I am a dick.
In order to make me feel comparably less stupid, tell me something stupid you've done recently.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:37, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh there you go, Wookiee - time for you to tell all about your elbow.

( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:38, Reply)

I'm intrigued.
On a scale of 1-Jade Goody, just how stupid was it?
("Dead stupid" is the top of the scale.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Will you not just fuck off?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:45, Reply)

:(
The pain is making you all grumpy.
( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:49, Reply)

I wouldn't go so far as to refer to you as The Pain.
A pain, certainly.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:51, Reply)

Yay!
I am a nuisance with ambition.
( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I made incredibly crass remarks about thick people
during a lecture to undergrads. As soon as it was out of my mouth I knew I'd pushed their boundaries of Right-onness.

I also managed to sound like an arrogant cock.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:40, Reply)

I'd rate this as "bad audience" rather than "very stupid".

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Happy Candlebum

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:49, Reply)

What did you say, b3taday lady?

( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:50, Reply)

I said that people who move their lips while reading
are inherently thick.
Or words to that effect.
This is against the Educators' Law - Thou shalt always be liberal, politically correct and take into account 'otherness' of any form.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:56, Reply)

I remain dismayed
that people who move their lips when reading are no longer weeded out before they get to be undergraduates.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:04, Reply)

.
undergraduates high school pupils
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:05, Reply)

Now now, you're showing your age there.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:08, Reply)

I could read without moving my lips
before I went to primary school, FFS.

Kids today...pah.

*relights pipe*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

I kicked a chimney so hard with my little toe

that it broke and my foot is all purple.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:41, Reply)

That's fairly dumb, yeah.
I'm starting to feel slightly mollified. Keep up the good work.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:41, Reply)

A few weeks back
I injured myself while rather drunk. We were walking home from the pub, and decided a bit of bush jumping (fnarr) was in order. A few jumps later, thoroughly scratched, we decide to call it a night.

On the way back to the house I spot one of these and decide that rugby tackling it will be a great idea. I sprint across the road and leap, safe in the knowledge it will cushion my fall. It would have, if the fucker was attached to the floor. I dived straight through it, and hit the road hard.

Injuries? My back bled like a bitch with hundreds of bits of gravel in it, same with one of my arms, and I couldn't walk properly for a week, as I'd landed very hard on my hip.

Serves me fucking right, but god it was funny.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Hmm, yes,
everyone likes a bit of hedge-diving but only those seeking to prove Darwin correct are likely to tackle a traffic island. You're climbing up the scale of stupid but humour value saves you from a higher score.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I bought something large from ikea
without first checking to see if we could get it in the car. faced an anxious several minutes trying to force the bastard in. managed it in the end, just about, but Mrs V faced a very uncomfortable journey home.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Fnarr

( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:51, Reply)

Needs moar lube

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:53, Reply)

it would've helped

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:56, Reply)

Not I,
but recently a friend of mine was persuaded to ingest a teaspoon of 600,000 Scoville chilli sauce.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Stupid,
yet brave.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:54, Reply)

Apparently the worst bit comes after the vomiting and the crying and the facial swelling,
as rapidly it gets into your urine and inflames your urethra, making you feel like you're constantly about to piss yourself. I've never seen a stag so happy that some strippers have just emptied an ice bucket into his pants.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:57, Reply)

I must be
really stupid - and slightly inhuman, I cook with Dorset Naga Chilis with a heat rating of ~1.6m SHU - whilst I enjoy the pain this causes, I wouldn't consider it too hot. However, each and every time I cook with them I refuse to wear gloves, and always need a wee after using them - no amount of washing gets rid of oil. www.dorsetnaga.com/
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 17:22, Reply)

I've got seeds for a Dorset Naga.
My mate is a chili breeder and he saved me some. Haven't tried germinating them yet.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 18:18, Reply)

if you..
...manage to figure out the secret then please do tell - I'm going all Alan Titchmarsh next year and going to try some myself.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 0:14, Reply)

I locked myself out of my car a couple of weeks back
Which wasn't very clever at all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:51, Reply)

You fail at stupid.
Yours is more of an inconvenience. You're low on the scale. I hope that makes you happy.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:54, Reply)

It does make me happy in a way
It was a pretty major inconvenience though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:59, Reply)

A guy at work....
Put £200 in the online roullette and lost it
Then put another £200 and lost it.
Then put another £200 and built it up to £1700
Then lost it all and put in another £200
Then lost it all and put in another £200

Instead of being £1100 up, he was £1000 down.

I did try and warn him.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:55, Reply)

You make taxi places seem like the craziest, most vice-ridden hives ever.
This is where all the mad shit is. Down at the taxi depot. We should hold our bashes there.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:08, Reply)

He's not wrong either.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

craziest, most vice-hidden hives ever most wretched hives of scum and villainy in the known galaxy.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:24, Reply)

While full of flu last week...
...I decided I had enough of daytime TV and took my bike out as I was desperate for an endorphine rush.

I pedalled sweatily up a steep climb and promptly threw up when I got to the top.

I spent the rest of the week in bed :-(
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:58, Reply)

You're proper sick
so try and behave like. The biggest endorphin rush you're allowed is getting off the sofa too fast.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Yep, I have been proper sick
I haven't exercised in a week... I'm practically a couch potato.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:16, Reply)

mmm
trashed an entire days worth of performance testing data because I had a http version setting as v1.0 not v1.1
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Careless,
tut tut!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:02, Reply)

No-one seems to have asked yet - why are you a dick?
You dick.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Seconded.
As in "What have you done?" not "you dick".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:07, Reply)

The lady looking at my house to see if I could remortgage it?
Might have caught a glimpse of a special plant.
I don't even smoke the stuff. It was a gardening challenge.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Brilliant!
The classic "Oh. I thought it was a tomato plant!" excuse springs to mind.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:11, Reply)

A heavily skunk-scented tomato plant I had tried to conceal.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

*stifles sniggers*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

they do look a bit similar...
it seems unlikely that they would do anything about it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

She said she'd have to tell her colleagues.
And maybe the lender.

*shrugs*

There aren't any plants here now. No evidence.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:14, Reply)

So she asked...
..."Is that a marijuana plant?"

Brilliant.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

You could have said
you were just growing it to make into rope.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:16, Reply)

I wouldn't be surprised if she told her colleagues
that's just what you'd do. telling the lender is cunty though.

did you have a few?

misunderstood the "might have seen a plant" bit to mean she might have seen it.

was this a broker who saw it? if so then they'd be pretty daft to do themselves out of a commission
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Nah, she saw it. It was mentioned.
I had two but she only saw one. They only had a couple of weeks to go so the smell was wonderful.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:18, Reply)

that's a pain
have you had to get rid of them or can you still enjoy them?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:19, Reply)

They've gone to a good home.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:20, Reply)

glad to hear it
know when you are headed this way yet?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Aye!
10th Nov, for a lunchtime meeting. Might bring Catface and make a day of it in foreign and exotic Exeter (if he's not got a job by then).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Kick his fucking arse, the lazy git.

( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:26, Reply)

hmmm, an inconvenient tuesday
if you are still about in the evening then we could go for a swift ale.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:27, Reply)

Sounds good.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:28, Reply)

splendid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:29, Reply)

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR ELBOW?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:10, Reply)

It's RUINED.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

How did you ruin it?
I once ruined my elbow by getting horrendously drunk and falling on it. If I had fallen sideways I would have fallen between two boats in a dark marina and drowned. I still get scared at that.

There. I've shared. Your turn.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Stupid shiny shoes, dancefloor conveniently lubricated with a couple of pints of snakebite.
It was a textbook elbow-drop, apart from the lack of victim between me and the floor.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:18, Reply)

It's
murder suicide self-harm on the dance floor.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Hahaha

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Get it checked out
I got real drunk a couple of years ago and woke up with a horribly painful elbow - I suspect I also did an elbow drop. I never got anything done about it and it still hurts when I put my weight on it. Should have gone to the doctors, really.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:43, Reply)

What did you do?
You're a post tease.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:06, Reply)

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAPS?
can't stick to your guns eh?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:08, Reply)

I got bored.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:11, Reply)

I was going to criticise you
but I would have done the same. and I don't really care
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:13, Reply)

May be classed as stupid by non drinkers.
I had 3/4 of a bottle of wine hanging about so I thought I'll drink it to finish the bottle off. So I drank it all and then wanted some more so I opened another bottle of wine and have another bottle of wine with 3/4 left.
( girlinthehole, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:21, Reply)

I like this!
This is not an unknown situation.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Oh yes.
Been there a few times. And have had the headaches to show for it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Mainly
because I'm such a light-weight that I can only have a couple of glasses before I'm ridiculously pissed to the point of resembling as Glaswegian tramp - keeping close to my roots y'see.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:33, Reply)

I'm very similar
Although at least half the time I would proceed to finish the second bottle and roll into bed at 2:30am absolutely smashed. On a weekday night. Always makes work fun the next day.

*yawn*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:45, Reply)

I'd love to be able to do that
At the last bash I had four glasses of wine and threw up all the way home on the train.

I'm classy me.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:48, Reply)

At least you made it home.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Heeheeheehee!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:59, Reply)

psst
you are 2 b3ta days younger than me (probably a few real years younger in real life) happy candleday thingo
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Aww! Thank you
I'm 2 b3ta days younger but probably many real years older than you as along with Tourettes and BGB I'm one of the old dears of b3ta.

We should have a badge really - B3ta Over The Hill Ladies. Or maybe B3ta Cougars...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 15:28, Reply)

On Sunday, I tried to hold up a tree I had just felled because my chicken was in the way
Needless to say, I couldnt hold up a tree and was only saved from a splatting because the branches gave me some breathing room.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 16:14, Reply)

I don't think that was stupid -
you were evidently being selfless and were trying to save a chicken.

Well, okay, a bit stupid. But thoughtful at the same time.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Cheers, but I still felt stupid (once the terror had worn off)
I almost ended up in the Darwin awards.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 16:34, Reply)