be becoming a bottomless money pit at the moment, not good. Finally got the right part for the heating (they sent me the right part before, but for a different car!) but waiting til the weekend to fix it as it's a fairly long job, now it looks like one of the track rods is on the way out as well, gash.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:39, Reply)
What car you got Sam?
I need to fix the lock on the drivers side of my car as it's fucked and i have to climb in through the passenger side :( People look at me funny
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:40, Reply)
House
Everybody loves House. I'd like to see a guest appearance by Steven Fry.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:42, Reply)
Same here
I love Stephen Fry.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:42, Reply)
I drive a Merc cos I'm a posh cunt :P
(1989 W124)

It's slow as a snail but it's fucking lovely, my pride and joy. Stylish motoring and it only cost me £1100. It's an absolute masterclass in engineering, I love working on it. One of the last well built Benzes.

The parts are an arm and a leg even from a breaker though :(

(just spent £90 on a s/h duo valve for the heating matrix. MB wanted £210 for it new!!)

Is that on your Marina badger?

Edit: on the subject of cars, we had a twat of a rep turn up in an Awful Romeo (Brera S) last week, looks absolutely stunning but I said to someone while we were having a fag I'd never have one because they're built by Italians, and therefore shit.

An hour later when he left it wouldn't start at all. Nothing even lighting up on the dash. Tried and failed to jump it. The RAC couldn't even figure it out, he had to get taken to an Alfa dealer on a lorry. It was less than six months old!

I did laugh quite a lot, cos he was a posey bastard.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:43, Reply)
No it's the Fiesta
which is a shame because I am sure changing the locks on a Marina is a hell of a lot easier. Have a horrible feeling once you get the door cards off the Fiesta there is a welded bit over the door lock mechs. Dunno if I should get a new lock or just swap the passenger side one over. Part of me wants to put central locking in as I will have to have all the workings exposed anyways...

The Marina is getting a new engine put in her and a new exhaust when the weather gets nice though :) Respraying her will probably have to wait until next year now as I have zero money. Well actually I have minus money :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Steven Fry is teaching me patience
I can either watch the 30 minute episode of QI on Thursday or the 45 minute one on Saturday. So far I am holding out.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:52, Reply)
What Fiesta is it, mk3?
(don't know why I think that...)

Retro fitting central locking will be a bitch. Got a feeling you're right about the plates over the lock mechanism as well. Probably easiest to just get a new door from a scrappy, it means you'll have a different key to open that door but hey ho!

I've got the Ford TIS electronic workshop manual thingy but I think it only goes back to the mk4 or 5.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:53, Reply)
I have a festiva
the mother of the Fiesta.

It's red and zippy and awesome. Keep your fiesta - they're a solid car. Toyota is generally a very solid car maker :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 10:54, Reply)
The Festiva isn't a Fiesta, it's a rebadged Kia Pride!!
Toyota are reliable but boring, I'm not sure I could have anything non-German now really. Although they don't build cars like they used to.

I know someone selling a BMW E30 2.3 for reasonable money which would be fun to thrash about but I really can't afford a second car...! (or more to the point the insurance)

My old man is buying a type 1 Dub soon, definitely gonna borrow that.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:00, Reply)
LiC
I wish I had such willpower. I end up watching both!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:00, Reply)
Toyota?
It's a Mk4 on a R plate Sam.

I've looked into retro central locking and I don't think it would be more of a bitch than when I had to replace the fucking heater motor in my housemates 91 Clio.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:02, Reply)
I'll have a look at the workshop manual for you
It might cover a mk4, it certainly has the Cougar and that was 1999 I think. I'll post you it on DVD if it has, it's the one the main dealer mechanics use and is much more comprehensive/accurate than Haynes.

Edit: Hahaha, I've replaced the heater motor on a mk1 Espace and had to take the entire dash and the steering column out, I assume the Clio's similar?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:03, Reply)
Ooh that would be awesome Sam :)
Mk4's ran 95-02 I think so hopefully! *crosses fingers*

I'll send you some awesome sam love in return :p

No on the Clio you have to take the front sweep off, the wipers, the wiper motor, the weatherproof strip from the bottom of the windscreen which is a bastard to refit, all the other crap that's floating a round and then take the motor out of a hole that is around a centimeter smaller than the actual motor.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:05, Reply)
I know sod all about cars
but Tony Soprano made me want a Lexus.
And a Tony to ferry me around.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:06, Reply)
Normally when people talk about getting down and dirty with cars like this
I just think "It'd be nice to be that knowledgeable about cars. Perhaps one day I'll find reason to learn" but when TGB is involved in the discussion I feel like I should be wearing a 1950s dress, high heels and have a look of helplessness on my face.

Damn you badger for making me feel so effeminate!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)
100
wooooo
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)
Get an old car V, and a Haynes book, and do the work yourself
Best way to learn! New cars are shit anyway.

@ badger - even if it just covers the mk5 it'll probably still be of use, since that was just some new headlights and a new interior. I imagine the locking will be similar if not identical. The mk6 was the big change.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:09, Reply)
That's quite a picture you paint V!
I'd like to see it!

Hmm part time delivery driver for an Indian take away. 15 hours a week over evernings and weekends sounds good. I am going to get ass raped with tax with a second job though aren't I *sads*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:10, Reply)
Surely they can pay you backhand?
Yeah, 22% on second job is gay!

Places that sell food can usually fudge the figures easily enough.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:11, Reply)
TGB
Sitting here with an account on the Ford domain has its advantages...

Gaz me an email address and I can send you some lovely PDFs about the locks on the Mk4 Fiesta
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:11, Reply)
Captain V
If I watch the short one it spoils the long one for me. And since it's the funniest thing on telly at the moment I want as much as I can get.
"Could a Lyre Bird impersonate Bill Oddie?"
"No, that would need a Bearded Tit."
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:11, Reply)
That's what I'm going to do with my next car
I'm thinking either an estate or a land rover of some sort as they'd be practical for skiing.

Probably wont be getting a new car until at least some time in 2010 though.

:edit: Would love a mini more than anything actually but I fear it'll be even longer before I get one of those. Not too keen on having one as my main car.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:12, Reply)
Gaz will be coming your way shorltly Duckie :)
Ooh what a bunch of lovely helpful people you are :)

I'm going to phone the guy at lunch hopefully a cute girl is the kind of person they are looking for :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:13, Reply)
well
I think I'm off. I need to study.

Damn school. It's been all of a week back and i'm already feeling stressed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:15, Reply)
Is Gaz
a pm?
I'd like Gaz to be a real person, running the length and breadth of the country with suggestive messages and useful PDFs, but I'm almost certain he's a pm.
Did I guess right?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:16, Reply)
heheh
I'd like him to be a real person too! That would be awesome!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:17, Reply)
*pants*
What did I miss? Oh god MORE pdfs? Catch you later guys.....!

*runs*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:18, Reply)
TGB
Is it named after someone?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:20, Reply)
I dunno
but if you go to your inbox the web url ends in Gaz, I dunno if it's called that for any more reason though
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:22, Reply)
As far as I'm aware
(Yes I am TGB now)

It's just called a gaz because it's in the url when you use it. Not sure why it's in the url though...
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:22, Reply)
Haha!
So it does!
I am starting to think these things are actually delivered by Gaz. I bet he's like a whippet.

Well, according to google images, this s3.amazonaws.com/curbly_uploads_production/photos/0000/0001/4584/gaz.jpg
is Gaz. She's got the right boots for it.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:23, Reply)
You're too slow
to be TGB. In your face V
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:23, Reply)
Yeah gaz means PM
No idea why it's called that.

Bye VC!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:23, Reply)
Dammit
Not only do you make me feel like I should wear a dress (more often) but you make me look slow too. Today is a bad day.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:24, Reply)
I'm sorry V
*hugs*
*retouches up your make up for you*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:27, Reply)
Thanks badger
Just noticed that b3ta is linked to on www.theyworkforyou.com Wasn't expecting that...
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:28, Reply)
hey you two
back to the plot. I'm waiting for the Christmas Special where you get it together
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:35, Reply)
That's weird V!
Looks like someone worked on it who coded this place as well, or something.

I now have a direct line of communication to my MP, as my sister works for him! We are becoming a very political family.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:38, Reply)
Sorry Roota
*pulls back from the hug looking deep into V's eyes, moving forward ever so slightly when suddenly a large explosion occurs and we have to run over to check for survivors*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:39, Reply)
*applauds*
opens a bag of Maltesers and settles down.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:40, Reply)
Large explosiion?
That would be my love becasue,

My love explodes all over the world for you, yeah you
My love explodes in diamonds and pearls for you, just you

When the straight plastic bowler men
Grab your soul and pull you down down down
Call my name on your dream telephone
Catch a saucer and I'll be around
Blow 'em out of town
My love explodes

My love explodes like the stars up in space for you, yeah you
My love explodes with the whole human race for you, just you

When the walls are all closing in
And your paradise goes wrong wrong wrong
Spell my name on your pillow tonight
Catch a rainbow and I'll be along
Singing coloured songs
My love explodes

I've got people billions of people
Waiting here for bliss
All it takes to free these people
Is the power of a kiss, my love explodes

My love explodes all over the world for you, yeah you
My love explodes in diamonds and pearls for you, just you
My love explodes
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:43, Reply)
All the survivors are naked
Because their clothes got blown off. They also happen to be drop dead gorgeous so we have a massive gang bang to celebrate their survival.

The end.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:44, Reply)
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
That is all.

EDIT: It's not all, actually. Anyone who says "with all due respect" to me, before being a prick deserves everything that they get.
I need an alibi, quick. A sexy one, if possible.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:44, Reply)
V's availableKaol
Would you like a lucky strike and a shot of whiskey *proffers*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:45, Reply)
Kaol
You were saving the naked survivors of a huge explosion of love with V and Badger. I saw you.

How's that?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:46, Reply)
kaol
Would you like and iced bun?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:46, Reply)
They work for you
If you check the About Us link on the site, it is the same coders as b3ta.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:47, Reply)
I would like
The head of the jumped-up little fucker that I just had a meeting with. On a stake, as a warning to others.

I'll just have to settle with the knowledge that I got away with calling him a prick, in front of his boss. Who then laughed at him.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:50, Reply)
Hello dear.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:52, Reply)
Kaol
Don't stay cross for too long, you're letting him steal your time if you do that.
Be happy you made a tit of him, be confident he won't try it again, and have an iced bun.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:52, Reply)
Hi clendrix and Kaol
When someone says 'with all due respect' it usually means they're going to be a cunt.

Can you arrange an industrial accident with a big choppy machine?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:54, Reply)
Hmm...
That's actually sensible advice, thanks roota!
Sensible advice on b3ta?
*waits for the four horsemen*

*waves at clendrix*

*eats iced bun*

EDIT: No Sam, this was a client, I was at their place.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:55, Reply)
Hi Drixy
Kill him Kaol, and when you're done there I've somebody that needs to be disposed of as well.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:57, Reply)
With all due respect you're a twat
Is one of my favourite responses in that kind of situation Kaol not least because of the irony.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:58, Reply)
With all due respect
can be equated with openers such as 'I'm not racist, but..' and. 'I'm not being funny, but...'

Pure cuntery.

*waves at Kaol*

Hey Sam!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:59, Reply)
it's like
"hate to tell you with all due respect: Take your mother to the doctors 'cos her front bum's wrecked."

Off the top off my head I'd say the four horsemen were Robert Goulet, Robert Mitchum, Bob Hope, and Bob Monkhouse.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 11:59, Reply)
"I'm not racist, but...."
Usually means it's time to walk away or throw the first punch before the sentence is completed!

I nearly got beaten up by a massive black Scouse bloke for being racist once, luckily we managed to explain things though.

Edit: GLC innit roota? :D
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:03, Reply)
What annoys me almost as much as those phrases
Is that I hear them so often that occasionally I find myself using them. Every time I realise what I've said I want to vomit.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:04, Reply)
Not quite as bad as
No offence but...
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:04, Reply)
With all due respect
I can't sleep - so I've come back to watch your goofy antics, you all crack me up!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:05, Reply)
My ex-housemate said...
'I've got nothing against gays - as long as they do it in the privacy of their own rooms.'

'Oh I don't mind if they fuck in the hallway,' I said. 'I can just step over them.'

She was also very racist.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:06, Reply)
with all due respect
you look like a human manatee.
Some funny fella on the telly said that once. I'd love to know who he was.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:06, Reply)
But
Some of my best friends are black, honest!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:07, Reply)
TGB
I reckon I could live with "Without intending to cause offence". Saying "no offence" either results in a contradiction in terms or just saying something stupid like "No offence but your hair looks lovely today".
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:07, Reply)
Drixaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
maybe I and the missus should introduce ourselves to her - she'd love us!

EDIT: hi :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:07, Reply)
VC
Yesterday it was a date, now she's your missus?!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:08, Reply)
Clendrix
I'd fuck you in the hallway
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:08, Reply)
Hey Vampy.
She'd be terrified. She'd be like one of those fat, ugly blokes who says, 'Quick - backs to the walls,' when some gorgeous gay bloke walks past - LIKE HE FUCKING WOULD!
Nobs.

Edit: *heads off to the hallway*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:09, Reply)
I try never to start a sentence with any of those
But at he moment I'm sorely tempted to.

Welcome back Vamp.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:09, Reply)
ahah yeah
she asked me out today. So I guess once you ask someone out - you're off the market.

That's how things are done here.

EDIT: TGB - I wouldn't fuck him in the hallway - I'd fuck him in the good spot :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:10, Reply)
never fails to amuse me
when idiots talk about not wanting homosexuality rammed down their throats.

Doubt anyone would want to!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:10, Reply)
Well...
I've had coffee and a smoke now, so all is slightly better in the World Of Kaol.

Plus it's midday on Wednesday. We're over the hump now.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:11, Reply)
Mmmm....humps.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:11, Reply)
Kaooooooooool
How's my favourite psychopathic comic writer?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:12, Reply)
Quick!
Back to the walls folks. Here comes Clenders with her mauve strap on (PNSFW)!

:edit: Well congratulations VC you had nothing to be nervous about!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:12, Reply)
what does a lesbian take on a second date?
Her furniture.

Well, that's how it was in my day.
*sits by the fire and reminisces*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:12, Reply)
homosexuality
Nothing against it at all.

I've been asked out by blokes, who then went on to be good friends, when I told them I didn't swing that way.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:13, Reply)
*squeezes Clendrix's humps*
I am sooooo tired. I was going to go to bed early last night but I was convinced to watch another episode of Dexter
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:13, Reply)
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha.
Oh V, I love you. Strap on or not, if only my stomach looked like that.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:14, Reply)
Did you tell the guy I'm thinking of
Before or after the incident?*

*this may or may not be complete and utter libel
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:14, Reply)
We have a legendary phrase in my group of mates
That we overheard in my local, some bloke we didn't know was trying to get his mate to come and talk to his uni mate, who happened to be gay.

His mate wasn't too keen on this and replied, in a very loud pissed voice, 'I'M NOT HOMOPHOBIC MATE, I JUST FUCKING HATE QUEERS!'

About half the pub applauded him.

Naturally this phrase is repeated as often as is possible.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:15, Reply)
it's fairly backwards
where I live.
It's the kind of place where if someone thinks you've looked at them funny you get glassed.

Its a little scary.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:15, Reply)
G'afternoon Vampy.
I had a meeting this morning with an absolute knob-end of a man.
But it's done with now. I've just gotta sort out some stuff from it.
And not call him a prick again.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:17, Reply)
V
Before & after!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:18, Reply)
Kinky

(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:19, Reply)
call him a prick if it helps
it's night time here. :D

EDIT: I'm writing the ending to the story I wrote last night and the night before. Yes it starts off with and includes a sex scene.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:22, Reply)
I already did...
He wasn't best pleased :p

Night eh? You and your crazy time difference.
Tonight I shall be doing the comic again.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:24, Reply)
Current Office Discusion
When is it ok to punch someone in the face?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:24, Reply)
Always

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:26, Reply)
mmm gotta love a time distance
and a nice big juicy chunk of orange.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:26, Reply)
Yes.
As long as you do it hard enough that they can't do it back.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:27, Reply)
You give them one warning
Like, 'If you carry on like that I'm going to deck you'

Then it's fair game. It's surprising how many people interpret the warning as a joke, but it's a mistake they will only make once.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:27, Reply)
I want to punch my sister in the face
but I'm not supposed to because she's family blah blah.

Bitterness.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:28, Reply)
Current list includes
When people cough without covering their mouth
When people fan themselves with bit of paper loudly
When people exhale loudly for attention
When people phone you up and have nothing to say
When people get that weird wheeze when they breathe through their nose
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:29, Reply)
The last person I punched in the face
Tried to molest my then girlfriend. He didn't get the warning, but I think that was fair enough.

And as a bonus he is a floppy haired skinny jeaned indie cunt who's in a godawful band, so it was doubly satisfying.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:29, Reply)
Anyone tried those new crisp flavours?
A coworker had a pack of Builders Breakfast flavour and gave me one - very eggy. I said that It's as if the builder had guffed in my mouth, which caused her to lose interest in finishing them.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:33, Reply)
Ah...
Indie cunts...

Was he in "Tractors In The City"?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:33, Reply)
Last person I punched
I punched as a joke - and I nearly broke my hand.
he's built like a fucking rugby player. I'm quite obviously not.

In any case - his chest is rock hard when you punch it.

Go ahead - make a joke. I dare you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:34, Reply)
New Walker's ones?
Haven't seen them.

I've gone off crisps quite a lot since they started with this sunseed oil bullshit, they don't taste nearly as nice!

Why can't fat people just eat less crisps? Don't see why the rest of us should have to suffer.

@ Kaol - pretty much! He is very irritating, I was glad to have a legitimate excuse to hit him. He has one of those faces that is immensely satisfying to hit.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:34, Reply)
Kaol
He's only the bloody bass-player!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:35, Reply)
Hahaha!
I'm so tempted to write an indie song, under that name...

Maybe I should concentrate on my proper music though :\
I'm so easily distracted...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:38, Reply)
I wrote
a very 'teen angst' song the other day. I should have grown out of THAT by now!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:39, Reply)
I haven't punched anyone in years
I'm a pacifist.

However, if provoked, I retaliate using methods from the 'they can't punch you with broken arms' school of thought.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:40, Reply)
why not just call it poetry
and be a real emo then?
Songs are only songs if you have music for them. Most of my songs don't have any music for them at all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:40, Reply)
I've never punched anyone
I kicked a man in the head once.
He deserved it.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:41, Reply)
Hello
*Waves*

Room for an oldie?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:41, Reply)
vc
It had music, which was ok, but I think it needs less poncey words.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:42, Reply)
Hmmm...
Without the music, my songs would be classed as "angry, violent, insane ramblings".
Luckily I don't write poetry :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:43, Reply)
*points at DG*
Quick, run! It's the living dead!

Hang on, come back you guys, it's just some old bloke!

How are things?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:44, Reply)
Good, ta
Although my lunch break is nearly over and so I shall go back to work soon like the good little public sector monkey that I am ;)

I can't wait for the Edinbash. it's been too long since I went to a bash - London trips have long since dried up. A bit like me...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:45, Reply)
Hi DG!
I'm looking forward to the Edinbash too!

It's ages away though.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:47, Reply)
hey DG :)
how's it going?

Kaol - from our convo last night? There's another reason right there. I didn't know you could write songs.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:48, Reply)
I've gone off the Edinbash idea
I might not go.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:48, Reply)
Woo Edinbash!
Hey DG.

First we all have the wonder of my birthday to look forward to though
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:48, Reply)
I now have a nice big pile of food to eat
Liver sausage roll
Hula Hoops
Beefy flavour walkers "max" crisps
coco pops cereal bar
kit kat
grapes
banana

I also just got called an ejit. Haven't heard that one in a while.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:49, Reply)
You may enjoy it Badg
I shall merely have to toast you from afar.

Clenders - why the downer on the Edinbash?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:50, Reply)
Clendrix,
If you don't go to the Edinbash, I'll suck your soul out with a hose pipe and take it along in a jar.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:50, Reply)
The rule is
if you can't make it to my birthday you have to at least get drunk where you are.

Clendrix whose room am I going to sneak into if you're not there!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:51, Reply)
I'm pretty sure I can manage that
Years of practice, don'tchaknow.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:52, Reply)
DG
The trouble is that I've signed myself up to travelling up there with a bunch of freaks.

Oh wait...this is b3ta.

Erm, thanks Kaol.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:53, Reply)
A pleasure as always,
My dear Ms. C.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:54, Reply)
You mean...
you people are all real, and not a figment of my overactive imagination?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:55, Reply)
Er...
Most of us are real.
V's not. That's my other account that I use when I want sympathy for being retarded.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:56, Reply)
I'm as real as anyone wants me to be
And somewhere on Flickr there are pictures to prove it.

Right, back to work for me. Byeeeeeeee!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:56, Reply)
Sort of, roota
We're real, you're a figment of your own imagination.

Edinbash is a bright light on the horizon for me, I hope you do decide to go Clendrix!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:57, Reply)
I'm real
but I'm not roota. I'm your auntie Jackie. You know the one who likes a drink and never married.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:57, Reply)
Clendrix is going
just a matter of if she is travelling conscious or not
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:59, Reply)
Clendrix IS going.
Or she'll be in serious trouble.
I think I'd be too upset to go if she wasn't coming.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:59, Reply)
Could be worse Drixy
I could be travelling with you.

Oh and V, yes I am kinda kinky, didn't you know that?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 12:59, Reply)
Labs
Yes, I'm definitely going. I was just teasing (although if you knew who I'm going with, you might think I was wise to reconsider).

Kaol, how sweet :)
Dok, I'll need to think about that...worse? Hmmm?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:00, Reply)
Kaol
That wasn't very nice of you. Now people are going to think that I'm not real and that I pretend to be a retard to get attention. I don't pretend I really am retarbed.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:00, Reply)
retarbed?
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha

mong
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:01, Reply)
V
Retarbed?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:02, Reply)
For once
The typo was deliberate.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:03, Reply)
ahah
bloody bashes bring you guys together like the germans and the english in the trenches on christmas day in ww2.

EDIT: V - whatever helps you sleep at night :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:03, Reply)
V
Yeh, whatever.
*fondles V*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:04, Reply)
Yes VC
Only with less more fucking.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:05, Reply)
nice to hear
Glad to know you all have a healthy sex life at bashes :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:06, Reply)
Hahaha!
Poor V!

Come on, time to change the sig to "isn't really retarbed"
*laughs*

Right... Lunchtime. Coffee or whisky?
*flips coin*

Bye!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:07, Reply)
Lab and Vamp
In my cate most definately less fucking.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:07, Reply)
Dok
i've never been to one - so I wouldn't know.

I'm just forcing my childish one track mind on all of you.

mmmm sex....I could so go some sex right now actually.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:09, Reply)
Dok
I don't think you can say anything about typos! Shocking, see me after class
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:09, Reply)
Yes Miss Badger
How would you like me?

EDIT Vamp, a one track mind is not childish, it's the sign of a healthy imagination.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:10, Reply)
make sure
you take lots of lube. You know she'll want to punish you hard....

Edit:- Dok - I'm liking you more and more :D I always thought of it that way but no - apparently I'm just mentally unstable according to my best friend :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:10, Reply)
Bring your
rubber gloves!

you're doing the washing up
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:11, Reply)
Afternoon fuckers
I cleaned a pigeon's eye socket today and it was feeeelthy. Granted there was no eye left in there so it had plenty of space to collect crud, but it was a bit vomit inducing all the same.

Off to have some lunch now :)
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:14, Reply)
There's a story about Kaol on www.notalwaysright.com
Scroll down to "Steam Cleaner On Elm Street"
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:14, Reply)
Hi Becky, Yuck.
Badger, doing the washing up is fine but I don't use rubber gloves, do you have nice hand cream?

Vamp, if that was the case then most of the people I know would be classed as mentally unstable, myself included.

With me it's sex in the morning, sex at lunch, sex in the evening and sex when I go to bed. I don't know who with mind you, and it's all in my mind!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:18, Reply)
You bunch of mouldy cumsocks.
Amuse me, I don't have long.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:18, Reply)
Becky
That's gross.

*ponders what a pigeon's eyesocket is the same size as*

Intriguing...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:20, Reply)
Correct Al
You don't have long, I'll soon track you down!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:20, Reply)
Al...
depends.
Do you still have that 20p?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:21, Reply)
Yo Al
You weasel ass raping knobjockey
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:22, Reply)
Hey there TGB
You're a big bucket full of spunk and faeces.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:24, Reply)
I am
and I know you just want to pour me all over yourself you filth loving perv
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:26, Reply)
The Standard 30 seconds then Al?
;-)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:28, Reply)
Hey Al
You baby-buggering goat-fellater.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:30, Reply)
I would give more than 20p and a bag of jelly tots
to be covered in a grammar badger.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:32, Reply)
I know I'm just a cheap slag.
But I like Jelly Tots, so, like, whatever.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:35, Reply)
If I give you two bags
will you join in with me and TGB?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:44, Reply)
Can I eat the
jellytots off Clendrix?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:44, Reply)
Absolutely!
This is a nice way to spend an afternoon.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:48, Reply)
My mum owns a sweet shop, so I can get sweets at wholesale
Does this mean I can purchase sexual favours off b3tans?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:48, Reply)
Yes

(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:49, Reply)
Oh hell Sam
Most definately.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:54, Reply)
yup yup
Different sweets will get different favours ;)
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:57, Reply)
Not me Sam
I am immune to your sweet-based wiles.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 13:59, Reply)
Ace!
I'll order a few jars in then...

Any preferences?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:00, Reply)
Big ones

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:03, Reply)
ooh pineapple cubes!
And anything chocolately. But no coconut. Or liqurice. Or aniceed
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:06, Reply)
Good
I hate aniseed as well, Sambuca, absinthe, any of that shit. Absolutely vile.

Pineapple cubes are great! And flying saucers.

(not that I eat them, of course)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:08, Reply)
Cola Cubes
And flying saucers.
Fuckin' awesome.

Clendrix... You about tomorrow? Gaz me!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:10, Reply)
I think you'll find Kaol
that it's Kola Kubes :P
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:11, Reply)
@Kaol
Jawohl.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:12, Reply)
Sam
Flying saucers FTW.

EDIT Drixy, you turning all German on us?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:12, Reply)
You shut your mouth, boy.
We spell things proper-like in Enger-land.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:13, Reply)
Mmmmm
Flying saucers...
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:16, Reply)
Yeah right
You can't even spell kale!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:16, Reply)
Dok
No - what a grim idea.
Just responding to Kaol in an appropriate manner.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:17, Reply)
Hmmm...
Hey, everyone look at V! He's retarbed!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:17, Reply)
Haha
Do you reckon the word means something else, or the authors were retarbed as well?

adsabs.harvard.edu/abs/1970SciEd..55..155B

It's hosted on the Harvard website ffs!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:19, Reply)
That's fucking brilliant Sam
I smell an error there though. The publication time is the unix time epoch. Not that it explains the retarbed though.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:22, Reply)
hehehe
I've been reading howitworks.com for ages. Been reading up on my wrestling and now reading about Monsters Inc.!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:24, Reply)
Drixy
Thanks the gods for that. Anyway it's two seperate words.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:25, Reply)
Raaaaaaargh!
The fucking IT department is full of fucking mongs.

Cuntflaps.

*is cross*

Afternoon everyone, it's been a while. How are things?


EDIT - Aw shit, I seemed to have saved Dok Minge from the hat. But it looks so good on him!

*considers deleting post and returning to lurkage*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:31, Reply)
You mean jawohl Dok?
It's one word, albeit a compound one. Ze Germans love their compound words.

Hi wookiee! You should come and work here, our IT department is amazing.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:33, Reply)
An angry wookie
Unusual... *takes pictures and documents*

Sam can there be sweets on the badge? How's that coming along?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:34, Reply)
Yes, there shall be sweets. Good idea!
It's still suffering from my lack of skills in that department...

I shall try and complete it this afternoon though!

Edit: and double E in wookiee badger! :P
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:36, Reply)
Oooh look, five consecutive posts by people called Sam.
We are spoiling the internets!

EDIT - Sam, wouldn't working with you involve going near Wales?

*fears*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:38, Reply)
Lies
Sosia isn't called Sam!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:38, Reply)
Are you called Sam as well, wookiee?
Brilliant! I am making a b3ta badge for the 'Sams are awesome' club, I will let you have it for your profile.

Providing you're not one of these impostor Sams that are trying to sneak their way in. I'm sure we can find someone to vouch for you though.

Edit: actually INTO Wales, wookiee. Deepest darkest Wales. We don't bite though.

What am I called then V? And you posted in a Sam-only area, I'll have to ask you to delete your post.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:39, Reply)
We really are
And your double post excited even me
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:40, Reply)
The IT Team here
Are the greatest.

Like Ali, and Double Deckers.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:41, Reply)
Hah!
Not only am I a genuine Sam, but I have consulted profiles and I appear to be the original one too!

Just.

I only have 7 days on you.

EDIT - Badger, I appear to have mong-finger in my mouse-clicking hand.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:42, Reply)
Ey up 'Red
Is your amazing IT department aware of this indispensable tool?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:42, Reply)
Don't be like that with me Fred
You're not really a Sam.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:43, Reply)
7 days
or 4 years, depending which way you look at it!

It upsets me that I couldn't just be called Sam, it was taken already.

Edit: shut up Horace, you know nobody calls me by my middle name.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:43, Reply)
Wookiee
Your mong finger is actually mong brain, you retard.

Jawohl - one word. Favourite German word.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:47, Reply)
SoS
Of Course they are, we they have now read your postings.

Prior to that is a different matter.

*bookmarked*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:47, Reply)
Oh dear, I am scared of Wales.
I shall just have to stay in London where all the fun things are instead.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:47, Reply)
Wookiee
The "other other" Sam beats you by several months. Sucks to be you!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:48, Reply)
Who's the other other Sam?
Or is that a secret?

I hope all the Sams are coming to my bash!

clendrix - late, I pointed that out about 10 posts ago... *rolls eyes*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:51, Reply)
Hi again to all the Sams
I'm glad I'm not one of you though.

My office is populated by Johns.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:51, Reply)
Shit it, you're right.
I shall have to resign myself to a life as Deputy Sam, his comedy buffoon sidekick.

I imagine this will come as a blow to the charming Clendrix, as up until now I have been playing comedy buffoon sidekick to her.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:51, Reply)
That's because you're the toilet cleaner, Dok.
Wookiee! Noooooo!
I'll miss you terribly.
*cries*

Sam, I know, but I like to fight my own battles ;)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:52, Reply)
Damn
My secret is out.

Now I must retire in shame.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:54, Reply)
I'll still be around Clenders,
I'll just be getting my bullying from someone else.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:55, Reply)
But wait...
does that mean I have to be nice to you?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:55, Reply)
*appears*
Clendrix does this mean there is a sam shaped opening to be your deputy? *puts up hand* oooh oooh pick me pick me!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:56, Reply)
Um.
You'll have to take that up with Senior Sam, ma'am.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:56, Reply)
I'm more senior than you TGB
Join the queue behind me!

Edit: Actually I don't want to be anyone's deputy, so you can have the position. I'll recruit my own deputy.

Edit 2: Hahaha, I just convinced a mong that I have a touchscreen, by stabbing it with my finger whilst using the mouse on my knee under the desk. I said if they want one they have to get authorisation from the boss, so they've gone off to ask...!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:57, Reply)
Battle of the Sams!
That I appear to have lost. *cries*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 14:59, Reply)
Right, I appoint myself Commander of All Sams
on account of the fact I have been here for fucking ages.

Wookiee, you're a mong.
Sam, you're at my disposal. Await instruction.
Badger, get over here.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:00, Reply)
Nooooes!
We must not stand for this fascist oppression!

I propose a Hollywood-style revolt. "I'm Sam", "No, I'm Sam" and so on.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:02, Reply)
I will not be ruled by a non Sam!
We must fight this oppression.

Sams of b3ta and the world unite!

Edit: we posted almost exactly the same thing wookiee, must be a Sam thing!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:03, Reply)
Be quiet, ffs.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:03, Reply)
Fine.
I'll be King Of The Sams.
Get me my damn cloak, minions.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:04, Reply)
Quick
Stop them or they'll take over. I don't want to be ruled by a Sam.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:05, Reply)
Another impostor Sam!
(the new term for these shall be Sampostors)

Fight to the death!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:06, Reply)
WAIT!
They're all lovely. What's the problem?

And Kaol, you've only been here five fucking minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:06, Reply)
Oh hush, Stabby.
You ain't the boss of me!

Didn't mean it sir, sorry sir, here's your cloak sir.

Pffft cloak, are you some kind of goth now?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:06, Reply)
Kaol's no Goth.
He's pure Emo.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:07, Reply)
Haha,
I'd be a rubbish goth.
I smile too much.

Clendrix, I might have only been here five minutes, but I can make five minutes feel like a lifetime.

EDIT: Goddammit! I'm not an emo!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:08, Reply)
Hmmm
I have a sudden urge to remove the tread from my punctured, no ruptured, tyre and beat somebody to death with it.

Any volunteers?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:09, Reply)
That's no excuse for premature ejaculation, Kaol

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:09, Reply)
Sorry I popped out for a smoke
Clendrix can rule me if she likes :D
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:09, Reply)
Five minutes will be the remainder of your lifetime if you carry on like that
You Emo Accountant highly nutritious vegetable with powerful antioxidant properties
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:10, Reply)
I beg to differ.
It's a race, and I always win.

EDIT: Sam, it's actually from this: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaolin
Kinda.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:11, Reply)
I know
:(
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:11, Reply)
Do you keep changing your icon clendrix?
It's confusing me!

I want an icon but I will have to wait until I get paid.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:11, Reply)
Sam
Yes, I think I changed it by accident earlier so now I've changed it on purpose.
/girl logic
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:13, Reply)
Right while you lot are bickering
I'm declaring myself Emperor of the World.

Fear my island paradise!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:13, Reply)
Then as the only Sam with an Icon
I WIN!!! in your face cheapskate sams! hahahahah
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:14, Reply)
I'm no cheapskate!
I'm just skint...

I've been signed up for ages but not posting regularly for that long. I've been feeling the need to buy an icon recently though, seems fair.

Edit: after the porcelain thing or the band Kaol? (never heard of the band but it says there is one)

I'm rubbish at thinking up names so I just use the one my parents thought up already.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:16, Reply)
"skint" is the
poor man's excuse for being cheap.

*may be a lie
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:20, Reply)
I don't have an icon
Because my posts are of such a high quality that b3ta should actually be paying me.

EDIT: Kinda after the clay-thing. I'll tell you the story in the pub :D
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:20, Reply)
I shall
Be a benevolent dictator.

My first decree shall be holidays for all, and a complete evacuation of the Southern US states, so that we can all live in the warm.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:21, Reply)
It's the credit crunch!
(in fact I've been skint for ever, it's nothing to do with that. I have a spectacular inability to live within my means)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:21, Reply)
SoS
*sigh* I know what you mean, it is teh curse of the IT guy. Gadgets and women cost money.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:24, Reply)
And don't forget
the large amounts of any mind-altering substances of your choice needed to numb the pain of working in IT.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:25, Reply)
Women don't cost money.
Unless you're talking about prostitutes.
But that's kinda like putting a pound into the mechanism of a shopping trolley.

You can use it, take it home, then get your cash back with a hammer.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:26, Reply)
Kaol
I luff you.

*goes to reclaim his pounds*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:27, Reply)
Kaol
All women cost money, you have to buy them gifts, and flowers and stuff.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:28, Reply)
Nah,
You really don't Dok.
You can draw 'em pictures and make mix-CDs.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:29, Reply)
That
Only worked when I was 7.

My the world has changed!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:30, Reply)
I'm cheap
The only things my ex-boyfriend bought me were two packets of noodles (just 'cos), a handbag (for my birthday), and a pint (for Valentine's Day).
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:30, Reply)
Dok
Are they the seven year olds now?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:31, Reply)
You should keep
Dating seven-year-olds.
Hahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:31, Reply)
Nope
They've all grown up now. In fact one of them was giving me hell last night for forgetting her 40th birthday.

Oh Roota, you're my kinda girl.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:32, Reply)
Dok
You were making mix tapes for somebody that wasn't even born yet when you were 7?!

My how my understanding of old romantic has been changed!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:35, Reply)
See,
I'd rather do interesting stuff than buy pointless things.

Like... However much the hell roses cost on Valentine's Day... *wild guess*... Twenty quid?
That's twenty quid that you could spend on something else, like... Alcohol.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:35, Reply)
I've never bought flowers for anyone
Or even a card. Waste of bloody money.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:37, Reply)
Twenty quid!
Ha!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:37, Reply)
V Day
Yes, it's MY day. Fuck restaurants, flowers or any of that shit. A non-fancy card with a nice message, good meal cooked together followed by the consumption of a couple of bottles of wine while watching a film before having an "early night" is my idea of a good V day.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:38, Reply)
V
Come over here a minute while I beat you with this rubber mallet!

She's the same age as me you silly boy!

Didn't do mix tapes though.

Kaol, it would be a cold day in hell whn I bought a girl roses for valentines day, I'd much rather spend the money on other gifts.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:39, Reply)
someone bought me roses
and I dumped him.
I feel bad about it to this day, but it felt right at the time : (
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:39, Reply)
Hmmm...
What're you up to on Saturday, V?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:40, Reply)
Roota
Nice one.

Nobody has ever bought me flowers. :(
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:40, Reply)
*grins at Leminge*
Kaol I'm getting new tyres and doing some other jobby things in the day and watching movies with a friend in the evening.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)
For Valentine's Day
I would like this.

Because it looks like the most fucking amazing thing ever.

There's only one in existence so you might have to rob it, or club together to raise the money, but that's cool.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)
I'd like to think I'd just say thanks nowadays
but then, it put the fear of god into me, and he HAD to be sent packing.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)
SoS
Thats fugly.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:44, Reply)
I've got a hot breakfast date
With a lovely lady.

Then some kind of London-based-ness. Then getting drinks with my friend "Little Kaol"*.

*Not Kaol. My real name.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:46, Reply)
little Kaol
Isn't that...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:49, Reply)
Lucky I read the end of that
Because I'd be wondering why you were going out drinking with my Hedgehog.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:49, Reply)
You're not wanking in my house, Kaol.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:52, Reply)
Oh...
*frowns*

That wasn't the deal :(
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:54, Reply)
Oh really?
How did you see it panning out then?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:55, Reply)
Er...
More wanking, less complaining.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:57, Reply)
haha
you've got to admire his pluck!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)
Kaol
Is like that all the time really.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:01, Reply)
*reads*
I don't do cards either, except for when my dad guilt trips me into getting ones for my grandad because "he's old and lonely and likes cards"
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:02, Reply)
If Clendrix was in the mood to admire his pluck,
surely she wouldn't be objecting to the wanking?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:03, Reply)
Kaol
Very interesting.

We'll discuss this attitude tomorrow when I see you.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:03, Reply)
wgw
that is true.
He's one plucky plucker though.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:05, Reply)
It's been said...
*winks at clendrix*

I'll bring the smokes if you bring the fire :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:07, Reply)
DON'T DO THAT AT ME!
Oh...winks. Right.

Well, you're still in trouble.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:13, Reply)
*points and laughs*
Threadkiller!

Hmm... I should actually carry on with this work, fuckin' busy this afternoon.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:24, Reply)
go on Kaol
ruin it why don't you. i was having a good ol' perve there. You're like Gold Blend with filth
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:27, Reply)
*sips coffee*
Yeah, it's been said.
Dark as the night, and twice as bitter.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:30, Reply)
Roota
Kaol is actually 47 years old and 21 stone, with a hump, a lisp and a penchant for soap-dodging. It's all too grim to consider.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:31, Reply)
And a hammer.
Don't ever forget the hammer.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:33, Reply)
Oh yes.
Thankfully he's too fat to wield it effectively.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:37, Reply)
Clendrix
you poor thing.
And now I have a horrible image in my mind. Please cleanse it!

Good work kaol!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:38, Reply)
Imagine Clendrix's boobs
They make everything better
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:40, Reply)
*laughs*
I kinda wish that was all true, I'd love to see the expression of people who hadn't met me before when they got introduced at bashes...

On the other hand, I never seem to be what people are expecting... PJM famously said "I thought you'd be smaller... And angrier."
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:40, Reply)
He was thinking of me.
*seethes*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:41, Reply)
My boobs do seem to be rather popular.
I just let them do whatever they want. They seem to enjoy it.

Wookiee, you're small and cute. Deal with it.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:41, Reply)
And have very lovely hair Wookiee
*strokes*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:43, Reply)
Wow
that works. they do make everything better!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:43, Reply)
Awh Wookie...
Seeing you get angry would be like watching a flid trying to open a jar of pickled beetroot.
Ultimately pointless, yet amusing.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:44, Reply)
Hilariously
when I first met Kaol, he said he'd be in a Radiohead t-shirt. Imagine my horror when, whilst waiting for him, a mong came out of the tube station in a Radiohead t-shirt. Ha! How funny.



But I went and had lunch with him anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:44, Reply)
To make it clear,
I was not that mong.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:47, Reply)
Hello again
I went home early.

I feel really tired.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:49, Reply)
Incorrect use of italics, Kaol.
He was not that mong.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:49, Reply)
Oh, sod you!
You met me, and you loved it.
Stop moaning!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:50, Reply)
I'm not moaning!
I met you. I loved it.
And I haven't stop laughing since.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:52, Reply)
That's because of the implant.
I'll turn it down next time I see you, sorry.
*packs screwdriver*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:53, Reply)
Right you retarbs
I'm going to attempt to drive more than half of the way home with fully inflated tyres. Wish me luck!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:55, Reply)
I'm off to do some work
shock horror!
T'rah
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:56, Reply)
I think it's your lovely face.
*giggles like a mong*

Bye V, you sexy little bastard.
Bye Roots! *waves*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:57, Reply)
Bye guys....
clendrix I keep thinking you're Enzyme with that picture!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 17:02, Reply)
Oh that I had the brain.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 17:02, Reply)
I could get you it...
Give me a train ticket, a hacksaw and a trowel.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 17:03, Reply)
Oh how lovely!
*clears large space on mantelpiece*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 17:08, Reply)
POST WHORE
www.b3ta.com/questions/pubs/post366027

That is all
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 17:10, Reply)

« Go Back | Reply To This »

Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1