On my way to work this morning
My iPod played Pendulum's "The Island" followed by Tori Amos' "Little Earthquakes", two of my very favourite songs, back-to-back. I have decided that this means it will be a very good weekend and that Ms Foxtrot and I will kick all manner of sequin-clad arse in our competition tomorrow.

What ridiculous occurences have you taken to be good omens today?

Alt Q - would you rather fuck a merman/maid (delete according to fishy sexual preference) with the top half of a fish and working sexual organs below the waist, or the traditional arrangement?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:11, 96 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My hair looks nice today which is always a good omen.

( girlinthehole, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:14, Reply)

My mum actually said my hair was "unsettling"
I'm quite proud of this.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:19, Reply)

That would be a hell of compliment coming from my Mum
When describing my hair she usually just goes for "messy"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

She actually looked like she was going to cry, and is begging me to change it
I WIN
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Now's the time to use your hair as leverage
I assume you've always wanted a pony
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

pony horse's cock
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Never wanted a pony
In fact the one thing I'm trying to persuade them to do is going to put me in massive debt.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

You either want to do a PhD and need funding
Or are entering into a pyrmaid scheme
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Neither :)
I'm only a first year (ACTUALLY NOOOOO SECOND YEAR NOW I THINK ARSE WHERE DID THIS YEAR GO) so thinking about PhDdom is a long way in the future
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Sex change?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:50, Reply)

No one will get it. It's at odds with my Jewish Nature

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

You still have to tell us though
/on tenterhooks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

A Tattoo
of a bacon sandwich?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Hahaha
told my mum about intending to get my tattoo. She was still a bit in shock over what the doctor had said to her and the fact that we'd just had a massive argument.

I need to wait until I've got my job. I'm going to pay for it with money I've earned :D
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Is that the massive debt/against Jewish Nature thing?
I've heard it's kinda frowned upon to get tattoos, something about not being able to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

No
The debt's much bigger than how much it'd cost to get a tattoo.

I'm not actually a Jew. I would have been if it were not for quirks of gender, but I was brought up a Roman Catholic.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I was brought up Anglican
But I have a Jewish nose. Don't have the good money-sense though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Hahaha
I have excellent yidstincts
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Quirks of gender?
"If it's a girl we're raising it catholic, but if it's a boy, that foreskin's coming right off - I'm not letting any of those priests near him..."?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:12, Reply)

No, my grandfather was male
If he was female, my dad would have been a Jew.
and the same goes for him in regards me.

Madness.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Can you not just claim it's part of your quest to achieve genuine bioluminescence?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I told them about my fear of my fridge
I've had it used against me 3 times today already :/

Revenge is needed.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:36, Reply)

What's wrong with your fridge?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Nothing
I'm just afraid of it
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

This is irrational

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I have the same problem with spiders
At least your fridge can't move by itself!
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I had to flush a spider down the bath last nighr
I apologised to it as I did it.

I just don't want to touch it. The worst thing is when you see one, look away and IT'S GONE
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

MURDERER

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:53, Reply)

It did take me a long time to grow enough backbone to do the glass/card thing
My father has no qualms about picking them up in his hand and casually tossing them out of a window. But then he is a biologist. And I am a bit of a wuss.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

BUT THEY'LL COME BACK, MAN.
Yellow pages from ten feet, it's the safest way.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

"Never more will he crawl 'round,
He's embedded in the ground...

BOOOOORIS THE SPIDER..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Argh WASPS
My dad does the glass and card trick with them. He sometimes does the wrap-in-kitchen-towel-and-crush one but I hate feeling their bodies between my fingers. I just set my cat on them.

Said creature is curled up on a cushion on my window seat, paw over his nose, looking very peaceful. I'm struggling to write a decent cover letter.
I wish I were a cat.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I can actually rationalise it. But I'm still afraid of it

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Why? I must know

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

The fridge can be expressed as the quotient of two integers, but can still be terrifying.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I'll just get a blowjob from the standard mermaid.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:15, Reply)

This sounds like I'm ordering off a menu.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:18, Reply)

paying for it is the only way you'd get it.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:21, Reply)

yes that's true.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I'm glad you're aware.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Painfully

(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Best of luck in your competition
I had semi-horrific dreams last night, but I think they worked out ok. Nothing else good has really happened thus far.

My cat is following me round like no one's business, that's going some way to lifting my mood.

Traditional arrangement female. Other arrangement male. Real man more than anything.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Thank you for the good luck wishes!
So basically it doesn't matter how scaly or slimy the person bending you over and taking you from behind is? This bodes well for me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Anyway, a fish could still go down on you.
Do fishes have gag reflexes? That'd be useful for the male...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Because of your massive cock?
Why else would the guy gag?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

No for the male fucking the mermaid
I don't have a cock.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

+attached to me or in my hand right this minute

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I have not had a cock in a while :(
I am biologically female. No I will not prove it, I don't want to terrify you.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I left it open (hurr hurr) to include dildoes or other ladily accoutrements of the flesh

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Nup, no nothing.
Absence of Phallus here.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

They do have gag reflexes, but at least they're used to the smell.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

SMELLS LIKE HOME

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Massive mouths
They could probably do facial gang bangs
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

If it was a dolphin top half, human bottom half
You could fuck the blowhole
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Dolphins are beautiful, intelligent creatures
and you want to fuck one IN THE HEAD
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Sure, why not?
Smug bastards need to be taken down a notch.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Dolphins are gay sharks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Someone's been watching Glee

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

No I haven't, I heard this years ago
Glee have stolen this idea the fucking thieving turd burgling bastards
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Oh
It was still funnier when Britney said it. She's prettier than you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

No it wasn't, she may be pretty, but she is riddled with AIDS

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Quite possibly
But you're riddled with GAIDS
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

OH THE IRONY

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Only since I met you in the park late one night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Given the amount of abuse I get on here regarding my sexuality
I maintain that it was ill-advised of you to drop your trousers and bend over in front of me, wiggling your arse temptingly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I have the t-shirt for that
With a written justification on the back. From my "getting lots of silly t-shirts from camden" phase
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I'd probably get a better fit on a Blue Whale if I'm honest

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

How long can they hold their breath for?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Long enough
Believe me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Strictly speaking, wouldnt a blow job from a fish involve putting your cock in its gills?
Also there are tales that fisherman on long trips to sea would use the skate's mouth as it most closely resembled a vagina.
(Cave Duck, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Hmm
tales that pictures of
fishermen on long trips to sea would me showing how to
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Would the the woman have a fishy fanny?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:29, Reply)

All fish DNA would be stored above the waist
I think if you're going to fuck a half-human fish monster the least you could demand is Kelly Brook-esque physical perfection from the waist down
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

That is a tremendously gay post.
But good luck with the competition.

No good omens so far today.

Alt Q: I'm still entertained by the theory that the psirens of Greek legend who lured sailors to a watery death - and who were the basis for the modern image of the mermaid - were, in fact, manatees. Though if you can mistake a manatee for a half-woman half-fish, it does make you wonder about the wives these sailors had left behind...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I hadn't heard that one.
Fuckin' manatees, stealing our men.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

But...she's almost impossible to resist...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I hadn't seen that picture of me before, that's creepy

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Phwooooar

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Sweeeeeeeeet! It wants a hug.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

DON'T listen to it sing!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

But it's so beautiful, like Susan Boyle licking my ears

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Put the wax in
Do it
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

She keeps licking it out, arrrghhgghhg

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

You're ruining my sandwich

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I just found sandwich in the fridge that i made earlier in the week and must have forgotten about
I've eaten it, but the ham felt a little funky
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Haha my aunty ate the wrong sandwich once and it all went fucking mental
It went thus:
Aunty: "Mum, what was on my sammidge today?"
Nana: "Cheese salad."
A: "Not ham?"
N: "No."
A: "Oh GOD! I ate the ham sandwich that's been in my drawer all weekend in this heat!! Will it poison me?"
N: "I don't know, Girl."
A: "Right, that's it..."

Aunty then went into the little downstairs toilet and performed what sounded like an exorcism, as she heaved and strained to bring up the offending sandwich. Punctuated by cries of "I caaaaaan't!!"
Some nuns visiting the special needs fella over the road were looking at the house with concerned expressions and Nana was saying "Darling, pack that in right now. This isn't right!!"

She then emerged with bulging eyes and tears all down her face, lamenting "Only a bit came up, and I think that was my apple. I hope I don't die."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

At least she'lll never suffer from Bulimia

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:44, Reply)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Ha ha hga ah ah ha aha ahha ahahha ahhahahahhahaha`
POTD
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Cunt

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I've been to Greece
The women there are both hot and loose. Those sailors were MENTAL

Also, thanks :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Surely hot and tight would have been better?
or did you indulge in "Greek love"?

must not correct self must not correct self
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I like 'em loose
That way you can bash away while they're sunbathing and not even wake them up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I think I'm going to go and cry now. Thank you

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Yeah, I was quite pleased with that one

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

*books flight to Greece*

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)