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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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If anyone cares...
The new LP* by The Jim Jones Revue is fucking superb.

If you like Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Sonics, The Fabulous Wailers or any other proper raucous rock'n'roll then this is for you. I know I'm always ranting on about how shit current bands are, but to my wizened ears these fellows have got it right. They're not just a 50s rock'n'roll nostalgia act but the real deal.

Of course, if you're a Bowie-loving chutney-monger then move right along please.

*Burning Your House Down
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:08, 217 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I'll have a listen if I can find it.
But I doubt it will be as good as Modern Love.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:13, Reply)
The chili-poo Al did last Friday morning is better than Modern Love

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:24, Reply)
There is no comeback for that ludicrous statement.
What's this song called?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:31, Reply)
a) I said LP
b) I asterisked to its title
c) Mnnnghgnnnghgh
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:36, Reply)
Sorry
*belms at self*

edit - he looks like Dylan Moran, not bad song not for me though.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)
Fair enough, Bobbles, fair enough.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)
I do like Tom Waits
If that gets me any credit at all
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:58, Reply)
He's better than Tom Watt, I grant you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:03, Reply)
I hope your stylus catches fire
Did you have sex with a b3tan on thursday?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:14, Reply)
Well, those seem like fairly disconnected sentences

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:16, Reply)
His stylus will watch fire because
of the heat of the chillis falling out of his gaping anus after the curry we ate on thursday, which he may or may not have had sex with a b3tan after.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:17, Reply)
Stylus makes more sense than whatever typo you made to start with
Man, I've not had a good curry in ages. Or even a rubbish curry now that I come to think about it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:18, Reply)
A gentleman never reveals, Alphonse.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:27, Reply)
So, that'll be a yes then

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:30, Reply)
Mutha fucker.
When I left there was only Chompy, Crow, Clenders, Beckyjsbx and Beckyjsbxs friends. So Monty clearly had sex with either Crow or Chompy.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:31, Reply)

either both
or and
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:33, Reply)
It would be like
The world's least attractive threesome. Sadface.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:34, Reply)
I'm darned hot, I'll have you know.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:36, Reply)
It'd be like looking at a rose between two thorns

(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:38, Reply)
Or a thorn
And a paperclip salesman. Worst sex toy ever.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:38, Reply)
A paperclip salesman and a limp-wristed
pond-water brewer, please.

Al, did you see Crow's home brew? I love that boy like he was my own son but that bottle of colostomy-bag scrapings struck fear into my black heart.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:41, Reply)
He brought his home brew along?
No I didn't see that, but I've had some horrific experiences with home brew.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:43, Reply)
This wasn't home brewed beer,
but some brackish drain cleaner made from (I think) burdock and wee-wee. Bless his heart, he'd named it and had written said name on the side in permanent pen.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:47, Reply)
Had be ingested some of it without dying?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:49, Reply)
Like Eddie's homebrew
In bottom "It's been on the go for 45 minutes so it must be nearly ready"
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)
He's been a bit quiet this week.
Maybe the brew reacted with the oesophageal cancer he's got, and he is no more. In which case I have two CDs of his that I can now keep.

RESULT.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:52, Reply)
It's all coming up Monty

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:55, Reply)
All I need now is a CD player.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:56, Reply)
You'll just need to knock off another b3tan to get one

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)
Na, just use your finest stylus
and they'll work fine
(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:59, Reply)
I'll try this,
and give them to the executors of Crow(RIP you legend)'s estate if you're wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:04, Reply)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, it's alright, I'm alive.
I'm moving house at the moment so I only have interweb at work and have to spend most of my time on the phone explaining to estate agents why they're cunts.

However, I will admit that on Friday, I didn't feel all that bad, but I really didn't want to touch anything alcoholic. I attribute this not to my Fully Organic, Craft-Brewed Elderflower Champagne ("The Resolute Grebe, 2008 Vintage", gaz me if you want to order a bottle), but solely to the fact that the pints of London Pride I had afterwards were a bit near the end of the barrel.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)
Damn you London b3tans
And your socialising. Damn you all to, erm, London.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:39, Reply)
There's a story about you on the main QOTW board.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:23, Reply)
Really?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:28, Reply)
I could find no such story
But then I only looked quickly, and couldn't really be bothered. Still, I call him a liar or somesuch.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:29, Reply)
http://b3ta.com/questions/complaintsdesk/post855121

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:30, Reply)
Ah.
I thought my new boyfriend 'Bert CatHater' had been complaining.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:39, Reply)
Maybe someone will break out some internet White Knighting to protect him
I've not seen enough White Knighting around here lately.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)
The closest we had
was Kitty being 'quite nice' to him.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:42, Reply)
Was that when she asked what he did
And it turned out it was something really dull, so no-one really cared? She's a star, that Kitty.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:43, Reply)
get over it, sadcase

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:44, Reply)
Tedious Bert is Tedious

(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:45, Reply)
repetitive althegeordie is repetitive

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:46, Reply)
Cat Hater is all but universally hated

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:46, Reply)
some people on talk seem to like me, and links, and even baord
it's only you lot that are so spasticated that you keep going on like a broken record.
Besides, isn't hate a pretty strong word to be throwing around, you lot dunarf get upset easily
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:48, Reply)
Speaking of broken records
I seem to recollect reading this same claim several times earlier on today.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:49, Reply)
shut up Bert

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:52, Reply)
Why don't you just admit you're Bert

(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)
I have done more than once, but still the problem persists. Off Topic are a fastidious bunch

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:52, Reply)
So you are Bert?
I'm so confused. If you are actually Bert, why do you keep coming back?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:00, Reply)
The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Bummer.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:01, Reply)
'I like this'
I have an image of a lonely exposer in a raincoat, dashing along a gravel path
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:05, Reply)
I'm not Bert, seriously. I don't think I've ever even seen this Bert you lot keep going on about
I started off as a parody of other trolls, some people liked it, others didn't, here though you lot have taken mmmmmmmnnnnnnnnngggggggh to a whole new level of extreme
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:02, Reply)

Shut up Bert
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:51, Reply)
an cockring?
Even I know that's wrong Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:46, Reply)
I'm sold on the Bert thing. Got to admire his patience though
he must be itching for a big reveal.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:44, Reply)
Shut it Chompy

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:46, Reply)
alright POD
I've tried extra hard with my spelling and grammar this week.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:47, Reply)
Alright ex-Pires
Good on you. Although I prefer to see people trying extra hard at it all the time. Pedancy FTW.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:48, Reply)
Start as you mean to go on and what not.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)
Pedancy?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:52, Reply)
Evening Zed. What's new?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:53, Reply)
Not much Bobby
did you get your criminal background thingy straightened out?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:00, Reply)
Looks like it
I managed to get my counterpart driving licence out on recorded delivery tonight so fingers crossed. Had a date tonight took a lovely girl called Sam to watch Scott Pilgrim vs The World. I loved it she hated it we didn't click, she went home and I'm sat here talking to you smoking joints.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:08, Reply)
haha did you shout at her?
For not liking it?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)
nah I don't think she got it. I was in heaven so many little injokes
and nice touches. Shame though I quite liked her and pretty sure I fumbled it into touch. Well certain.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:24, Reply)
did she give you the awkward smile
and the 'perhaps we'll see each other some time' speech? Or did she just say 'lose my number' a la Kristine?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)
Nope we went for a drink after the flicks
and we just had nothing in common really. She was a really nice chatty girl but we kind of had nothing to talk about. Pretty much gonna have to stalk the shit out of TGB now.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:32, Reply)
It's annoying when that happens
good luck with TGB
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:33, Reply)
she pretty much hates me
but I love a challenge.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:36, Reply)
Complement her cavernous vag
And she'll love you for it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:46, Reply)
Huh, I was sure that was a word
Any idea what word would be used instead?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:54, Reply)
Pedantry
/pedant
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:54, Reply)
I was hoping you'd appear and answer this
Google wasn't forthcoming with the answer.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:56, Reply)
I'm here to
help mock the afflicted.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:58, Reply)
So many afflictions...

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:01, Reply)
...so little time.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:08, Reply)
I've often wondered what the hell a psychiatrist would say
If I ever got sent to them. Hoping to avoid that one for, well, the rest of my life hopefully.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)
I'm sure they'd say to you
'you're very well-adjusted and are likely to conquer any obstacles in your way'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:35, Reply)
pedancy is an acceptable regional variation, much like normalcy in america

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)
Can't find a reference to it
but I won't argue about regional variations of the word 'pedantry'. That would be a new low.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:15, Reply)
I believe the correct term is 'pedantism'

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)
*sniggers in a bullying way*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:54, Reply)
*bullies in a niggardly way*

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)
One of the funniest things I've seen
was a poor, literate American chap who was (I think) fired from his job for being 'racist' for using that word.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:00, Reply)
Ha!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:14, Reply)
They're boss
Got hooked a couple of years ago on that "Abandon Ship! Yaaarrrggglllhh!" single (?) and have liked what I've heard since, albeit through a crap digital radio signal. Must investigate more. They're the sort of band that would lend themselves to vinyl.
(Mr Big Stuff, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:42, Reply)
Jim Jones
was the singer in my favourite band of the 80s, 'Thee Hypnotics'. They were the closest thing to seeing The Stooges and/or The MC5 I'd ever seen, until The Stooges reformed. I followed them around like a lost, hideously gay sheep until they broke up following a horrendous car crash in America.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:45, Reply)
Thank you for pointing them out
to my ears they sound a bit like the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, which is a good thing.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:45, Reply)
I too like JSBX.
Not Becky, though I'm sure she is a charming dear.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:48, Reply)
Is that where she takes that part of her name from?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:04, Reply)
I hope so cause I always assumed
it was jizz box.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:12, Reply)
Jon Spencer's first band
was 'Pussy Galore'. I loved them to death, despite their first LP 'Sugarshit Sharp' being one of the most unlistenable records of its day. It was only a couple of years ago that I found out that Jon Spencer has miraculously managed to
a) make a living out of music
b) not died and
c) formed another excellent band
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)
I got Orange when it came out, think I was 14 or 15.
Royal Trux- similar thing. I saw Jennifer's band RTX supporting Primal Scream a couple of years back.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 22:53, Reply)
Plummers, once again, I bow to you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:06, Reply)
Surely everybody loves that sort of thing, don't they?
In techno it's yer Ivan Smagghe/ Andy Weatherall types that rock the whole lowdown, knife you, greasy thing. I love that.

And re. Primal Scream- I adore that band. Adore them enough to be fully aware that they are very very patchy and that they should probably give it a rest.

Mr Boyce- if you are unconvinced of the greatness of the Primals, give Skull X and City a listen. From one of their patchiest albums, but very, very rock n' fucking roll.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:10, Reply)
The thing about the Primals for me
is that the music they love, I do too, but I'd rather hear the originals. They've covered a couple of Hawkwind tunes which makes them AOK in my book, and I bought the 45 of 'Loaded' when it came out, but I think I prefer 'Sonic Flower Groove' to most of their output, for nostalgia reasons.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:15, Reply)
SFG is gash
My favourite is Vanishing Point, then XTRMNTR. People that say that Screamadelica is their best just haven't listened to the rest of their work.

Loaded though- great tune but disappointing live, as you would expect of a remix.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:20, Reply)
I was a 60s-obsessed teenager
when SFG came out, and also a huge Mary Chain fan (in their proper noisy days) so I was biased. I've not heard it for 20 years so chances are you are right. XTRMNTR is the one with 'Motorhead' on, right? That's one of the Hawkwind covers I was on about.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)
Vanishing Point has Motorhead on it
Pretty much that whole album is great. Even the sub par tracks on it are good in their own right. Stuka, Out of the Void, Kowalski, Star and Medication are all superb.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:31, Reply)
I'll have a listen
if I can find it. I'd like some new music.

And what's this about sex with a b3tan Monty? A gentleman may never tell but that shouldn't prevent you!
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:01, Reply)
I have 'sex with a b3tan Monty' more often than is healthy.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:06, Reply)
well I'm not having enough
sex with Christina Hendricks. I don't watch Mad Men so had no idea who she was before this evening.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:07, Reply)
Magnificent
isn't she?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:39, Reply)
And how often do you do it
With a non-b3tan Monty?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:08, Reply)
Alright Amberl?
Still in Ireland?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:07, Reply)
that I am
I'm slowly going mad. How are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:11, Reply)
Not too bad
My days just now involve sitting about waiting to get called with the results of interviews. You getting on with productive things while you're over there, or putting it all off until term starts again in a few weeks?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:12, Reply)
Productive things?
I wish. I should have researched my thesis over the summer, and read the entire works of Cicero, as well as written an essay on gender. I have done none of that
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:13, Reply)
I did think you had work to do
I do kind of approve of not doing the work though.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:18, Reply)
What I need is
a close-to-death illness.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:21, Reply)
Or some drive and enthusiasm to do it
Or wicked sick typing skills.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)
My favourite site ever
is Write or Die. Every week it enabled me to churn out 2000 words, by setting me a typing range of 400 words in ten minutes. Pure shit, but by God I wrote it
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:26, Reply)
Maybe that explains SpankyHanky and his mutton-chopped attempts at comedy prose.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)
It's good to just get practice of typing some times
It meant that when I was writing all my final reports, I was churning out about 2000 words an hour, and relaxing quite a lot.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:30, Reply)
exactly
I'd start off with three facts i.e.

1) Julius Caesar did lots of conquering
2) Julius Caesar is thought of as quite a nice chap
3) Julius Caesar liked to play both sides of the field

and turn it into an Oxford* essay

*may have not been Oxford-standard
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:31, Reply)
'That I am, that I am', don't you mean?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:30, Reply)
you're right
my comedy attempt at being Irish failed
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:32, Reply)
Fat tongued quender
I really, really loathe Jamie Oliver. I just saw his slobbery face on TV, sobbing because some people "don't understand him". IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR BIG FAT SLOBBERY TONGUE AND TWATCOCKING MOCKNEY ACCENT YOU WORLD-CLASS BELMER.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:08, Reply)
Whilst I agree entirely that he is an epic turd
I believe him to be the only person I can think of who genuinely deserves a knighthood for the things he's done.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:10, Reply)
For the self-promotion and hypocrisy?
Seriously, when he did that 15 thing (you remember, right?) I recall him going all serious and saying that his whole life was on the line- his house, his restaurant, and it was a massive financial risk.

THEN GO AND DO ANOTHER SAINSBURY'S AD CAMPAIGN IF IT FAILS YOU EPIC EPIC QUENDER.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:13, Reply)
The Sainsbo's ads came later
and he's freely admitted doing them solely for the money.

Whilst 15 was a canny move - a restaurant staffed by underprivileged youths was practically critic-proof - it was still a nice thing to do and the school meals thing was both vital and wholly admirable, I feel.

He IS a ghastly 'pukka' twat, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:26, Reply)
I think Sir David Bowie has a nice ring to it.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:14, Reply)

to it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:16, Reply)
ha

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:19, Reply)
took me a few goes to get the strikethroughs to work.
First time dontcha know.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:20, Reply)
I had to get Chompy to teach me.
Sterling work though, made me laugh.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:22, Reply)
It made me giggle dude, giggled like a rattlesnake.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:24, Reply)
Your sig has inspired to put partridge on.
Being a rebel though and going straight for series 2.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:26, Reply)
The best series by far.
'Dere's more to Oirland DAN DIS'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:30, Reply)

We went as far as to do a Bangkok Chick Boy in the pub. Not pleasant.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:38, Reply)
You 'did' a Bangkok Chick Boy in the pub?
Not pleasant for your fellow-drinkers, I'm sure.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:45, Reply)
I just read that back.
There was a group of us as well. It was horrific.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:47, Reply)
I'm still confused
what did you do?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:55, Reply)
A Bangkok Chick Boy in the pub
with a group of his friends.

Can you not read, man?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:56, Reply)
In Alan Partridge he gets flustered and orders the following drinks
lager and gin and tonic and Baileys Irish Cream chaser
clalls it Bangkok chick boy

so we did the same
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:00, Reply)
Aaaaaah!
yes, is that the one where the guy tells an anecdote which ends "so he flipped her over ... and she started first time and he drove off!"
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:06, Reply)
Same episode yeah

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)
I'll go as far as saying the first series isn't that good at all.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:49, Reply)
Nor is the third one, really.
My old flatmate used to work with Coogan's brother and even he reckoned he was a fucking turd. Mind you, so was Peter Sellers.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:50, Reply)
I like the third one.
None of them have a patch on The Day Today, mind. I've moved onto Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is a different kind of brilliant but definitely as good as Partridge. I think I relate to it because (unfortunately) I feel exactly like Larry David.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:53, Reply)
I dunno
Definitely an 8/10
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:52, Reply)
That sounds pretty decent, good energy levels.
Checked a few live clips on You Pube, from a gig at Madame Jo Jo's in that there Soho. Did you manage along to it?

On an unrelated note, have a chew on this morsel from Krautrock buccaneers, Faust. This is the first track from their first album.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZgWi2cl7TM&feature=related
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:16, Reply)
On a musical note
How the fuck did The xx win the Mercury prize?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:24, Reply)
I quite liked Crystalised
that is the reason they won
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:25, Reply)
Wild Beasts should have got it
I haven't heard a single song of theirs, but I did like shouting WILD BEASTS WILD BEASTS in falsetto when people asked me who I wanted to win.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)
The competition was shit, the judges usually balls up and they had to play it safe this year.
As much as I like the XX, can you really take the Mercury seriously when they awarded it to fucking Gomez over 4Hero one year?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)
'Mr Kirk's Nightmare' was one of my favourite tunes BITD.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:35, Reply)
Great tune.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:45, Reply)
Innit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:49, Reply)
The album was ace
It is up there with LCD Soundsystem's latest
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)
No it wasn't.
It was boring and depressing. I love melancholy music more than anyone anywhere ever but The xx do absolutely nothing to grab me. In all seriousness I love Wild Beasts and have infact listened to their album about a million times. They should have won. On the plus side at least it wasn't Mumford and Cunts.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:32, Reply)
Ah Bazza
I loved it. Will check out Wild Beasts and report back.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:34, Reply)
I am very prone to not giving something a chance and then denouncing it as shite.
I've listened to The xx album twice, I'll give it one more chance before I cast it away forever and then kill the band for bringing shame upon Putney.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:37, Reply)
I did that with Arcade Fire initially and only caught on with the second album

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:40, Reply)
Arcade Fire ripped off A Silver Mt Zion yet reap the plaudits
EXPLAIN THAT, EXPERTS!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:46, Reply)
People are cunts
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:49, Reply)
That was by The Doors, surely?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:52, Reply)
Jim Morrison- massive cunt
Ditto John Lennon.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:53, Reply)
And Liam Gallagher

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:53, Reply)
Correct.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:54, Reply)
Don't like them either.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:53, Reply)
So am I.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:41, Reply)
I skip the intermediary steps
and just throw the music away
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:42, Reply)
If they've got a shit name, I hate them before I've heard a single note.
Just in case, you know.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:46, Reply)
Which is why if I'm ever in a band we'll be called The Men from Delmonte.
Or Clunge Plungers.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:51, Reply)
My teenage band
was a free-form psychedelic funk band called 'Electric Head Funk' so I really should shut up.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:53, Reply)
that's a great name
better than Dumber Than The Average Bear

I'm annoyed that we are now stuck with that
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)
Some great bands have shit names, and vice versa.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:52, Reply)
Such as 'Electric Head Funk'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:53, Reply)
Which side of the divide do Anal Cunt fall under?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:56, Reply)
I have a knowledgeable chum
who swears blind a band called 'The Homosexuals' were brilliant.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:58, Reply)
That's a great name for a band.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:59, Reply)
I really didn't think LCD's latest was anywhere near as good as Sound of Silver
The latest Hot Chip is not very good either. Balls.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:33, Reply)
I thought Hot Chip's was great.
Still their best album is their almost unknown debut Coming On Strong, I could listen to Crap Kraft Dinner whilst chain smoking and crying forever.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:35, Reply)
Sound of Silver was brilliant
but this one seemed to take all the bits I liked from that one and turn them up to 11.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:42, Reply)
This is you in World of Warcraft

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:29, Reply)
WoW reference = Chompy fail
Bad man.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:32, Reply)
I have no shame.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:33, Reply)

shame penis
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:36, Reply)
That almost sounds like you're suggesting girls play WoW.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:44, Reply)
this can't be true
it was settled earlier by Al that there are no girls on the internet. From the above however, it would appear there are plenty of castrati
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:47, Reply)
(apart from Al)

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:48, Reply)
I think he's covered by the castration element

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:49, Reply)
Did I read
about a boy from Hong Kong who played WoW for so long without a break that he actually died?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:47, Reply)
I hope so
It seems like he would deserve it for that.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:49, Reply)
do you think
these people realise it isn't real?

the tube strikes forced me to stay in the pub drinking. i think tomorrow is going to be a long painful day.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:02, Reply)
Oh dear

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:03, Reply)
i know
and it's the boss' first day back so he will be on the warpath. i am waiting until the room stops spinning and drinking evian to speed up this process!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:08, Reply)
Sounds...challenging

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:09, Reply)
i'll survive
i am in court for a lot of it, even he can't shout at me there! well, only by blackberry.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:10, Reply)
I don't think we've met on here before

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:11, Reply)
maybe no direct conversation, but i am familiar with your work

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:13, Reply)
I'm flattered
My work?

Edit- and I do hope I didn't come across as at all brusque.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:13, Reply)
well, ok
your letters on an internet screen.

no no, positively charming.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:15, Reply)
Enamoured my dear

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:16, Reply)
you're male
you have a pulse... totally understandable!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:17, Reply)
I'm only human, it is true.
I must confess Miss Swipe that I am of course familiar with your work also, such a charming pleasure to be the centre of your attention, even if only on a computer screen.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:19, Reply)
very smooth!
so how was your evening?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:22, Reply)
Good thanks
About to go to Bedfordshire in fact.

And yourself?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:23, Reply)
team drinks
then went for cheese and wine with friends from work. agreed, me too, i've drunk about as much evian as i can cope with for one night... sleep well!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:24, Reply)
I love cheese and I love wine
All that evian...you'll be up in the night I bet.

Is it you that's met Monty in the flesh and considers him quite handsome? Or was that Becky?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:26, Reply)
no i have never had the pleasure
of meeting monty. but i have heard he is very good looking.

of course, it may have been monty who told me this.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:30, Reply)
He has studiously avoided the B3ta hot or not.
I was always very upset at my lowly placing.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:33, Reply)
god that was ages ago
i had forgotten about that. and everyone having their respective arses kicked by the resident loon.

right, definitely bedtime, ciao bella!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:37, Reply)
Goodnight you

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:40, Reply)
It was a girl,
her last words online were "I'm exhausted"
then she died of exhaustion.... lol
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:04, Reply)
The likeness is UNCANNY.
That is also my job IRL.

I may sue.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:33, Reply)
You should buy one of those hats.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:34, Reply)
What, another one?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 23:36, Reply)
GOOD NYTOL.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:01, Reply)
Is this a clever wordplay
or a suicide note?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:04, Reply)
Jesus fucking christ.
There's still people up on OT. It's like the old days.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 0:33, Reply)
BOOM

(Mr Big Stuff, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 2:01, Reply)
i like breasts

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 3:45, Reply)

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