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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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B3ta Rhyming Mnemomics
sometimes have difficulty remembering who is who on here so have developed some snappy phrases to help connect personal traits to user names. So far I've got.

Wrist rigidity low - The Supreme Crow
Annoyed & bawdy - Al The Geordie
Desires to run her fingers through Jeff's curls - Blouse, Big Girl's
May soon develop arthritic hips - Porkylips
Probably doesn't live in the Sahara - Kitty O'Hara

So if you can help with any others I'd be ggreatly obliged. It could become a cut out and keep compendium for new users.
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:04, 224 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Listen, mate, it's OK.... I forgive you......no, _I_ _forgive_ _you_.
You need to move on, what's done is done, it's all in the past, you can't change that, time to move on. Look forward to the future you can grow, the posiblitys are endless.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)
Changes his name with a frequency greater than that at which the word "Hey" is uttered by The Fonz - Gonz

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:10, Reply)
Life has run amok, nobody gives a fuck, it's emo kid Cave Duck.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)
Halberd is his weapon of choice
Monty Boyce
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)
No one gives a fuck

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)
Cave duck

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)
doesn't give a toss
vipros
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:09, Reply)
full of woes when people pronounce it vipros

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:10, Reply)
He hides his nose, but through the beard it shows - Vipros?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:11, Reply)
Mouldy weed makes him quite cross - Vipros

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)
This is a good one!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:16, Reply)
and it actually rhymes with how you pronounce my username

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:19, Reply)
mine rhymed with how you don't pronounce it
I want credit.

VALIDATE ME
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)
not sure you deserve it

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)
I was only trying to help
*sulks*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Vip-pross
or Vy-pross?

I get quite dreadfully confused, you know.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)
vip ross

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Tranny who wears lipgloss:
Vipros.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:22, Reply)
His miserable opions he likes to voice
Monty Boyce!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Lake Titty KaKa
Kitty O'Hara

doesn't really work but I got tits in
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)
UNLIKE HER BRA

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)
oh god I hate you sometimes.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Sorry in an awful mood,
I've just had to threaten to sue someone and they're ignoring my calls.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
they probably won't speak to you again if you're going to serve them

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)
I rung him before I sent the email to see if I could sort it out without all that shit.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)
House shit?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Yes I'm going to kick off legal proceddings unless what I asked for 12 days ago isn't sorted by tomorrow 1pm.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Eventually you have to dish out deadlines.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)
No, I liked Jack Your Body by Steve "Silk" Hurley

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)
you're too nice to them
serve the fuckers. They've dicked you around too long.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
Well looks like they may have done a runner.
Websites been closed down in the last 2 days :(
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)
I dislike tits.
And mine aren't bountiful enough to fill a lake.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)
Tits was more for my benefit really
You should be thankful you aren't cursed with the blue vein of death
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)
that is true, I also get to avoid stretchmarks of death
although I do have some cracking hand veins.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)
Hand veins are A ok
you can pretend to be the emperor from Star Wars.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)
Gooooooood

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
nice impression

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)
Fourth member of Bros:
Vipros
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)
there are 3?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
I think there was some dark haired arsehole who was kicked out when they got famous
oh wait...was that Vippers?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)
Viz used to call him 'Ken'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)
I like it that Viz still mocks Jacko from "Brush Strokes"
"Even I don't know my actual name"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)
Luke Goss is proper fit.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)
Also a fucking good
martial artist

might be matt, which ever one was in blade and hellboy
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)
yeah but most importantly, fit.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Gets so much spit and come in her eyes she has to wear waterproof mascara... Kitty O'hara.
/your name shit for rhyming.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)
says you, what the fuck rhymes with Chomp?
Got a face on which you'd like to stomp - Psychochomp!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)
Like Tom Driberg in his pomp, PsychoChomp.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Tells tales taller than the Masai Mara; KITTY O'HARA


I'm not happy about the fact that I seem to be joining in on Duckie's gay game.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)
you'll be at my Halloween party dressed as a mummy playing pass the parcel before you know it.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)
I see. Is that so?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)
hell yeah
you'll be the life and soul of the party, joining in the merriment, saying "oh my word no, illegal substances should be avoided, kindly leave this establishment!" to the reprobates and then streaking down the road at the end of the night.

You'll even eat a Dairylea triangle.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)
This is surprising news to me. I had no idea.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)
Just wait
my Halloween predictions will come true.*

*may contain traces of 'yeah right'
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)
ggreatly obliged??
OK then,

Cave Duck - Annoying breakfast tiger fuck?
Sportscow - tedious pedantric
Monty Boyce - Racist choice
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:08, Reply)
In before Monty!
I don't like this thread.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:13, Reply)
wellgroomedwookiee in "I don't like this" sh-
HANG ON A MINUTE!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)
I'm still bitter about the weekend.
*glowers*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:23, Reply)
Weekend? Have I missed something?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)
I'm still not getting any is all.
/BGB
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Oh, sorry, with you now. I thought the glower was directed at me
She still not got back to you then?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Nope.
I shall commence stalking procedures this evening.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Good man. Let her know who's boss.
And remember: if you can't have her, no one* will.


*My choice of 'no one' over 'nobody' may have ulterior, scheming reasons behind it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Something tells me you're into something good, here.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)
She just doesn't realise she really wants wookiee to be Her-man

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)
she can't wait to get her-mits on him
am I doing this right?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)
That was so bad you really may wish to become a hermit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)
TOO LATE, FUCKER

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)
That wasn't a pun.
I genuinely think Crow should go and hide on a remote island.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)
Care to elaborate on "chive bunny"?
Google is not my friend and I'm worried you're being nasty to me, yet again.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)
Sadly I had to resort to atrocious puns
as you already got in there with the only Herman's Hermits song I know...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Post deleter.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)
You're quick
I thought it was better placed where it is now.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
I was replying.
Then I had a sad little message saying "post deleted". Oi moi.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)
I do apologise
Would you like me to put it back in there?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
O_O

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
You've become a cassette tape?
Retro...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)
-kerthunk-
-whiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrr-
-SPICE GIRLS-
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)
Cripes! Chavs! Performing the tribal music of the underpriveliged!
Flee Carruthers, and don't spare the horses!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)
Shut up, Baby.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)
Oi, less of that, Scary

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)
I do NOT have a penchant for leopard print, I'll have you know.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)
I know the words to an embarrasing amount of Herman's Hermits songs
Mrs Brown (you've got a lovely daughter)
No Milk Today
There's a Kind of Hush
Something Good.

I'm stopping now. Mostly because I've run out.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
I could go on and on about it, but I've decided No Milk Today.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Doesn't everyone?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)
DON'T STEAL MY THUNDER.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
The weekend, by the sounds of things.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Thinks this is shit: Monty


(am I doing this right?)
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Attention seeking multiple user who starts ok, but then to type he'll revert - Fuck Off Bert.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Steals the wheels off a scooter - Scouser Roota

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:22, Reply)
Can only be satisfied by a sizable tadger -

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:26, Reply)
that's a good one

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)
We did these ages ago: mine was 'Cavernous Vadger'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Oh how we laughed

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)
Really? I was a bit disappointed, it doesn't really rhyme with Boyce very well.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)
even better

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Cave Duck

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Gives sailors a blow: The Supreme Crow

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I refuse to rise to this obvious baiting
(Partly because my wrists won't support the weight)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)
To rise from your kneeling position
round the back of a warehouse in Portsmouth docks?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Legal Gripe:
RachaelSwipe
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)
even i can't rhyme dracula
creative writing masters or not. so i'm just going to say "simply the best, better than all the rest."

or he would be if he could spell my name correctly...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Sorry, I wont ninja edit as it will make your post seem crazy
My next door neighbour is called Rachael (so it's all her fault)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)
oh ok then
let's both take it out on her.

how is your day anyway? i just got in from court so am only just getting around to lunch. should i be worried that my salad describes itself as "with feta-style cheese"???
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Not as interesting as yours little miss "I've just come back from court"
did you get to shout "Objection" and "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH" at people?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
no
but i did get a 100% victory on everything i was seeking, including costs which NEVER HAPPENS (60-70% costs recovery is a good result).

yeah, so that'll teach the 70 year old non-english speaking defendant.

on the plus side for him, i don't think he understood a word, so he doesn't realise how catastrophically badly it went for him!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
Hooray, the system works!
Congrats on your win, I can't beat that. I think the highlight of my workday has been picking out all the coloured paperclips from my paperclip dish and making a pretty chain out of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
i have just seen that lampito was clever enough to rhyme your name
i feel really dejected at my crapness now.

i ALWAYS do that. then when i need one in a hurry, like for court earlier, i only have a long useless chain that i can never get apart again.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)
If some paperwork passes my desk and it has a nice coloured paperclip on it
I swap it for a plain metal one MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAoh god why has my life come to this???

Oh well, whatever stops me shooting up the place...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)
this is a really sneaky and devious and low
albeit utterly pointless form of rebellion.

kind of like when i used graaaadually to sneak sugar into my then boyfriend and boss' tea every time he ordered me to make it. he was on 2 teaspoons a day, 6 times a day, and had no idea why he was gaining weight. heh heh.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
I once won a QOTW with my tale of upping the coffee strength on one of my co-workers
it's dropped off my profile now
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)
it is the petty victories
that are all the sweeter sometimes
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)
I bought stripey ones the other day
it made my week. I steal and hoarde the tiny bulldog clips because they're so cute.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)
paperchase has ladybird pins
everything pinned to my board above my desk now has a ladybird on it.

edit - christ there is a lot of crap pinned to the board above my desk...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)
I had some black and yellow stripey ones
some bastard stole them, I bet they were actually USED!
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)
and I thought accountancy was dull

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)
soooooo many accountants are exactly that
but teh colonel is not one of them.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)
It's not exactly a rollercoaster ride of fun
but it's not the most boring job I have ever done (I think financial services admin wins that one).
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)
anything that ends in "administrator"
has the potential to be a very dull person in my experience.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
I knew I had to get out when I was sneaking paperwork home and burning it
not important stuff, but things like acknowledgement letters...I was supposed to send off an acknowledgement letter to confirm that I had received the acknowledgement letter and this in turn would cause me to receive an acknowledgement letter...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)
i think i would have burned myself
hang on. that is basically what i do every day. oh god.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)
Probably doesn't like Tripe
Rachelswipe
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Posts read like a bodice-ripping romp: Psychochomp

*May contain traces of lie.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Off topics miserable whinger of choice...

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Drug of choice:
Monty Boyce
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Something Spectacular:
Colonel Dracula
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Awww!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)
Tits worthy of "wow"s.
Big-Girl's-Blouse.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)
You are so going to be my bitch.
When you're a little older : )
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)
I'll be your bitch any day.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
When you were her age she was still in Pampers
Lampers
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
Tits the size of Dave Prowse:

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)
I'm actually the size of Dave Prowse.
Tits and all.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)
Well hello...

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)
=/
Trying to think of a joke about Ian Dury but not having any luck:
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Who sung this?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)
Stares at mens' flies
djtrialprice
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)
Riddled with lice

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)
much better

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Minces a lot
Darth Foxtrot
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)
Can't argue with that.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Stalked by internet sweaters
our very own Beckyletters
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)
Mouth like a wheato
Lampito
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
:O

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
Sorry, I heard about the chompy kiss
It wasn't anything dirtier than that, honest.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
You only heard about the Chompy kiss?
Poor, poor, Chompy.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
Spill the proverbial beans
I'm intrigued like a dog shown a card trick!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
A woman never reveals her secrets.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
A cock never far from her sight
Applebite
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)
Nice but dim
the slim* himjim


*??
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)
MASSIVE GUNS
Do you know any vets in the area?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)
BECAUSE THESE SWANS ARE SICK

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
I love that one!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)
DAMMIT!
sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs102.snc3/15002_10150170107185133_576630132_11926880_7418112_n.jpg

:D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
Oh man excellent
I also love that thing.

Though I do know it as "Call the RSPCA!"
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
that is fucking brilliant
I heard it as "call the vet...because these puppies are SICK" but I'm stealing the swan thing.

One of my pole students embarrassed herself at work by asking someone if they had tickets to her gun show and they had no idea what she was talking about
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)
A rockers weapon of choice
the honourable Monty Boyce
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)
He shags his sister, it's Reverend Fi...oh wait a minute :-/

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
Hahahah
Profficelol
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
Same here

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Winner

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)
Far from slow
Supreme Crow
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)
You flatter me, sir.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)
Not immortalised by Edgar Allen Poe - Supreme Crow.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
Not here just on vacation - Aberracion
Simply a pearl - Amberl
Has to tell seedy middle aged types to hoppit - Poppet.

I don't know owt about anybody else.
(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)
I always read Amberl's name as Amber-ell
am I doing it wrong?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
I think so
should just be two syllables
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)
'Fraid so.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)
A valiant member of One True Voice
Monty Boyce
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)
Hahahahaha I remember them

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Excellent.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)
Right you - OUTSIDE NAAAAAAH.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)
Put 'em up you crooning wuftybag

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Not getting any nookie, wellgroomedwookie!

I feel mean, possibly for the first time ever
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Mean to you and me, the magnificent* TGB
*or maleficient, to be mean
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)
you have no feelings harpie
smells like pee - TGB
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)
also not getting any (of course) - bobbyseahorse!

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)
touche she devil, touche

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)
aww you used to call me that

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)
No, he called you 'touchy'

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
haha he wishes

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)
you might be Ramona
but you're no Knives Chau!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)
I'm Penny Crayon at best

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Who'd want to be Knives?
S'all about Envy :D
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)
You got upgraded
Home time now. Have a good night.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)
Hello TGB, are you well?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)
yes thanks my lovely
how are you?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)
^er, stop this right now.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)
Are we about to get a "Monty in 'friendly conversation' shocker"?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)
Why yes! Yes we are! And how are YOU, this afternoon, sir?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)
It just goes to show what a little light rhyming can do.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)
yay, you fixed Monty
Let's test it.

Hey Monty, I hope your having a fun afternoon :D
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)
OH MY GOD YOUR???
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHANGE IT BEFORE HE SEES IT
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)
Is it supposed to be part of the 'test'?
If so, the girl's clearly not afraid to risk life and limb for her science...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)
yes it is
I'm like Steve Irwin, inches away from the grumpy crocodile's face, poking it with a stick.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)
Quite well, my dear chap, quite well.
Good to see you're on fine feckle today. Lovely to see Ms Badger too. Must say the weather's absolutely frightful this afternoon, though I hold out hope it may develop into a sizeable thunderstorm so that I can carry out observations of this new-fangled "electricity" that everybody's been talking about with such fervour.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)
Always lovely to you see you too Mister Crow
A customer brought me a massive bar of chocolate today for being totally lovely and helpful! Who would have thought
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)
How very decent of him
Not to sully the event, but I do hope he is a man of good character when it comes to women, and buying gifts for them. You can never be too careful.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)
How simply wonderful!
What a great joy to...no, hang on, this just isn't working.

It's fucking 'fettle', you monumental cretin.

Ahh, that's better.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)
I blame my housemate
for continuously using "feckle" in place of "fettle", in much the same way that he went through a phase of saying "By Jeeves!" instead of the more conventional "By Jove!"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)
The best of all Ken Dodd/Bon Jovi tribute acts.

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)
On fine feckle? FECKLE?
You disgust me.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)
I'll feckle you if you're not careful, sunshine
Feckle you right up the fettle.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)
I hate people who say bockle.
I had a guy on the phone from prison today who said "menckle health worker"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)
I hope you twatted him.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)
She's not after your job, you know.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)
NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE - PLEASE!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)
I swear I hit you in the face though
or did I go for the arms or chest?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)
oh and
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post856939
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)
You should have aksed him to repeat himself.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)
IT'S FUCKING APPALLING.
'ON' fine 'feckle', as well.

HANG THE BOUNDER.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)
That's more like it old chap.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)
Quite so.
Order has been restored to the universe.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)
If I may have any last words before my sentence is carried out...
It's spelt "BUMDER."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)
I'm tip-top, thank you.
How is the land of boxes? I have invested heavily in your industry today, you'll be pleased to know.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)
why?are you being made homeless?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)
I run a home shopping operation.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Thank you kind sir
Sadly I have contributed nothing to the MASSIVE drug industry of late
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)
Have no fear, for I am investing sufficiently myself
to amply cover your shortfall.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)
too kind Monty, too kind

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)
I am here to help, my darling.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)
Hard disk explorer
Labia Majora
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 17:18, Reply)

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