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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm bored and want to escape writing cases for a bit, so let's roll out an old favourite
What question would you like to ask of any b3tan?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:52, 138 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Becky
What do you do with the broken shattered bodies of your victims after a successful luring?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)
She carefully
wedges them up your cavernous vadge whilst you're sleeping.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Or put them in the freezer
Nitrogen is such a useful resource
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)
And are they still useful for sloppy seconds?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Nah, they're broken innit. You wouldn't want them

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)
They could just lie there while I stroke their hair and sing to them.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)
Officesmirks

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:06, Reply)
They don't all have hair...

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:07, Reply)
Well I could stroke something else then.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:08, Reply)
A wascally wabbit? Got one of those in the freezer too.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:10, Reply)
: )

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)
Corpses only remain stiff
for about 2-3 days. Sorry blousie.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)
Or a few hours if you leave them in the sun

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)
All of this is useful to know.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)
I recently heard lampito punched wookiee in the face
I'd like to ask more about that.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:55, Reply)
That's pretty much the whole story.
She punched Crow as well.
And then asked me four times why Wookiee didn't look impressed with her
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Stupid girl.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)
...why though?
They both seemed fairly inoffensive to me!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)
I think alcohol was involved...

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)
Pfft
Poor Crow. I hope I meet Lampito one day. She sounds enjoyably mental.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)
I'm fucking insane.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Crow seems to remember
that he was being quite facetious and probably had it coming.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)
I'm facetious all the time
Number of times I have been punched in the face: Zero.

This trufact will probably surprise a lot of people who have met me and now wish they had punched me in the face
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)
Oh man I am so gonna punch you in the face next time I see you

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)
I will run you over and dump your body in the Avon

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)
I'm going to shit on your car now.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)
Then I will have to set fire to your flat

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)

l +head
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:18, Reply)
Mean

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:19, Reply)
I will take your mother out for a steak dinner
AND NEVER CALL HER BACK!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:18, Reply)
You'd love my mum
she is awesome at "your face" jokes
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:20, Reply)
I think I punched him in the back of the head
I do not remember Wookie at all. I have apologised and I'm very sorry. It's going down as one of those nights I wish hadn't happened and will not be recalled to memory.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)
Ahh alcohol, the great excuser of stuff and things

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)
I've apologised to Wookie.
And this is more reason why I shouldn't drink.

I've also punched Monty and Chompy. I'm quite violent when drunk
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Only four times? Man you got lucky there

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)
I'd answer and point her in your direction
saying Becky knows everything go and ask her
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)
My post disappeared :(
To sum up what you won't read. Lampito told me wookie was upset with her because she's asked him why he didn't like her a lot. No mention that she'd just punched him in the face.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)
I was mostly cross that I'd wandered off in a huff, and a tour group followed me and pointed at me.
Then I flounced off around the corner and they did it again!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:19, Reply)
I wish I had seen that
I'm sure if I trawl flikr enough I'll come across the photos
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:21, Reply)
HAHA!

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:21, Reply)
Bastard forrins.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:25, Reply)
How many times did I ask you?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)
Did you threaten to overrule him?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:23, Reply)
I don't think you understand,
I remember NOTHING :(
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Hahah good work.
How sick were you?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:25, Reply)
I fell out the bus about 2 stops early
And was sick along the Camberwell Road.
Walked back into my house where there was a party with MASSIVE DRUGS and just went straight upstairs.

Urrrrgh.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:26, Reply)
Did you threaten to overrule him?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:25, Reply)
What was the question again?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:27, Reply)
That interview would have been much more entertaining
If Michael Howard had given these answers instead...
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I'm afraid I don't understand the reference.
I'm uncultured.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:33, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ApIC3x3kk8
Taken from the end of this interview when Paxman's producer told him to extend the interview unexpectedly in his earpiece:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uwlsd8RAoqI
(Second link more for context than entertainment)
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:39, Reply)
That's fantastic.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Amberl:
Please tell me your overnight stay in Victoria coach station has passed without incident, and the reason you haven't texted me since last night is cos your Blackberry's battery died.

Seriously, has anyone heard from Amberl at all today?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Didn't she post
on here earlier, about 11am?

EDIT - she was also quite disappointed that she didn't receive a vitriolic reply from you regarding the text she sent you about Pendulum and Fightstar...
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)
she did
and she's been on facebook.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)
That's good to know

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:00, Reply)
I got a text saying
How do I make Foxy leave me alone?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)
that was the main topic of conversation when I met her at the weekend

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)
I'm not at all surprised

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:00, Reply)
Not how she tells it
I think she was worried that you may have thought she was mental on account of being off her tits
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:00, Reply)
well she'd hardly tell you the truth now would she?
she didn't seem that wasted. Bit dazed perhaps, but generally fairly lucid. and talkative :-)
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:04, Reply)
I believe I did reassure her
that as a seasoned stoner you were probably used to people jabbering at you
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:07, Reply)
very much so
I don't judge people for it, as long as what they are jabbering is interesting.

There was an amusing point where we were discussing something from here with my mrs, and we both used the same word to describe it at exactly the same time.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)
Bizarrely
when she and I were talking about the same thing, so did we.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:11, Reply)
how odd
shame we didn't get to meet up, but by the time you text me I was already on the verge of dropping!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)
3/10, poor effort
it is a shame, but to be fair though, as I said - if I'd not had a nap myself on Sunday I would probably have been found by security slumped face down in some half eaten chips after everyone had left the arena and having missed Iron Maiden entirely.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:26, Reply)
there were too many bands on that I wanted to see on Sunday to have a nap
took a bit of time out for food, sitting down and having a spliff, but other than it was all go.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Vipros was off AmberI's tits?
What was he doing on them?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)
Not his fault
Any more than it was the Millennium Falcon's fault that it got caught in the Death Star's tractor beam
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:06, Reply)
to be blunt
they are that large that half the people at sonisphere were on them whether they liked it or not
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:07, Reply)
She was texting me all day yesterday
I chose to read between the lines, if you take certain words out of "FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU NUTJOB" it spells "FUCK ME". Which I would call encouragement
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)
You've gone too far
You're using strikethrough on real life.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:08, Reply)
I did recently express the wish of being able to strikethrough texts
in a totally unrelated discussion
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)
Vipros
"Can I have your guitar? Please? Just a quick twang?"

TGB
"Would you of expected less people to of loost their way here?[sic]" (Though I suspect this would wind me up more than her...)

Chompy
"Why do the inhabitants of Milton Keynes always jump to its defence when outsiders mock it?"

Darth
"What do you think you're doing with that throbbing erection?"

Enzyme
"What is the correct way to 'beg the question?' I like the phrase but cannot fathom, for the life of me, how to use it properly."

Monty
"Shall I have the servant flogged?"
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)
Loost?
Are you now talking a language less people understand?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)
I know you're just winding me up, but all the same
Every time you do this I think fewer and fewer of you...
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:19, Reply)
But it's like putting a big red button in front of me
with a post-it saying "Do not push this button"
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:23, Reply)
It's nice that you see me as a big red button.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:26, Reply)
I think it's a hamlet in Belgium.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:10, Reply)
MK is not just a place, it's a state of mind.
You're not just resident in MK you're one with it.

but in reality it's quite good but everyone thinks it's shit.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)
Like the Borg
But with more roundabouts.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:20, Reply)
To steal a joke...
"I am Dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated"
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:22, Reply)
Bizarrely, I'm going to defend people other than myself
Your question to Vipros makes you sound a bit gay. Also, as if you could handle the two extra strings, bassmonkey

Also, pretty much everyone will defend their home town. Milton Keynes residents just have to do it more often. Because it's horrible there.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)
You assume I don't play 6-string bass
Also Surbiton does not need defending by its former inhabitants. Stella Street and The Good Life have already done that for us. Somehow.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:22, Reply)
This is the odd position I'm in
I'm very proud to come from Nottingham, cos when I was growing up there it was fucking ace. Then I moved away and all of a sudden it's the gun crime capital of Britain. Not sure whether to be smug or not
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:28, Reply)
So you could claim to have stemming the tide of gun crime that threatened to infest your fair city?
Probably better than me claiming I was stemming the tide of posh twats in unecessary 4x4s...
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:33, Reply)
Pretty much
I was a one-man teenage law enforcer

Like Kick-Ass, for want of another adolescent superhero
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:36, Reply)
bananaman

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 17:25, Reply)
I defend mine
And it's an Utter Shithole
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:22, Reply)
You're from Skem?
you poor, poor soul.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Yep!
I left when I was 16, went downhill from there though :-(
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Doesn't quite have the infamy
of Skem though.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:33, Reply)
Exactly
It was so boring until I turned 18.

Then I left, and Macclesfield is far better!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I can’t get a job cause I can’t get out of bed.
I can’t go to college cause I’ve nothing in my head.
I can’t play drums and I can’t really sing
I’ve tried to play guitar but it’s got far too many strings
I’ll play bass

It’s got four strings; I only use two.
I’ve never worked out what the others do.
I play bass
I’m happy here just strumming along
But I’m still not sure how to play this song
I play bass
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Hah, Enzyme was discussing grammar on my status this morning
he then apologised as he said he might have been a liiiittle too pedantic.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:21, Reply)
I'd ask you how you got to be so loveable?!

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:13, Reply)
fucking suck up.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:14, Reply)
You're just jealous!

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:18, Reply)
I'M TOTALLY NOT

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:25, Reply)
Raised voice? Slightly sweaty palms? Slightly wrinkled brow? Slightly chompy?
You're TOTALLY jealous!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:29, Reply)


(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)
I can't see that
its probably for the best.

I'm going to imagine its been blocked from my work computer because its a crude Microsoft Paint image of you bumming a chicken.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:18, Reply)
It's the Pandatron
No chicken-bumming involved.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:20, Reply)
I'm a little bit disappointed now! :(
The pandatron you say??

*rubs thighs*
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:23, Reply)
I'm made from candyfloss and awesomesauce. Yes

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:16, Reply)
Me too! :D
Well, the candy floss part. I'm eating some at my desk right now! Nom nom nom!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:17, Reply)
Omg, still? I want some now. Only if its blue though, I can't bear pink candyfloss

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Its half blue and half pink!
I love that it actually lists its contents as:

Sugar
Flavourings
Colours
E129

Hahahahaha, did I mention I was typing this from the ceiling! XD
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Mwahahaha I've got you just where I want you now :)

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:46, Reply)
You'll have to wait for me to come down
Could be a few more hours... still got some left to eat! :D
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:52, Reply)
UToL - How do you manage to be such a smashing bloke and still find the time to burn so many orphanges you velvet voiced web-stallion?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:15, Reply)
TLiC
How's the head, cockneck?

BGB - Same time next year?

Berk - Are you actually going to stay at the bash next time?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:18, Reply)
PS Can LiC please answer in his Andy Parsons voice?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:20, Reply)
He does sound like him!!
Which makes him slightly more interesting
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:24, Reply)
The vocal resemblance is uncanny.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Only if you promise not to wear the same outfit again.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Fine then
Can I wear this instead?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I doubt you would still fit in it.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:29, Reply)
As do I
So I'll give it a damn good try!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Yes, yes I am
I'm rather cross I left to be honest, as the other party I left BGB's for was shite.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:31, Reply)
Well, now you know.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:37, Reply)
An actual question-
Crow, did you have a good birthday?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:24, Reply)
I think so
It was a success in that we made it to every pub and I had a good day. However, if anybody happened to be on that particular night bus between Old Street and Victoria then I cannot apologise enough if you were caught in the spiralling fountain of vomit that hurriedly made its way off as it disappeared into the Southwest side of Hyde Park Corner.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:28, Reply)
That sounds....graphic?
Hmm. A lovely end to a lovely day, I'm sure.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:36, Reply)
Oh, a lovely day, just a rather undignified end and a day feeling rather shaky on Sunday.
And on that note, anyone else up for the Great British Beer Festival this week?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:42, Reply)
everyone:
how do you deal with the possibility of you drunken badmouthing a friend, but you don't remember what you said and aren't sure if they know you said something?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:31, Reply)
MOAR DRINK.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:31, Reply)
will it return to me then?

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:33, Reply)
No but you won't care either way.

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:39, Reply)
um
I'm fairly certain that I would still care
I'd just be far more dramatic about it
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:41, Reply)
monty
why DO you hate david bowie?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:40, Reply)
*Adopts Monty personality traits*
Because he's a massive, bumdering bandwagon jumper who feels the need to reinvent himself every three years in order to appear 'fresh' and exciting, my dear swipe.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:42, Reply)
that was an excellent impression
bar the MAHOOSIVE drugs.

i hardly know any bowie stuff, but i did see him at the isle of wight festival a few years ago, and it really shames me to admit that he was pant-meltingly sexy. really. we were all quite shocked!
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:44, Reply)
There is no beginning to my talents as an impersonator of message board users.
Sadly the only MASSIVE DRUGS I'll entertain is codeine phosphate sandwiches when my neck is completely shagged.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:51, Reply)
I think he explains it best here
www.b3ta.com/questions/famebacklash/post630791
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:49, Reply)
ah yes
very helpful. thank you.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:53, Reply)
*runs in*
I can add to that if you so wish, but really that post contains my main objections, neatly summarised.

*runs out again*
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)
when I'm not in pain and dribbling
I am going to go through each of your Bowie points and argue the toss with you. Until then........ I'll be dribbling and in pain.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 17:30, Reply)

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