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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Poetry
Is shit. But haiku isn't.

SVLA mentioned in qotw that he ordered drinks all night in haiku. Awesome. My mate stuck a few comedy ones on his fb last week.

So, you gibbons, show us your mad haiku skills. I'll start.

Pull up to the kerb
she has a habit to feed
cold sad eyes look up

it's so very warm
my balls are stuck to my leg
my bum crack is damp
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:27, 114 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Boy Monders is gay
He's such a massive bumder
See his throbbing wang
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Pot calls kettle black
Corvine arsecheeks beg for cock
King of the bumders.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
that is really rather good

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)
He likes surf and weed:
Dumber than the av'rage bear
or av'rage poster.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
hair dyed with good cause.
is a shame she looks like one
of the raggydolls.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)
Means nothing to me
(Oh Vienna) - before my
time, you old duffer.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
*feels like an old fart*
nothing left to do save for
flip the bird and run
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
Are you able to?
Can your legs support your weight?
Or will they splinter?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)
you calling me fat?
I've had about enough of this
don't make me slap you
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
You called me a slut
Like an elephant, I have
A long memory.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Though I jest, I jest
You are not as fat as I,
And I forgave you.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
feelings are not hurt
I exist in a state of
nauseating smuggery
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Here, have a croissant
It'll make you feel better,
Balcony wanker.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
HAIKUMINDPISS

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
That's quite uncanny
But the source material
is long established.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
Here, have a croissant
Sup your wine while sitting on
A nice balcony.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

long memory prehensile nose
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)
I like this, I like
this I like this I like this
I like this a lot.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
I like your spirit
I'll flip the double deuces
It's just how I roll.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Throbbing Wang,
Love it. Oooer.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Patches of orange
Palms of hands are dark blue
'Least the colour is nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Change of colour once more
From luminous to subtle
Glows in dark no more.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
From yesterday
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post773515
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
I didn't even notice those were haikus

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
I'll take that as a compliment!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Not sure how to do this
but will try anyway
Need a poo quite soon
Now
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Poetry is for mongoloids and spasticated flidtwats
but at least somebody started a new thread
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Oi!
I teach poetry and I've had some published.

*flounces*
*in black*
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
You have wasted your life

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Yes, but that wasn't down to the poetry
I'd already screwed up long before then.
Screwing up gave me stuff to write about - too many emo teenagers write crap and think it's earth-shattering - they need to live a bit before they start writing.
Same applies to prose - unless you've got an amazing imagination - sadly many don't.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
*tries to care*
*tries*




*hernia*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Here, have a plaster

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
You've missed about 10 syllables off that Haiku

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
Fuck haikus
and their dogs.

Free verse FTW

And the occasional villanelle.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)
jesus fucking christ
who stuck fire up my arse?
last nights Jalfrezi
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Amberl has breasts
Golden orbs of succulence
I like Breasts. Don't you?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Hot streams of jizz fly
from my engorged purple head
onto your mother
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
"Oh! That's digusting!"
She says, "Wipe that mess off me."
Al's head droops in shame.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
"Why must you do this,
Ev'ry time we're in Sainsb'ry's?
You are such an arse."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
Al the Geordie is
a terrible penis and
Monumental cunt
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
going on the profile

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Awesome times
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
I need a wank
but am at work
my ballsack swells
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I passed out last night
Didn't even drink one beer.
Rapey was grinning.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Oh Chompy you're rapey, you're rapey don't come near me HEY CHOMPY!
-hand claps-
Oh Chompy it's a pity you're so very mean, you look like you're a rapist and you come from Milton Keynes.
Oh Chompy it's a pity that you don't understand, that NO means NO Chompy!
So what you do Chompy, do Chompy, don't rape my arse Chompy!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
^This
is positively inspired.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
POTD

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
he must be serenaded at the next bash

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)
like I'd come to the next one.

(PsychoChomp, Sat 3 Jul 2010, 19:44, Reply)
I can actually hear Toni Basil singing this in my head!

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 15:13, Reply)
I can't believe I missed this
I've clicked it many a time.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)
Woke up with sore arse,
Head fuzzy, but now I know
How Lampito feels.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
My ass is virgin
No man may feel its embrace
Deffo not Chompy.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
"Methinks the Lady"
As that line from Hamlet goes
"Doth protest too much"
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
I like this, I say
It works as poetry, but
Is sadly not true.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Oh, "sadly not true"?
Rather than suffer regret,
why not try it once?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
It does not move me
Not the kind of thing I like
(Na na na na na)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Fair enough, I say
it's not for everyone, and
I shall not judge you.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Can you guess the song?
It's not a very good one
I used to like it.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
A quick Google search
Tells me it's the Kaiser Chiefs
Now I feel quite old.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Did not want you
to think I was cheating with
the na na na nas.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Rapeychomp sidles in
women at the bar look away
he drops Rohypnol
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)
"Plop, fizz" go the pills
She turns back, oblivious
Chompy licks his lips.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)
I occasionally post on B3ta but get
little response so must be on
lots of peoples ignore lists
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
He is not ignored
in the technical sense, but
is not int'resting.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
I receive feedback
contemplate and
realise OT is a clique
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
You can see the truth
But you are not a blue name
Almost accepted.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
a clique it may seem
but all are welcome to join
except for dull cunts
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I hate dull cunts
that's why I always keep a tub of Vaginal Brasso handy
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
Join in, darling Bert
You're the only one not to.
Don't be a bumder.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Fuck off
Haikus are shit
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
That latter line could work as either a beginning or an end, having five syllables
or, "Fuck off- haikus are shit" as a middle line.

GET INTO IT


...I can't count.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
No

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
That's shit! I would not
Join a clique that would have me
me as a member!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
This^
pretty much sums up why I first started to have so much contempt for you all
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
What, his unecessary use of the word me at the start of the third line, when it's already at the end of the second?
That's some pretty spefically targeted contempt you've got going on there Bert.
Good work.
(Cave Duck, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
Contempt is something I have in abundance

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
both giving and receiving

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
Circle of life, innit?

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
Observes what is said
considers getting coat
but does not flounce

Resists the temptation
call everyone cunts
except Chompy by the sounds of it
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I am terrible at Haiku
But I am very good at
Other things.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
Your talents include
Red wine drinking, vomming
and wonderous breasts.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
i love this...
to write a haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic-


i have no idea who was clever enough to come up with it!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

(that's my favourite one)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
I like ones that say
something nice about nature
then become quite odd

the owl sees clearly
softly the leaves fall to snow
note: buy extra bread
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
ah porn, seedy fun
but it satisfies urges
is that my ex wife?
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
My autism remains
cripplingly undiagnosed
will internets help?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Amourous Badger
clinic helps with
autist lies accordingly
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Marvellous!
I am so happy
so many joined in my thread
and they're not all shit
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
Yes they are
I swear to god this thread is even worse than the first bash I went to, where some idiot drew asterisks on some paper, and people were holding them up and describing what they were doing.

Fucking nerds, that one still keeps me awake at nights to this day.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
are you going to name and shame?
or have you blocked out who the culprit was
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)
I think it was Enzyme or CHCB
I just remember being overcome with an enormously powerful urge to kill by it.

Fortunately I respected both parties enough not to act on impulse and instead found another outlet for my inebriated frustration.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)
outrageous
well done for not giving in to the murderous urges though.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)
Your anger pleases me,
But don't let it rule your life. I find strangling sex workers a most therapeutic outlet.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)
I find bullying spastics online a much more rewarding way to vent

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:04, Reply)
Spastics, a word sadly much under used.
"It's not Scope, it's the Spastics Society!" well said, Partridge.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 2 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Scousers like haikus
Posh poems go on too long
de do don't de do?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
and lack good endings
edit: shit, you added the last line!
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
I pressed return too soon!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
*applauds*

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Damn you, I now have
"Oh dey do doh, don't dey do?"
Stuck in my damn head.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Ever heard a scouser say
"Worririzzizz..."
when making a complaint at a counter?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
Can't say I have, and I'm having trouble thinking about how it's said
I tried it aloud a few times, now I'm being given odd looks.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
(what it is is...)

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)
Thank you, Babelfish

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)
idea stolen
dey do do dat do don't dey?
thieving Scouse bastards
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
oi!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
It had occurred to me it had 7syllables
and I was about to post when...
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)
I just had a peach
and that's no euphemism
now I'm all sticky
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)
Epilepsy kicks in
@~~#
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)
All of last night
I was kissin'
Your right tit 'cos your left one's missin
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 11:38, Reply)
O Boy!

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)
Cigar for Lighty

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 2 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)

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