It's December so we're allowed to talk about Christmas now
I've always hated Christmas - the full-on 5 senses assault of tat, the fact that it starts before Halloween, Noddy fucking Holder, the tasteless morons who smother their houses with gigawatts of bulbs and the even more tasteless morons who come to look at it, Noddy fucking Holder again, the fact that it is used to shift anything from chocolate to wardrobes to dildos. And Noddy fucking Holder.

Having left the UK for a civilized nation, I find it isn't like that here. It's done in a tasteful and understated fashion. It's much more a social occasion rather than a turbo-consumerist crapfest. So, to my amazement, and for the first time in my life, I find myself quite enjoying the prospect of Christmas. And Radio Wien has only played Noddy fucking Holder once to my hearing.

What have you found yourself reconsidering recently?
(ragged, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:24, 87 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lesbianism.

( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:26, Reply)

You KNOW it's too much effort

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:36, Reply)

I know, I know.
But men aren't interested so what do I do?
( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:39, Reply)

Buy a cucumber

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:39, Reply)

Yeah because cucumbers are soooo good at foreplay.

( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Men are so fucking interested
But then they smell that cock-repellant negativity you have going on.
Shake dem boobehs, do at least one different social activity per month, and you'll be annoying me with photos of you and your new 'beau' in matching anoraks on Windermere within 6 months I bet.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:46, Reply)

I'm dooooooooooomed I tell ya, dooooooooooomed.

( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:49, Reply)

Crystal ball says no

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:54, Reply)

Lower your standards a lot
And do volunteer work with mongs.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:58, Reply)

Why the hell should I.
I'm deserving of someone great as much as the next person is.
( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:02, Reply)

The next person is Maxine Carr

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

The next person is a fucking mong though.
I think you meant more deserving.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:06, Reply)

You do deserve it
But there aren't many about, so a bit less than great might have to be something we all have to consider at some point.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:06, Reply)

I've done my bit for the less great.
I want someone great for once.
( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:08, Reply)

In that case, fair enough
I think my almost greats will always have a catch of some sort.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:10, Reply)

Having just completed my Introduction To Diversity course
I find your automatic assumption that mongs cannot also be great is an example of *checks notes* stereotyping and may be actionable under the Disability Discrimination Act 1995. I'm going to have to insist you snog a mong to foster a disability friendly environment.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:13, Reply)

Do volunteer work with mongs?
Man, that's awful advice. She needs to spend LESS time here, not more.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

But we'd miss her so
*belms*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Ooh, I just noticed!
You have a Zodiac Mindwarp sig! I loved that song back when I was a wee one.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Besides, it's hard co-ordinating Van shoes and dungerys on a night out at the ritz.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Slade were alright.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:32, Reply)

I wouldn't laugh at you when you boo-hoo-hoo 'cos I luuuuuuuuuurve you-hoo

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Yeah you do

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:39, Reply)

it's really not that bad
I don't listen to commerical radio, did almost all my shopping online, I don't live somewhere scummy so people don't smother their houses in lights.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:39, Reply)

Don't bother
the line "I left the UK for a civilised nation" means they are a cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:39, Reply)

yeah I thought so

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Oh please
It was a throw-away line. And I spelled civilized correctly.
(ragged, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Hmmmm, does this post make you look more of a wanker or less?
Our survey says:

More. Definitely more.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:58, Reply)

no
you spelt it like an american. by no criteria is that the correct spelling.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:07, Reply)

I refer the honorable gentleman
to this

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxford_spelling
(ragged, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

I refer to honerable gentlemen to this
www.pretentiousfuckingcunt.com
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:15, Reply)

I was enjoyed the exchange so much I actually clicked that without thinking.
Ha!
(TheColonel, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Good job it wasn't accidently a real site
like my house of piss mistake.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Oh dear god.
Curiosity is a bad bad thing.

Not as bad as that though. I don't know what I expected.
(TheColonel, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:42, Reply)

well, I'm shocked and appalled by that
so much for the OED being the standard.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Therein lies the point
It isn't, and hasn't been for some time in this country.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

frankly I'm diguzted
it'z outrageouz
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Indeed Viproz, indeed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Bizarrely the OED favours the 'z' spelling on a number of words
They're on their own though - other such as Collins favour an 's'.

As do I.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:18, Reply)

that is very odd indeed
I honestly had no idea that the OED favoured the -ize spelling.

It's shocking, but for once I agree with the French. -ise is the way to go
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:30, Reply)

*whipes knows with finger twice, a cross between a scratch and a whipe*
Listen, yeah', mate, know what I mean? Innit, yeah', it was all of 'em. It was OK in the 50s and 60s, didn't like it, but there was a war on, things 'ad to 'appen. Besides, if they didn't eat, they'd starve, ain't the case like that now, know what I mean? Fuckin' 8 bedroom houses on Bishop's Ave, fuckin' Merc and a lovely tidy some each week. Yet me, my brother, he put into the system day in and day out all his life. Can he get a one bed? Bollocks to it, I'm faakin' off outta 'ere, ain't no room at the inn, close the boarders and fuck off musti-fucking-ha. Don't get me wrong, they'd be mugs not to take it, but we're mugs not to give it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fuck off, this is the greatest country on the planet, by quite a shot, dispite all thats wrong.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:30, Reply)

What would YOU rather someone do to your kid?
Lock them in a cellar for several years and rape them, or make them listen to All I Want For Christmas Is You on repeat?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:42, Reply)

Are you doing the raping yourself?
Or getting in external help?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:43, Reply)

I go to www.dialarapist.com For all your raping needs.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:45, Reply)

www.therapists.com

or something similar was an acyual site for mental health therapists, genius!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Have you say...

Dissolution Ex-Pat

Nu labour have ruined Christmas by giving it away to benfit thieves and immigants, that's why I left to live in Alabama, they know how to oppress minorities rather than letting eat our baby swans.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:43, Reply)

I find it disturbing
The fact that all the ads seem to be food related. There are thousands of them this days on TV (a 2h film becames 4h) and almost all of them are about food!! Can anyone really eat so much? Why is Christmas related with eating like pigs??

Now, in Spain all the ads are about toys for kids, so I don't know what's worst. The UK ads wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't on a diet :(
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:47, Reply)

Noddy Holder should be Knighted for services to Christmas.
Him, Roy Wood and David Bowie and Bing Crosby.

And anyone who lights their houses up too.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Oh that Little drummer Boy scares me a bit.
It's so 'yellow'.

I forgive Phil Spector all of his sins, simply because of his Cristmas album.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:57, Reply)

I love the intro to Little Drummer Boy
"Hi, I'm David Bowie, He said I could come round and play his piano"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:58, Reply)

And Bing just accepts it, no questions asked.
And that is the spirit of Christmas.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Hopefully
he's thinking 'great, now I can murder that talentless bender and hide the body in my conveniently-unfinished patio' - merry fucking Christmas!'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Just keep breathing pal....
...Helter Skelter is coming for the dodgy-eyed bastard.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:23, Reply)

Bowie. Must. Diiieeeeeeee...........

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:55, Reply)

Bizarrely, the only Christmas song that scares me is Boney M's one.
*fears*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:06, Reply)

Boney M sounds like a rapist's nick name

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Does it?
It implies 'naughtiness' rather than 'forced sex' to me.

Maybe a cheeky skeleton could be called Boney M but surely not a rapist.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:21, Reply)

I shouted at my nephew yesterday because he kept putting that on
My dad was defending him like some ginger Jesus.
Then the nephew pipes up with "Your mum said you liked this song when you were a baby!"
I felt violated and betrayed.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Great Music...
...but the 'Hi...I'm Phil Spector..." is creepy.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:29, Reply)

Totally Creepy
Puts the shits up everyone.
It's like he's behind you with two giftwrapped orphans and a pistol.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Touching your arse...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:42, Reply)

Christmas should eb confined to the week it falls in

That way it would be short sharp burst of festive feeling, rather than a a dirty smear of consumerism and bitterness over several months.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 10:59, Reply)

You can ignore that bit
and just do the overeating and singing bit
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Ever think that might be
because you've already worn yourselves out with two consumerised crapfests, called Hallowe'en and Thanksgiving?

Joking aside: I object to the vulgar, endless consumerism of it all as much as you do, but, from the 'mercans I've known, 'mercan Hallowe'en celebrations seem to be as bad as our overblown christmas. (And I'm aware it probably varies between states, so apologies if my sweeping generalisation does little more than highlight my complete ignorance.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:45, Reply)

I'm not sure
how I gave you the impression that I'm American, or live in America.

But I'm not and I don't.
(ragged, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Whoops
I do apologise, I read the sub-thread further down about Americanised spelling and jumped to the (obviously erroneous) conclusion that you were in the States.

So are you somewhere in Scandinavia? I've heard christmas is far more agreeable over there...or do I have to keep guessing?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Sorry,
I'm in Austria. Hence the Fritzl-related jibes further upthread.
(ragged, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Ah, I missed those.
I probably also should have twigged from the mention of Radio Wien. Sorry, it's been a slow morning.

Nevertheless, I can imagine the Europeans generally being more civilised about it. I imagine the Austrians, like the Swedes, keep it very traditional.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:04, Reply)

True, for an example see
www.weihnachtsmarkt.co.at/

Of course there's tat you can buy. But rather than an outdoor shopping experience, people treat it as a social thing. Friends and colleages meet there after work, to drink punsch and glüwein and eat little cinnamon pastries.

It's actually rather uplifting. All we are missing at the moment is a romantic dusting of snow, which should hopefully arrive soon.
(ragged, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:11, Reply)

That sounds really nice
I was down in Southampton this last weekend and it's clear they've tried to do something similar in the centre of town. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to have worked: whilst there's a lot of stands selling amusingly-shaped German sausages and mulled wine, it doesn't seem to have done much to abate the mechanical shopping frenzy of the local populace. A shame, really.

As for the snow, there appears to be an occluded front due to drift over you in the next day or two, but the pressure's going to be quite high and there's a warm front behind it. Cold but dry, I would guess, but then I don't really know what I'm talking about.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Southampton is the anus of Western Europe

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:57, Reply)

You've never been
to Cumbernauld, then?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Cumbernauld is the 'dodgy mole'
of Western Europe...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 14:10, Reply)

But the Austrians
put their Christmas trees up on a long pole, and leave them there all year.

That's odd, that is.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:33, Reply)

And intsead of Yule Logs
they are complicit in the murder of 6 million Jews!

KERRRRAZY!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 12:58, Reply)