I'm sorely tempted to send my sister a turd in the post
I've just heard that she's decided to vote conservative - not because she agrees with their policies and likes the party. No. She is voting for them because a) her fiance is, so by her reckoning, she has to too, and b) David Cameron had a disabled child so she feels sorry for him.

Why are people this dim allowed to vote?!

Have you heard any more stupid reasons to vote yet?

Alternatively, what's your Tory candidate name?
1) Father's middle name
2) Name of the street you grew up on
3) Headmaster's Surname.
Mine's Alexander Wester-Wilson.
( ascorbate, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:13, 89 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

James Vandyke-Bent

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Hasn't Brown got a dead kid though?
That's would beat a disabled kid in top trumps.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:22, Reply)

just wait for SamCam's miscarriage

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Now I'm imagining Cameron with a bottle of Gordon's and a wire coathanger,
with his wife weeping with what remains of her consciousness on the kitchen table, saying, in his smug Etonian voice,
"I'm sorry darling, but I'm behind Clegg in the polls...this really is the only way I can mend Broken Britain."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I think "gordon's" would be his last resort Gin

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Haha! Good point, I should have thought of that
But then if he's prepared to perform a home abortion on his wife, then I don't think the brand of gin in question would be top of the list of priorities.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I'm actually a bit disgusted at myself
and that's rare.

I used SamCam as an abbreviation ;)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:43, Reply)

he also has
a kid with cystic fibrosis.
( ascorbate, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:40, Reply)

'I'm voting Labour,
because Margaret Thatcher ruined this country'

Stupidest reason ever
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I don't know
"Anything's got to be better than another four years under John Major" seems fairly sound to me*.

*_{I was too young to vote at the time, to avoid any confusion if this spirals into a full-on debate}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:20, Reply)

that amused me :)
but it's just no longer relevant now.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:30, Reply)

That really is uncalled for and proves you look no further than the surface comment.
Margaret Thatcher promulgated Tory policy. Which never changes. That's why it's called Conservative. It can be dressed up as anything they wish to call it but if you look at the fundamental tenets there is no change. And if you are going to quote do so accurately.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:58, Reply)

do you think you're the only person who has ever said that?
I was quoting someone I actually know. A die-hard Northerner

And of course, silly me, policies never change. Which is why we always have the same manifestos, and the same parties in power
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:04, Reply)

You are confusing Conservatism and conservatism

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Not in the least. Just wait and see.
I'm not going to comment any more. It's bad for my blood pressure. But please, feel free to try and change my mind.
I used to be really dyed in the wool red but I am mellowing to the extent that I even consider some tory policies actually very sensible.

So my tory candidate name?

Cecil Tanfield-Lewis. Wow, I'm impressed.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:17, Reply)

James Fairfield-Horner.
My mum can't decide who to vote for, but it won't be Labour because the local candidate is "a stuck-up so-and-so who thinks she's better than everyone else." This, in itself, is insufficient reasoning for my liking.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:17, Reply)

That is a pretty retarded basis on which to cast a vote.
And John Highcliffe-Estate Conway.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Neil St Matthew-Ewen
That's not bad.

Though not as good as my pr0n name, which would be Morris Wilde.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)

How do you do porn names then?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)

I *think*
It's the first name of your pet, followed by your mother's maiden name.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Piper Headon
Ooh ey!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Wahey!

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Goldie Valente
Alright Lampito?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Not bad not bad not bad
I went for tea in Fallowfield last night with my mum. I got really nostalgic :(

How are you sweetie?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:32, Reply)

How long are you back in Manc for?
Good ta, but not doing nearly as much work as I should be :/
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:37, Reply)

he
mine's Apple Skinner. sounds more like a kitchen implement.
( ascorbate, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I'm voting BNP because I agree with their policies.
Rose Derby-Pickering.

done mother's as father's is quite recognisable/rare, even though it's prime tory material.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Have you seen their policy on Ireland?
It's truely stupid, "we're going to let them join the UK" like that's what they've wanted all along.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:24, Reply)

What are their foreign policies apart from "get our boys back" and "no more EU"?
How will they save the economy? Healthcare? Money for new prisons?


Their leaflet had gingers on. It was almost like "THIS IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE ETHNIC MINORITY"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Here you go, scare yourself
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_National_Party#Policies
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Guns, beatings, the IRISH?
fucking hell
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I got a BNP leaflet through the door yesterday.
Churchill and Griffin on the same fucking pamphlet.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Very same one we got
if it has a ginger family, and "BRING OUR BOYS HOME"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:35, Reply)

We got a UKIP one and they spelled our towns name wrong.
Thankfully the BNP have no presence here.
( Peej, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Oh and a Lib Dem one in the European election that got passed the proof reader
called the Mebyan Kernow candidate a "Greasy Haired Twat"
( Peej, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I love this, Churchill started life as a Liberal

Do you think they even know that?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Gordon Top-Rowe.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:22, Reply)

More porn.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Holmes Laleham-Mansell

( broadsword, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Arthur Woodcott-Williams

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:28, Reply)

My mate is voting for them because they will bring back fox hunting
I have no problem with people voting for who they believe in but voting for one stupid policy seems more than a little stupid.

Oh and James Whitcross-Hazelwood
( Peej, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Albert Eavesdale-Dawkins
I quite like that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I am stunned at the stupidity of people
many of my friends are not registered to vote and have never voted, despite being in their early 30's.

A friend of mine has a 22 y/o girlfriend who is fat, blonde, pregnant and stupid. She said she couldnt remember who she voted for last time. I furrowed my brow and pointed out that the last general election was 5 years ago, so she wouldn't have been old enough to vote. She said, "But I thought they happened every year...I remember voting at school".
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Bernard Bangor - Christie

Stupidist reason is every Labour supporter who mentions Thatcher as a reason to not vote conservative and vote labour. She was first in power 28 years ago, Labour have spent the most recent 10 years, the 10 most prosperous years of the modern age, racking up huge debts, this is stupid on a momumental scale.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:03, Reply)

yeah, it was all down to them
totally, they somehow infiltrated all the other countries also suffering from recession ATM, damn those sneaky Laboutites!
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:06, Reply)

That's not what I said
the recession would still have happedned, but our debt would not be 65% of GDP, thus leaving us in a better postion economically.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:10, Reply)

yes dear
I'm sure you're right.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Government borrowing to combat the effects of the worldwide recession
is the only thing that has stopped our economy totally collapsing. THere are many reasons not to support Labour, such as the Iraq war, but their handling of the economy has actually been quite good. They have ploughed a lot of money into health and education and improved them a lot.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Pre-recession

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:22, Reply)

It's interesting to note that the tax payer will make many billions of pounds out of propping up the banks
I'm surprised Labour aren't crowing to the rooftops about this, since they got so much shit saying it was terrible when they did it, but it's ended up being a very good investment.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:24, Reply)

It is, however it is fundamentally against the rules of capitalism, which is driven by success
with the weak being left behind. This leaves a healthy selection of businessess who can prosper. It's economic Darwanism.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:31, Reply)

I agree
but there wasn't actually a choice, the banks simply could not fail. However, the thing to do now would be to break them up into smaller companies to prevent it happening again. But that's just not going to happen, and capitalism runs on to it's inevitable conclusion of one massive business controlling everything. Welcome to Tesco, have a nice day.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:32, Reply)

I think we may agree on something

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:34, Reply)

they haven't improved health or education
especially not relative to the sheer amount spent. Financial prolifigacy is not an indication of quality
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:23, Reply)

They have improved health
How can you see the length of waiting lists back in the mid 90s and say that at most you having to wait a month or two for operations is not an improvement. To say the opposite is naive at best and utter stupidity at worst.

As for education, yes your parents are teachers, so you base your argument on their anecdotal evidence without presenting a single piece of evidence as to why teaching is so much worse than it was in the 90s.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:26, Reply)

Most teachers I know think it is worse; no statistics to massage no spin to be spun
although this is a universe of 4...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Labour had forty consecutive quarters of economic growth whilst maintaining low inflation,
low interest rates and low unemployment. Which other government has ever achieved this? We have since had six quarters of negative figures due to a worldwide recession followed by a return to growth.

Borrowing always increases in a recession. Gordon Brown's early years as chancellor saw him reducing the debts that escalated during the recession of the early nineties.

It is simply incorrect to suggest that the Labour government has presided over years of famine.

That said of course, the election is about the next five years not about 1997.
(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 18:26, Reply)

Nicholson-Beaufoy Matheson
I'm liking that name.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:04, Reply)

voting torry because:
of The War, or the economy, either one would have been just the same by the Tories, only more so and smugger.

Edit: John Newcross-Parsons
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:13, Reply)

So you are voting based on assumtions rather than facts?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:15, Reply)

The tories supported the war in Iraq as much as Labour
And the tory policies on the economy are just terrible. George Osbourne couldn't be in charge of a paper bag, let alone a major economy.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:21, Reply)

I don't recall
stating that:
A) I was voting in the first place
B) That I wasn't voting Tory
C) That me reasons for not doing so were based on the above
Merely that those were stupid reasons to vote Tory, although I will add at this point that they would also display a lamentably knowledge of political history, and a shocking naivete worthy only of a child or possibly the educationally sub-normal.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:21, Reply)

of course that's the way to win an argument
claim that people who believe the opposite are educationally subnormal.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I wasn't aware that I was trying to win an argument
I thought I was answering a question on a humourous website
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:31, Reply)

If you're not voting you should probably shut up as it makes you look stupid

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:23, Reply)

Again, nowhere did I state that I wasn't voting
I've made no statement as to my political beliefs, or who, if anyone I will be voting for, one could assume from what I said, and with as much evidence, that I was in fact voting Tory, but was doing so for other reasons.

That said, I don't find anything as such wrong with refusing to vote, there are many legitimate reasons, including, but not limited to dislike of all the candidates on offer, the lack of a "none or the above" box to tick on the ballot paper, disbelief in democracy as a valid system of government, and disbelief that our current system is even fit to be considered a democracy. I'm sure there are others those are just off that top of my head.

That said, and before you go jumping to any more conclusions I shall, in fact, be voting.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:38, Reply)

If means if

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:41, Reply)

yes, it does rather doesn't it.
also water is wet, the sky is up, politicians are lying bastards and the electorate and (mostly) retards, any more tautologies that need stating?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:46, Reply)

Good for you.
It quite possible for me to argue that anyone who thinks that Gareth Barry is better than James Milner is a fool, without being a Man City or Aston Villa fan.
(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:43, Reply)

Only if
you do so


in a long


and possibly tangential post regarding ducks

I saw a duck today, it went "mwap mwap mwap" in the way that ducks went.

I admired it's earthy humour.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:46, Reply)

You're very dull.

(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:48, Reply)

My irony-o-meter has just shot right off the scale.
Luckily I had some Ian Dury to comfort me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:52, Reply)

Excellent. You might learn some new lines.

(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 18:01, Reply)

We all do.
We assume politicans will do what they say and policies will remain unchanged after the election. Yeah right.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:22, Reply)

This is sadly true

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:24, Reply)

Sorry. Mr Cynical is well and truly in residence after seeing the bastards' latest performances.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:31, Reply)

Bizarrely
this makes me Barry Drive Barry.
(berk, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I'd vote for you.
Having a candidate named Barry Drive-Barry would actually be the most exciting thing that's happened in this whole campaign.


I'd be "MyDaddidn'thaveamiddlename Lee-Smith"
(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:39, Reply)

Dallas Wilkes Moore-Bridger
Fuck yeah.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:29, Reply)

You win.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 17:31, Reply)

wow
now that's more a republican candidate I think...
( ascorbate, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 18:01, Reply)

It only needs III on the end.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 28 Apr 2010, 18:08, Reply)

Ooh! I like this one.
John Haselbech-Rumble.
Has a ring to it, don't you think?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 18:13, Reply)

John Woodbury Who-The-Fuck-Remembers-Their-Headmasters-Name

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 18:54, Reply)

David Eversden-Townsend
David Eversden-Corbett

David Eversden-Peacock

David Eversden-MacMurray

(I've been through a few heads in my time)


((fnarrrrr))
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 22:10, Reply)

Seriously, were you in trouble a lot?
I can remember a load of teacher's names, but I'm completely drawing a blank on any headmasters.

And I was struck off as a prefect for offences above and beyond.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 23:38, Reply)

Nope!
Headmasters retired and were replaced at both my schools halfway through my time there.

Although I've been to an awful lot of schools (brought up on both sides of the Atlantic, in various cities), but I can't remember any other headmaster names.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Vasilis Waterloo-Murphy
Quite a good one I think!
(bill, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 1:04, Reply)

Stevens Sheilds Farney
how rare?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:56, Reply)