WARNING: contains tedious personal details
I have just had a bewildering text from my ex, in which she is suggesting we get together over lunch on Sunday to discuss what I want 'going forward' (ghastly fucking American management newspeak gibberish) with regard to access to my daughter.

The last text she sent me read 'FUCK OFF' so this is an enormous leap forward. I don't dare begin hoping this could be the start of me being able to take her out on my own. She may have taken advice following my threat of further legal action and been told she had no case, though.

I am tentatively REALLY FUCKING EXCITED. Are you on my behalf? I do hope so.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:32, 48 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good for you fella
Hope all goes well!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I feel like Gareth Cheesman:
'a wank, I think'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Good news right here
but bewlidering? Really Monty?

I really hope it works out well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I actually don't even care about spelling at this precise moment.
EDIT the moment passed rather quickly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Save this piece of the internet!
But really fantastic news Monty. Have you had the chance to get legal advice recently?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I lied and told her I had - and that I'd been told categorically that she had no case.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:41, Reply)

nothing better than a legal case built on a pile of lies
still, if it opens a dialogue then it's a start
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:42, Reply)

It's more of an educated guess than an actual falsehood.
She doesn't have a case.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Well fingers crossed
blag it well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I'm DEFINITELY going to turn up an hour late, fucked out of my head.

Just for a laugh, like.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:47, Reply)

What a card!

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Timing is all, in this business.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:48, Reply)

now you mention timing
the venue is perfect for a Lord's prayer wank
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:51, Reply)

...with coke-encrusted blood all round my nose.
This would definitely work.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)

work make an excellent sit-com
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 2010

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)

So help me to understand
you seek to gain something from her
by making a dishonest and false representation to her

Is this correct?
( WormuIus, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)

No, it isn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:43, Reply)

You are lying to her?

( WormuIus, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I have said I've had advice from my lawyer
when in fact the advice I have received has been from other sources.

Not exactly the fucking Brinks-Mat robbery, is it?

She will doubtless have sought her own advice, and the fact that she is now agreeing to discuss this with me (an enormous volte-face) suggests that either what I have suggested is right and this has been confirmed to her, or my statement of intent to return to the courts if necessary has convinced her that I will not rest until a reasonable settlement is reached.

Either way, wholly unreasonable cunt is now making conciliatory noises when less than a week ago I had nothing but abuse when I suggested mediation.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)

that sounds like it could be some excellent news.
really very pleased for you old man.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:38, Reply)

She's hired a hit man.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:39, Reply)

OH MAN, I'M HAVING LUNCH WITH PETE WATERMAN????
This day cannot get any better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Best brush up on your train knowledge, then.
I hope all goes well.
(Cave Duck, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I've totally got an erection at the thought of this.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:39, Reply)

ah, that's what that is

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Beware of cunts bearing gifts Monty
but best of luck I honestly hope you get what you want.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I am wary. What if IT'S A TRAP?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I doubt it will be, but from what you've said about this she devil in the past
she may have an alterior motive. You aren't dumb though so I am sure you will be fine.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:49, Reply)

She probably wants sex.
I got a fairly pervy text off her a couple of weekends back.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:51, Reply)

if you were to boff her would that have a positive or negative effect on securing your daughter?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I will never boff her ever again.
Short term: positive
Long term: disastrous
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

look forward to the Monday update.
Best of British.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Play it
with a straight bat (so to speak) and see where it leads. Stay well away from the pervy stuff as it will likely end in tears.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)

It sure will - my cock's fucking huge.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

haha
goes without saying!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Nah, j/k
I'll keep everything crossed for you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Thank you, old bean.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Paranoia tingling here
But maybe lay off the narcotics so that your piss'll be clean, just in case she comes armed with a lawyer and a pissjar.
Highly unlikely, but she's a proven cunt...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Unfortunately
it'll take more than a couple of days for my piss to come up clear - I was face down in a plate of Doogies at four this morning.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Best of luck, honey.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Cheers!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Done much anal in porn recently?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I can answer this.
LOADS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:51, Reply)

She has hasn't she
I just did a google image search of her name without safesearch and found a rather funny cartoon of a woman having her bum cleaned.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Have you not checked my profile yet?
God bless these Victorians.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:55, Reply)

That was a private picture.
I am OUTRAGED - you said you wouldn't show anyone.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)

You're the one who exposed our relationship to everyone!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I could contain it no longer, dear heart.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)

-sigh-
I guess it's time for people to know. And if they can't handle it, on their heads be it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I don't think anyone will have a problem with you two grinding uglies
but to do it on someones head is fucking vile. Unless they are a consenting member of this sex festival.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Buckets.
of cum.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Excellent news
I'm very pleased for you.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)

lunch plans?
I am obsessed with your diet if you hadn't noticed.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Half back on the wagon
brown rice and ratatouille.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:16, Reply)

and four pints of Guinness.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Bacardi and Diet Coke
Remember?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Sometimes they can cure mental illness.

( WormuIus, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:01, Reply)

What can cure mental illness?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)

shopping

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)

New type of shopping
www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-11339057
(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)

this is just an excuse
for scientists to get their mitts on a real live model.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:20, Reply)

*They* can
you know, the 'they' who are always watching
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)

The men that live in the curtains.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Massive drugs

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Ketamine helps with manic depression,
apparently.

MDs to help MD.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:08, Reply)

My friend is a manic depressive i'll tell him.
well he has Social Anxiety Disorder, which I take great delight in pointing out to him spells sad.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)

it's pretty damn crippling though...
I have that and GAD. I've been on MDs for it since december.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:37, Reply)

You have social anxiety disorder and yet your off to meet a bunch of strangers off the internet at the end of the year?
Now that takes some hutspah.
( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)

it's been a lot of therapy in the work up to it, believe you me.
and I am a HELL of a lot better then I was. As long as I take my medication every day, I'm fine. But if I forget it or miss a dose then I am a wreck.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)

My friend has taken to tripling his meds against doctors orders in the last couple of weeks
He stays indoors from Monday to Friday but has no issue going out into town every weekend. Is that normal is he a big faker?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I dunno really, everyone is different.
I've had my dose upped twice this year, but it's worked. I mean I don't really leave the house much aside from when I go to work or school, but I can leave the house now without having a panic attack, whereas before, I couldn't leave the house without a full on sweating, shaking, nauseated panic session.
But he shouldn't be tripling his meds like that, it's dangerous.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I will stop him when I see him later then. He is home alone at the moment
and needs supervision.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)

yeah you really should talk to him about it.
the reason they tell you to take your exact dose is because they generally take your height and weight into account and then go from there. If it was doctors orders to triple it, that'd be different.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Cool,
I just assume he knows best as he had since we were at school. I do feel sorry for him but sometimes it seems like it's a convenient excuse he pulls out when he needs to.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:14, Reply)

mmm yeah but still. I wouldn't ever change my dose without going to the docs first.
I can't really say if it's a convenient excuse or not. I generally don't tend to use it to get out of things unless I *know* those things involve triggers for me. Maybe that's all he's doing?
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)

^ this could be true
I'm lucky enough not to have a sustained anxiety disorder, but I do have anxiety attacks on walking into libraries. Makes it difficult to do a degree, but at least I'm aware it's a trigger
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)

God me too!
Wanking in libraries really makes me anxious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)

^this
getting caught by a stern librarian is not as fun as it sounds
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)

It's not like in 'the films', is it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Cheers girls, I will speak to him about the medication altering as it sounds
like he is compensating or gearing himself up to go into Bristol. Don't want him to poison himself or something.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)

why don't you like walking into libraries?
yeah, I'm glad to have worked out what most of my triggers are so I just tend to avoid things that are triggers. Works for me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I reckon it's the association with work

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)

FFS clean your act up you unutterable cunt (just in case).
Hope it goes well.
Your daughter deserves more of her Dad.
TO SEE more of her Dad.
Fucking hell, this Berty shit is taking it's toll.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I sincerely hope it goes well for you Monty
and that it isn't just a rather unsubtle ploy on her part to fuck you over in a number of ways.
(berk, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Hmmm....
If she has been able to see past the end of her own nose, then I guess it's possible that she's realised her case wouldn't stand up if you were to take her back to court - perhaps she does want to offer some sort of agreement before her general cuntiness is recorded for the British legal system to see. I am aware that I am wildly speculating now. Either way, I hope some good comes of this rendez-vous. Good luck.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:29, Reply)

New Twix Fino: A review
Nice, a bit too sweet and messy. 6.5/10
(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:29, Reply)

fuck no
those things are rancid. i took one bite and threw the rest out of the car window (not the wrapper, i am not a total litter lout). then realised there was a cyclist behind me. unfortunately i missed him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:33, Reply)

*sigh*

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:45, Reply)

well if you will stalk me
what do you expect?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I was disappointed
you didn't like the Fino...
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:57, Reply)

i don't like wafer
The picture on the packet was misleading, it looked like some kind of flake!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)

She was probably on drugs
and is now all excited about getting to scream and howl and tear at her hair in front of a crowd.
( Kroney, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Try to not get to excited till after the meeting.
You know how quickly she can turn psycho.

But I will have a bottle of Chablis ready for the good news on Monday.
( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:41, Reply)

She's not going to turn me,
I'm confidant in my sexuality.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Lezza!

( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:43, Reply)

do you have any grounds for that confidence?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I think he tried it once and he didn't like it.

( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Her agreeing to even discuss it is a 100% u-turn.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:58, Reply)

take some valium beforehand to stay calm!

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:04, Reply)

God no!
He needs all his faculties sharp.
( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)

he won't lose concentration from one dose.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR MONTY.
*folds arms on chest*
( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I'm going to have six pints and a couple of trips before I go round.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)

That should mellow you out.

( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)

I'm going to tattoo my own forehead with 'MOATY 4 LIFE'
tonight as well, to show how sane I am.

Then she'll know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)

why not ask Gazza to go with you to see your ex?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Excellent advice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Monty
I've just noticed you didn't ask a question. Can you rectify this please as I told Wormulus off for not doing it in his earlier thread.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Happy?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)

thankyou squire.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:03, Reply)

NO EDITING A THREAD MEANS THE COUNTER FUCKS UP YOU CUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT

(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)

why is that bad?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)

It messes with psycho's OCD.

( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I assumed as much but wanted to see if he would give a rational response. Cheers for the confirmation though.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)

good news!
Best of luck Monty - don't let her ply you with drugs and take advantage.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Those days are long past.
Nowadays I can take the drugs and still make it home unsullied.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)