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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I can hear the gentle thumping of a snake happily breaking my possessions. How's your Friday night going?
Strangles is exploring the office room. Every now and then there's a tinkle or a thud as he pushes something off a shelf, desk or book case.

I'm also watching old crap on my Sky+ box.

This is my Friday. How's your evening going?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:44, 143 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I've just watched Quarantine.
It was Ok until the end.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:45, Reply)
I may watch
Last night's Lie to Me next. Tim Roth is rather good in it.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:50, Reply)
Last night where?
I've been watching the US broadcasts which have somehow ended up on my hard disc with no illegal actions on my part but as far ad I know it had now finished over there, has a uk broadcaster picked it up?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:07, Reply)
Yep.
It's about 6 episodes into the first season on Sky 1. Good old UK telly, it gets there in the end.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:11, Reply)
Ahh, good.
I was worried I had been missing more American ones.

Everyone else, go watch this as it rocks!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:31, Reply)
I hope Sky picks up The Unusuals
it's delightful.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:31, Reply)
Seconded!

(, Sat 4 Jul 2009, 11:24, Reply)
@ Blousei
Have you seen [REC], the Spanish original?

It's fucking awesome!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)
No
I didn't realise it was an American remake of Rec until the end.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:20, Reply)
On the way to work today
I got overtaken by a smartcar. A pink smartcar
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:50, Reply)
FAIL

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:51, Reply)
Extra fail if it had some sort of 'on board' sign in the window.
Or pink fluff anywhere.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:54, Reply)
to be fair
I was in no hurry to get there.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:59, Reply)
Epic fail.

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:53, Reply)
Hot and sweaty.
And not the good way.

I'm choreographing my dance for tomorrow.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:50, Reply)
20 seconds left
And no inspiration. :(
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)
Just start stripping and go burlesque.
They'll be too busy staring at your norks to care about timing.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)
What norks?

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:00, Reply)
You can have mine
For the night.

Ex said he's more of a leg girl anyway.

My legs are covered in scars.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:02, Reply)
I'll swop your boobs
For my legs. Couple of bruises, but otherwise, pretty long, skinny and well looked after.
Only shaved two days ago.
Whaty d'you say?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:06, Reply)
Oooh that sounds good.
One set of slightly-worn 30Gs, coming your way.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:06, Reply)
Bloody hell woman
I'd kill for those! Swap you 36C/Ds, one careful previous owner.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:09, Reply)
I'm more desevering,
I've got 32Bs over here.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)
You can has.
*flings*
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:11, Reply)
*catches*
Now, who to pawn these non-existent flatties off on?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:12, Reply)
Excellent!
I'll put them express delivery immediately.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:09, Reply)
Do you want my belleh too?
I'm sure it'd jiggle quite amazingly.


I wish I were a size 10 :(
DIET STARTS ON MONDAY
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)
That's ok,
I've only just taught mine how to do a belly ripple.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:11, Reply)
Ah well.
I like my chuz too much.

I think I'm going to try veganism for a bit.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:15, Reply)
Same for me.
Cursed sandwich lady at work.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:14, Reply)
I've just had amazing nachos
Made with Steak and Grilled Pepper doritos, and melted cheese :D Just eaten a crunchie ice cream.

Now watching Friends.

It's dreadful.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:51, Reply)
That sounds most nomsome.
I think we shall be lining Dominos' pockets once again this evening...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:08, Reply)
Planning epic pizza for tomorrow
I hope I can get away with one meal, though I might be forced to cook for L'Ex.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:16, Reply)
Cook him oysters
Guaranteed sexy tiem!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:19, Reply)
Veggielesbian.

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:20, Reply)
Oi!
I'm a vegetarian and I'm not a lesbian!

Although I do like the idea of being one....


...what was the question, again?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:26, Reply)
It's my friend's amusing term for it.
I'm not a lesbian either. I'm partial to tangling tongues with the ladies but never gone further :D

I had bacon for the first tame last week.
I think I'm failing.

And I don't know what the question was. I think we were talking about your love-python.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:29, Reply)
Never had any lady sexy tiem.
Am I missing something?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:31, Reply)
Don't ask the people on here!
None of them have ever seen a lady naked!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:33, Reply)
*cough*
I do declare, I have momentarily glimpsed a young lady in her corsage sbefore averting my eyes. I fulfilled me and my pals down at the Squiffy's club for sever afternoons.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:38, Reply)
Yes.
Girls are far better kissers than guys.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:37, Reply)
I could say the same for guys
Same sex always has it's advantages.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:38, Reply)
Spose.
Because someone of the same sex is more likely to know what you want from the encounter.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:39, Reply)
Exactly
Hence why, to me, men tend to be better kissers. There have been exceptions though.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:40, Reply)
Two pints of lager (and a packet of crisps)
and I could be persuaded...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:41, Reply)
Possibly true.
But the mating part of my brain shouts 'girls!' so that's what I likes. Also they smell nice and look pretty.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:43, Reply)
Does it also say FECK and ARSE?

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:47, Reply)
And
DRINK!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)
And
THAT WOULD BE AN ECUMENICAL MATTER!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:52, Reply)
Quite often me kissing girls has got the exhibitionist vibe about it
Or the forced vibe.

Not sure who my best kiss has been.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:41, Reply)
Two of my closest friends are bi.
It was done more-or-less in private, so neither forced or exhibited.

I know what you mean though.

Ha, I could tell you who my worst kiss has been, no problem.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:43, Reply)
I'm a generally free-love-touchy-feelie person
even though I'm pretty shy. So I make moves on girls more, usually my friends, cause they know I'm not after anything and it's ok if they reject me.

I just get rejected by guys!
/rolls out black and white fur suit

Anyone?

[contains traces of self-depreciation - don't pander to me :P It's just embarrassing for you]
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:47, Reply)
Er, why the suit?
Yeah, me and my friends are like that. Its just like a caring hug, only with more tongue.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:54, Reply)
Fursuit...black...white...animal...panda?

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:55, Reply)
Aha!
I see. I get slower when I'm tired.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:58, Reply)
No problem honey, I make very little sense most of the time :)
Eee, this song is goooood.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:01, Reply)
What song?

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:02, Reply)
The Pipettes - Your Kisses are Wasted on Me
Brilliant song.
If you're into that shit.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:04, Reply)
Oooh, I like.
I wouldn't usually go for this sort of thing, but I'm quite enjoying this.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:11, Reply)
Pull Shapes and Judy are also class choons.
The Long Blondes are also awesome - Once And Never Again and Separated by Motorways - but I doubt they're tolerable to you :P
Are you a rock chick?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:33, Reply)
Very much so :)
I likes grunge and rock and symphonic metal.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:47, Reply)
Worst kiss?
Easy, as I know she'll enver read this - it was a friend I went to see in Edinburgh last week. Best sex I've ever hard, but the worst kissing.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:49, Reply)
Worst ever - first kiss.
The fact he had a hairy back did not help.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:51, Reply)
Yuk, yuk yuk
Do not like.

I have a rule: If my chin gets wet, that's enough thank you.
One guy, he was pretty poor when he was sober. He then got progressively worse the drunker he got til it was wide open mouth straight at my face. I then refused to have drunken sex with him, so he tried it on with some girl who'd already had 4 guys that night... and caught gonorrhoea off her :D
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:58, Reply)
It was foul.
Utterly utterly foul. As was the rest of him. Also not partial to having my chin wet, face licked or teeth banged although the latter is often entirely accidental.

Flatmate is about the best to date, closely followed by the goth chap who gave me epic stubble rash...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)
Face licked?
Yegh. Kissing should not be like sticking your face in a washing machine.

Best to date is probably the New Guy. But you probably don't want all the smooshy details.
Sort-of ex was good, gave me the most romantic, film-like kiss ever (til he lost the title last night)
Ex wasn't fantastic, but the lip ring did add muchly to the experience.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:05, Reply)
Lip rings FTW. Gothboy had one.
Have also heard good things about tongue piercings...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:13, Reply)
vibrating tongue piercings.
Very good, they are...

Oddly enough, never experienced lip rings though. Nearly got to last night, but didn't.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:14, Reply)
DO WANT.
Did you say something about getting re-pierced?

I can simulate the lip ring experience with a really weird paperclip I've got at work...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:21, Reply)
I eyed up all the indie boys in the club with lip piercings
I want my friend to get one so i can sex her with it.

None of my blokes have been pierced!

(then again, not all of them have been above the age of consent...)
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:32, Reply)
I do thoroughly recommend them.
Put it on your to do list.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:39, Reply)
I'm going to draw a lip ring on my ex, to see what he'd look like.
It's strangely sexy.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:40, Reply)
When he comes over,
Slip something in whatever you cook for him, then while he's unconscious, pierce his lip. And whatever else you feel needs some metal in it.

Sorted!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:49, Reply)
I might just fuck him instead.
:D
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)
This is equally as fun
:D
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:54, Reply)
Prince Albert him!

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:00, Reply)
Flatmate is playing Saints Row 2
and eating Peperami and complaining about the lack of visible customisation in the game. I am on b3ta and organising my collection of amusing images. There will be pizza later.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:55, Reply)
Flatmate Pizza?
Could be done...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:34, Reply)
Nah, he hasn't annoyed me lately.
Not enough meat on him anyway ;)

How be you Mr Pot?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:40, Reply)
Oh, same old
As normal. Beer is good. Yourself, Miss Dicta?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:42, Reply)
Beer is indeed good. Remind me to send you the song that tells you so.
It is very shouty and awesome. Home brewed?

Flatmate has cherry sourz and coke, I have lemonade, and pizza is on its way now, so I am most fluffeh. Want to be writing more though but can't since he's home... the muse has been awakened and now will not shut up. At all.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:43, Reply)
No homebrewed this time, although I have that song already.
Tis called Hobgoblin, and it's brewed less than 15 miles away, a very nice beer it is. The muse should have some beer to send it to sleep.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:47, Reply)
BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! AND STUFF!
Hee :) I absolutely love it. Am listening to Abba now though.

The muse would like something to put her to sleep until such a time as it is convenient to write, however I am concerned she will not awaken again until the planets have aligned if I do so... we have 5 bottles of wine in the kitchen that aren't going anywhere.

I reiterate my demand that you come down to Canterbury and go to the Hobgoblin pub with me. Bestest pub ever.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)
I will, eventually
I suggest you channel the muse in to something else. Write a childrens story.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:52, Reply)
I am incapable of writing a non-satirical children's story.
I am not suitable for children at all.

You do know, of course, that I will hold you to that!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:53, Reply)
Well you haven't specified a time frame
So conceivably, I could come up at any time. I think we'd be better for seeing your efforts at a childrens story.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:55, Reply)
So theoretically
I could be at work and A WILD POT APPEARS? I like. I insist this happens as soon as possible for great justice and for me to go to Canterbury which I love doing and don't do often enough!

Maladicta's Children's Story

Once upon a time there was a pig. It was a singing pig that lived in the magical forest of Bum ...

no, it's no good, I'm already giggling...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)
Carry on!
I was enjoying that :D
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:06, Reply)
The word 'bum' kind of broke my flow a bit since it makes me giggle.
I'm so mature...

--

The singing pig who lived in the forest of Bum enjoyed belming at passers by in a way that only a pig can*. His other hobbies enjoyed painting his trotters gold and watching Countdown.

* I have no idea how a pig belms.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:08, Reply)
You people are weird
I'm going to play with the snake you weridos
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)
There needs to be a snake in this story
Preferably wearing velvet pants.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:14, Reply)
Snakes don't have legs though
so it would be like a velvet... sleeve.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)
With sequins?
Please say with sequins!
AND a pimp cane!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:35, Reply)
And a pimp hat!
The pimp snake shall be in the story!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:38, Reply)
*claps*
What was his name?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:14, Reply)
Cuntybollocks.

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)
This would sells millions
As a children's story.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:23, Reply)
My original idea was to write teh pronz as a side earner to work.
I may have to extend this to writing in general!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:25, Reply)
I would definately buy this book.

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:33, Reply)
That'll be £20,000 please.

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:38, Reply)
Half now,
Half when someone buys the film rights.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:42, Reply)
Less admin fee, less labour,
less chocolate and lemonade involved to keep my sugar rush going.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:48, Reply)
Done!
Provided you keep his name as cuntybollocks.


Right. I'm off to bed up stupidly early for work in the morning, and knackered from last night's excitement.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:54, Reply)
Consider it done.
Am watching Crank with flatmate as well as being on here, not the best inspiration!

Night :)
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:55, Reply)
Make sure you don't have any babies lying around.
It's still afternoon here and it's going about as well as the entire day has gone--which is to say not so great.

I'm hoping book shopping tonight will rectify the situation.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 20:59, Reply)
Going interesting
Girlfriend is out in the back woods of Sweden with no internet access and patchy phones for the next month. I have a very close friend I can play with, Hobgoblin now and rum for later, and it's nice and cool. Plus I have the Elfen Lied box set to watch. Nyu!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:35, Reply)
Nyuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:40, Reply)
FUCKING YES!
Have finished dance.
Exhausted. But happy. One last time through to check it runs well.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:38, Reply)
Huzzah!
Well done. Soon, your belly will be able to play cricket by itself.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:40, Reply)
What with this and poledanceing,
Its getting harder and harder to actually relax my stomach.
is this what proper abs feels like?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:41, Reply)
Yep
You'll see at some point when they go ripped - you suddenly see them like that.

Wish mine were still like that
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:43, Reply)
Argh!
I don't want ripped! Girl with a six pack? That's just weird.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:44, Reply)
Nothing wrong with a small six pack
My first date had a six pack. She picked me up in the cinema when I ftried to kiss her, carried me out of the screen, dumped dropped me and went back inside.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:46, Reply)
Harsh!
I cannot lift men, let alone physically dump them.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:03, Reply)
Same.
I have been bench-pressed though.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:08, Reply)
I say this.
Flatmate weighs next to nothing and I can lift him about five inches off the floor.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:09, Reply)
Haha, impressive :)
Ex, who is a good two inches shorter than me, once managed to hold me upside down by the ankles. I can't remember what we were fighting over.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:17, Reply)
I do this with my other half
She is tiny though (4'10), and I threaten to use her as a mop in that position.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:18, Reply)
Blimey, that's the same as me!
I have been told to get back in the kitchen, but never in mop form.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:20, Reply)
I'm 5'8"
:D
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:21, Reply)
A good height!
Not to far for me to bend down to kiss a person of that height. Plus, the perfect height for me to hold by the ankles and threaten with mop duties... you too, Miss Dicta.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:28, Reply)
Bit further for you to bend for me, which would be fun.
Everyone I've kissed has been stupidly tall and I manage somehow. Plus I am a good height for other things.

And I have a lot of long hair...
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:30, Reply)
Ha, I always end up with people shorter then me.
Not funny any more.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:37, Reply)
It is physically impossible
to be shorter than me. I likes teh tall mens.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:39, Reply)
Everytime I get home after I've pulled,
The first thing mother asks is 'Was he taller than you?'
I think she has an irrational fear that she'll end up with short arsed grandchildren.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:41, Reply)
My mother has never found out any time I've pulled.
Hence going to uni 200 miles from home!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:49, Reply)
Mine has a sixth sense.
Also possibly due to the fact that I pull most times I go out, and she knows what I'm like.

I always censor the stories from raunchy 18s to family friendly 12s or PGs though.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)
My sexlife until flatmate appeared
was nonexistent as far as my parents are concerned... and now all I get is lectures about not getting pregnant!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:53, Reply)
Then I am
Half an inch shorter than you.

I win at the internet!
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:30, Reply)
Four or five inches shorter
Then again, I probably make up for it in girth :D
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:31, Reply)
*hands trophy*

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:36, Reply)
Damn it!
I mean taller.

This has been a very long week. I saw Spinal Tap and went to fucking Belgium.

Clearly I also lose at the internet.

Miraclefish is 5' 8.5" for the record.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:42, Reply)
Sisterbite
Is 15, 5'10" and still growing.
So you still lose. :D

Now that is depressing.

Edit: I read that as 'I was fucking Belgium'
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:44, Reply)
Pot is 6'2"
My cousin however, is 7'3... and plays rugby. He makes me feel small.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)
Bloody hell.
He must have a hell of a time getting clothes to fit!

You are indeed substantially taller than me; I figured you were about 6' from the bash photos (a little bit taller than flatmate).
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 22:54, Reply)
He has fun with them
Also: Stalking
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:05, Reply)
Stalking, are you?
*strokes white fluffy cat* Do tell.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:09, Reply)
All of Belgium?

(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:10, Reply)
Well
A man 'as to love, non?
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:16, Reply)
Indeed he does, ahonhonhon.
Ze Belgians, zey love ze sexeee time.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:18, Reply)
With ze chips
Dipped in ze buttered baked potato.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:27, Reply)
You cannot haz ze sexy tiem
wizout ze chips.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 23:34, Reply)
^ This
Woman with six-pack... do not like.
(, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 21:46, Reply)

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