I'm having a moan
why is it, every fucking week you can't look at the popular page of the QOTW without at least two or three fucking shit stories by Spanky Hanky being on there. It's like the guy has literally nothing else in his life than just making up vaguelly funny stories, if he only posted one a week I wouldn't mind, god knows I've been equally guilty in my time, but he clogs the fucking board up and his little army of sycophants replying just to say "Guffaw" and "HAHAHAHA LOL" and shit like that.

It's fucking shit and it is really taking the fun out of reading QOTW, which actually has a lot of potential this week.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:24, 80 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh, al.
I think you're trying to get something off your chest here. Go on, don't hold back - you're among friends.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Alright I will
It's my mum, she said she would make me fish fingers and chips when I went for dinner the other week but she didn't, she made fish fingers and alphabites and I FUCKING HATE ALPHABITES! Why didn't she just make me chips like I wanted DG? WHY?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:28, Reply)

I LOVE alphabites

I didn't think they still made them, please send me some!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:29, Reply)

I do too
They don't make them anymore, you can only get those shitty 'smiles' things and they're crap and don't go crispy! Booooo! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:38, Reply)

The alphabites were a coded message.
You were suppose to decipher them. Instead you ate them. Now you'll never find the grail.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:30, Reply)

Oh well
I heard it was shit anyway. How's you?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:31, Reply)

so-so.
Still trying to decode a tin of alphabetti spaghetti.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:38, Reply)

Peter those are cheerios

(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Mmmmm!
Doughnut seeds!
(bill, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 17:10, Reply)

It was a cunningly coded message
Al's mum had made them spell out "these are chips not alphabites" on the plate. Unfortunately al is dyslexic and he thought it read "I hate you, love Mum", and so the illusion was shattered into a million crisp-crumbed pieces.

Poor al.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:35, Reply)

OhEmGEEEEEEE!
It's like you were inside my eyes looking out!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:36, Reply)

OH YEAHHHHH!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:38, Reply)

Fucking cunts, making me learn while eating potato starch, fucking fuck right off, muvvah, if I wanna lern, i'ld fuckin' play Call of Duety Modern Warfare One, because number two leaves me with a taste of milk on my lips.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:31, Reply)

If I ever have to play Call of Duty 2 I'm gonna punch a MOTHERFUCKIN WALL

(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:34, Reply)

I think you're jealous,
and you want to lick the sweat from his arsecrease.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:27, Reply)

He's only write a hilarious sweaty arsecrack story
Where his mum busts him getting a rim job from Al at a fucking bar mitzvah while a Gary Gliiter look alike spunks into the poor jewish boy's agape mouth.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:31, Reply)

oh man what happened next

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:49, Reply)

He inhaled Al's beefy aromas
then jizzed into a bowl of Alpen
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:54, Reply)

and what happened next

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:01, Reply)

a nun came in
ate the Alpen and farted a thick stream of bum gravy all over his mum's chunky twat
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:24, Reply)

Agreed

It's the convoluted similies I can't stand.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:28, Reply)

you're preaching to the choir
www.b3ta.com/search/posts/48141?q=spanky
(PsychoChomp, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:31, Reply)

this is my argument thread about it
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post566519
(PsychoChomp, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:33, Reply)

oh man you really oughta fuck that shit cunts shit right up

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:34, Reply)

I should wear some apple bottom jeans while I'm doing it too.
You know, the ones with the fur.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:35, Reply)

*head in hands*
it's BOOTS with the fur.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:39, Reply)

THE WHOLE CLUB WAS LOOKIN AT HUUUUUUUR

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:48, Reply)

alright rosalicious

(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:51, Reply)

alright althegeordie
alright kristine
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:51, Reply)

alright rosalicious
so delicious, she's hot hot
so delicious, she puts dem boys on rock rock
so delicious, they want a taste of what she's got
She's Rosalicious
t-t-t-tasty tasty
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:55, Reply)

She's so delicious
her body stays vicious
always up in the gym workin' on her fitness
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:58, Reply)

yer i lol'd. if fucking only my qotw friend, if fucking only

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:01, Reply)

its all gravy innit
whats more important right, is where the fuck am i going to get more booze with no cash this weekend
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:46, Reply)

I've got fucking loads of booze
What are you willing to do to get it?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:49, Reply)

i cant come to the staytes :(((((((
i have back up booze but if i drink it i'll DIE or something
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:50, Reply)

WHAT
is it laced with something?
don't tell me it's old because I've drank beer well past the expiration
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:53, Reply)

It's probably lighter fluid

(PsychoChomp, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:53, Reply)

office lol

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:56, Reply)

its shite my brother brought back from spain
dirty coloured absinthe that smells like battery acid

i once drank a bottle of old champagne the colour of tramps piss, im not fussy love, i just value my teeth and tonsils omfg they'll melt
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:55, Reply)

oh god oh god
no don't drink it
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:56, Reply)

oh man i dunno!
i could sip it all ladylike and shit and see how it goes innit
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:00, Reply)

Mix it with some orange juice or dandelion and burdock

(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:01, Reply)

d&b is so wrong im sat here doing little sicks thinking of it

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:04, Reply)

can you mix it with something?
I had half a shot once and it came right back up.
Later found out about the sugar cube trick.
Sad times.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:02, Reply)

oooh sugar cube trick? shall i pour it in a jug with a shitload of sugar and ting or what?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:04, Reply)

you put a sugar cube on a spoon, put a couple drops of the absinthe on the sugar cube and light it over your cup
it melts into the absinthe and makes it drinkable apparently
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:08, Reply)

also, this
cocktails.about.com/od/cocktailrecipes/ht/drink_absinthe.htm
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:10, Reply)

yer ta love i reckon i should dilute it
or run my car on it. i dunno man
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:13, Reply)

I reckon it's clean the dirt off your tires pretty well
and the paint off your car
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:14, Reply)

and the enamel off my teef
and the hair off my minge
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Beat up a tramp
Get one that looks a bit tipsy already and boot them in the head as hard as you can, makes them woozy then you have time to get a few punches in and then it's basically all over bar the cleaning up.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:50, Reply)

nah mate i live in essex now, not london
round here, i am the tramp
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:51, Reply)

in that case
watch out for fourteen year olds with a booze hungry look in their eyes.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Especially if they've got ginger hair
and are quite hot, even with a moustache.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:53, Reply)

none of those round here
i think i might have to crack on with the back up booze :((((((
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Tip:
A little absinthe with good amount of lemonade, and maybe some sugar.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:08, Reply)

im totally going to try the sugar
danke schön mein herr
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:09, Reply)

My main problem is with his name
You know how some words just make you feel sick, or like fingernails on a blackboard?

That's me with 'hanky'. I don't know why but it makes me shudder. Gene Pitney's voice has a similar effect.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:07, Reply)

yeah, I have the same thing, but with the stories as a whole.
They make me want to wash my hands.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:20, Reply)

I only counted 2 Spanky posts on last weeks 'best of'
I'm on there as well.......with a pearoast. I feel like a cheat :0(
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Nonsense, my dear fellow
It's a marvellous tale, and deserves retelling as often as you wish (within reason).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 16:26, Reply)

WTF
If you don't fucking like him, then don't fucking read him. As sick as you may be reading his stories, I am just as sick of hearing your whines about his stories. Don't fucking read him. It's a simple concept. Easy to understand even for you.

What the fuck is the big deal anyway? And since when is you opinion the rule as to what is good or bad on this site? Give it a rest.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 20:25, Reply)

put him on ignore
you cock
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 20:57, Reply)

GUFFAWLOLZ!!!11!!11!!!111!1!!!!!!
*clickage for overworked simile usage*
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 1:01, Reply)