Yeah bitches!
I'm totally moving offices to somewhere only ten minutes from my house. I am fucking happy. Tell me something good that has happened to you in the last seven days.

If nothing good has happened in the last seven days, tell me why you haven't killed yourself yet. Alternatively, tell me how you're going to kill yourself, you pathetic lonely twat.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:28, 121 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

that's pretty good going
gotta be happy with that.

I got given a set of Carlsbro monitor speakers worth around £240 for free!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

That's some good happy stuff there.
Two thumbs up.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:32, Reply)

Oooh cool stuff
I don't think my office is moving now which is a bit of a bugger, but in other news I am having burgers for tea tonight and am waiting on good news about the flat I wanna rent! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Downer about the office
but I'm giving you two thumbs for the burgers. I'm going to have a kebab as I'm going to be hurrying out to catch a train to my parents.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Hazah - two thumbs up!
Ooooh kebab, that's a good idea too! Yummers.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:39, Reply)

I'm going to have a lamb shish
with lots of salad, but no sauce.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)

you should have sauce
lamb shish is a good choice though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:44, Reply)

The garlic sauce overpowers all the other flavours
and the chilli sauce hurts my mouth and my bottom.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:45, Reply)

is there nothing more mild?
like a tzatsiki style thing?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Not in my kebab shop
in Manchester you could get yoghurt and mint sauce or mango chutney, but in LAAAAAAANDON you can get garlic or chilli. Or burger sauce if you're feeling particularly drunk.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:48, Reply)

well, that's no good at all
admittedly I never buy kebabs, but I'd go for garlic sauce if I did, because I'd be drunk, and I love garlic
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Also
garlic sauce is the bomb-digity!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:52, Reply)

I'm not sure how at the moment
Ideally I'd like a way that causes the least inconvenience to anyone else, as opposed to the selfish twats who jump in front of trains and so on and make everyone late getting home from work.

I was thinking maybe a nice high building, one little step and it's done.
(bill, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:35, Reply)

What if you hit someone at the bottom?
You selfish fucker. Use a cliff like normal people, then no-one has to clean the floor either. Actually, use the Severn Bridge, they'll never find the body so you will be saving them the time of doing an autopsy.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Bit of a journey for both of those
A bridge isn't a bad idea though.

*Goes off to get on a 42 to Tower Bridge*
(bill, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:38, Reply)

That's my boy
*two thumbs up*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:39, Reply)

I had a big argument with a friend,
which wasn't nice but cleared the air.
Someone screwed up at work and I fixed it and looked like a hero.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:42, Reply)

I think you get one thumb for looking heroic
the other has been taken away due to the argument.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:43, Reply)

but, but, but, we're friends again now.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Hmmmmm
the second thumb is currently fluctuating in a roughly horizontal position.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:45, Reply)

You're harsh man
give him the second thumb!!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Oh okay, but only becuase it's you.
*trigger fingers*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Aww thanks
I am pretty gosh darn wicked!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Your bloke's not in Milton Keynes today is he?
if not, I just walked passed his twin in my office.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:56, Reply)

As far as I'm aware he's in Borough
but he is a master of lies and deception so he could very well be in Milton Keynes!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Or he could be me.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:00, Reply)

*strokes chin*
indeed.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I'll go run into the meeting he's in shouting
"HAI WE TOTALLY KNOW EACH OTHER OFF OF THE INTERNET!"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:00, Reply)

DO IT!
Even if its not him, it'll be worth it!! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:01, Reply)

You just want me to get fired don't you?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Maybe...
you just want to get you fired? Hmmm... think about it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:06, Reply)

good work

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:43, Reply)

I hung out with a total hottie on saturday

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:47, Reply)

There's your two thumbs, right there.
Did you jump them?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:49, Reply)

jump them?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Try and have sex with them while they weren't expecting it.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:49, Reply)

no, it was quite consensual

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Nice.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:54, Reply)

he's got big lips

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:55, Reply)

You had sex with Steven Tyler?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:57, Reply)

He looks more like Terrell Owens

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:00, Reply)

He appears to be quite a fit young man.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:14, Reply)

*melts*

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:20, Reply)

and his name
is an anagram of "err Towel Lens"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 19:26, Reply)

I got back into playing my guitar
I'm proper rubbish, but better than I was a few days ago.
Just a few chords. Enough to write a few ditties and play a bit at parties.
I haven't topped myself because I think the world needs me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:47, Reply)

That'll get you two thumbs right there.
Keep it up.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:49, Reply)

You're keeping two thumbs right up where?
I have noticed a little discomfort, I must say
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:51, Reply)

last night I drunkenly bullshitted an old friend
that I was putting a band together and he offered to produce my stuff 'for fun'. This guy is a seriously shit-hot in demand fellow, whose past work includes Oasis, Paul Weller and Iggy Pop (but not David Bowie).

What started as a pissed-up load of bollocks has potential to actually be really good.

I've only just remembered about this *drinks alka seltzer*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:48, Reply)

That's worth one
because of the Bowie comment.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:50, Reply)

so what kind of music
would this band of yours be peddling?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:52, Reply)

I'm thinking
late 60's/early 70s style heavy blues rock stuff like Mountain or Grand Funk Railroad. Heavy Riffage.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:59, Reply)

I met up with a ladyfriend who i don't see often enough on Saturday
I performed an epic stint of cunnilingus and awoke to the smell of vagina on my face.
(TheColonel, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Haha!
Winna!
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:53, Reply)

I agree, this one is getting Two Thumbs and a choice of BGB's orifices.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Well you better hurry up.
They might not be available for long.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:55, Reply)

The moistest one
edit:please
(TheColonel, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:56, Reply)

So now you're
a pimp?

*two thumbs up*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Just this morning I discovered
that if I shape my hands in the right way underneath the hand dryer in the gents', I can cause the air to lift my hair up in two flappy bits, making me look like some sort of deformed poodle riding in an open-top car.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Is the flappy hair club an offshoot from the flappy coat club?

( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:57, Reply)

What flappy coat club is this of which you speak?
I own no such flappy coat, but my hair can be quite the flappy entity.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:58, Reply)

If you have a long leather flappy coat you can join.
CHCB, Cawl and Davros are members so far.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Ah, I see.
Not a member yourself then?

Perhaps I should instigate a flappy hair club, if it hasn't been done already...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:01, Reply)

I have flappy hair
can I join your club please?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Absolutely
Welcome to the Flappy Hair Club
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Huzah!
*flaps*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:19, Reply)

I can join this club
My hair is pretty epic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Is it also flappy?
If not you might have to make an Epic Hair Club.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:13, Reply)

In recent months
I have been likened to

a) Lemmy (this is frankly ridiculous)
b) One of the three musketeers
c) Charles 1st

last year I was compared with Charles Manson. Which was nice.


Epic and flappy, but veering to the epic end of the spectrum I think...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:15, Reply)

He did write some rather nice songs
You know, before the whole ritualistic murder thing.

That, and a likeness to Charles I, must surely qualify you for the Flappy Hair Club.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:17, Reply)

flappy enough?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Why, those hairs are magnificent!
_{(I presume that's you on the left?)}
Yes, and I can see the likeness to Charles I. Welcome, good sir, to the Club of Flappy Hair!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Why thank you

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:25, Reply)

we'll need to schedule
an annual dinner & dance, special handshake, that sort of thing...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:30, Reply)

For some reason
even though I have no idea what you look like, I wasn't expecting you to look like that.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:24, Reply)

what had you in mind?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:26, Reply)

As I said, nothing in particular
I was just surprised when I saw that picture.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:27, Reply)

well in my head
you are Biffa Bacon....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:31, Reply)

That's not a bad likeness actually

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:35, Reply)

Were you expecting
a monocle?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:26, Reply)

That's pretty much how all the blokes on here look

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:34, Reply)

I invented this shit, yeah?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:37, Reply)

get a haircut hippy.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:43, Reply)

NO WAY, DUDE
The man can't bust our music, right?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:45, Reply)

*gasg* baybeeeeeee
loooook at her eyes! she's so pretty
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:30, Reply)

Thank you
I'm bound to agree, of course...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:36, Reply)

She does look very cute

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:40, Reply)

You are most kind
The needle is now flipping dangerously close to Vipros levels of smuggitude now....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Charles 1st,
the thought of Big Cha leaning over a tabletop, his dandy locks, almost disastously brushing into several lines of gak, has put a stupid grin all over my stupid face.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:24, Reply)

In your mind
you are seeing me, at 4 o'clock this morning...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:28, Reply)

oh dear
4am, on a school night.....will you ever learn? i ended up having a joint of cheese at about 8pm and was still whirring away at 03:30...no gak and no dandy haircut mindye.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:32, Reply)

I am struggling now, I have to say
but I am being fed spicy roast belly pork with pumpkin mash by a 'fit burd' after work so I have something to look forward to, at least...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:35, Reply)

I'm not gonna top myself just in case.
There may be someone I haven't annoyed (enough) yet.
I aim to induce a state of mild petulance.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 15:59, Reply)

The Dutch-ex accepted my offer on his half of the house
so now, as soon as the paperwork for the crippling remortgage goes through, I'm going to own a whole house.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:02, Reply)

That's fucking great news. Two thumbs for you.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:12, Reply)

w00t!
You can come for a cup of tea anytime. Bring your mum. She knows the way.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Bill knows how to file for bankruptcy
I'm just saying.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:35, Reply)

Aargh I just nearly choked!
I couldn't be arsed going and getting hot water, so I licked my Beecham's powder out of its wrap. I accidentally inhaled some and nearly died choking in the office.
I need another Drumstick now.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:06, Reply)

You should have snorted it.
Through a rolled-up prescription.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Doign this will earn you two thumbs. As it stands, no thumbs for this.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:13, Reply)

She's already had two thumbs up
up there ^ she's just hungry for the thumbs if you ask me!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Thumby goodness
Too right
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:16, Reply)

I can't snort!
At least I doubt it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Oh give it here, then
I'll fucking do it *hoovers*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:55, Reply)

Bit gay I suppose
But last night I went round to the house of a girl I know. We spent the evening in her bedroom, just watching DVD's, with a bit of kissing and cuddling, nothing more.

It was really nice, and has improved my mood hugely.

However, that mood was somewhat ruined when I got a text off my housemate saying 'Christened the new couch :-)'. Bastard.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:10, Reply)

You get no thumbs for being such a cockless girl

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:12, Reply)

Hahahahaha
Awwwwww
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:14, Reply)

It may seem harsh
but how would you feel if DiT just cuddled you all night when all you really want was some hard cock action.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:24, Reply)

You forget
I always get what I want! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:27, Reply)

If she'd wanted that, I would have given it to her (fnarr)
But she needed someone to keep her company, due to it being the 1st anniversairy of the death of her Uncle, who she was very close to.

I didn't expect to get my end away, so am happy with the result.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Like I give a shit what she wanted!
It's all about getting your sausage rolled my young friend. You would do well to remember this. Her personal circumstances just make her vulnerable and easier to get drunk.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Romance
knows no bounds with you sir
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:40, Reply)

My bird....
Is at Uni 200 odd miles away. So we were texting away and she was saying how she had some massive pub crawl to go on that night.

The texting was all very innocent and I was like oh well enjoy yourself, and all that kerjazzle, and eventually around 9pm she texted how she was licking cream off people and had to change her underwear.

Now, deep down I know she was slightly tipsy and probably sneakily trying to make me jealous, with her faux-drunk texting (because most nights out I'm the arsehole who likes to flirt with the girlies - she's honestly usually very nice and understanding about these things).

Anyway, I didn't reply to her text so she's probably been hungover today and regretting sending that tipsy message.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:47, Reply)

Or she's still busy licking cream off people.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:56, Reply)

more likely
she's still bent over a table getting it roughly from strangers
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 16:59, Reply)

they're heading for a Clash, those two
AH SAID....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 17:02, Reply)

And once more into the breach...
Face the audience and take a Bowie, sir.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 17:15, Reply)

That's magnificent

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 17:19, Reply)

My work is done
I can't Topper that. No siree, Bob.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 17:40, Reply)

you've got your comedy Headon for sure

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 17:54, Reply)

Isn't it Chime you admitted that the Clash are amazing?

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 18:19, Reply)

this^^^

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 18:17, Reply)