Calling all witch doctors
I require your fail-safe methods for feeling awesome. I'm not hungover, I just feel a bit odd. I'm tempted to sneak out for some sort of bacon-related goodness.

What are your hangover/illness/general malaise cures?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:54, 128 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fruit pastilles
Make everything awesome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)

ooh that does sound like a good idea
I haven't had them in years so I'll enjoy the retro activity as well.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Bacon and cheese sandwich
and a wank.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Fucking travesty much
Everyone knows it's bacon and egg, silly
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Not a massive fan of eggs
Apart from Chickenlady's eggs, of course.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I would like some bacon.
but the baconolicious smell would draw attention to my sneaking out to retrieve said bacon so it's a bit of conundrum.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

People at your place are allowed smoke breaks, yes?
Then they are being BACONIST if they stop you from getting bacon.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

That's true, I should fight for the right to bacon.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

NO! SLEEP! 'TIL BACON!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I now envision you
as some peculiar form of contraception service who extracts his clients' ovulations with judicious use of a drinking straw before their partners wander in with their engorged, throbbing members in their hands, tip you an amount roughly equivalent to your bus fare home and shoo you out the door before they plough their mucky furrow.

_{But then my imagination's being a bit strange this morning.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

If I like the client
I use my wacky 'spectacles' novelty drinking straw.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Ooh, do you have one of those awesome curly-wurly straws?

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Bacon and eggs -
a day's work for the chicken: a lifetime's work for the pig.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I don't think I can eat cheese for a while
Not since this
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

fag and coffee.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I quit smoking a long time ago
so fags would not help. The kettle is currently boiling for brew number 3 though, so you get partial credit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Marmite on toast
Makes everything awesome
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Especially masturbation

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

oh ew.
I had some toast at the festival from the vegan tent and I liked the sound of the pear and apple spread, but when it arrived it was the colour and consistency of marmite. Luckily it tasted nothing like it though so it was edible.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Weirdo
Pears are rank
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Oh, I don't know
I've heard she has a really nice pear.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Nice.
Well Done Crowsephine
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Ha I do.
Some woman in the supermarket was transferring two melons onto the conveyor belt and held them up in front of her chest as she passed them across. It took all my restraint.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

To not kick her in the face?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

well that's a given.
But mostly to not say "nice melons" whilst kicking her in the face.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

That sounds like something Arnie would say before he fucked shit up
"Hey lady, nice melons"
*dropkicks*
*opens fire*
*fucks shit up*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

And marmite isn't?

(berk, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Nope, it's magnificent

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

To bannish that feeling of ennui we all get from time to time.
A serious wank, followed by a short kip, does it for me.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I'm at work
it's probably frowned upon.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Invite someone to join you.
Or just go to the loo.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

If I kipped in the loo
people might think I was unwell.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

A serious wank?
Carried out in business attire, a frown of concentration on your face, while reading the Financial Times?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

corporate wank

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)

srs bsns

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I'll have you know I'm in 'Wanquisitions and Splurgers'

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Hmm.
There's nothing better for a hangover than a McDonald's Cheeseburger and an Irn Bru.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

This is true
I'm a big advocate of the McHangover Cure, but it's not a hangover unfortunately, it's mashed-potato-brain syndrome.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Ah.
Then what you need is GRAVY! Pints and pints of hot, beefy gravy, right up your nasal canal.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

that made me feel a bit queasy.
YOU'RE NOT HELPING
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Sorry, sorry.
Chicken soup always makes me feel better when I'm not feeling well.

Not hot Ribena though, that's for perverts.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)

McDonalds are shit.
Fact.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

McHangover Cure for the win
Burger King for real food.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)

You know what McFilth is selling at the moment?
DEEP FRIED CHEESE. Get to it.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

My local chippy used to do a Gutbuster.
2 burgers, 3 slices of processed cheese, battered and deep fried.
Genius.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

*runs to McDs*
I had KFC on Sunday night, it was win.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Is it mozzarella?
I love that stuff deepfried.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I love deep fried brie
it's so heart attack inducingly nom.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Irn Bru is for those forrins
Although I'm getting to like it.
It cured my dreadful nausea on Saturday.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Irn Bru is awesome.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I've never much liked it
But someone here once said if you eat/drink something seven times in a row you will eventually like it.
And it was also the only cold fizzy thing we had on Saturday, apart from moar booze, which was what got me ill in the first place.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Hate to tell you this
But the Scottish aren't, strictly speaking, foreign.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

What the hell are you talking about?
They're from another country, across a border.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Wales doesn't exist.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I think you're technically correct
Can't remember where I read this, but Scotland is recognised as a country in its own right, but Wales is only a principality at best.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I like the Welsh
They probably hate me
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I'd like to think there's no malice when I mock their accent
But that doesn't stop them looking at me like I just introduced myself as a locally active sex offender.

_{Possibly because I just introduced myself as a locally active sex offender in a ridiculously exaggerated Welsh accent...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I don't mock
I pay homage
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

BAD NEWS EVERYONE
My wee has stopped smelling of barbecue sauce.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Ah.
In that case can I cancel this afternoon's 'gilded bathroom appliance,' please?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Now it just smells of shame and STDs

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

You are
Proffessor Farnsworth AICMFP
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

THAT's where I got it from.
For some reason I was thinking Dr Nick.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

12" Italian BMT from subway with Chipolte Southwest sauce
and some crack
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I'm scared of Chipotle
since I saw that South Park ep
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

there was a whole episode devoted to Chipotle making people bleed out of their asses.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

That's the chain, not the sauce.
Chipotle sauce is delicious
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

what is it?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

It's a kind of smoked chili, i think
Tabasco do a Chipotle flavour. It's not as hot as say Habanero, but it's delicious, especially stirred into pasatta with beans, then used as a sauce in quesadillas.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Can't handle chilli I'm afraid
Thai sweet chilli sensations are my limit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Urgh I hate sweet chili sauce
My favourite sauce probably is Tapatio- my dad brought back 2 2 litre bottles last time he went to Texas and we're just about running out :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

This it is, but what is it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

That's Thursdays, I'm afraid.
Meatball Marinara today.

/Subway addict
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Secret fatty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Basil

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Yes, Sybil?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

You should have said
"Yes, my little piranha fish?"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I was struggling to think of an actual quote

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

tut tut

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Bacon, SOFT avocado (if it is not ripe, then forget it), Mayo and hot doritos in a White bread sandwich.
And a red bull.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Avacado tastes like congeled green jizz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I can't get my head around avocado
my mouth gets confused, it's like "is this a solid, is it smush? Is it cream? Am I eating solid cream?". It's just not worth the mindfuck.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I can't get my arse around avacado
I've tried, God I've tried, but a small pear is the best I can do :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I love avocados, espesh when you fill the whole where the pip was with vinegar and sprinkle salt.
Probs one of my fav veg, unless it isn't ripe, in which case I hate it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Hienz tomarto soup with tobacco and a few White buttered rolls

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I'm enjoying the capitalisation of White.
White Supremacist Rolls.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I donno why my phone did that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

white supremacist phone

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)

mine does it too
i think it automatically capitalises anything that could be used as a name
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I'm hoping you mean Tabasco,
otherwise that sounds a bit grim.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Heh, yah.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Skoal Bandits on toast, mmmm

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)

actually
he meant tomacco soup
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

With cheese. lots of cheese

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)

this is a very odd cure
In fact, this is just odd in general.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

It's so0o0o good.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)

That's odd, I felt really odd yesterday
Like a reverse night out- horrible headache and misery during the day, then I got weird and very unlike mysel in the evening. Apparently I was acting like i was drunk. That's not good.
Tea and toast does wonders. Finding a cat to play with also does.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

*offers pussy*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I miss mine.
I stroked one on the road outside where I'm hopefully going to live, he was lovely
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I'm allergic to kittums
so that would make things worse.

But toast sounds very good. I've got a bit of a craving for peanut butter as well, not sure why.

I think I broke my brain at the weekend and it's trying to mend itself.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I want a cat.
But living on the 6th floor, doesn't really help matters.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Mashed banana and peanut butter on toast is well lush

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)

It's even better with honey.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

oh that sounds awesome
I am so on that when I get home.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Nooooooooo Kitty!
but you're Kitty!

Toast is fantastic, I've eaten a whole (small) loaf in one day.
Feel better soon bbz
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I know, it's quite upsetting
some clever scientists were testing a permanent vaccine on people in Belgium in 2006 so hopefully one day I will be kitty proof :D
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

My kitty loves me the most of any living creature.
It's at once depressing and adorable.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

I feared I was kitty proof until recently
At least, the cat in my local doesn't seem to like me, and I've taken it very personally. But then my friend's cat was all over me last Sunday, which suggests it's not all cats, and that maybe the cat in my local is just a little wary of the large bloke lumbering around the bar reeking of stout reaching out with a massive corvine hand to pet it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:03, Reply)

my friend's cat always seeks me out when I'm over there
and rubs all his fur all over my face and licks my skin so I feel thoroughly shite by the end of the evening. He takes offence if I try and boot him off my knee though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)

In theory you can build up a resistance to animal allergies
I suggest Wiggy surreptitiously slip one or two cat hairs under your pillow each night, and gradually increase the dosage as you show fewer and fewer symptoms, until eventually you don't notice that he has in fact replaced your pillow with a cat.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

well that's the thing,
I grew up with 5 cats, it was only when I moved out at 18 and went back to visit that I noticed the symptoms of allergies, so maybe I could become resistant once more.

I would love a pillowcat.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

He could be rubbing his kitty bumhole on you though.
That would be worse.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)

You need to bend down to their level, make a weird noise and let them sniff your fingers
then if they like you they'll submit to you petting them.

Or, if they're like mine, they'll headbutt you and scream at you until you fuss over them.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Yeah, your cat sounds more like my friend's cat.
My friend described her cat as a complete tart, who is happy to remain indifferent to her presence, but will lap up the attention as soon as any visitors come near the place.

The cat in the Sultan, on the other hand, might just not like the smell of Hop Back Entire Stout.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Cherry Lucozade
1 can of Rubicon mango
Bacon and egg muffin
Wank
Marmite on White Toast
Coffee
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Mango is shit and dull and I hate him.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)

BLASPHEMER
Mango is awesome. Rubicon mango is a bit shit though.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I love mango really
I wanted to hurt Psychochomp.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

All about Rubicon Guava.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Coffee and a banana
At about 11 o'clock.

Usually staves things off until lunchtime, at any rate.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Wise words Croseph
I had a banana at around 10.45am and I've just finished my third coffee.

My usual grazing for the day includes apple for breakfast and banana at 11. I'm thinking of trying a detox fast tomorrow, where I'm only supposed to drink fruit and veg smoothies. I might die though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Ugh...'detox.'
Sorry, but that word really grates on me. I'm sure you don't believe this rubbish the way some people do, but it does conjure up this misconception that most of the food we eat is full of "toxins" and that we're poisoning our bodies by eating anything which is not fresh fruit, vegetables or distilled, deionised water. Which, of course, is horse-shit of the highest order.

I can appreciate that there are benefits to taking a few days off the sauce or easing off the fatty foods for a bit, but I want to get this word 'detox' out of common circulation.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)

^This, in buckets
Detox is a load of bollocks
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Anybody who books a weekend in one of those fucking "Detox Spas" or similar Institutions of Myth-Peddling
Should be made to read and digest a baseline quantity of Ben Goldacre before they are allowed to pay their deposit.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I did put some quite toxic substances into my body at the weekend
so it's more of a festival clean-out than some new age hippy bollocks.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

You are obviously going down with something (fnar,fnar)
Get in plenty of citric fruits/juice, paracetmol, and whatever food treats you will eat when you don't feel like eating.
Good luck - but I doubt you'll last the week.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Thanks, you can read my eulogy.
it's self inflicted from the festival so I don't think I'm dying, just recovering. Although this could be what kills me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)