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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Good morning to you all.
I am cream fucking crackered, my innards feel like I drank bleach last night, but I am feeling rather chipper nonetheless.

*whistles a jaunty tune*

Question: what have I done with the real Monty?
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 8:51, 190 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

buried him under the M25
what were you drinking last night?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Beer, then cognac, then back to beer again.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)

I've done that - got thirsty from drinking spirits then gone back to beer for a "long drink" - always leads to a worse hangover

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)

Good lord, you're alive
My innards don't actually feel too bad considering what I drank last night. Cream fucking crackered is probably the best description though.

Q: You've plastinated him à la Gunter von Haagen-Dazs and have tied ropes to his hands to make him into your own personal marionette puppet.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)

That pub we ended up in:
'On 9th March 1966 Ron Kray walked into the saloon bar of The Blind Beggar and shot George Cornell in the head using a 9mm Mauser.

Legend would have it that this happened because Cornell had called Ronnie a 'big fat poof'...'
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:08, Reply)

must be the worlds biggest pub so many people claim to have been there the night that shooting happened

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)

50% of the British population were there.
The other 50% were watching the Sex Pistols at Manchester's Lesser Free Trade Hall.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

But he was, wasn't he?
Though I suppose it's not the sort of thing which is becoming to an old East End lad, know what ah mean? Leave it ahht, apples n' plates a' meat.

Like the new name, by the way.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I wondered who'd spot it first - it's only for the morning, I think.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I spotted it, but I was reserving judgement until I made sure it was really you

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Ditto
It's not past anyone here to make an account, put the same signature and all the info in the profile. Only the time here and the answers confirmed so.
-detects-
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Exactly,
anyone who comes on here claiming to be Monty and upbeat and cheerful has clearly not done their background research*.

*_{Though a few points would be awarded for convincing use of the word 'chipper.'}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Tsktsk. And how do we know it's the Real Crow?
You could have all been replaced by sockpuppets for the day.

Of course it's me, no one else can be as relentlessly dull.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

perhaps we should all switch accounts for the day & work out who is really who

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

ooh ohh can I be Bobbychomp
I have an iphone it's amazing just like me TGB is an angry bitch I'm amazing! So are iphones
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I never said I was amazing
the rest is true though, although my iphone is playing up so I don't love it anymore. So that leaves us with you being an angry bitch.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Only online which I have already said doesn't count
oh and HA my phone is working perfectly
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I'm only a cock online
so hopefully that makes us quits.

edit - I don't try to be a cock it just happens
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

that's what Applebite says about licking cock

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

HA

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I think it makes me better than you
and I think you know this
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

If it keeps you going another day in the shitty box factory

of course you are pet, of course you are.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Well, where else would you see wrists this limp*?
CAAW! CAAW! Bumder alert! Bumder alert! CAAAW!

*_{Possibly on Foxtrot}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Hmm. Not convinced.
What's your vegetable of choice?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Erm...Stephen Hawking?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

a marrow you idiot
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

_{shit...do you think my cover's blown?}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

YES TERRIBLY
Now which one are you?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

FUCK OFF CATS

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

The base are belong to us, not you!

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Shut up Bert

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

and for the effort of donating money and getting the same Lemming icon.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

But I can believe he misread that
as 'Lemmy'
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Are you reading this, my new-found mod chums?
I'd love a Lemmy icon. Or a Moaty one.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

the ginger wouldn't come across brilliantly in monochrome

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

A Gazza one would be good

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

You let the real Monty shine through the emotionally battered hulk of the old Monty.

(

girlinthehole, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Is there a real Monty?
Like in a real life person? Really? You're not just a character created for this place?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Yeah I'm really real, yo.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)

it's sunny
and it's THE WEEKEND.

i am going to be the first to ask, what is everybody doing with it?
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:11, Reply)

off to France for a wedding - I don't know the people well (friends of my gf) but it's supposed to be 27deg & sunny so not all bad

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

that be new thread talk

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Good morrow, Kittles.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Morning miserable
you seem uncharacteristically unmiserable today. What's that about?
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

A gentleman never tells.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Did you and crow hook up?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

oh please yes please yes please yes

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Is that 'street slang' for 'cocoa-shunting'?
Or do you mean 'did we hang some curtains'?

No to both.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

had a particularly debauched and successful wank last night then eh?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

hahaha: 'successful wank'

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

those days are long gone I take it
there are pills you can take for that - turns out they make drugs that can fix you as well as ones that break you. Who knew?
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

"Oi oi saveloy"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

morning guv'na

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

this is true
someone will ask it later

then someone else will ask it again

then psychochomp and TGB and monty will moan about undue repetition

then you and applebite and lampito (kitlampbite for short) will take the piss

/mystic meg
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I don't take the piss, really?
I'd like to think I'm meek and mild.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

i can't do clever linkys
because i am not very clever but sometimes you do... which is a Good Thing!
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I can't do mouseovers
but those seem to have vanished from life on here so maybe I'm not missing out.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

they made me paranoid

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Do they really?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

you said you don't know how to do them so I'll assume that's empty
but I still checked.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I could have looked them up online

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

You're not going to go to that much effort.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I just thought about doing it
but you know, you're right.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I still checked and rechecked your original post
so the result was the same. I'm just going to check it again.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

somewhere in that someone will tell someone else they don't fancy them.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

then the cat hater will pop by for a quick troll to bore us all to death

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

I'll do something annoying at some point inevitably.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

this was a foregone conclusion which is why I didn't mention it.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Worst Bert character ever.
Some achievement.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

so dull
it almost hurts
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I'm not convinced he's Bert
as he started out on /links. But that;s not to say I don't think Bert's out there

-creepy music-
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I agree with this
Bert would have snapped by now and done a big reveal. Cat Hater may just be dull. Although I am not terribly interested in finding out.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

claims to be RBF Esquire
But that could be 'Reallyannoying Bert Fuckinghell Esquire' anyway.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

bore us all?
you mean GAY US ALL HAHAHAHAHAHA
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

That's funnier than anything he's ever produced.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Maybe our combined love of cats will kill him.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

My parents call me Kitty
fact fans.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

hehe
My parents call me Ria Bird after the Rhea.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Aww that's really cute

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

yeah until you see the Rhea and realise it's a short fat ostrich.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Hahahahah
I love ostriches. My ex was eating an ostrich burger at the weekend. I almost got upset but then I remembered I love pigs. They're adorable. I want one.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I want a tiny pig. Or a hedgehog.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Pygmy hedgehog FTW
I soo want one of these farm1.static.flickr.com/116/309501702_9483dcb76e.jpg?v=0
(

M o D, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I would love one of these
www.thinkingmonkeythinking.com/films/images/littlest%20monkey.jpg
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

yeah I want one of them
I want to get sugar gliders after Sheldon goes to ratty heaven, but you aren't allowed them in Australia so I don't know if I should or not.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

The hedgehogs look easier to care for
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mlwzf_bqVI
(

M o D, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Your parents really call you Ria Bird
because you've always got diarrhoea, and you're a bird, innit.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

witty.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

and i will be whinging all day about what
the inept butcher in the brand new beauty salon i made the naive mistake of trusting a very intimate wax to last night has done to me.

you know all is really not well when the waxer looks up at you and says "i'm sorry i have got the wax stuck and now you are bruising so badly that i can't really continue." which is worse... BRUISING? THERE ??? or a hollywood wax that is only 3/4 finished??

needless to say i think it has to be the latter and have booked into a different salon to rectify the damage this lunchtime, but it has not been a great start to my weekend!
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Pre-pubescent looking snatch FTW!

(

girlinthehole, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

not at the moment
it's more like a reverse brazilian!
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

The last one I got was slightly off centre. It made me look unbalanced.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

wait a minute, reverse brazilian?
so the landing strip is on the outside?!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

UNDERNEATH
it has to go, bruising or not!!!
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

aww like a tiny little doormat?
hehe
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

YES
good analogy!
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

On the "barson bridge" #vizquote

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

We're threatening to wax our flatmate
he's being all tough and "Oh I can take my pain, it's alright".

I usually take about 15 painkillers before I let hot wax anywhere near my body.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I had my chest done for a dare. It wasn't too bad, the hot wax hurt more going on than the strips coming off.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

the hotter the wax the more your pores open up so the less it hurts to remove the hair
tru(if boring)fax
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I once got bruised down there during a wax and she had to stop
and it was a day before my holiday, I was well pissed off, the bit between thigh and lady part was dark purple, from a distance it looked like I had more hair than to start with. Bitch. She was awful, she used to put the wax on, then put the strip on, she'd be about to pull it off so I'd brace myself and then she'd stop and tell me a story about her nephew. It was torture.

I've got a really good one now, in and out in minutes and not that painful. Although depending on which girl you get you have to get into some rather undignified positions!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Sorry to continue the painful subject but
why does the bruising occur? Are they pressing really hard or is it just the hair being removed that causes it?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

It winks at them so they punch it.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)

hahahaha

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

It's the pulling of the skin around the hair.
You're supposed to pull the skin tight before ripping the fabric strip off, but if you don't, it just tugs the skin really hard, which causes loads of little blood blisters, turning the skin purple. It tends to happen when the waxer isn't sharp enough with the ripping of the fabric, or if she pulls the strip upwards perpendicular to the skin rather than peeling it downwards.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

yes
i look as if i have been knifed in the left thigh. i've never experienced anything like this before and i have had many many waxes!

stupid incompetent. why can't people just do their jobs??
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I've had it a couple of times with aforementioned rubbish waxer, she just wasn't quick enough
She was quite 'mature' shall we say, so maybe she was worried about hurting me. The young fake-tanned, bleached and false-eyelashed ladies of the salon I go to now are vicious enough to be really good.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Ouch
I see
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I thought you'd know that being a official doctor fighter pilot.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Didn't get to do much waxing in the TA
and Big Eric wasn't that fussy.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Sleeping off last night is a priority.
No daughter this weekend, so the forecast is 'cloudy with a chance of DOOGIES'.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)

You've snorted his ashes
and scattered the rest near Rothbury.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

"Moaty it's me Monty"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

'he's shot some people
and that's not very nice, like, but he's a good blerk'
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:17, Reply)

*passes over fishing rod & a bucket of KFC*

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Funniest news event of the last ten years, I reckon.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Certainly one of them. The whole Hague is a closet mincer story seems to be the only amusing news story at the moment

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

We were laughing about that last night.
As far as I can tell, the entire story is founded on the fact that he once wore a tight tshirt and baseball cap.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

must admit to feeling a bit sorry for his wife though

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Too right: she's married to a bender.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)

exactly

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

*makes Special Brew libation*

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Are you filming a new series of the Mitchell and Webb look.
I did you a last night Monty, sat up with my mate trying to one up each other on music choices doing MASSIVE DRUGS and drinking. I feel terrible.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Welcome to my sordid little world.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

bloody good fun at the time though.

(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Morning!
I was woken by window cleaners, which is never pleasant and always a bit scary.

The real Monty is locked in a suitcase while you wear his skin.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Did the real one work for M16 ?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Who knows, Battered, who knows.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Things that have made my morning AWESOME
Seeing a new 60 plate car, yeah I'm sad whatever I spend so much time in my car I have to amuse myself somehow and now I have suede seats wanking means I stick.

Hearing my college on the phone say "my husband broke my back door so I had to get a man out to fix it"
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Suede seats?
O_o

Someone I know has a fear of velvet, and won't touch it. I have a similar thing about suede. How can you stand to sit on it?!
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Because I don't drive naked?
It's only half suede half leather. It's probably not classed as suede I dunno it's fancy though
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

It does sound snazzy
but I hate touching it, it's something to do with fingernails and rubbing things the wrong way.

Are you feeling any better today?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

It's too early to tell
and I've manged to avoid talking to my boss so far
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

it's alcantara

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

isn't that near Marbella?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Only you would know what it's called

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

'How can you stand to sit on it'?
That's the magic of seats, Lampers: no standing required.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear.
I congratulate you, my dear.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Wiggy hates velvet and so does one of my mates
she said it feels like spiders. He says it makes his skin crawl. I love it, it's what being a mole must feel like.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

cotton wool is the worst

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I hate squeezing it between my fingers so it makes that squeaky sound
I also hate rubbing my fingers together when they've got washing up liquid on them. Just typing this is making me do that shiver thing.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Wiggy is spot on here and also velour (not sure on spelling)
touching that is my finger nails on chalk boards equivalent. It's even worse when you see armies of chav women marching towards you with their horde of pastel velour cladded mutant offspring.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

College?
It's a good job you didn't mean colleague or you'd look a fool now.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

she'd ook a fool?
are you an orangutan?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

don't be horrible
he'll go ape shit at you.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

sadface
I do love my phone but every so often the keyboard decides to take a quick nap.
(

The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I feel like a million reichmarks
in 1932. :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Hahahaha
A chum of mine once told a rather dim girl that she had 'a face like a million Lira' and she thought he was being 'nice'.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

A girl on Snog, marry or avoid told everyone after her transformation from slaaaag to pretty, she felt like a $100.

(

girlinthehole, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Ha oh dear.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

a guy in Egypt told me I was worth 15 camels.
I don't know if that's good or bad. The guy I was with wanted to take the camels.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Ouch!
He was probably just lir-ing at her anyway.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I know this isn't links, but this made me laugh
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1308383/Cheating-newlywed-murdered-wife-just-months-married.html

Not the story itself, but the expression on the guy's face as he is led away in handcuffs
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

They look like a perfect couple of Facebook/?
She looks scared shitless.

Comedy picture.
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

yeah because everyone else posts pictures of themselves having arguments and sleeping on the sofa on Facebook
I've got several black eye pictures in my profile.

You edited and now my comment doesn't make sense. Damn you badger.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

I love the furtive look on his face
in that picture where he's being led away in handcuffs.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

hahahaha

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Ah the classic "send texts from the victims phone after they are dead" routine
Great photo. What were you doing reading the Daily Heil though?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I like it
I'm not sucked in by its propaganda and it has the most stories for procrastinating.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I am a member of the anti-Daily Mail coalition
Despite having been interviewed by Roy Hattersley for it a few years ago & being mentioned in his column - trufax
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

every paper has propaganda
if you spot it and aren't affected by it, it doesn't matter.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

true. The Mail is so blatantly right wing though - in a nastier way than the Torygraph

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I miss the Times now you have to pay online.
I end up buying a copy anyway for home but it's not as convenient
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Get the Guardian iPhone app - worth the £3 it costs

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Ha just reading that now online. Didn't occur to me they may have an app. I have BBC News app which I think is good but my basis of comparison is not massive.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

They did have an awesome picture app my friend had on his ipad
Beautiful photos.

Ipad still sux ass though
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

shh you'll wake Gonz

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

haha
I am currently reading the scott pilgrim comics on my phone (well the first one) as it was reduced. I'm hoping when I finish they will reduce the second one
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I bought them all from Fopp the other day. Not read them yet. ANy good? going to see the film tomorrow, can't wait. Does anyone know if Gonz got anywhere with Cafe girl after her holiday?
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

They're bloody excellent.
Cannot wait to see the film.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Nor me
I think I'm this excited. Very much suitable for work.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

yeah but I like the tories so that doesn't bother me.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Do you also like racists, nimby's, manipulation and being patronised ?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

oh shush
I'm not going to argue about this.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

'Diana's horoscopes: the REAL story of how immigrants are affecting house prices'

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

you forgot cancer

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I deliverately didn't mention it
because Crow's got cancer as of yesterday - you heartless bastard.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

deliverately
what's that then?
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

It's a small hamlet near Macclesfield.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

oh that's ok then.
I thought it was a dreadful error on your part, I must have been mistaken.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I've only just got into work.
I am also tired.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Any unscheduled visits to Northampton?

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

No I did the opposite and nearly got off in Leighton Buzzard
so it was ok.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I've had 2 hours sleep
motherfuckers outside diggin' up patios
about to kill, kill, kill

if someone doesn't show me some breasts soon I wont be responsible for my actions
(

broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

On the plus side if you do kill someone
you have a predug grave under a patio. Win all round
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I'm really not one to get angry
but seriously, these cunts are going to pay
(

broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Also,
Fuck yeah
(

broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

This is excellent news.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I might have a vodka to celebrate

(

broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

ha.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Are you William Hague?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

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