Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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HmI went for a walk last night at about 2am - I couldn't sleep.
Upon leaving my house and walking to the corner I was confronted by a 55 year old man standing in his garden dressed in a waist length mackintosh, a pair of black leather shoes and a pair of lightly striped blue y-fronts. He was holding a hacksaw and a branch. He nodded hello to me.
Anyone else been confronted with inappropriately dressed neighbours recently? Or do I just live in an area full of weirdos?
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:34, 161 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
There are only two explanations for this (well three I guess)1) You live in an area full of weirdos
2) You live in an area full of b3tans
3) You live in an area full of weirdos, b3tans and weirdo b3tans.
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Captain V, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:42,
Reply)
A secretB3tan community? Sort of like C.H.U.D., but with kittens?
The world needs to be told.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)
Ahbut have you considered the inherent sinisterness of being captured by mutant cannibals, only to ALSO have then stroke kittens like Blofeld?
I mean, on the one hand you'd be aware that they were mutants and cannibals, whilst on the other the presence of kittens would make you think there was a spark of humanity left in them. The internal contradictions this'd bring up in the victims mind would really fuck them up before they got et
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)
was the branch near a window?Maybe it was keeping him awake and he just HAD to get up and hack it off.
There's a 6ft guy who jives up and down our street wearing hotpants and holding a ghetto blaster playing really loud Kylie, or really loud disco, or really loud soul. Or anything. Really loud. He's lovely though.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:42,
Reply)
Well, I'd have put some kecks onbut maybe for this guy it was just too urgent. Maybe he leapt out of bed, threw on his cropped mackintosh, and just went for it.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:48,
Reply)
I wish I could wander around the streets at 2am in the morning without fear : (But then again I have seen how big you are.
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girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:06,
Reply)
blimeyyour area must be rough if you don't dare go out in the afternoon...
[EDIT] you edited it - curse your nimble fingers
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I_Was_Mordred, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:06,
Reply)
Wellmost of the people where I live vote liberal democrat... I can't imagine there are too many liberal democratic muggers
EDIT: True I am tall. Taller than Kaol... mwahahahhaha
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:07, Reply)
This is true.And together we have formed The League Of Gigantic B3tans.
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Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:11,
Reply)
Our manifesto consists of1) Form League.
2) Take over world.
3) ????
4) Profit.
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Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:13,
Reply)
I wouldlike to state now, that whilst I am happy to be a member of The League of Gigantic B3tans, there is no way I'm wearing my pants on the outside of my trousers, like some sort of low rent Superman.
What's the minimum height for this league?
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)
aw shit, niggaz!I'm a measly 6'2".
Maybe I could, y'know, make the tea or like, fetch things for you guys?
Kind of like a Prospect Hell's Angel?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:26,
Reply)
I'm vampiricbut small.
Will that do? I walk around at all hours of the morning singing and eating onion bhajis.
EDIT: and draining the lifeblood from innocent people.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:18,
Reply)
I've no ideaI'm just winding Kaol up because he refuses to admit to being a vampire even though everybody already knows.
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Captain V, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:19,
Reply)
why would he deny it?Being a vampire is ace.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:20,
Reply)
Twilight.Anne Rice was bad enough, but Twilight was the final straw.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:29, Reply)
I have a soft spotfor Twilight.
Teen frustration and vampires. I likes.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:32,
Reply)
I'm 5' 10" so can I join your league?That's fairly tall for a lady.
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girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:15,
Reply)
That's not fair.I'm big as well as tall and that should count for something.
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girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:17,
Reply)
Let her joinPair of my shoes and she'll be 6ft.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:18,
Reply)
I can't even walk in heels let alone do anything heroic.(
girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:20,
Reply)
ssshyou can borrow my New Rock boots, or my platform trainers, aka the "I Can See at Gigs Shoes".
They're not heels and are really easy to walk in.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:22,
Reply)
Nope.We've got limits for a reason.
Nobody's gonna be intimidated by a 5'10 person.
Plus she'll look like a midget around us.
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Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:21,
Reply)
If BGB looks like a midget around youWhat the fuck do I look like? :(
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Captain V, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:22,
Reply)
WoohooCan I join? *hands bra in as proof*
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:25,
Reply)
You don't need to prove it hon.I can tell just by looking : )
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girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:26,
Reply)
hahahThat's a valid point
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:28,
Reply)
Me too?I'm DD, but I've only got a 32" back...
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:26,
Reply)
Well you have fuck off and die boots so you can join.Besides I reckon the cup size is the important bit : )
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girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:28,
Reply)
We could united the Leagues.The League of Gigantic 36DD B3tans...
The world would quail before our height and boobage...
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:27, Reply)
Can I help judge who is and isn't allowed to join?For completely altruistic reasons of course.
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Captain V, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:31,
Reply)
haha yes!The League of What the Fuck Have You Been Eating, You Smelly-Arsed Bastard?
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:41,
Reply)
If that's a direct question,The answer is ""Legendarny Smak Paluszki".
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Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:42,
Reply)
so long as you're not smokingremember: "Smekesana nogalina"
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:48,
Reply)
Totally unrelatedbut this made me giggle:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7HZf7k2gTo
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:41, Reply)
my boobs are like a shield of steel!So hop it!
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:52,
Reply)
I survived an incident with a blow-torch when I was nineIt burnt a hole in my trousers then ran off screaming like a girl.
I, on the other hand, merely went deaf for five minutes, screamed once, then grew my skin back within months. *HARD*
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:55,
Reply)
Where'd INTERNETLAWYERMAN when you need him?This is terrible plagiarism.
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Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:51,
Reply)
Anangry gigantic farting topless woman is always needed though...
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:52, Reply)
I just had to googleCDC demolition *sniggers*
*insert image of giant cocks knocking down building here*
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:52,
Reply)
V saidyours wasn't giant by a long way
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:56,
Reply)
Zapiola!I'm getting neck strain so I've moved here.
I want to say "Homage? You're all drunk! It's disgusting!"
What film?
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:01,
Reply)
HmBear in mind that for the last few days I've been sitting at my desk revising and working through the American Pie films (yes all of them, and no, alcohol didn't make them any better) and through Rambo...
...so I have to admit you've got me on that film quote...
EDIT: Dammit - its monty python isnt it... can't remember if its the holy grail or the life of brian
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:03, Reply)
'Yous'don't even know what it is. It could be a caramel keg. With fluff on.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:08,
Reply)
Thatwould split the League... and allow the shorts to stage an uprising.
We could just go and buy some Brighton Rock instead?
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:08, Reply)
When I went to Edinburgh withCaptain V, he bought a bucket of candyfloss from a service station.
It was horrible.
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Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:13,
Reply)
I would submitthat a bucket of anything bought from a service station is unlikely to be nice...
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:15, Reply)
Sugar MiceA friend of mine when to the local fish and chip shop the other day and got them to deep fry some cadburies creme eggs. That cannot be healthy...
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:13, Reply)
they arethey're fucking vile.
Deep fried, however, they are a lot nicer than vile.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:18,
Reply)
nice things come in small parcelsand many big potatoes are rotten in the middle.
Grandma taught me that.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:07,
Reply)
Zen-Grandmothersare awesome.
Mine on the other hand gets drunk and abuses the methodist priest who lives opposite her.
She makes me proud.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:12, Reply)
My dead-hard nanahas just died. She could knock men out with one punch. She was like Bender from Futurama. I wish I was like her. Maybe one day I could be... *stares into space and orders a Guinness*
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:14,
Reply)
Awww sorry to hear that...I can't wait to be old... you get to be crazy and no one can stop you.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:16, Reply)
to be fairno-one stopped her when she was younger either.
She was nails.
I'm practising...
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:19,
Reply)
Exactly!You have to have girder bras to be an iron lady
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:21,
Reply)
I've never read itbut I remember reading the first one, the Iron Man, when I was a kid.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:25, Reply)
The Iron man was aceThat one looks preposterous
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:26,
Reply)
completely fucking mental bat-shit crazy lemur whippet ferret sloe lorisgnu
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:28,
Reply)
Did you two create this spurious Wikipedia entry?it's making my gnu look normal...
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:34,
Reply)
I havemany powers... but power over wikipedia is unfortunately as yet not one of them
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:35, Reply)
I can touch men's hair at gigs without them noticingthat's a power
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:40,
Reply)
Yesthat is a power. A potentially creepy one, but a power nonetheless
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:43, Reply)
I can keep a seat either side of me free in the TubeBy looking and acting mental.
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Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:45,
Reply)
Ahh-suum!I get mormons into trouble with their elders on buses, simply by eating an apple and singing along to Fleetwood Mac.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:47,
Reply)
Do youspecifically search out mormons on buses? Are they easy to spot?
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:48, Reply)
They have a badgewith their name, their 'rank' and 'Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints' under that.
Is that mormons? Ish?
And I don't seek them out. They're just handed to me on a plate. On a bus.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:51,
Reply)
I onlyknow one mormon, and he stopped being a mormon when he discovered alcohol, sex, and drugs, in that approximate order.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:53, Reply)
you don'tknow Donnie Osmond. So stop lying.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 15:55,
Reply)
*hides behind armchair*Put the fookin chair down, you giant bastard!!
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:05,
Reply)
I just knocked you outwhen you put the chair down.
Remember the lion with the thorn in his paw...
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:09,
Reply)
noin my version, the lion got better and ate someone...
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:34,
Reply)
Pah! see your *meep-meep*and raise you *deep-deep (down, so rest upon ma chest)*
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:51,
Reply)
you're projecting aren't you.I'm East-17 and you're Roadrunner.
I will scale you and poke you in both eyes, Ming-Kong.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:01,
Reply)
I remember East-17They don't scare me.
Roadrunner is too fast to catch. Too fast by far.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:02, Reply)
It's not all about speed.There's also stealth.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:05,
Reply)
ErmmmBrian Harvey can drive a car and run over himself.
AT THE SAME TIME.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:08,
Reply)
Envy doesn't suit youyou're *fuming* because you can't do that.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:10,
Reply)
Mainlybecause I can't drive... but even if I could, I don't think I would want to run myself over. It may hurt.
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:14, Reply)
Like you, and Wesley Willis (RIP),I cannot drive. But if I could, I would certainly be able to run over my own foot.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:15,
Reply)
Ahnow a foot is different to a whole body running over.
Brian Harvey would probably go for the whole thing
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:16, Reply)
Rock it to RussiaI kick a snow-leopard's 'ass' and you know it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDCP3XVWegA&feature=related
Sorry. I've moved onto Wesley Willis from Brian Harvey. And after Wesley (RIP) it will be Turkmenbashi (RIP).
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:20,
Reply)
I laminated pictures of him and wrote him a poemand then he died.
The same happened with Wesley.
I enquired about the whereabouts of Big Country. That night their lead singer did himself in.
I had a Phil Spector night. Two weeks later he blew someone's face off.
I'm bad for your career.
EDIT: Two years ago I emailed Slimfast and asked how Barry Bethel was getting on. He's just been done for being a paedo or something.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:24,
Reply)
HmI am noticing a theme here...
Can I suggest that you follow Celine Dion?
(, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:27, Reply)
I think I have to be a little fond of the personAnd she makes me ill.
She's a deviant and her husband is a predator. He groomed her. I saw her life story on Hallmark at my parents' house. (NOT my house. I do not have Hallmark.) They knew the score. They were insinuating it too...
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 17:30,
Reply)
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