Bow down!
Don't panic, I know it looks like things are in a mess, but I've got my tanks going down the M6 right now.
Show your loyalty to the Roota Freedom Party and I will spare you.

Do you want a place on my cabinet? What will you look after?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:44, 69 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's not that much of a mess
Let's face it, a hung parliament means that no single party is going to get its own way. Which can only be a good thing (except of course that there is the possibility that nothing at all gets done).

In Scotland, there have been no seat changes at all. I was quite surprised by this, but not really bothered.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:48, Reply)

I bet nowt would have got done
But it's all irrelevant, because I will be installed by teatime.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Is it just me
or does the Roota Freedom Party sound more like a dictatorship?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

I'd prefer it if you used another term
but there isn't one.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:57, Reply)

'Strong, independent leadership?', 'Principled but listening to opposition views?'
I'm right behind you lass - rooting fa Roota.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 7 May 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Woo!
Here's a tenner!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)

I'll look after that trophy you got for *********** that ********** in Wales, with a ********** up your arse.
Oh, wrong cabinet?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Not that one!
Stupid boy...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:57, Reply)

I'll look after Forrin Affairs if you like.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 7 May 2010, 8:55, Reply)

Yes,
But only forrins that I like.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:58, Reply)

so me then.
Awesome, that keeps things simple.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 7 May 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Is that because you're Forrin
and having an affair?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 8:58, Reply)

These tanks of yours on the M6
I hope they're not overtaking each other at 56.0001 mph like lorries do and holding up huge queues of cars. That wouldn't be a good way to start your new government!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Are you speaking out against me?
In public?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:04, Reply)

From my nuclear bunker
Yes.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:09, Reply)

We're outside

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:10, Reply)

You may be
But I'm encased in concrete, 50 feet below the ground.

Just in case.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Well you'll die in there
Traitor
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:12, Reply)

See, this is the trouble with dictatorships
One word out of place and you're condemned.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:14, Reply)

And?
The problem?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Oh, nothing. All just dandy, Madam Dictator.
*buys lots of non-perishable food*
*keeps head down*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)

well
so long as they avoid the M11, that's fine.
( ascorbate, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:07, Reply)

ooh
can I be the minister for everything I have an opinion on despite being an expert in no area?
( ascorbate, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:06, Reply)

I like your style
And feel free to take a hefty wage for your son, I mean your 'agent'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:08, Reply)

shall do
so long as the public are kept in the dark. don't want them getting all uppity about monies being spent on rusks and stacking cups, do we?
( ascorbate, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Can I be minister for the interior.
I don't get out much so it wouldn't be a stretch for me to do the job.
( girlinthehole, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Excellent
You can be in charge of taping Casualty and Facejacker.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:14, Reply)

*beams at importance of job*
( girlinthehole, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Can I be minister to your interior?
I'll stretch you girl.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 7 May 2010, 10:07, Reply)

: /

( girlinthehole, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Costumier please

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Naturally...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Are we all going to wear corsets?

( girlinthehole, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Not necessarily,
I'll just make sure that tracksuits and words written on arses are banned. We'll all look fucking amazing though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:18, Reply)

the only thing I ever see
written on arses is the phrase "I'm a cunt" - go figure
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Fuck, yeah!

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 7 May 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Yeah! Corsets for everybody!

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 7 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I'll be Minister of Davids
to ensure the inexcusable decline in public Davids is reversed. More Dimbleby! Less Cameron!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)

More David Attenborough
Less Richard Attenborough
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)

I have no authority over Dicks.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:06, Reply)

That is excellent.
A lot of Davids are mentally ill, so could you keep an eye on that?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:20, Reply)

haha burn

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:22, Reply)

*belms*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Could I be the chancellor?
I'm just as qualified as George Osborne and Alistair Darling. Nowhere near as qualified as Vince Cable though.
( Peej, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Thank you, Darling

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Right, I'm off to get my hair cut
Don't kill too many Britain's Got Talent contestants while I'm away.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:23, Reply)

define "too many"
I'm not sure you can.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:25, Reply)

You can conquer the world, like Charlemagne!
But you better be prepared to kill everyone. And you better start with me, because I will raise up an army against you and I will beat you!
(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:27, Reply)

^this is a quote from the west wing, one of the best episodes.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)

west psychiactric the best Chompy's worst
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 7 May 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I'll look after you, darlin'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Can I be Executor of The List?
The List comprising of people we don't like. I'll also require diplomatic immunity, and the occasional weekend off.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Oooooh!
I wanna be minister! Can I be in charge of building new monuments for the new reigeime? Oh, and in charge of the army too please. I promise I won't start a coup.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 7 May 2010, 9:50, Reply)

I've always fancied having a go at being Archbishop of Canterbury.
There's loads of dosh to be made with Christmas franchises. Then there's the whole Easter thing that's ripe for real development: I mean, the church has got to get a grip on the choccy egg racket. How hard can it be? - it's like taking sweets from kids.
Except it's selling sweets to kids.
I have visions for this business y'know. Real visions.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 7 May 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Plus.
First dips on the new choir-boys.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:05, Reply)

they don't call it "Head" of the Church for nothing

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:09, Reply)

It'll cost you Tuggers. Good choirboys don't come cheap. Often - but not cheap.
I'd have every vicar looking out for potential talent, and sending them up to join my choir as soon as they are broken in.
Also: The Mini-surplus and lower communion rails - see where I'm going with this?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 7 May 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I want to be your slimy unctuous creep.
You know the one, he's not really a minister but whispers in your ear just before you make your best announcements that come back and bite your arse?

A bit like a less visible Mandelson?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 7 May 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Can you give Nick Clegg a job?
he's probably feeling a bit down, what with his fail and everything.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:08, Reply)

He tried so hard to not get over excited as well!
Lib dems lost my area with an 8% swing
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:17, Reply)

No change in my area
Tories beat Lid Dem by 5%. Same old tory.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Grand Vizier please.
I shall attempt to keep the evil to a minimum.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Has anyone bagsied Minister for Alcohol yet?
I could do with a bottle of wine right now.

(Good morning, El Presidente.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Head of the secret police please
Monty can be my overly ambitious deputy who eventually has me implicated in somekind of treason and has me removed from my post and executed. Living the dream.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 7 May 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Sorry, Monty is already Drug Tsar.
Althought the jobs are not mutually exclusive.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 7 May 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I shall be
Minister for Cake. I occasionally wonder if Britain would be a better place if regular tea and cake was mandatory...
(berk, Fri 7 May 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Little bit late,
But good morning oh Mighty Ruler!

Can I be your personal assassin? Please please please??
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 7 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Yes, to all of the above
Especially Applebite as dirty Bond-villain
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 7 May 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Yay!
Thank you, your excellency.
Who do shall I dispose of first?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 7 May 2010, 12:37, Reply)