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( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Explain to me how I should cunt it in the fuck, my friends.

( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:27, 218 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My router keeps giving me the Red Light of Death and disconnecting my internets :(
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, Reply)

I'm imagining name badges with "hello, my name is **** and I am your till monkey for today in the xxxx branch of McDonalds" stamped on them.
Do I win five pounds?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:36, Reply)

epically...
but i can tell you in a simple gaz if you wish
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:39, Reply)

but i really couldn't tell whether you was being a berk on purpose
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:49, Reply)

I just like pandering to the general (and possibly self-promoted) good natured ribbing that I'm an aging git who's completely out of touch with technology and the ways of the modern world.
It's so completely not true in reality; I has a VCR, Sony Walkman and everything!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:01, Reply)

We use two old bean cans tied together with string.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:07, Reply)

but I take a picture of them with my iPhone's digital camera and use an iPhone app to convert the spiralled soundwave into music.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:06, Reply)

then you just have to sit and wait
and play with your penis
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:44, Reply)

its hot, and sticky and gross here today. and work was about 10 degree's hotter. :P
bleugh. i feel damp
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, Reply)

Even more so today when Stalker Girl dared to venture in and, out of a whole office of people to ask, picked me. *is stabby*
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:34, Reply)

She's a total psycho I went to uni with who threatened to kill herself every time I wanted to have friends other than her... and I walked into work on my first day to find her working on the phones. We've avoided talking to one another ever since, until today. Fortunately, I was able to be a bit Computer Says No to her!
www.b3ta.com/questions/stalked/post117874/
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:47, Reply)

or is it part of her campaign to start stalking you again?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:56, Reply)

No you retard, you can't give him what he didn't buy! Already have a small posse* who will kill her with trouts and sticks :)
* consists of me and Pot
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:58, Reply)

or are you building up a mob to chase off your stalkers? If so, I'll volunteer.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:08, Reply)

We settle for emailing each other and more often than not having Pokémon battles by email, too. All when my boss isn't looking!
All additions to the stalker mob are more than welcome :) take your flaming torch and pitchfork from the pile over there.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:11, Reply)

and am pleased you didn't assign me to the trouts-brigade, as I don't think I'd be able to handle the smell in this weather.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:23, Reply)

for maximum damage :) however, the heat is detrimental to their effectiveness.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)

by stuffing a snooker-ball in their mouths.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:37, Reply)

for an added cannonball effect :D
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:44, Reply)

but it would be useful if stalker-girl had an L-shaped face - you'd be able to hit her twice.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:47, Reply)

you'd have to let the ball ricochet off a wall and hit her just when she's falling backwards from the impact. If you keep spinning with your trout, you can score a 3-combo and hit her again with the trout.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)

A trout and snooker-ball based beat-em-up. Stalker Girl's secret weapon would be the Shiny Face of Doom.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:09, Reply)

There wouldn't, but a ZX81 would be one of the things you could throw at your opponent.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:41, Reply)

How is this so vastly different to the pervy shit you and another b3tan regularly spam these boards with?
Kettle calling hair pot, U iz blick
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:34, Reply)

and wanted to be raped by them. Look at us.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:44, Reply)

Being arse raped by a giant black dildo isn't my scene. Neither is reading about other people telling people they've never met to bend over so they can be spanked.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:49, Reply)

And I'd like to spank you with a butter covered stick of balsa wood. And then tell the internet about it. By the way, I am a sexy 17 year old with raven hair and I'm completely normal. Honest.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)

she WILL love the cock when she's 8 inches deep
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:53, Reply)

As if you have eight inches. Why, I ought to chain you up by your nipples and stretch your balls across a pool table. And then stamp on them. And then pop them up your bum.
And then tell the internet about it.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:56, Reply)

as I most likely wont be conscious for most of it. Goddamn I'm looking forward to it though. I'll bring the Amyl nitrate and buttplugs
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

Let's do this!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)

Christ you're advanced for one so young. Next tuesday do ya?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:06, Reply)

I get off at 8 tho, shall I come and get off after?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)

I'll find another fuckpuppet
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:17, Reply)

You're worse than Maladicta and Hairpot when they get going.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)

It annoyed you and others, so I figured it would be best to stop as much as possible. Don't particularly like winding people up. Mal's toning it down as well.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:57, Reply)

they only want bi-curious girls.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

still at least you'll always have your badass waitressing skills
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

There must be a space for one of those in INGLUND!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:59, Reply)

I'm only happy if you've got at least 13 weeks of study behind you.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)

*inserts innapropriate smiley*
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:03, Reply)

it will become true.
I will never bully anyone again in case I see their face redden.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:12, Reply)

( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:07, Reply)

i'd like to live somewhere nice and cold. Alaska, or norway or something!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:50, Reply)

and all you find is yourself swimming in ya own sweet and stench
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:52, Reply)

Either it was because there were fewer people there, or because I was sensible enough to wear shorts today. But even so, I just wish I wasn't right in the middle of the blast-furnace.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:58, Reply)

our shop has two big printing presses, at several hundred degree's. I actually wore a mini skirt that barely covered my chuff and a very small t shirt, and i still sweated all day like a paedo in a barney suit!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:35, Reply)

How are you?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:44, Reply)

No hangover fortunately. I'm going to save that for the weekend:)
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, Reply)

only thing is the hangover was only a minor pain that lasted till 11am
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:53, Reply)

this morning I was so cold I wore a jacket, and it's in the low 30s here, now I'm burning up.
I can't wait to get home and take a shower.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:01, Reply)

seriously i must have the constitution of a horse
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:10, Reply)

I can barely cope with a NorthWest European climate, but in my defence, I try and go everywhere I need to go by bike (unless it's a pub-night).
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:11, Reply)

I wouldn't be able to live in a cold climate. I hate the winters here and they're usually pretty mild.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:13, Reply)

Not sure if it's genetics or upbringing, but when I was in China, I was sweating so much that my back was like a waterfall.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:25, Reply)

Just waiting for my mate to come round. I should be putting the bins out, but I'm drinking wine and watching Gilmore Girls...
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:37, Reply)

If you leave the bins till late, you get to have an excuse to go out in the cool night-time air.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:04, Reply)

To be honest, I'm scared that if I go and take the bins out, my shoes will drag me out to the boozers...
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:09, Reply)

and learn to enjoy the anticipation of a future visit to the battlecruiser.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:17, Reply)

I've decided to go barefoot! It's not the booze as such, I think I've socialised too much already this week, and I'm narrowing the odds of me doing something daft! Plus I've spent too much money. I must stay in.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:45, Reply)

but will make up for it tomorrow by having two nights out in one.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)

have you tried malicious destroying it with any logscripts'
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:38, Reply)

I have threatened it with a crop and an inflatable mallet.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, Reply)

If you're lucky enough to have memorised the ip numbers of your favourite websites, you don't need no steenkin' DNS.
Evenin'
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:53, Reply)

However with my mid-year review tomorrow I don't want to piss the boss off!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:56, Reply)

Until recently, I did not have Internet on my desk. I am now one of the few people in the office who has an Internet-connected laptop on my desk. But even so, I daren't get b3ta on the office server-logs.
BTW: if you're accessing b3ta by IP, you probably still want to access it via many of the proxies.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:01, Reply)

emailing people at work as it is without getting b3ta in the logs, and reading BBC news on my lunchbreak and just before I go home; were I to access b3ta I'd never get any work done, plus the boss' desk faces mine :(
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:04, Reply)

I either used to sit next to my boss, or now, I am in the inner edge of a 'bay' of desks where anyone can easily walk up to me and take me by surprise. Though I still occasionally browse b3ta with my iPhone, I find it either cumbersome or too distracting.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:15, Reply)

Costs me a fortune in data charges although I have taken to saving long gazzes to my memory card to read at my leisure!
Hate where my desk is; I can be happily doing nothing and A WILD BOSS APPEARS!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:19, Reply)

Have you tried taming WILD BOSS?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)

Am looking into a bolt-on for data charges when I'm not flat broke!
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:36, Reply)

or show it a picture of kittens.
If WILD BOSS starts purring, just rub their belly.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:45, Reply)

and you can watch WILD BOSS chase it round the office all day in a Benny-Hill-esque chase-scene.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:12, Reply)

if hidemyass.com turns up in my browsing history then questions will be asked. If it were called resource-management.org then I could get away with it.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)

your trousers broke and you desperately want to prevent the rest of the office from seeing your bum.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:35, Reply)

I'm going to ruin her
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:08, Reply)

I'm beginning to think you're a meat puppet though. You're VC, aren't you?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:15, Reply)

have i missed much?
what's all this talk of trout and interwebs and suchlike?
my world, today, has consisted mainly of contact-adhesive, gloss paint and flux fumes. in this heat! wow, i'm gonna have a headache later but i feel utterly euphoric just now ;-)
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:23, Reply)

You've missed my idea for a beat-em-up game starring Maladicta and Stalker-Girl, a trout and a snooker-ball.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:28, Reply)

I wouldn't even need to program it. Just draw the meshes and do the animations and there you go.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:37, Reply)

just some geek speak
"ROFL his got a varible named george, kek kek kek. PVP anyone?"
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:43, Reply)

I may be a geek myself, but that just sounds like a slow slide into insanity.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:45, Reply)

I believe that you are a Titan amongst men, a very King, a Lord amongst the plebs here.
I could go on but I suspect I'd simply embarrass you and your pre-cum.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:52, Reply)

He's after you Spak. Backs against teh walls lads
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)

Who are you?
I like yes. When the argonauts and cheese fling in my hart I tears.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:46, Reply)

Just found out Pixies are playing in Glasgow on Oct 4th, and that my wife has decided she's not a fan...
grounds for divorce?
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)

an no amount of exercises or lube will ever help my poor arse to go back the way it was before you.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)

I'll bring the string and promise to cough.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)

I'm going to unlurk and add my twopenneth of madskillz
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:11, Reply)

I get the feeling you'd bite it off.
You scare me woman.
Even me, all 160lbs of pure muscle.
Scared by a cake guzzling bird.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:32, Reply)

I've had enough of you all for tonight.
Good to see so many of you coming out to play.
Next bash we should all swap notes and find out who the fuck we all are.
I'm off for a wank.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:48, Reply)

Nooooo, nooo, noooo, noooo Nooo, nooo, nooo nooo, nooo.
( , Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:51, Reply)
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