I found a broken XPS M1530 Laptop in a recycling skip
And thought I'd see if there were any spares in it. I checked the service tag and found it was still under warranty, I sent it back 10 days ago and today it arrived all fixed. An almost new gaming spec laptop for absolutely nothing. Power supply was still attached and they collected and delivered. They replaced the motherboard, touch pad and top cover. Its totally mint now. Woo fetch me a croissant!

So anyone else had any fantastic blags/strokes of luck lately?
( Peej, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:01, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking hell that's a quality piece of luck.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:02, Reply)

gimme

(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:03, Reply)

You jammy motherfucker!
Nice one!
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:08, Reply)

I bet there's an horrific story behind that laptop
I reckon the previous owner was beaten to death with it, which is why the family just wanted to get rid of it...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:10, Reply)

What if there was some child porn on it,
and now the police are folowing his every move? What then?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:11, Reply)

Just to warn you I had to chuck that once the police started sniffing around

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:11, Reply)

That's a bit dodgy.
It could of been full of kiddie fiddling porn.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Damn
I wondered where I'd put that...can I have it back please?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Superb stuff.
A few month back I took a broken iron to the dump and came back with a Kenwood pro-logic amp and speakers, totally mint and in perfect working order, and bizarrely they were the EXACT same models as I had bought 10 years previously. The original amp I had broken and binned about a year beforehand, but I still used the surround speakers.

A strangely comforting find.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:15, Reply)

They don't normally let you take stuff from dumps

(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:18, Reply)

They let someone take you

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:21, Reply)

You let anyone take you

(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:21, Reply)

The trick is to arrive wearing only a thong and a smile
Other finds include a brand new Dyson DC01, the motor had gone, but the rest was mint. I took it home and cannibalised all the parts and made my own as good as new.

A full set of golf clubs and bag. Not the best you've ever seen, but for my woeful skills, more than enough.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:22, Reply)

My dad got a new bike from the dump a while ago.
He saw a bloke about to throw it into the skip and asked what was wrong with it, on the basis that it looked perfectly fine.
"Puncture," said the bloke.


People that stupid deserve to stay poor.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:24, Reply)

That's brilliant
By that logic I should have scrapped my car about five years ago
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:29, Reply)

If there was any mention of wanking in
this story I would be convinced you are Spanky.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I reckon I saw Spanky at a Stewart Lee show a few weeks back

(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:21, Reply)

How could you tell it was him?
Was there a trail of hilarious destruction behind him?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Because only cunts like Stewart Lee

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I like Stewart Lee.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Point proven

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:28, Reply)

You can fuck off with your shit talking.
Stewart Lee is very funny.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:30, Reply)

*high fives*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I wish my life was as interesting as Spankys
or that I could lie like him. Once I was having a threesome with a couple of lezas when a laptop fell out of one of their arses. It wasn't under warranty so my mate who is British wrestling champion got it repaired by a top government laptop engineer who was hot and female and left loads of naked pictures of herself on the laptop and then came round and let me do her up the bum and she said it was the best she ever had and paid me 10 grand.
( Peej, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I tell you who's had a stroke of fucking luck...
...all the wanker collegues of mine that managed to blag the same time off leaving me, and one other collegue to cover all 6 of their jobs for the next fortnight.

I am fucking livid. When I see the boss who signed it off, I'm likely to give her a slap.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:24, Reply)

With a kipper?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:27, Reply)

anything fish-based will do.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Stroke of luck indeed
My uncle is 40 in August.
I'm mooching about on ebay for unusual things as there are a lot of significant birthdays this year. (What IS it with all my friends and relatives being born on the 0 of the decades?)

Anyway, the uncle...
He loves this band Sunn O))) but doesn't have tinternet and thinks they don't have many albums (and certainly not in our local HMV.)
He also loves Elizabeth Bathory.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_B%C3%A1thory
I have just found a Sunn O))) album, the last track being a 'song' called Bathory Erzsebét (her name in Hungarian.)Now all I have to do is pray he remains ignorant of their back catalogue until his birthday.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:42, Reply)

needs more boobs

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Hold on, I saw an Elizabeth Bathory birthday card on ebay with more boobs...
cgi.ebay.co.uk/ELIZABETH-BATHORY-BIRTHDAY-GREETING-CARD-adult-horror_W0QQitemZ150422643525QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_Home_Garden_GreetingCards_ET?hash=item2305e36345
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I want to receive cards like that
I'm fed up with racing cars and shit.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I want to get it for him
But I think Nana and Grandad will refuse to let him put it on the fireplace.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Botheration
Get them similar unbirthday cards then they can't complain.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Grandad makes Nana change channels if Tina Turner comes on
He doesn't like 'uncouth' ladies.
But peppers every sentence with the word 'cunt'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Sounds a bit repressed,
and a borderline tourettes too.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

you're getting him a CD
for a decade rounding birthday?
Such cheapness will not be acceptable with me. Muh-ha-ha-ha.
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:46, Reply)

People get so het up about the fact that they happen to have been born
a number of years easily divisible by ten ago. Why? What exactly is different about it? FUCK BLOODY ALL. People should either all their birthdays or just not give a shit. It's just another day.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Yeah but dude
It's 2010 and my mother is 50, my uncle is 40, my nana is 70, THREE friends are 30 and he ^ is 30.

I'm gonna be homeless and destitute by September.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I demand saphires and emeralds
and stupidly pointy guitars!
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I am only a shelver, remember.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Are you getting touchy about the fact you're getting close to the big
5-0?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:51, Reply)

SHH!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:53, Reply)

in some ways I agree
but in others... I want to stay in my twenties *sobs*
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:52, Reply)

There there
30s are ace.
Kids stand up for you on the tube.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:00, Reply)

*cries*

( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

That's not all I'm getting him, you bellend!
But he says "Our Roota always gets me rare and unusual presents".
So that was the main challenge. Something rare or odd or apt or whatever. I think combining his love of totally odd music and Hungarian lesbian vampires is a pretty decent effort!

The rest will be comprised of Jack Daniels.

EDIT: Oh, and I get your point. I'm on it ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:49, Reply)

I am just teasing btw
Starting to go out with someone a month and a bit before their 30th birthday is a bit unfair.
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Just shush.
I get good presents. Sometimes they cost £5, sometimes they cos £100, but man, I get good presents.
BLEEV.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Don't say that
If she wants to go out with you, she has to accept you for who you are, which is old, bitter and demanding an frickin awesome 30th birthday present.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Shut up you!
I do 'unusual' and 'meaningful'.
(ie. cheap)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I've decided I'm having an awesome birthday
I'm going on a Highland retreat for a stag week style holiday. It's all been paid for so if you want to come you just have to get to Aviemore near the end of the April.
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

but he has to serve the drinks
In nothing but a bow-tie
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:03, Reply)

I've already got DiT doing that
He doesn't know this yet but I've agreed a price with Flim-Flam.
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:05, Reply)

If he likes Sunn O)))
get him stuff by Boris, and Earth - they're on the same scene.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:50, Reply)

He can have a half bottle of Jack and shut the fuck up
But thanks for the tip ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:52, Reply)

if he likes Sunn O)))
get him a CD-R with 15 minute tracks of white noise.
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

He would love it
Especially if interspersed with PIFs about nuclear disaster and the screams of hungarian peasant girls being eaten alive.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:09, Reply)

There's a Psychic TV LP
one side of which is a genuine audio recording of the Jonestown massacre, it's about 25 minutes of people dying.

Get him that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:17, Reply)

*investigates*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:19, Reply)

One of the most disturbing bands EVER
I saw them in the Harlesden Mean Fiddler when I was about 14: their cult-like activities scared the living shit out of me. There were lots of naked men with knob piercings dancing about - not nice.

They did a cover of the Button Moon theme, in a most menacing way. Really it did my fucking head in. Ask Tuggers, he knows all about them...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:40, Reply)

as luck would have it...I've not had ANY bad luck lately
I've probably just jinxed myself :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:50, Reply)

ooops
First thing I did was format and install windows 7. I didn't get a chance to check for any Gary Glitteresque viewing materials.
( Peej, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:55, Reply)

rest assured that Dell did
and the nonce-bashers are on their way to you right now
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Woo yay

( Peej, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Surely, if there was any on there there would also be records of WHO had been using it at the time.
I.e email access etc, so you'd be alright.

The only trouble is that you can't prove when you got hold of it as you have no proof of purchase.

Gutted.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I seriously doubt the police will be knocking on my door anytime
It was chucked cos the motherboard was fucked
( Peej, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:05, Reply)

WHO as in 'Pete Townshend of the'...?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Nice work, there!
I had a couple friends round for dinner last night, and they brought me 3 bottles of Rodney Strong cabernet sauvignon (goes about $22 a bottle). We didn't touch it, we drank the $7 bottle of white I'd picked up.
Win.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I've quit the sauce
and my house is filling up with booze left by others. I guess before I used to polish off anything left at the end of the evening. So far we have a bottle of Southern Comfort and a bottle of gin as well as several random cans of beer. Oh and some nasty cheap whisky.
( Peej, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I rarely touch liquor,
I still have bacardi, gin, vodka and whiskey from when I moved in 15 months ago! Beer and wine though...that's a different story.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Invite me round, then.
I'll help you 'clear up', no problem
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:25, Reply)

I've not given up the other stuff
you bring that, i'll bring the booze.
( Peej, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 21:01, Reply)

if you need a good lawyer to get you off the kiddie porn
[not get you off ON the kiddie porn!] then i might know a man who can... there's just the small matter of my introductory fee.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:53, Reply)

the kiddie porn
( djtrialprice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 20:22, Reply)