Prompted By Mrs.Liveinabin
What is the stupidest childs name you've come across (obviously teachers have a head start so only get half points).

My favourites so far are Maisie Tansytots and Heidi Boo (twin sisters at a friends nursery).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:16, 35 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

When my daughter was born in 1997
in a bed across the hallway in the maternity ward was a child named Pocahontas McGurk.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:18, Reply)

I was walking down a street in King Lynn
Two chavs pushing proto-chav along in a pushchair. Proto-chav is screaming because he has no sweeties, when daddy decides to do his monthly bit of parenting as declared by the courts and shouts at the child "Shuddup Storm! You aint gettin no more chocolate"
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:20, Reply)

Destined to be a Gladiator, that one.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:36, Reply)

Or
An X-Man
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:07, Reply)

or
bullied.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:08, Reply)

My friend was walking down the corridor in a school recently
and heard a delightful woman scream,
"Jamiroquai! Ger back 'ere naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw."
( thealternativefact, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:22, Reply)

No...
Is this honestly true?
I'm having trouble believing it!
( Cawl, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:26, Reply)

I promise.
She is a very reliable lass.
( thealternativefact, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:47, Reply)

Well,
In that case, you win this thread.
( Cawl, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:49, Reply)

A girlfriend I had in school...
...who went to a different school told me that she had a female classmate named Gaye, but that wasn't as bad as her younger brother, who'd been named Laverne. What the fuck were those poor kids' parents thinking? They had a last name, I assume but with first names like that it ceases to matter - you're still doomed for the entirety of your school life.

More recently, I was on a train home from some remote-site work and was across the aisle from an obvious lady-wot-lunches and her three kids who were named Paris, Ferris and Lucius. I remember thinking 'Fuck, but I hope your folks always have enough money to never have to send you to a state school, otherwise you're dead.'

EDIT: It's true - these days, when it comes to stupid names for thier kids, posh people have nothing on chavs.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:23, Reply)

Nowt wrong with Ferris
so long as he's kept away from the other siblings
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:30, Reply)

Heheheh
:D
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:33, Reply)

A friend of mine
Told me recently about a girl at her son's nursery.

Her name is Iona.

Iona Caravan.

And sadly, I'm not joking.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:25, Reply)

Iona's
a lovely island and a shitey name for a kid.

My son is named Lewis (after the Hebridean island); my nephew is named Harris (also after the Hebridean island)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Sweet
I'm still not certain if I like the name Iona, but Lewis and Harris are cracking names!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:34, Reply)

If you have twins
will you call them North and South Uist? :)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:39, Reply)

Overheard in Runcorn Shopping City
About 15 years ago (pre-chav?), I walked past some track-suited, greasy-haired teen, trying to stuff a Gregg's Dummy in her daughter's mouth. Said daughter wasn't having any of it, so the vision of motherhood shouts "Tequila Chelsea, eat yer sausage roll!".
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:26, Reply)

Ah, Runcorn.
Chav capital of the north west.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Just found a new one
I'm just about to send a parcel out to a Halver Koch.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:38, Reply)

As heard on Fargate in Sheffield
"REVLOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! COME BACK HERE!!"
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:41, Reply)

No shit
There was a kid in our village called Forest.

And then the Tom Hanks film came out just as he was starting school.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:45, Reply)

Hahaha!
That's just bad luck!
I like it :D
( Cawl, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:49, Reply)

child of a friend of a friend (kind of)
named Levi

after the jeans
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:54, Reply)

An old teacher associate of mine...
...tells tale of a girl in her class who pronounced her name as 'Why-vonny' (please excuse the poor phonetics). When asked how to spell it, it transpired that her name was, in fact, Yvonne. Her mother had given her the name only ever having seen it written down.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:09, Reply)

A friend of mine
who used to live in North End (one of the horrid chav infested areas of Portsmouth) Was walking to work when the overheard a mother call out "Levi! Jean! Get your arses here!"
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Carrying on the jeans theme...
I went to school with sisters Blue and Denim.
Why would you do that?!
(meowmix is a voodoo child, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:34, Reply)

I'm having a chuckle
imagining Maisie Tansytots standing as an MP in 30 years time.

Those names are fine up until around 8, after which they're a millstone around the childs' neck.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Ah, the memories...
Had forgotten about this one until now...
When I worked as a postie, there was a chinese restaurant called Hing Ho's. Obviously this attracted the joke letters to "Fuk Hing Ho". At least I thought they were a joke. Until she came in to collect a package when i was working on the desk. I kept a straight face right up to the point where she left, then went and got a drink to calm down.

The other one was a perfectly normal(ish) name, Mr Boniface, written in the bad handwriting of all postman which made it look like Mr Bumface.

I also had a classmate in secondary school who's middle name was Theseus, and someone at my sister's school was called Iona Hawe (rhymes with jaw)(I've heard this from enough independent people to actually believe it).

EDIT: oh, also, a classmate in college called George Lucas.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Nokia.
Say no more.
(TheColonel, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:48, Reply)

Great Finnish.

(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:52, Reply)

My mum works in community paediatrics, so she hears quite a few.
The best one I can remember was quite a chavvy woman who already had about 8 kids. Brought in her youngeset - about 2 - called Horatio Christiano.

The doctor called him Horatio, and got a telling off from the mother.
'No, his name is Horatio Christiano. Not Horatio'

Poor kid.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:48, Reply)

I was once introduced to someone's freshly popped baby
who had recently been named Drew Peacock.
I like to think I was "teh fiirst!!!1!1" in a very long line to laugh openly at them, before trying to change the subject.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 11:04, Reply)

Chap at my school...
Leon Feltis.

Whatever first name he had he was still screwed.

We also had a Barry Humm (bloody nice bloke actually) and the mythical Wayne King.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 11:54, Reply)

My mother once taught a boy whose mother called him Seen
but still spelt it Sean.
So it was nice and confusing for the poor boy when everyone called him Shaun.

One of my friends has the best name EVER, but as you might expect it's fairly obvious who she is. I'll just say it sounds like an amazing confectionery, and her sister sounds like a brand of paint.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:14, Reply)

Wispa and Dulux?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:28, Reply)