Friday Afternoon Advice Clinic
Tis Friday, and all through the office, not a creature was stirring, not even my twat of a boss who has disappeared down the pub followed by all his cronies.

So my question of the day is... should I leave my mobile at work in my desk so when I get home later and get ridiculously drunk, I will have no means of drunkenly responding to my ex-bf's increasingly desperate txts (let's give it another go xxx - I miss u sooooo much.etc).

I realise for some that drunken Friday night txting is something of a tradition - but I really don't want to wake up with a stonking hangover and the realisation I've agreed to something I shouldn't/didn't want to.

Also - feck valentines day with a sharp stick - with a rusty nail attached.
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:18, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tell him it's over.
Then get smashed.
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Tried that - or more importantly, he dumped me.

Suddenly it's arsing valentines and the past few days he's been trying to get in contact.
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Well do you want to get back with him.
If so, the do,
Id no, then don't.

Regards,
Deidre
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Just block his number, you do have other friends that may want to contact you don't you?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:21, Reply)

friends internet perverts contact pander
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:23, Reply)

No pic in profile,
I'm out.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:23, Reply)

pic tits

You give up on those tits you were gazzing then?
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:26, Reply)

She replied but seems to have disapeared.
She used me :(
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Oh well.
Plenty more tits on the web.
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Will you not need your mobile this weekend?
Perhaps give it to a friend to hold for the night, or if they're nosy give them just the battery.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Text him a picture of your cock

that'll scare him off
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:28, Reply)

text Gaz your Ed's
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I only has wimmin bits (and no - you ain't seeing them) and strangely, this work PC has no stash of saved cockpics.

I presume this Ed is someone famous? Have I missed something?
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:34, Reply)

He was in the army and won the war, then he was a doctor and saved millions and went to the north pole.
Either that or he was a compulsive liar, bigamist and serial cock-gazzer who is/was in prison (probably because of the aforementioned cock-gazzing).
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:41, Reply)

He's in prison for the bigamy and the causing of serious and permanent injury to a soldier in training while he pretended to be a doctor.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Also bad things

(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Edmund / Ed's Meds
was a semi-regular contributor who kept banging on about his ex wife and how he wanted to get back with her. She dumped him after a few days of marriage when she found out that he was a serial fantasist. The list of his real-life misdemeanours reads like a movie script, and include not being an actual doctor, not being an actual polar explorer, not being a decorated war hero, maiming a soldier for life through ‘manipulating’ a wrist injury whilst not being an actual doctor, being a bigamist, and gazzing pictures of his knob to ladyb3tans.

He ended up in jail for being a total fraud. Google Craig Colclough if you want to know more…


*edit* bugger, beaten to it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:43, Reply)

AND!!
he re-emerged here shortly after his release in December, under the name Medical Male.
I can't prove this but he disappeared as soon as we noticed.
he even told me his name was Dr Ed in a gaz.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Was it? Huh, who knew.
Did he include a cock pic in his gaz?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:50, Reply)

No but he didn't when he was Ed's Meds either
he invited me to the opera
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Flip me
The dirty one doesn't get a cock pic? What's the world come to?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I ENT DIRTY!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I'll just sit here and wait for al to respond on this matter.

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:57, Reply)

something something BUMMING something something JIZZ ON YOUR FACE something something RIGHT UP THE SHITTER

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Nobody's perfect.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Good stuff
Saved me the effort.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Mine was more concise, but less accurate.
He gazzed me about how he'd been to Iceland (the country not the supermarket endorsed by coke fiend and general failure Kerry Katona).

I thought we could have been friends :(
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:46, Reply)

He also gazzed me
And we had a pleasant chat but I noticed recently that The Mods deleted the thread.
( djtrialprice, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Wow.. now there's someone you don't want to meet in a dark alley.

or in a pub.
or in your local sainsburys.

Not without a large weapon and the means to use it - what a creep.
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:47, Reply)

This should tell you all you need to know:
www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Craig_Colclough
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Yeah can you block his number?
I hope you can.
I'd hate you to hsve to go without your phone, but it might be necessary.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Gah
I can just see myself making an arse of the whole situation by replying after having a few glasses.

*Searches for phone app that will allow you to block numbers AND require a legal breath-test reading before unlocking phone*
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I know the perfect woman for him
She's got a kid, mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Jackie Stallone?

(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:35, Reply)

PHWOOOAARRR

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:37, Reply)

You could try not being so pathetically weak willed
that you are incapable of 1) not getting so drunk that you think that replying is a good idea 2) resisting said temptation if you do happen to get that drunk.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Sometimes it's not that easy
I've been doing great but I'm sure I'll have lapses and end up getting bummed at some point.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Oh stop it you
I'm just being my normal aggressively grumpy self to the noob. And getting bummed that often can't be considered relapsing, it's the periods of non anal cock action that should be considered relapses.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I just like pissin on yer grumpy chips Albert

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:42, Reply)

You just love getting bummed
and then having your eyes jizzed in.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Not actually IN my eyes, Al. Just on the lids is fine.
you'll have people thinking I'm a deviant...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:45, Reply)

You like it
when it dries and goes crusty and you can't open your eyes properly and you have to stumble around with you hands outstretched going "Oooooo, Ooooooooooo, my eyes are all stuck shut with jizz and I can't see" and then you "accidently" grab hold of some cock and start all over again.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Officejizzlolz

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Imma just gonna go check out thetrainline.com ..... be back in 5 minutes.
* 5 minutes later *

It's £19.99 return, I wonder if we could go halfsys on that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:30, Reply)

It's prolapsing, not relapsing that you have to watch out for...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Ha!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:46, Reply)

A prolapse is gods way of telling you to thrust harder

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:46, Reply)

God Idea
There speakth a man who has never made a drunken mistake I take it? ;p
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:39, Reply)

But what has my conduct while drunk got to do with the fact that you have no self control.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:42, Reply)

He's not allowed a phone
after PC World confiscated the last one.
(TheColonel, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:42, Reply)

If they don't want me doing that in the store
they should have big open tables and phones shaped like sex toys.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Take out your phone card and swallow it.
You will only be able to drunkenly send texts if you end up shitting yourself - in which case it will be the last of your worries.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I like breasts.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Me too,
they're great.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I'm going to buzz about this.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I cant wait to see it

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Check it, bitch.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I liked and commented.
I love the way we can talk about the same thing in two places at once.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:58, Reply)

It's so awesome
You could tell Stephen Fry that you like breasts. I bet he'd be really interested.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:59, Reply)

FELICIA DAY ALMOST SPOKE TO ME

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I bet he would be.
It's well known that Stephen Fry is a stallion of a man, always up to the hilt in fanny.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Hahaha
I think he might actually be a 'director of Charles Tyrwhitt'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Everyone else must think we're so cool right now.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Oh totally
I'm so clearly going to sign up to this Buzz thing, I usually have to wait a day or two before I sign up to something you're already on. That way you get suitably annoyed and tell me I'm copying you. YEAH ME AND THE REST OF THE WORLD!

Love you!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I like your breasts.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I think yours are even better than your wifes.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Oi
I happen to have award winning breasts thanks - Best in Show 2007, 2008 and 2009! So fuck you pal!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Don't get me wrong,
I'm not knocking your breasts, they are quite fantastic norks in their own field, but you're comparing a postcard of the Mona Lisa with the original oil painting here.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Damn straight you're not 'knocking' my breasts anymore
not after that ^. I'm offended - good day sir.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Awwww man, thats another pair of tits i'm not going to see.
My life is over!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:31, Reply)

Nyebo uronit
Noch' na ladoni
Nas ne dogonyat
Nas ne doganyat

Nas ne doganyaaaaaaaaaat
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 17:11, Reply)

TATU?
Surely Not! Please noooo!
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Fri 12 Feb 2010, 19:46, Reply)