Things are a bit frosty at home.
My wife has an aqua blue smock top. She is a little large, and this top is meant to be summery and floaty.
Daughter has a duvet cover the same colour. Seeing the cover hanging over the banisters, I asked Mrs V why it was there. Apparently mistaking her top for a double duvet cover was a bit of a gaff.
My protestations that it was a genuine error didn’t help.
Women can be so sensitive.

Anyone else upset their partners lately?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:12, 161 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No, I'm perfect in every way.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:14, Reply)

You're not coming tonight so you're a miserable failure.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I'm sure you'll get over it eventually.
If it makes any odds, I am sad I'm not coming.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Good, I hope you have a miserable evening.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I don't even own a partner.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Smack your hand on a table recently?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I'm against all forms of domestic violence.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:17, Reply)

apparently eating a sausage baguette at work
while my mrs is not present but is on a diet is a heinous crime.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:20, Reply)

How does she know?

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:21, Reply)

we tend to exchange what we refer to as "emails"
she had mentioned she was hungry. I replied that I just ate a sausage baguette.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:22, Reply)

You email each other during the day?
God! it must be love.
( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Love love
Duh-DUH!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

love is telling each other what you had for lunch.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

that's why /talk is such a happy loving place

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

it's basically a hippy commune.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

it smells like one

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Well, they're getting married, so you would bloody well hope so
However, if your girlfriend, who is on a diet, emails you to say she's hungry, and you reply with "I've just had a sausage baguette"... you ARE a bastard
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I can understand emailing each other at the start of a relationship.
But not after a long time together.
( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

guess what?
believe it or not, some people remain in love, or in fact get more so after some time together (6 years a couple of days ago)

we enjoy each others company, and like to talk about stuff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

What?

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

hadn't finished :-P

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Well as I have never been in that position.
I WOULDN'T KNOW : (
( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Yeah, I texted Ms Foxtrot earlier to tell her it was International Sushi Day
She LOVES sushi

8 years, 4 months and 8 days. And counting
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

8 years togehter.
Bleeding hell!
( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I know
I've got no idea what she's playing at either
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I have no problem being smug about something like that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I always thought he was drinking red wine.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Awww Vip
She's your buddy and that, as well as yer missus.
Awwww.
I must have a bun in the oven. I'm all emotional today.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:29, Reply)

we were mates for 4 years before we got together
solid basis
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Wow you're a fast mover.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

we both had other things going on

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Bloody GAYER

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Aww hawaymanwomanman

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Hawaylike.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Mr The Empress
and I exchange loads of emails every day.

It would be weird if we didn't.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

ok, fair point

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

it is, but not because of emails
I tend to receive and send emails from and to a number of friends during the day
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I did have a slight issue yeaterday, as I didn't reply to an email my gilfriend had sent.
It was only a humourous forwarded one, and the fact that her brother also never replied, plus my pre-emptive "your hair looks really great" (she'd had it done yesterday) avoided any molehill/mountain type developments.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Ms Foxtrot wants to wear glasses for fashion purposes
and to be fair, she looks fucking hot in a secretarial sort of way in glasses. But she has perfect vision, and as an incredibly short-sighted bastard who's been beplagued by the need for milkbottle thick glasses or incredibly expensive contact lenses all my life, I object to this. Do I have a case?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

No.

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I feared as much
Nonetheless I expect acquiesence. Don't make me defriend you

/empty threat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

no case but
just tell her she looks a bit like your Aunt Maggie. Suggest she buys one of those things you can hang round your neck so you don't lose them. Do this with the straightest of faces


Disclaimer: This advice will not claim responsibility for any injury inflicted on people who take it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

That is a well genius idea
Unfortunately whatever reaction I produce facially or verbally to discourage her from buying glasses will be undone by the reaction in my pants to seeing her wear them

I don't know why I'm against it, quite frankly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

then sit behind a desk or table
I have to say (as a long time glasses wearer) I think it's stupid for anyone to wear glasses who doesn't need them
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I didn't realise you were one of my lot
Long or short?

SIGHTED
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:36, Reply)

short sighted
it's a pain, because I can't wear contacts, so I have to get my sunglasses etc ground to prescription as well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

How short sighted?
And how come you can't wear contacts? I can't remember seeing you wearing glasses in any pics
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I think DT is a little worse than me.
I'm on -5.75 and -6.0

Darth - 'piano glasses' is the name. In the usual meaning of no-prescription lenses, but "I can't play because I don't have my glases" becomes a plausible excuse.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Ooh, it's like a competition of the mong-eyed
I'm -6.75 and -6.5
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

-2.25, -2
I lose.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

no idea
I don't have my prescription memorised
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

doubt it
mine is like -0.25 and -0.5, if that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

he says, smugly.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

it's still a pain in the arse
at least you get value for money from your glasses. I only wear mine when at a computer, and not even all the time then.

not sure how accurate the numbers are, because according to the guy at my last eyecheck, aside from the astigmatism, my eyesite is good enough to be a fighter pilot.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:53, Reply)

This will be useful when you plan your expedition to the South Pole

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

it would be, if my knee wasn't giving me gyp

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

You could just go to the fighter pilot training school and enjoy the topless all-male beach volleyball

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I do feel the need, the need for speed...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

It's almost too obvious
speed great big man-cock
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Silly Vipros
You don't fly a plane with your knees...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

not with that attitude

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Vipros
outrage- HMV no longer sell Point Break. Withdrawn after Patrick Swayze's death, the cunt
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

you're shitting me
I was about to say "good job I've already got it on dvd" but I'm not sure....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I had it on DVD
but it got scratched, so went to buy a new one.

I bet they're doing some ridiculously expensive special edition
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:04, Reply)

the fucking swine

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I'm now imagining you sitting back in the cockpit, holding the steering column between your knees
as you crack open a bottle of wine to wash down another croissant, before you plot a course to another boulangerie, anticipating the clamour as a sleepy French village is woken up by the sound of a Harrier hovering over their town square.

The towering, bearded English Viking brings the jet to a halt tidily, next to the fountain and lifts the canopy, handing out photos of his genitalia to the young, moist, highly experienced French peasant girls who are now flocking round his aircraft. He gropes the breast of one well-endowed girl, who looks up into his eyes appreciatively. He holds up a half-eaten croissant in his other hand, gives her a sly wink and says,
"Be a good girl," and pats her on the arse gratefully as she scurries off to the boulangerie.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I think I've found my biographer

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Haha, same
I think it's getting worse. But I dunno where my glasses are.


Whoops.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Non-starter.
I can't imagine how Darth finds his way round the dance floor.
Good excuse to hang on to Ms Foxtrot's arse.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I have spent enough on glasses and contact lenses to keep Vipros in croissants for several lifetimes

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm
-6.5 in both eyes.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:47, Reply)

'Fraid not
-5 in both eyes with ADDED Astigmatism.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I'm winning!
This comes as absolutely no surprise to me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Well fuck you, eye-boy
-7.5, -7.1 and one of my eyes is on the bloody wonk as well.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Fucking hell, you're SPECIAL
Bang goes my next sig
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

My friend Gimpy Dave is the winner.
Something like -14 in both eyes, and a clotting disorder. Which is irrelevant to his eyesight, but it seems a bit harsh to take someone who can barely see and ensure that walking into things leads to massive bruises and bleeding.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:11, Reply)

That is incredibly harsh
I can only hope that fate also gave him an appropriate payoff, like an absurdly large penis or a genetic abnormality which allows him to buy a Bugatti Veyron at 0.01% of its RRP
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:25, Reply)

fairly badly shortsighted
I can't apply contacts, can't stand the feel. The astigmatism doesn't help either. My old glasses were rimless so it's hard to see them in pictures. My current ones are dark red, but I duck away from photos
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I do have some contacts but I hate them,
I actually quite like wearing glasses.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I tried contact lenses
but it didn't go well. I don't really mind glasses to be honest
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I'll probably be wearing my glasses at Sonisphere
Putting in contact lenses in a tent is an arse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

yeah
but I lost my ferociously expensive frameless glasses there last year
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

The prospect of watching Slayer, Pendulum or Maiden whilst weating glasses is not a pleasant one

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

dropped them in the mud
most frustrating.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

My glasses fell off at a Megadeth gig when I was 15
Got contacts shortly thereafter
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:08, Reply)

depends
what time of the month it is.
( ascorbate, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Yes
wearing glasses when you don't need them is retarded. Sunglasses indoors=retarded normal glasses with perfect vision=retarded.
( Peej, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

As a fellow eye-spaz:
Yes.

What's she going to do for her next trick, get a wheelchair? "Oh, I don't need one, I just like to sit at the front at Concerts."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I might try the latter

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

^ POTD
That gives me exactly the retort I was searching for. The best I'd come up with so far is that it's like a thin person buying maternity clothes to make a tent out of
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Ah - that reminds me of another gaffe I made.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I usually ask them if they're wearing orthopedic shoes for extra height

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

That's perfect
She's 5'10" so will hopefully appreciate the irony and not just give me the "sex ban" look
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

"People who wear contact lenses are lying about their eyesight" - John Hegley
I'm not entirely sure of the relevence, but quoting poetry is bound to make me look clever, right?
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Who sung this?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Yes
I hate when people wear glasses for fashion because it annoys me that I can't just take mine off whenever I'm wearing an outfit that doesn't match them.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

This perfectly sums up the issue I have with it
Thank you for knowing what I'm thinking better than I do. You should be very scared right now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I don't have a partner
but when I do, I upset them by not being romantic
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Kick her in the tits and tell her to make you a fucking cup of tea.
Sorted.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Did I not mention she is rather large.
She must have two stone on me.
Besides, the dog goes for me if we so much as cuddle.

Also - it's our 20th wedding anniverary next week. Do you think her sulks could be feigned to wangle an extra special pressie?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Her tits should be easy to kick then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:36, Reply)

just aim for the shins.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Get a ladder then

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

yes they could be
are you planning anything special?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Diamonds.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

ooh very nice
can't really build more on that
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Yeah but he was only getting her zirconias til this morning

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I upset my wife daily
This morning I made her a packed lunch as normal and placed it on the table next to her work bag. She drove off forgetting it. When she got to work an noticed she had no lunch she told me I needed to be better organised in the mornings. I told her to make her own fucking sandwiches then.
( Peej, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Is your wife really that bonkers?
Or are you trying out characters for a sit-com?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Sometimes she really is that bonkers yes

( Peej, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Fair play
Ms Foxtrot was criticising my washing up technique the other day, specifically pertaining to the rinse. I told her that although I understood the principles of vegetarianism I wouldn't lecture her on being a vegetarian because I've never put it into practice, and she would be well advised to remember this if she wants to eat off a clean plate ever again
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Why didn't you put it in her work bag?
It's because you're sleeping with her sister isn't it?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Hmmmm her sister look like as cross between my wife and her brother
I think my wife got all the looks, her brother all the brains and her sister was Danny DeVito in twins
( Peej, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

That must be rubbish
I often feel sorry for my friend Lauren's younger sister, who presumably introduces prospective boyfriends to her vastly superior sibling and watches their affection for her wane more quickly than you can say "ding dong"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I knew a family where there were 4 sisters, 3 stick thin 1 fat.
much hilarity was had.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

luckily my sister is too young
for my boyfriends to have that reaction to. Hopefully
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Unless of course
you date a paedophile.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

In which case you'll probably be glad you found out early

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Indeed
Just so long as it's early enough.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

true
but I'm generally quite picky, I reckon I'd spot paedophilic tendancies quite fast
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Not to suggest that we're dating or owt
but you've had quite a lot of communication with me and have yet to establish that I'm a bestial necrophiliac
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I spotted that instantly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I did make it a lot easier for you by digging up and fucking your cat
No smuggery appropriate here
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:19, Reply)

I had guessed
but to each his own, as long as he isn't dating me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Does that mean I should cancel our table at Nando's tonight?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

yup
the smell of dead cat lingers around you still, and Vipros's tears would reproach me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Dang
How long do I need to go without buggering a deceased animal before you'll date me?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Should have known you'd pick up Mr Moore.
I feel less like one who treads alone.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:52, Reply)

hang on...
what?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I know a family like that
turned out when daddy was in the gulf war his missus had an immaculate conception.
( Peej, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Pfft
Immaculate conceptions don't happen here. Only on Tattooine
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Hang on, I know this one
it's one of those Jack Spratt type nursery rhymes, isn't it?
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

two of my sister's boyfriends have said "wow I'm dating the wrong sister"
they were kidding but I like to wheel it out to upset her every so often.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

fucking hell, how wrong must she be for you to be right?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

that was a bit harsh,
sorry kitty please forgive me.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:13, Reply)

What, no mouseover?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:19, Reply)

No, I'm being nice.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

These twins I know - girls -
One is very pretty, the other is bloody georgeous.
They are 17, and the merely very pretty one is starting to shrink away from lads precisely for this reason. Doesn't help that the georgeous one has a great personality too.
Yet the pretty-but-pouty one doesn't seem to realise most girls would swop looks with her.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

yeah
but they'd swap looks with her sister even faster. And she's not being compared to most girls, she's being compared to someone in the same house. The same sort of thing is happening with my sisters (who are closer in age to each other 16 and 15, than they are to me)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I think she has been unreasonable in this case,
but as a fellow packed lunch provider. I think a well timed "How did you enjoy your lunch." is usually a good diffuser.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

"How did you enjoy your lunch." Karate chop to the neck
( Peej, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:04, Reply)

*writes down*
Boy, is she gonna get a surprise tonight.
(Cave Duck, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I don't have a partner
but my chicken's a bit pissed off with me
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

you, offending women? Never.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:17, Reply)

women getting offended by a simple mistake? Never.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Where was the mistake?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:24, Reply)

He mistook the duvet for her top.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:25, Reply)

that is quite offensive though

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

oh I see
I thought you were questioning the offence Applebite and I have taken towards Mr Vest, which is what I was hinting at in my post.

Also, if someone mistook your tshirt for a sheet I think you'd be pretty pissed off.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Everything I wear is fashioned from bed clothes.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:33, Reply)

You took offence? - what did I do?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

reffered to either her or applebite as the skinny girl that poledances.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

you called one of us a skinny pole dancing bint and said we were annoying
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post750589

As we can't figure out which one of us it is we decided to both be offended.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:37, Reply)

My apologies.
Obviously I meant lap dancing.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I hope your fat wife rolls over onto you in her sleep and suffocates you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Luckily she always rolls away from me - usually taking the duvet.
Forgive me Darling Kitty - I meant Applebite anyway.
And I've just re-read the thread you linked. Did you see that post just below? That must win a prize for longest post/most linebreaks/TLDR.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Apology accepted
but Applebite and I agreed to be jointly offended so I'm not sure what to do now. She always tells Psychchomp off for being mean to me, so I'll do the same.

STOP BEING MEAN TO APPLEBITE!! You'll go on the list. If you're already on the list you'll get moved up the list.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:47, Reply)

It's very empowering.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:40, Reply)

yeah, take that feministas!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:41, Reply)