Goooood Morning B3taland!
And why the fuck are you up this early?

Buggered if I know!

Alt Q: How do you eat your Jelly Babies?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:18, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Call this early
10 past fucking 5 I was up this morning.

Alt Q: I eat jelly babies the two bite method. Off with the head first, and then the rest. Except, I don't eat them very often, like maybe once a year when I can steal them from a kid without the parents seeing.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:28, Reply)

Aye, it get's like that as you get old doen't it?
And it took you 3 hours 18 minutes to walk to the pc? I thought I had it tough.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Morning all
I woke up at 5.55 today and couldn't get back to sleep, so just dozed a bit until my normal 6.45 alarm went off. So I could be better.

I eat my jelly babies whole. But I can't think when I last ate one.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:32, Reply)

I don't like the black ones
and that makes me feel racist.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:33, Reply)

But they're the best flavour!
Speaking of sweets, I found trolli hotdogs in my local post office at the weekend. Are they an acceptable substitute for the burgers?
(berk, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:37, Reply)

No, it has to be burgers.
I had some Trolli fries once and they were foul! Unless they've changed the recipe of the whole range, which would upset me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:22, Reply)

A Tenner is all you'll need.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:24, Reply)

I totally got my hands on some of these at a picnic last month
I ate far too many, but it was totally worth it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

the mini ones aren't as good.
I am very specific about my retro sugar fixes.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

If I find where to get the proper ones
I'll buy some, then if I ever meet you I'll say "Sorry, I forgot them" and grin a little.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:36, Reply)

I hate you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Everyone does

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:20, Reply)

You're going to make me 'forget' the Jelly Babies at this rate.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Then I'll produce a big bag of trolli burgers
That I kept hidden behind my back, and give them to you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:22, Reply)

If you ate the black ones,
you would be a cannibal.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:37, Reply)

Only if they were real babies though
And even one would be a bit too filling for a single meal.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:39, Reply)

If the sweet companies made huge jelly babies, like 1:1 scale.
would they sell?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:45, Reply)

Yes
To b3tans, primarily.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I haz a photo.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:58, Reply)

www.firebox.com/product/2560/Giant-Gummi-Bears
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Good morning, you insufferable wanker.
I don't like sweets.

I did manage to hack an enormous bloody swathe through the index finger on my right hand, drunkenly chopping parsley yesterday evening, though.

In other news I managed to resist my ex's attempts to lure me round hers for sex (with the promise of massive drugs) on Saturday night. This was alarmingly difficult to resist. She's looking very attractive at the moment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:45, Reply)

Well done Monty, the only person on the internet to refuse real sex when offered.
Think of all those less fortunate than yourself.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Monty, Monty, Monty...
Hers is a strong pronoun and doesn't require an apostrophe.

*tuts*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Good Lord, the shame....
Edited, thank you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I thought I'd better save you from further embarrassment

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:24, Reply)

I owe you an internet pint.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

parsley Marching Powder
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:57, Reply)

That was earlier in the day.
I had a 'bit of a lie down' about 4pm and got up ravenous at seven, downed a couple of glasses of Primitivo and got cheffing. There was blood everywhere, walls, floor...in the food....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:01, Reply)

mmm, primitivo

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:25, Reply)

My morning brain isn't working
At first I wasn't sure what "primitive Vimto" was.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:28, Reply)

vimto is grim
I suspect that is why northerners drink it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

It reminds them of home.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

that was my thought

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Vimto is awesome

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

esome ful
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

ful some
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:05, Reply)

We have some cans of the stuff in our vending machine
It's a whole 5 pence more expensive than the other cans. This does not make it better.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

they've got to make their money somehow
and it's not going to be through large volumes of sales.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Pro tip,
chop parsley in a mug with scissors.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:00, Reply)

I wish someone had advised me to do this yesterday.
I was doing the 'roll it into a sausage shape' technique but got a bit too 'flamboyant' with my knife strokes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Well done Monty
but doesn't this mean she's up to something?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Pro tip,
women get horny too.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:22, Reply)

I've read about that too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Is this not all just lies on the internet?
You need proof, dammit.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Well I've seen it in 'documentaries' too
My mate found his dad's grotty VHS collection when we were 10.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:30, Reply)

VHS
Old skool.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

We even found some porn slides
The kind you need a projector for, not the kind you shoot down.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:38, Reply)

PC LoL.
Shooting down a porn slide. Oh, the mental images.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Is it possible to get porn in a format compatible with
one of John Logie Baird's mechanical televisions?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I've learnt my lesson.
Pleasant as a night of sex and drugs with her would have been, the fallout makes it not at all worth it.

The Monty of 5 years ago would have been round there like a shot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:31, Reply)

Very proud, well done!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:23, Reply)

I believe a croissant is in order.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

oh definitely
two in fact.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:35, Reply)

or even three, it's quite a feat.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:40, Reply)

All day yesterday
I was alternating between kicking myself and patting myself on the back.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Did you try combining the two
And attempt to kick yourself on the back?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Well held, sir, well held.
Your refusal of massive sex and even more massive drugs, that is. On the other hand*, you're not doing anything for this dreadful misconception that us lefties suffer from poor coordination. Hope the finger's alright, I'm sure the servant boy can clean up the blood from the kitchen.

*_{no pun intended}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:40, Reply)

The serving boy's too busy
Cleaning up the puddles of splooge from his many frustrated wank sessions over the weekend.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:45, Reply)

It's just as well he laminated those hymn sheets...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:57, Reply)

And the copies of the lord's prayer.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Work, sadly.
On the upside, got payday this week, and a 3 day weekend to look forward to.

Alt Q: Generally just pop them in my mouth in one go
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Ooops.
I pick the crying one (green) and eat him feet first so he suffers longer. Mwahahahaha.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 8:59, Reply)

'ning
Only five more days until I have an epic break off work!

And I don't like Jelly Babies, the jelly always tastes odd to me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:01, Reply)

I eat their heads first, then their feet, then their bodies if I feel like taking my time.
otherwise I just eat them WHOLE!

It's not early here. And I've been told today by the doctor after being sick with what I thought was a chest infection for a week, that I probably have asthma that was previously unknown. Got a ventilator and started using it and I can already feel the difference in breathing.
Odd that I managed 18 years without knowing I have asthma.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:08, Reply)

A colleague
was a big rugby player for a good ten years until he knackered his shoulder. When looking into this the doctor discovered that all his life he'd had a major spinal problem that could have paralysed him at any moment, given only fairly minor trauma. No more rugby for him...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:16, Reply)

fuuuuuuuck. That's pretty scary!

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:22, Reply)

That's the second scariest thing I've read this week
This is the scariest
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:36, Reply)

That's pretty rough.
No more heavy breathing for you.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:19, Reply)

My sister was diagnosed when she was 20, so it's not too unusual to happen
Asthma fucking sucks though.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Pun intended?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:31, Reply)

/facepalm
I only got that when you mentioned it!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Very much so

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

mmm well like I said - I took the dose from my ventilator, and within about 5 minutes I was able to breathe properly.
doc said I have to use it whenever I need it, and to carry it with me. :( One more thing to lug around britain and europe.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

You should be on an inhaler, surely?
Ventilators should only be used when you're having an attack. Has he not given you an inhaler?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:35, Reply)

oh sorry, I meant Ventolin, that's what it's called here.
but yes, I have an Inhaler. I have two actually. :(
*dons glasses, braids hair and carries calculator*
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Ventolin and Clenil for me
If you've got one to take daily, I'd recommend using a reminder on your phone for the first few weeks, just until you get used to taking it twice a day
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I have to take it 4 hourly as needed at the moment, since I'm sick
otherwise I just have to carry it around I think.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I use one of these to make sure I take my meds every day - I leave it by the kettle so I see it first thing in the morning
www.boots.com/en/Boots-Travel-Vitamin-Holder_122262/
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I just remember every day anyway - I have meds to take that I take just before bed.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Is that the Ventolin?
Seems to make sense that way.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:06, Reply)

yeah - the inhaler. I'm not on tablets or anything like that.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:19, Reply)

It's likely you'll end up being given another one for daily usage, if things don't improve properly

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Bite head off
eat legs
eat arms
eat body
eat head

Eating Jelly Babies any other way is against nature.
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Do you bite the head off then keep it until you have eaten the rest then eat it?
That's weird
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Open bag of Jelly Babies
Eat entire bag of Jelly Babies. Feel ill.

It's a fine new week, and I'm waiting to get a call about an interview. Those are the subtotal of my plans for the day.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Lab go buy me some jelly babies
I think it's the least you can do as you are the worst "friend" ever
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:36, Reply)

What have I done now?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:39, Reply)

nothing sweetie, she's just getting your temper up. :P

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Just generally being shit really
I figure I may as well get Jelly babies out of pretending to like you and being your personal taxi
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I offer to drive you
But you hate my car. Instead I provide you with booze. I'll bring jelly babies next time, just for you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Mainly I drive so it doesn't take 10 hours to get anywhere

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Because you SPEED?!
Your car is awesome though, something I'm happy to concede.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I don't speed
We get overtaken on the motorway all the time
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:54, Reply)

So you don't travel faster than 70mph on the motorway?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:56, Reply)

pft
everyone goes faster than 70mph. Speeding is going faster than 100mph
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Even on the M25
with cameras on every gantry, they don't go off unless you're doing well over 90.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:08, Reply)

But you could kill someone !
What if you were driving down the M25 with the roof top down and have a bit of Semisonic going on the wireless at full volume, shades down and a long flow'y scaff in the wind. Belting out "This'll be my year" at the top of your lungs, not noticing the speedomitor going further and further to the right, and as you just hit the turn-off at Potter's Bar, you miss it. Then, suddenly, a kitten his holding hands with a puppy crossing the road right in front of you, to get to the other side, and you swerve to avoid them.... and then suddenly there is a nucular truck in front of you, but they have to do an emergancy stop and you go right into the back of them at 125mph, and the nuclear truck goes off and kills everyone you know and love.

.... I really don't know where I'm going with this, but 'hi' anyway.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:34, Reply)

OH HAI GONZ

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Aye up !
Are you ready for a most wonderful week? Today's my day off, and you know what I'm gonna do? Absolutly nothing. I'm going down to Cockfosters in a bit, to see my dealer and pick up some pills, and then I might go down to the posh butchers 'cus I like it there.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

My week sucks balls already

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Oh man, you should totally hook me up with your week then.
When are you going to move to The Beverly Hills of North London?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Good morning
Because it's Monday, and I felt I should probably return to work.

Alt Q: Suppository.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 9:43, Reply)

bite the heads off
and then suck them hard to a slow, sweet, ecstatic death.

green ones first, they are the best flavour.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I like the white ones, I think they're pineapple or grapefruit flavour, I donno, but I like them.
And then I like the black and red ones, unless green is apple, then that'll go in front.

Worst flavour of jelly sweets is yellow and orange though, citrus jelly sweets are the retarded cousin of the others.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I flay them with my teeth
and save the jelly inside for last.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 10:50, Reply)