I have a small collection of beer injuries.
Despite not going out with the intention of getting horrendously battered, that's what happened on Saturday night. After we left the pub my friend thought it would be a good idea to rugby-tackle me to the cold hard tarmac in front of a police car, my glasses flew off and I landed awkwardly. They were all like 'Hey!' and I was like 'It's ok, he might look like a cunt but he's actually my friend,' and they were like 'OK, but keep your bloody noise down.' I have a badly-bruised knee and grazes all over my left arm.

What did you get up to this weekend, and what's your worst alcohol-related injury? Edit: top-class Monday mongism, it's my right arm.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 8:56, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

See sig for details.
Oh and not so much of an injury but I once managed to get a slug on top of my head from beer fighting frolicks. Screamed like a girl when I found out.
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I wouldn't say I was accidentally drunk.
Metaphorically funneling double vodka, lime and lemonade down your throat tends to do that. What's your excuse? Also, I appear to have ripped a pocket on a hoodie I only bought a fortnight ago.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)

I just don't pay attention to how much I'm drinking and before you know it I'm wankered.
Still, had a good girly evening with Aberracion on Saturday night and she's coming to the bash to make tapas for us.
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:07, Reply)

It was a good night, and the food was very good
Those guys on the train were a bit scary, but I got home ok.

I'll try my best with the tapas, but feeding almost 30 people will be interesting :)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 17 May 2010, 9:33, Reply)

You don't need to do enough for 30 people.
Tourettes and I will make some food as well.
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Well, I wasn't planning to feed them all
But make enough so everybody can try.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 17 May 2010, 9:39, Reply)

damaged my thumb (I suspect almost to the point of breaking due to how much and for how long it hurt)
by vaulting over a brick wall. I went to put my hand down on the top to assist me over, but missed and took pretty much my whole weight through my thumb...

had a good weekend generally. Played our first gig for ages yesterday. We were fucking awful. For the first half at least. Got it together a little bit in the second half. Don't think anyone noticed though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Have you discussed writing that song about Exeter students' dress sense yet?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:11, Reply)

completely forgot
curse my addled brain
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:13, Reply)

I was on the German beer on Friday,
Followed by scnapps and then scotch.

I had a quiet Saturday when I eventually came to.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:04, Reply)

I'm fooked
Had a surprise BBQ thrown for my birthday yesterday, it's all good. Birthday isn't til thursday either, haha!

Stayed in friday night, as I was working saturday, so needed to get some kip.
Saturday, after I worked, went home and started on a bottle of wine, a reward for myself. Then went for a quick pint for a friends birthday, then off to a mates house, to prepare for a night out. There, we had roughly a triple shot of sambuca each, then I think we left. I say think, because I have no memory of the night. Little flashes of memory is it. Not fun.

Sunday, woke up at my friends house, she sent me away, so she could start getting things sorted (I knew something was happening, just didn't know what it would be). Went for a pint, then got called back to the house, where I was presented with a beer and the promise of several more. This was at about 3. Drank non stop until about 10, when I passed out. Was then woken a little while later, and taken home. Fooking great day though!

Worst injury would have to be my broken foot. I wasn't drunk, but drinking the night before had made me sleep in!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:05, Reply)

I can't drink until I pass out any more.
This is definitely a good thing. However we got drunk enough to think that walking four miles across fields in the dark was a good idea, including a paddle in a bloody freezing stream at 3am. Nice sunrise with crisps by the reservoir though.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:22, Reply)

I went to a friend's birthday barbecue on Saturday
and there was a bouncy castle! I had a wreslting match with one of my friends and I totally won, he couldn't say mercy because I squeezed the air out of his lungs with my thighs of steel. He sulked. I grazed my elbow though, it stings.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)

I grazed/friction-burned my elbow during my tumble.
It's pretty painful :( I do love bouncy castles though, they're great fun until someone loses an eye.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Yeah I don't think anyone really hurt themselves,
which is surprising with the amount of alcohol we were consuming, but everyone came away with a friction burn from the canvas.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Bouncy castles at parties are great,
but every single time I feel the need to try a backflip, and every single time I land on my head and fuck up my neck for the next fortnight.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:54, Reply)

The boys were doing flips but I didn't dare
because I can still vividly remember always landing on my neck at a dodgy angle and thinking I was going to die. Every time.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:01, Reply)

So basically, bouncy castles are brilliant,
but we are idiots.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:08, Reply)

anyone could have told you that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:12, Reply)

When I was a child it seemed so vast and entertaining
and when the big boys went on it got all scary.

And when you fell down and people were still bouncing you couldn't get up again.

Nothing has changed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:45, Reply)

that's quite sweet
in a weird way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Probably because I looked just as tiny on Saturday as I did when I was a kid
because nearly all my male friends are 6' and over.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:49, Reply)

memo to self: look for bouncy castle porn.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:52, Reply)

My friend Paul used to run a bar in Islington.
I stumbled in there one Saturday night following an afternoon drinking elsewhere. I was in such a state he thought it would be funny to give me a pint of vodka and Red Bull (ugh). He was right, apparently. I experienced total blackout and woke up at home the next day feeling ghastly – and something was wrong. I didn’t have a poster like that. Oh dear – not my home after all. I had gone back to a mate’s house and belligerently got into his bed fully clothed and refused to leave it, my poor pal had to sleep on his sofa. I had torn the knees out of my jeans and they were glued to my legs with matted blood. I’d sprained a wrist and had shards of glass in the palms of my hands and a massive graze from elbow to shoulder on one arm. And not the faintest idea how I had come by my injuries.

Drunken break dancing – d-d-d-d-don’t do it, kids.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Haha
I somehow knew you'd have a good reply to this one.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I am nothing if not consistent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I worked this weekend, because I'm finally getting "The Fear".
But while I've not necessarily injured myself while drunk - I've certainly done some ill-advised things. Like sleeping with a female friend who was going through a break-up, touching the toilet floor of the "Stickiest Floor in Manchester" (oh I love 5th Av) and of course vomming a lot and ruining the blood vessels in my face.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Having had past and recent success with brain-washing guru Allen Carr
I've just ordered a second-hand copy of his 'control alcohol' book. Shit like this makes me wish for more self-control but the truth is there comes a point in a night out where I say goodnight and do ok for myself or get wildly drunk and regret doing so for a week afterwards.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Made the mistake of touching the soles of my shoes after Friday night.
Won't be doing that again.
However, the floor at fifth was the only thing that was filthy on friday night.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:13, Reply)

IN OTHER NEWS
I was allowed to take my daughter out on my own for four magical hours yesterday - major, major milestone. WOO!

Next weekend my sister and her husband are making a rare trip to town and we're meeting up along with my brother and Canadian cousins, I'm allowing a tiny glimmer of hope to form, that I might be able to take my lovely child along with me. It would be only the second time my sister had met her.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:30, Reply)

fingers are crossed for you!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I'll cross my figners too.
Where did I put them?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:33, Reply)

SILENCE!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Good luck :)

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Aw I hope so too.
Good luck.
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Good luck to you
I hope you can take her with you and have a good time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 17 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Cheers all.
No doubt some perceived slight shall scupper everything between now and next weekend, but every time I can look after Eleni and return her un-maimed to her mother, my point that I am perfectly capable of not neglecting the most important person in the world to me will have been emphasised that little bit more.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I'm always very careful, but even more when I'm drunk
Therefore, I have no wounds.

My brother, however, isn't. He's got multiple scars and he's been close to die a couple of times.

The last wound he got is still healing. He stepped on something on the street and, to avoid falling, hold a lamp post near him. Now, the lampost had a plastic paper bin attached to it. Attached with a very sharp metal ring, which cut his arm from elbow to little finger, all the way to the bone.

He's quite lucky, as he didn't cut any mayor arteries or nerves. He's lost a bit of mobility in his thumb, but, after 5 months of sick leave (civil servants!), very long time at the hospital and a lot of pain, he's now back to work.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 17 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Ouch.
Have you ever seen anyone open a beer bottle with a lighter? A friend tried to do it with a small bottle of nail varnish which shattered and gashed his hand open. Straight to A and E for six stitches. He'd only just arrived at the party and had only had one drink!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Haha!
We never think of Mediterranean folk getting rat-arsed. You're supposed to be sensible drinkers.
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:43, Reply)

We usually are
My brother isn't though. I've got a lot more stories of him being drunk and clumsy at the same time.

Once he was having sex with a girl he'd just met in a car park, when all of a sudden, she starts shouting and saying he's got to go because her boyfriend is coming to pick her up, and the bf is crazy and would kill him.

So my brother starts running and, as it's dark and he's drunk, he doesn't see a chain going from side to side of the car park to stop cars going in or out at night (University car park).

He runs to it, falls and hits his head so strong he passes out. When he wakes up, he's lost mobility and all he can do is barely shout for help, but nobody does it because it's dark and they think he's a tramp, covered in vomit and blood (nice)

He finally managed to reach for his mobile and called a friend who quickly got there and helped him to the hospital.

You'd think he'd learn, eh?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 17 May 2010, 9:49, Reply)

This weekend was shit because Ronnie James Dio died.
I texted Al and then spent the rest of the evening doing proper offline sadfaces.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:42, Reply)

:(
I like happy Clendrix.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Happy Clendrix will return soon.
One day, I'll be back on here a bit more too!
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I like sad Clendrix too.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:49, Reply)

That would be good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:49, Reply)

it is shitty news indeed :-(

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:44, Reply)

One mate, two injuries.
My oldest bestest friend is a legend when when's had a few too many but quite accident prone. On the way home after a night out he jumped off a small bridge to take a short-cut and broke his knee. On a different night, he lost 10mm off the end of a finger after a the hinge side of a fire-door sliced it off. I'm actually amazed he doesn't hurt himself more often but I think he bounces quite well.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:48, Reply)

No directly beer-related injuries this weekend,
apart from the as-yet-undetected internal injuries from the "vodka" I drank on Friday night, that tasted more like petrol. And despite being shot about 10,000 times on Saturday, I have emerged more or less unscathed - hurrah!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 17 May 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Good lad.
No friendly-fire incidents, then?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Fuck knows, it was pitch black a lot of the time.
I basically just hid in a corner, whimpering.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Sounds like a good many of my nights out.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I loved every minute.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Almost a year ago
I did this, following attendance at a wedding where I drank free champagne all afternoon, followed by wine at dinner, then beer, then wine again:



The injury was sustained by my falling over the missus after gallantly trying to help her up off the ground after she'd fallen over on the way home. Unfortunately, the combination of gravity and extreme pissed-ness conspired against me and my face decided to enthusiastically introduce itself to the pavement.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 May 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Hahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:13, Reply)

The black eyes that developed a couple of days after were pretty impressive too.
This happened on the final weekend of a two week period of leave, so I went into work on the Monday looking like I'd been ten rounds with Mike Tyson.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 17 May 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Hahaha
Nice one.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I've also faceplanted onto pavement
very hard to get a taxi covered in blood I found.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:25, Reply)

How could I forget this?
Post-pub indoor sumo wrestling resulted in me getting a broken rib and not sneezing for a couple of months. A few weeks after it happened it started feeling better, I sneezed one day and my rib went BOING and I was back to square one, so I didn't sneeze for seven weeks.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I love Sumo.
I think all arguements should be settled by sumo wrestling. When my nephew and his pals used to argue, we would get them to sumo wrestle. You can't fall out with each other when you're grabbing your opponants pants and trying to tip them over.
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I got a shoulder in the ribcage from a rugby player.
I shan't be settling anything with sumo in the future.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Not even sexy sumo?

( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I don't fuck fat Japanese guys.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 May 2010, 10:59, Reply)

You don't know what you're missing.

( girlinthehole, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I fixed a shed
Saw that Four Lions film - delightfully black, just as I expected from Chris Morris.
Went to a Viet Namese restaurant on my friend's recommendation and ate far too much. Indigestion has thankfully passed.

As for my worst alcohol-related injury, how about the time I got my leg stuck on a railing?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 17 May 2010, 11:04, Reply)