So my great search begins...
As you should all know by now, I will be leaving these shores for pastures new and mixing metaphors as I go. Today is my last full day on OT because I'll be at college tomorrow and I'm not sad enough to come on here on the weekend.

Over the last three months or so, I and I alone have changed the face of Off Topic from a sweet, loving place of fluff and kittums to the hate filled cavern of vengeance that it now resembles. I am proud of this accomplishment because in doing so I have received many hateful gazzes, some containing tears of sadness, others promises of pints - dubious bodily fluids noted - and others were indistinguishable due to chubby fingers mashing keyboards in angst.

So whom to bequeath my crown as Queen of Off topic to now that I am stepping back into the world of full time employment? Tell me why you, OT underling should be promoted to this tenuous status and make it good. Or alternately MTFU and fuck off to a cookery forum.

Candidates are to produce a cv in hyperlinks of their biggest achievement on OT - other boards don't count and provide proof of the best meme's they have created. CHCB gets points for this suggestion.

EDIT: Poor show by all of you. So poor infact that I'm going out now for a wander in Little Venice.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:25, 129 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I know
PsychoChomp really wants a crown because she was the only girl without one at her University leaving dance
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:26, Reply)

I like this idea
but it has to be a category that's clearly been invented just for her so that she feel both pleased that she got a crown, but deep down sad and depressed that she's so indistinguishable and unspecial.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:29, Reply)

"Girl most likely to sleep around"
I hung the certificate in my bathroom.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:32, Reply)

Meet you in there
in ten.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:38, Reply)

Anyone but Kaol.

( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Oh dear...
You forgot that it's Opposite Thursday, didn't you?
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:29, Reply)

Which means
it's nearly Anal Friday!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:30, Reply)

I love Anal Friday.
Best of all the Fridays.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:31, Reply)

Exactly.
I think that Tuesday should be renamed in my honour though.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:33, Reply)

it's already S&M Tuesday.
Who do you think you are - Turkmenbashi?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Pretty much, yeah.

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:37, Reply)

Vampire Tuesday?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Hahaha!
That sounds great.
I'm not a Vampire, but it sounds so good...
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:35, Reply)

Wait, Tuesday has been renamed in your honour...
Isn't that what Cock Tuesday was all about?
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:37, Reply)

Yeah.
*nods*
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:37, Reply)

Good riddance.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:28, Reply)

Maybe now you'll FUCK OFF BACK TO TALK
and stop stinking this place up, you festering fuckwit.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:30, Reply)

Can you send me details of the hate gazzes?
I've never had a hate gaz.

Actually I sort of got one once, but it was more a tragic whinge than a hate.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:29, Reply)

I had a hate gaz 3 pages long.
And when I replied with a "well, that's told me!" they sent me another page of ranting accusing me of being patronising. Bless.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:30, Reply)

Who from?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:31, Reply)

Catface.

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:32, Reply)

He's only just learned to write.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:34, Reply)

He has one of those
special triangular rubber things on all his pencils so he knows how to hold them properly.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:35, Reply)

I wouldn't call drawing pictures
of what he wants to drink/eat/do to you really writing
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:36, Reply)

Hahaah!
I can imagine this.
"No, catface, I've got a headache. Stop pointing at it. And for the record, human-women have TWO nipples."
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:39, Reply)

I wish this could be highlighted somehow
in some kind of "best of" or "popular" page.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:41, Reply)

So do I.
It deserves to be archived for The Future Of Mankind.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:45, Reply)

We work on a system of hand gestures and grunts.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:40, Reply)

He puts your hand on you
and you grunt one for lower and twice for higher?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Essentially, yes.
Though it's hands, plural.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:41, Reply)

Like one of those 'point to the pictures' thing spackers have.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:42, Reply)

It's like you can see into my bedroom.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:44, Reply)

Oh, yeah', and that whole 'fritzl' thing......niiiice.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Sometimes he gets to be Fritzl.
On birthdays and special occasions.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:48, Reply)

haha
I may have to order some of those
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:45, Reply)

that sounds awesome
I'd like to see it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:31, Reply)

I'll try and dig it out.
It was because I said something disparaging about children.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:35, Reply)

That they are all
snot nosed fuck trophies and that the sooner they have open season on them the better?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:37, Reply)

pretty much.
And apparently that makes me a bad person. I lost a grand total of no sleep over that.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:43, Reply)

That narrows it down a bit then, Crackie.
CHCB in 'disparaging remark about children' shocker!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:43, Reply)

It's not like I go out of my way to hurt them.
Well, not all of them.

edit: and happy wee candle day!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:45, Reply)

Then you get a C-
Must try harder
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

I sexually abused a midget.
Does that count?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:49, Reply)

B+

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:51, Reply)

B-
You are supposed to say "little person" now.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:44, Reply)

I think I'm going to have to start fishing for hate-gazes.
Damn my loveable personailty and face, damn it to hell.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:35, Reply)

same here
the most I got was a whiny piece of crap from the stig saying "you're being mean to me today"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

I've had quite a few.

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:50, Reply)

Well you were
But he deserved it really.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:51, Reply)

I deleted most of them, but can send you on some of them

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:32, Reply)

sent

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Might I suggest potential candidates produce a CV
or at least their Top Ten most scathing posts?

Bonus points if they are both scathing and include memes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:29, Reply)

Ooh I like this idea
Best meme wins
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:31, Reply)

That's what Hitler used to to, look at him now, he fell over a dog and they wouldn't give him an australian visa because his mad Hond Accord SkillZ weren't good enough to qualify him as a waitress.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:31, Reply)

I have an email
telling me I am being too offensive for B3ta. What's that worth? Honda Accord Valet?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:35, Reply)

That
Is something I can't understand. How can anybody be too offesive for B3ta?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:39, Reply)

I got banned for being too shit for b3ta.
:(
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:41, Reply)

I had better watch myself then.

(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:44, Reply)

Haha!
You're on a roll today!
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:01, Reply)

It's good isn't it
I can't remember the last time I had so much clean wholesome fun.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:08, Reply)

Lots of practice
Al was my muse
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Oh that Al
He's such a muse in cunt.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:48, Reply)

I hate myself
for laughing at that
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:49, Reply)

Enjoy
It's not very often that I manage a pun.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:50, Reply)

Pretty good!

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:51, Reply)

I Must try harder!

(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:52, Reply)

Thats like being
too fluffeh for kittums. Bastards.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:41, Reply)

Oh, ok, fair enough, jog on then.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:33, Reply)

It's not quite as flouncy as Wormulus, but it's not far off it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Wormulus just wrote a spitful missive and fucked off, I'm doing a build up for the fallen
besides I'll be here in the evenings if I get bored.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:48, Reply)

So, basicly, you telling us that you're leaving, but now you might not be leaving, and in a few post's time, you won't be leaving?
Oh, ok then, good stuff.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:51, Reply)

She's just getting our hopes up.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:53, Reply)

You really need to learn when to quit

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:55, Reply)

I've quit trying to be nice to you if thats what you mean.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:56, Reply)

I'm leaving the daytime shift and renouncing my crown
But if I get bored enough, I'll visit in the evenings. That's all I've ever said. Porkylips can attest to this as I mentioned it about a month ago and he was gutted.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:54, Reply)

Oh, ok then, fair enough.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:56, Reply)

Don't be so dismissive
it's okay to show how upset you really are, you're amongst friends here.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:35, Reply)

I think I'm about to explode with indifferance.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:35, Reply)

Oh, you're leaving?
Again?

Well best of luck, stay in touch and all that, no really, I mean it...
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:38, Reply)

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Oooh, does this mean I have started a meme?
Hurrah!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:41, Reply)

Dunno,
Ask Vipros!
Yours is a more prestigious award.
Crafted by the purest of genius.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:43, Reply)

But whose award came first?
Have I merely independently reinvented a pre-existing meme? I'm getting all sweaty and anxious, dammit. I MUST KNOW!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

minus points for it not being perfectly circular

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

It'd
roll over otherwise, durr!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:56, Reply)

I came up with mine yesterday
entirely because I said that noel's tattoo had my seal of approval, and then I thought of a seal.

also, it's not perfectly round and the text doesn't go round the edge because I'm limited by the crappy software I have here.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:49, Reply)

also, it's not perfectly round and the text doesn't go round the edge because I'm limited by the crappy software I have here
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:52, Reply)

^this*






*this isn't true
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Yours was first.
And looks about 900% better.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:52, Reply)

Every Time
I see this I just have to chuckle.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Alright, Barry?

( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Points for Clendrix for being a racist Barry lover

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Cheers Barry!
*glees*
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:52, Reply)

Welcome Barry

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:55, Reply)

pfft
you'll miss my inane ramblings
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

Ok! now I'm pissed.
Not only do I not get a gaz from someone sending me a photo of their cock, (thanks Captain V, but a big red rooster isn't the same), but I also have not recieved a hate gaz.

Am I thought so little of?
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:39, Reply)

You haven't worked hard enough at being a cunt ONLINE on the internet
Here's your chance to redeem yourself.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:41, Reply)

But Woodside hates me.
Unfortunatley he doesn't hate me enough to gaz me and tell me : (





Here goes........

*deep breath*

Becky, I probably won't miss you very much when your gone.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:44, Reply)

That's ok, I'll miss very few people from here when I'm gone

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

I bet you'll miss Al and his brand spanking new girly bike.

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:49, Reply)

I'm not around here often enough to BE missed these days.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:53, Reply)

Nah because I'll still see some b3tans in real life OFFLINE as they are now passable friends
so long as the inspection isn't too close
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:56, Reply)

Life off line:
Does it realy exist?
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:49, Reply)

I would say that Woodside is the worst person on b3ta
but that would be offering some recognition, and implying that it is a person rather than some kind of genital fungus
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

^ This

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:52, Reply)

I read that as Wookiee at first
and thought that whilst accurate was maybe a bit mean as he is here
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:54, Reply)

How could anyone hate Wookie.
He's so small and cute, like Kylie.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:56, Reply)

And he's got
A cracking arse.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:57, Reply)

So they say
I still don't believe it though.

EDIT Oooops, I read that as crackling arse.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Walnuts?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:03, Reply)

...and only one tit.
Like Kylie.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Yeah.
You're a right one.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Oh dear me.
1/10 Must try harder.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Sorted
Apologies for the poor effort
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:45, Reply)

Never mind handing on the crown.
Past glories don't count, it's where you are today. Make the fuckers work for it. I don't want it anyway.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

I don't need the "Queen Of Off Topic" crown.
I've got the Other one.
Hail to the King, baby.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:55, Reply)

al for queen!
On his homosexual bicycle.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:57, Reply)

I second this idea.
We'll be very happy together.
( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:03, Reply)

The only world you are King of is the underworld.

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 12:58, Reply)

King of the Undercarriage
more like.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:01, Reply)

Are you hitting on me?

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:02, Reply)

If that's what you want to believe.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Might as well, it's as good an option as any.

( Cawl, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:05, Reply)

That's what Hitler used to think etc etc

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:06, Reply)

He's a burgerking

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:02, Reply)

he's
fuc-king shoc-king.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:04, Reply)

^^This

(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:10, Reply)

you're King of two things, Jack and Shit
and Jack left town
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:12, Reply)

Screw you, Becky.
I only just got here.
I only just let you in.
And now look at you.

Pushing me away. *sniffles*

Well fine. Have it your way. You've broken my heart is what you've done. *waddles away*
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 13:18, Reply)