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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Bloody hell!
I haven't been awake and functioning properly this early in a long time! I wasn't aware nine o'clock even existed any more. But it's only because I have cell biology exam at two that I desperately need to do some more revision for.

So, erm. Question. What's the oddest/most public place you've had a wank?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:55, 145 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I have a friend who claims to have had a wank in a Chinook in Afghanistan
I don't believe him.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:57, Reply)
Maybe he enjoyed the vibrations of the rotors

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:01, Reply)
he refered to it as a true danger wank.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:05, Reply)
I hope he had "ride into the danger zone" in his walkman

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:08, Reply)
I got a dutch rudder on the back of the 367 to Crystal palace

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:58, Reply)
Wembley Stadium
when I was 14, England Schoolboys vs some forrins. Those cheerleaders were hot!

Yes the cheerleaders, not the school boys and I was 14 so not a paedo. Mind you I'd do it again, 16s legal right?
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:07, Reply)
Hospital
I was stuck in hospital with a broken leg, and completely unable to sleep on my back with a mahoosive plaster of paris leg cast on. I also had the raging horn from, well, not wanking for a week. Sadly no fit nurses came over to give me a hand.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:10, Reply)
When I was in hospital for 12 days
on day three the nurses couldn't keep their hands off my cock. Granted they were holding it tight to try and stop the blood flow whilst cutting all the clots out of my pubes but I still feel it counts as a threesome with two female nurses.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:17, Reply)
I think I may have missed this story...
Sounds horrific and quite fun at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)
See my profile
4th most popular story entitled "I lost over 5 pints and bled for 19 hours FROM MY COCK!!!!"
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)
Bloody hell
I do remember reading it, now that I see it again, but I'm still sitting with crossed legs.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:29, Reply)
Best time of my life
I had a (rather shit) girlfriend at the time. I like to think I cheated on her.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:31, Reply)
Just read the story and feel dizzy at the thought of it.
I think you have every right to claim a 'nursey threesome'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:15, Reply)
That totally counts
And I'm glad you've got your 'ejaculating blood' thing under control.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)
lying stretched across the work ladies bathroom sinks
i dont know why either
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:12, Reply)
ha

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:12, Reply)
Is this likely to be one of the exam questions?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:12, Reply)
No, it's cell biology.
I did anatomy and physiology in January.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:15, Reply)
The practical test?

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)
Hmmmm, something about "cell"ing wank stories?
I don't know, I'm not feeling very inspired today.

Some sort of default comment about you being easy or something.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:18, Reply)
You're doing alright down there.
It's just me you don't make any effort with is it? Fine. Be like that.
*flounces*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:22, Reply)
"you're doing alright down there"
ha!
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:32, Reply)
what every man longs to hear

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:02, Reply)
On a beach
behind a big rock.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:13, Reply)
this question is vulgar
I am shocked.

Well, ok, I'm not shocked.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)
seems like you're avoiding the question

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:17, Reply)
Oh Em Gee!
It's girl who might tell you about a time she touched her fanny!

ENGAGE PANDERTRON!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)
This image still doesn't get any less funny.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:20, Reply)
Part of me thinks I should've trademarked this image
But seeing Al use it means I'm now FAMOUS on the INTERNET.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:23, Reply)
I like the way you're trying to take credit for my work

(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:25, Reply)
I like the way you're trying to take credit
For the image that I made.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:26, Reply)
ooh copyright fight!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:28, Reply)
will have something to say about that
here's a safe link cgi.ebay.co.uk/Panda-Z-Volume-2-New-DVD-/360216134868?cmd=ViewItem&pt=UK_CDsDVDs_DVDs_DVDs_GL&hash=item53de8e04d4
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:30, Reply)
Reported Attack Site
But yes, I stole the image from a Google Image search for 'Panda Robot', then added the text.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:31, Reply)
Muahah

(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:05, Reply)

"This web page at www.ezhobi.com.tw has been reported as an attack page and has been blocked based on your security preferences."

Why would you send me there? Why? *sobs*
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:32, Reply)
sorry

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)
He hates us all.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:38, Reply)
Not all of you.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:00, Reply)
VAST majority

(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:05, Reply)
There's no comeback to that image.
I would post it whenever you say something creepy but the NHS has limited Bandwidth.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)
Ok, I would think it's pretty obvious
but I've never had a wank in a public place. I don't even like kissing in public places, it's so unappealing for everyone else to have to see.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:22, Reply)
A quick kiss is fine.
But when they're trying to eat each others tonsils in the middle of the corridor and I'm late for maths, it makes me want to punch some fucking lights out.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)
I don't like excessive PDAs either
Although a quick, sly boob/bum grope is fine.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:26, Reply)
I agree with both of these
I don't mind showing a bit of affection in public, but it's the dry humping that I really hate. I also have some friends who will be all giggly and soppy with each other all the time and I fucking hate that.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:28, Reply)
I hate that too, and try to curtail the Lady if she gets a bit like that with me around friends
I haven't seen much overt public sex since I left Liverpool, the Krazy House often had people fingerbanging under the stairs.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Yeah, the ones that act like they're alone
Even when they're with a group of mates, or even worse, a couple of other people and everyone just feels awkward and ignored.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)
that's all it boils down to really,
if they're fawning over each other, they're not paying me enough attention!
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:41, Reply)
no wonder you two get on.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:42, Reply)
Cos we're both awesome
And brilliant dancers with excellent dress sense? Yep.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:47, Reply)
But she's the slightly kooky one
while you're the easy one who goes with all the guys down back alleys?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:48, Reply)
haha Applebite you totally came off worse in that.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:53, Reply)
Does that make Al
The nerdy one with glasses, but who's actually smoking hot when she takes her glasses off and lets her hair down?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:55, Reply)
If I had hair this would be true

(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)
Nope.
That is Roota. She's a REAL librarian. Phwooooar.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Al is blatantly the fat friend
That we keep around cos we feel sorry for him and he makes us feels thin.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Like the fat one in butterfly effect.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:06, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:06, Reply)
HAHAHAHA
I love this so much.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Someone close the internet, because you just won it.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Damnit!
I always come off worse when Al's around.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:55, Reply)

off worse
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)
*triggers fingers*
Oh Yeah
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)
*sigh*

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:00, Reply)
It was too easy, I couldn't NOT strikethrough
I shall be nice from now on.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:01, Reply)
I agree with this
and I am slightly mortified when I think back to an incident as a teenager when there was full on finger action going on in a shitty nightclub in Hove.

I think the youth of today don't do enough fingering. It's straight from kissing to full sex and all the problems that go with it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:29, Reply)
Sorry Kitty
It's too early in the morning, it was the first thing that popped into my head.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:21, Reply)
now that really doesn't shock me

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:22, Reply)
Haha
It was either that or what song would you choreograoph a striptease to? And then I realised that I was the only girl here at the time, so this one would probably get more replies.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:25, Reply)
I'm currently working on a pole routine for my beginners
but they're mostly trendies so I'm doing it to Alexandra Burke's broken heels song.

Next time it's NIN though. That'll learn them up.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:30, Reply)
I've got so many songs I can't wait to try dancing to once I have my own pole.
Bloody trendies. I don't even know who Alexandra Burke is. Get them on the NIN.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)
Closer? Physical? Sunspots?
Or will you be mean and go for Big Man With A Gun?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)
Closer.
It's the dirtiest one.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:40, Reply)
It is filth
and pure fucking awesome. /NINFANBOY
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:42, Reply)
my friend was telling me about Trent's new band thing
he's writing the music and his wife is singing. Apparently she's really hot and awesome. This means he's less likely to fall in love with me if we ever meet.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:54, Reply)
How To Destroy Angels
Check their website for an AMAZING music video. Yes, Mariqueen's incredibly hot, and has a beautiful voice.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:55, Reply)
that's the one.
I'll check them out, cheers
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:57, Reply)
Depeche Mode - John the Revelator
or Puscifer - Rev 22:20
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:30, Reply)
Phil's first rule of B3ta
Never Apologise, Never Explain.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:25, Reply)
Applebite's first rule of B3ta:
TITS
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:33, Reply)
^ this
I like and entirely agree with.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)
That's my third rule
as I'm more of an arse man myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:36, Reply)
What's the second one then?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)
ARSES
Its obvious really.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:40, Reply)
Oh yeah
I should have thought about that properly really.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:46, Reply)
You think about arses

(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:47, Reply)
Not really fussed about the arse to be honest.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:50, Reply)
aww you're on the popular page.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:28, Reply)
FUCK YEAH!

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I'm so proud.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:44, Reply)
My grandfather (a general)
told my father that if you ever apologise, that means you are weak.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:35, Reply)
True
That's why Gordon Browns side lost. He should never have said sorry to that bigoted woman.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:51, Reply)
I know a guy
who got CAUGHT wanking in a bus stop after a night out. I don't think he's ever lived it down.
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:18, Reply)
And I know what you're thinking
and no it wasn't me.
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:19, Reply)
Did he have wet hair?
Because he might have CAUGHT a cold too.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:20, Reply)
haha
keeping it going another day, love it.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:23, Reply)
Oh I think I'll keep this one going for a while

(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:27, Reply)
I'll help, if you like.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:31, Reply)
You are a sack

(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:24, Reply)
A guy in our maths class
lets call him John Uren because that who it was got caught wanking under his maths book at the back of the classroom. Thankfully for us the teacher made it quite clear that she had caught him wanking and we all made sure he never lived it down.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:30, Reply)
maths isn't sexy
what was he thinking?!
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:36, Reply)
Mrs Smith was though

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:40, Reply)
filth.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:55, Reply)
My loony ex
tossed me off on the Gatwick Express.

I can't believe I'm admitting this.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:32, Reply)
It's still better than
being tossed off the Gatwick Express. That would hurt.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:33, Reply)
haha
that's the kind of thing that happens to Tin Tin.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)
My loony ex used to go in to clothes stores
pick out stuff she and dress up then drag me in to the change room, fuck me then put it all back on the hangers. It entirely possible that a London B3tan has worn clothes Christened with my own holy water.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:38, Reply)
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MITOCHONDRIA

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:36, Reply)
Never in public
per se, but when I was flying to the USA I snuck in to the toilets and, erm, well, I'm sure you can guess. It's not the mile high club if it's just self abuse though.

what? I felt like one!
(berk, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:37, Reply)
Mrs T had one on a night flight...
...under her blanket. I watched and felt my own pressure building and snuck off to the loo to knock one out.
She called me 'a big poof' for not doing it next to her and did not accept my excuse that it is harder for a chap to clean up the aftermath.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:50, Reply)
To be honest
I think you did the gentlemanly thing. The unpleasant stickiness that would ensue would be awful to walk through customs with.
(berk, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:53, Reply)
I was more worried that I would fall asleep...
...immediately after releasing the love-custard and wake to find I had not put the 'lad' away, and that my fellow passengers were waiting to get off. (In the disembark sense rather than me getting bukkaked.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:10, Reply)
Mile High Club: solo fliers division
(c) some wag on here.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Glastonbury
...in a tent....
...that wasn't mine.
I was a bit 'confused' at the time. (And The Throwing Muses had just played.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:43, Reply)
I can imagine the scene.
'Well, they were a load of old wank - hmmm, that gives me an idea'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:48, Reply)
After that I spent a few hours...
...at eye level peering through the glass of a popcorn making machine pretending it was a volcano. The whirr of the motor and the sound of corn popping was the most interesting thing I had ever heard.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:05, Reply)
In the bogs of an Intercity train, but i suppose everyone's done that.
In some bushes whilst camping out, overlooking some stunning Loch Lomond scenery. I had taken a load of whizz and simply couldn't get to sleep without offloading some filthy yoghurt.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:49, Reply)
"but i suppose everyone's done that."
No, no they have not. Train loos are disgusting!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:52, Reply)
No
train toilets ARE disgusting. But then, I've pretended to nip out for a wee in the middle of lectures and had one in the toilets then. Student teaching block toilets aren't that amazing either...
(berk, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:54, Reply)
They're not THAT bad
My shame was overwhelmed by the smell of shit and piss, so that was a bonus
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:57, Reply)
I once had one
IN AMERICA.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:56, Reply)
oh me too

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:57, Reply)
me three
In more than one State!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:58, Reply)
I've had actual sex in America. Woo!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:09, Reply)
I've has actual sex

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:12, Reply)
ZOMG!
I totally could have, this one lass was giving me all the signs (bar flashing me her clunge), but I was with a lady back home at the time, so didn't even flirt back. The lady back home broke up with me two weeks after I got back...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:12, Reply)
When I was 19 I got hit on by the most beautiful Egyptian man when I was on holiday
but I declined for the same reason. When I got back I found out my boyfriend had used the week I was away to shag other women in my bed.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:21, Reply)
Absolutely gutting, isn't it?
Having the moral high-ground is all well and good, but you could have been having awesome sex with a forrin.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:26, Reply)
I know!
And he was a masseuse, so he had magic hands. He was slightly morally questionable though as he offered to waive the massage fee if I kissed him. Still, he had the bluest eyes I've ever seen *sigh*
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:27, Reply)
The 'merican girl in my instance had eyes too
Dunno what colour mind, she had a cracking body with a perfect set of boobs, a truly infectious laugh and was quite tactile.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I'm still glad I didn't cheat though
because then I would be just as bad as him. Except he did it in my bed, which added massive insult to injury. Cunt.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:31, Reply)
I agree with you completely
In your bed is fucking low though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I'm not bitter about it anymore.
*is bitter*
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:34, Reply)
James Brown - Wanking in America

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:11, Reply)
"...got to have some masturbation..."

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:17, Reply)
All I'll say is
Don't look behind you.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I had to look behind me then, even though the likelihood of you having come to Manchester,
found my office, climbed on the roof, located my window and starting wanking, is quite slim.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:26, Reply)
So...
Your office is in Manchester and the window to it can be located from the roof?

I'm slowly closing the net around you...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:28, Reply)
To about a 10 square mile area

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:30, Reply)
haha
that would be awesome.

No wait, I meant terrifying.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I did the same, and I'm in my bedroom,
Facing the window.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Oh - he knows, he knows.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Not as slim as you'd think.
You don't know what he's like. I think the term is 'dedicated to his art'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Although he's not appreciated in his time.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:38, Reply)
Toilets at work.
I used to have a manager who I couldn't stand, so when she told me via a third party that she wanted to see me, I would go for a two finger salute. When she asked where I was I would just tell her that I was round the building looking for her.

I awarded myself extra points for turning up looking hot and disheveled, and an extra life if I shook her hand.

Made the day go well.
(lympicita_ie, Sat 29 May 2010, 18:52, Reply)

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