A very good morning to you all.
My question is this: if you could spend an hour in conversation with any deceased person, who would it be - and what would you talk about?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:26, 192 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I am finding it hard to choose.
My kneejerk reaction would be Jimi Hendrix, who left this planet 40 years ago last Saturday...until I think about what I would ask him. 'Have you got any Massive Drugs?' of course, but really I would probably just sit there gibbering like a spastic.

But then there are hundreds of characters from history I would love to talk with - Hitler would be interesting, and Genghis Khan. Pericles, Socrates, Julius Caesar...

I don't fucking know.


EDIT: Jimi Hendrix. Final answer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:30, Reply)

I'd talk to Hitler, and I'd say:
"Thanks, dad."
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:36, Reply)

I'd slap him round the face and call him a disorganised weakling.
'You fool! You let us all down!'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:37, Reply)

hello darling how are you?
It is sad that my first instinctive answer is roald dahl because he had such a dark sense of humour and is one of the authors I most admire.

cleverer and wittier answers I have none this morning
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:40, Reply)

I am very well indeed, thank you; I trust you are too?
It's not remotely sad to want to meet one of your favourite writers. At least that's someone you know will be witty and interesting - my choice is someone renowned for being painfully shy in person and for communicating primarily through music. It's a shit choice but I stand by it, so there.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:49, Reply)

it's only tue, my taxi is snarled in traffic, i was working til 2am and tonight will be the same
But apart from that I'm grand altogether.... I think you'd be fine talking about music for an hour somehow, even he could manage to show off some chords if he couldn't speak!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:58, Reply)

I would talk to him about his influences growing up
and of his real opinions of his contemporaries.

Sorry to hear your workload is so gruelling. I myself could work 'til midnight every day at the moment - but I am not rewarded sufficiently to do this so I simply don't, and things will go rather wrong as a result but I say 'tough shit' to this, consummate professional that I am.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:08, Reply)

combination of
billing deadlines, being away next week and people expecting me to do Stuff. Your attitude is much healthier, I'm the sort of person who sunbathes with Blackberry in hand!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Yeah, Roald Dahl would be high on my list.
He dies when I was in primary school, and I was gutted. Even when I got a first edition of his final book shortly after. One of my favourite authors of all time, because he didn't beat around the bush and had what sounded like a fascinating life.

No idea what I'd have to contribute to the convo, of course.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

When my Dad was young, he met him
He said he doesn't remember much, only that Roald seemed ridiculously tall. They lived in the same village.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I would like to have a chat with Brunel
I would try to find out how to get motivated, when everybody else thinks you are barmy.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)

see also einstein
And edison I'd have thought. Maybe even dyson!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:43, Reply)

Yeah, any of them really.
Have you done something to Dyson, you are not telling us about?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:46, Reply)

nah my cleaner worked it out beautifully
She must be a lot brighter than I am, foxed the shit out of me. He's forgiven because his fans and hand dryers are So Cool.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Yes, but he's not dead!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)

he nearly was when i was trying to assemble my new dyson the other weekend
The diagrams do not make sense
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)

I bought a Samsung vacuum cleaner recently
Same principle as Dyson's but cheaper and easier to assemble.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:58, Reply)

I used a dyson hand dryer at the Eden Project last week.
It was a long way to go for a piss.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Couldn't you have just pissed on the ground in the greenhouses?
Nice and recyclable.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)

I suppose so, but my wee was particularly yellow last week, so would have stained.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:56, Reply)

There was an interesting interview with Dyson in the Observer on Sunday about the low levels of people studying engineering at university and how this is resulting in him having to recruit abroad for talent

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)

He could recruit me, if I wasn't such a lazy cunt.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:49, Reply)

he should
Recruit our penguinofdeath then he can move to london!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Or Malmesbury.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Edison invented bugger all.
He just patented loads of things that other people had invented. The light bulb was certainly not one of his, if I remember correctly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Swan beat him to it.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)

that cunt

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Spike Milligan
I would like to ask him about how he found humour in situations that would make most people weep - such as when under enemy fire during the war, singing with Harry Secombe and dealing with mental health problems.

In other news: Stephen Fry was excellent at the RAH last night. I was also interviewed by the Evening Standard afterwards about his performance - I shall see later if I am in the paper today.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)

I trust you told them it was 'Fucking Shit'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)

I told them he was a boring mincer who kept fiddling with his genitals through his pockets.
This is a lie. I said that the parts where talked about Footlights & his early career were very good and his piece on Wilde at the end was excellent. I doubt I will be in the paper though.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)

My brother.
He died when we were both very little. It would be nice to talk to him again even if the conversation would only be about teddy bears and fire engines.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)

Both admirable subjects.
I would quite like to talk to my brothers too. The dead one or the live ones.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Fallen out with the live ones?

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Yup, he only see each other at funerals.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Just say sorry.
Then see if they are still cunts. If they are nothing lost, if they aren't everything gained.
Been there, done that, got the "Fuck You!" T-Shirt.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)

We are just too proud, and to try to be reasonable is a sign of weakness.
I know we are screwed.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:02, Reply)

You don't have to mean it. It's just a tool to get things moving.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

I would be made to write it down and swear never to be a git again.
Even though I'm no worse than they are.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)

does it have to be an hour?
cause small talk is dull. I'd bring my friend Adam back who killed himself earlier this year and ask him where he left my copy of The Arsenal 49ers dvd.

And Jimi Hendrix is boring.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:48, Reply)

One should never begin a sentence with And, you illiterate disgrace.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Not strictly true is it Bert.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Don't you intend to be a teacher?
I dread to think of the results. Perhaps a rethink is required.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:55, Reply)

Look shitter version of Bert, there is no rule about starting sentences with
conjunctions anymore so what's your point?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)

the results
as they stand from schools at present wouldn't impress a dyslexic chimp, frankly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Even the class mong gets A stars for turning up for the exams
brokan britan
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:06, Reply)

brokan?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Yeah, brokan
That was a quick shower, or you still have spunky paws. I don't want to know what the state of your keyboard is like. Don't go sharing it with any kids for practicles, or you could end up in a lot of trouble *trigger finger*
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Wrote it before I got in the shower. Out now and already dressed.
You are a shit troll. And to think you had promise at the start. Bert can rest easy in his grave.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

That's not the biggest problem I have with that sentence.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:53, Reply)

How in any way is Hendrix boring ffs

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)

My brain in incapable of processing such a preposterous
mountain of codswallop at this early hour.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:00, Reply)

I dunno
he might have a minor point about Hendrix, but not being able to find an hour's worth to talk about whoever he picks is the real crime. I want a week please!
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:07, Reply)

No, he might not have a minor point about Hendrix.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Perhaps I am an uncultured lout
but Hendrix doesn't make sense to my ears.

At any rate it's worse to not find stuff to talk about with your hero than it is to not like Hendrix
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Adam was a mate not a hero. My hero isn't dead yet.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

oops sorry
my eyes didn't see the Adam bit. I just assumed you hadn't picked anyone. Sorry to hear that.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I'ts fine I didn't do it.
He must have had his reasons.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

This is so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:13, Reply)

There is a gigantic depth to Hendrix's recorded output
that is overshadowed by his onstage pyrotechnics and technical flash - it's not all demented wailing, magnificent though that was. It's worth trying an LP like 'Axis: Bold as Love' to get an idea of the subtlety and sensitivity of the words and music - if all he did was 'Voodoo Child: Slight Return' he'd still be the greatest musician of all time in my eyes, but that's only the tip of a complex, fragile and astoundingly beautiful iceberg.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:20, Reply)

what are you gonna do when your daughter comes home listening
to some boy or girl band that are in the charts? are you going to go spastic at her as well? it's only music Monty.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

It's NOT 'only music' to me.
Nothing could be further from my feelings on the subject. I saw a fascinating documentary about scientific research into the body's responses to music - they really don't understand the emotional and physical reactions to organised sounds at all. The thinking is that understanding how it works could be key to understanding a huge amount more about how we function as humans.

From primitive tribal societies to the modern first world, music is a vital and massively important part of human culture and has been for as long as we've been around.

'It's only music' is a fatuous and demonstrably cretinous assertion.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

No Monty it's just noise
How you respond to that noise is personal. I am not saying it's not important but you build it up to be some sort of spiritual thing and it just isn't. Well it probably is for you when you're smashed off your tits dancing around in your pants to whatever cacophony of crap you're currently championing. It doesn't matter, nothing matters.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

You sound like the life and soul, right there.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

The point is very much that it's not just noise.
We hear sound all day long - but particular combinations of sounds elicit real physical and emotional responses. This is scientific fact. Of course some people will have stronger reactions than others, in the same way that some people eat merely to live, whereas others take great joy from the food they eat.

Personally, I believe an appreciation of such things as good food, music etc. to be a key marker of civilisation. You're being an oaf and you know it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Of course I'm being an oaf. I love music.
I just don't get upset when people don't like what I like or understand why I like it. I even agree with you about Bowie a bit. For all his songs I love there are 5 or so more that are shit. Hendrix does nothing for me at all and I find his music a bit dull but it doesn't mean I don't understand why people regard him as one of the greats. You're being stubborn and you know it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I'm being a music Nazi and I know it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

know fuckin' love
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Right I'm off to listen to some Steps to calm down.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

One theory I've heard
is that we spend nine months surrounded by our mum's heartbeat, so we become acclimatised to and comforted by rhythmic sounds. I would love to know how artificially gestated babies would differ from us if we just took away that one simple thing.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

So would I.
That's an interesting idea.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

But can you imagine, if it was true, people who just didn't get music? At all?
Not like Bobblehead here, or the type of person who only likes what's on the radio at the moment, but people who, as a whole, felt no affinity or need for the stuff, and would never individually come up with the idea? What else would this affect? Language acquisition? Physical skills (sense of rhythm reqd)?

Obviously, our love of music is not as simple as 'mum's heartbeat', but it's an interesting thought, because, as you said above, our biological relationship with music is extremely complex.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

You're so gay for him

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Yes I am.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Well I always give music a try
but sometimes it is lost on me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Never got on the Hendrix band wagon. Did nothing for me at all.
Although I do like it when he played the star spangled banner.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I see why Adam killed himself now.
You have blood on your hands.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:01, Reply)

I have spunk on my hands which is why I'm going for a shower crap Bert.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Wanking over a text based forum again?
I pity the kids when he's set loose = ((
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Would it be OK if there was pictures? Like this?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I wonder what they are doing now?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Eachother, if they're following the trends.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Why are you typing when you should be wanking ?
They look like jailbait, which is certainly up your street.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Is this your thing now? cause it's easily solved by a *click*

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I can't believe that you've cut me out of your life again, spunky jailbait paws

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I haven't yet. It depends if you get interesting or not.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

*Phew*

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

wanna hug it out?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Bugger off
you're hurting my eyes
(Mr Big Stuff, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)

You, sir, are an ignoramus of the first water.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Or, we like different things.
see it's not scary is it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:04, Reply)

No. I'm sticking with my ignoramus theory.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I posted my reply to this on the wrong box. look up and to the right a bit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

This doesn't really help with the whole ignoramus thing.

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Comedy is comedy regardless of who is the joke, funny is funny.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

No, you're wrong there, in the old victorian days, it was unacceptable, but in modern english it is. Let me show you an example.
"I never knew my sister growing up, we were sepporated until well meet and got along nicely. And then I fucked her."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Well done Gonz!
Someone else who understands. What's new in Gonzo world?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Yesterday I got loads and loads of new clothes, I spent all my final fiscals on them, but I must say, I _do_ look stunning.
Look the part, Act the part, Be the part.

Yesterday I spammed out my CV and I got three calls, two of them offering me interviews, one of them taking an interview back.

That was going through Gumtree, so today I'll go through Monster.

Gonna do some nifty coding today too, impliment some a new features and get it going from the Dev Server onto the SandBox to eventually go Live. I might also send off some invoices.

My guts are really OH WOE IS ME though, tomo I'm off to the hospital, I think I'm going through whatever the oppersite of 'remission' is, sad times, I just want to get on with my life =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I think it's regression but someone can correct me if wrong.
Positive news though, interviews and new clothes. And at least with your guts you know what to expect so you can function until tomorrow. Keep motivated Gonz and code the shit out of a combination of letters, symbols and numbers.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Yup, "Soz, can't be ill right now, to busy being awesome, maybe tomorrow".
Apparently for the last 10 years I should have been claiming for benfits and all that, I could get most of my shit paid for, but I'm pleased I don't, it would have made me to complacent.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Really? how come you only just found out?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Well, it's more like I always knew, but it was confirmed by a doctor.
He said I should talk to the DSS.

I've tried 3 times in my life, and failed every time, 'cus of lost forms and wrong forms and all that, I didn't understand it. I'm not stupid, and I know a lot of people who could be considered 'stupid' manage it, also people with a minimal grasp of the english language; but those forms are fucking complicated.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Government forms suck massive balls.
I have to do loads for uni too. I find it horribly tedious filling in the same fucking info again and again.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Hmm, don't know about a conversation
but I've always wanted to go back in time and bring one particular famous scientist back to his future/our present to let him see how his discoveries and inventions shaped our lives.

The scientist in question? Michael Faraday.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:49, Reply)

surely
It would be better to bring back some genius hampered by the restraints of his time and let him loose to see what he could do with modern equipment?

I think this about writers, what would jane austen have written if she had no social constrictions? Ok probably bridget jones but you take the point!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Faraday could be let loose with modern electronics.
That would be fun. He'd have a flux capacitor made in no time!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:59, Reply)

He would be one of my choices too.
He was rather humble though, so may be a bit tedious.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:53, Reply)

My Mum
I'd like to learn things about her that I've not simply heard from others conversations. I'd also like to make my own memories.

I think I'd speak about the family, and how they're all doing now. Tell her I miss her, and that it's always been rather odd without her here. Fuck, I wish I'd had more time with her.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)

You can share mine.
Bagsy first though.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Alexander the Great
I'm assuming that by some process of magic we could understand each other. Or Augustus
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:56, Reply)

Ooh good call re the former.
I think if we're hypothetically raising the dead for an hour we might as well overlook language constraints whilst we're about it, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 8:58, Reply)

and the process of decomposition
Hopefully
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

excellent news
He would be fascinating, though I like your suggestion of Julius Caesar, except if he filled in any gaps in history, then I'd just be told in exams that I was making things up.

Need more than an hour though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Ah but that's the tough part.
If you only have an hour where do you start?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

The problem with only an hour
is to get the best answers you have to explain you're from the future and talking to them through magic. Or maybe you could just be like a vision.

I'd definitely want to clear up the gaps in knowledge, but also get a personal sense of him. Ask him if he buried any massive stash of Darius's gold deep beneath the earth as well of course
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

It would just end up being a crap(per) version of Bill and Ted

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

I quite liked Bill and Ted
but since I'd have a list of questions, and preferably a camera/some sort of recording device it'd probably be a bit more organised
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Were you aware that Bill and Ted 3 has been green lit
and Keanu has signed up for it. It will most likely be poop.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Keanu Reeves has signed up?
I thought he'd quit acting/pretending to act. It will be rubbish. Absolute law
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Yeah it was on imdb at the weekend. I quite like him in some films
but he is very wooden. Point Break was perfect for him. I can't imagine it will be a good film plus it's target audience are all grown up. I'm not sure kids these days are even aware of Bill and Ted.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

It's a close call. Nicolai Tesla or my Grandad.
Tesla: WTF happened to you?
Grandad: Just for the conversation.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Does you Grandad have an SI unit named after him?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Yes, yes he does!
The Norman, often shortened to norm, as in "That is the norm." an SI unit of conformity.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Ooops
I forgot that one. Better than magnetic flux density by a country mile.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Mine had an SS unit named after him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)

can i just say
That my taxi has just gone past the 2010 Safety Conference. Can you think of a duller waste of everybody's time??

Let's all give thanks that we don't have to go...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Amon Goth
to try and understand why.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Why he never got employee of the month ?
Gutted
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Not quite
and this person

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-11379629

Amazing stuff.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Truly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Quite remarkable.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

He's the moody egyptian god, right?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

The one and only

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Why he was soooo fucking coool?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

German uniforms
were cut and produced by Hugo Boss factories. That's why they looked so much better.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Not all of them, but you are correct to a point.
The senior SS ones were, but the Wehrmacht uniforms were I believe the work of others.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I dread to think of the contents of your 'secret room'
specialty section 1932 to 1945
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I want an SS Ceremonial Sword and 'honour ring' more than almost anything.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I've got a Nazi 5 pfennig coin
and that's enough Nazi memorobilia for me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I have a stack of Nazi notes
from when my granfather blew up an armoured car with escaping Huns in it. Money rained down from the sky, apparently.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I've got more allied stuff
because both my Grandparents were RAF and not regularly in Germany.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I have some good allied stuff too
My grandfather's silk map of the Rhineland that was sewn into the lining of his jacket - complete with escape route and massive blood stain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

'Uniforms of the SS 1938-45" - Yoshihiro Terui
The Next Catalogue for Nazis.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

My dad, and I'd ask her where he kept the money.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Your dad was a woman?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Woh', that's weird, I don't know why I wrote it like that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Princess Diana
So I can rape her outside the Daily Mail offices while cackling like a mad scientist with a doomsday device.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

How was the SW?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Their roads are mental
But fun to drive 'round. Dulverton's lovely, topped only by the company I kept.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Country lanes can be quite hairy. Plus all the locals belt down them as they are so used to it.
Glad you enjoyed it. Go on, back to your raping, I won't keep you.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

we drive like mentals through the lanes
purely to terrify tourists.

also, it's safer than doing the same in a city, which people don't seem to have a problem with
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I agree
I don't get on with city drivers and their aggressive ways. But driving down country lanes fast is great fun. So long as you remember the rules: go as fast as you like on bits where you can see, but on blind corners slow down and imagine there's a milk tanker coming towards you.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

That's how I drove on them
It was fun, until the sphincter-twitching, brakes-testing near head-on with a Land Rover Defender.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

^this - someone who understands.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I was in a waiting room on sunday and all they had was the Daily Mail.
Last week Steven Fry was out of order, against religion, because he denounces it and is against the pope having a _state_ visit. This is anti-british somehow, can't work out where exactly, but it is.

On sunday they went mental over non-religious institutions, such as Wembly Arena, serving Halal food, which is also anti-british, because 'we have a right to know'. There was a very minor part, the only objection they had, about the treatment of animals in Kosha/Halal slaughtering. Personally, I'd rather have my throat (with all the arteries and all that) cut cleanly and my body drained, for the last 10 seconds to (at most) 2 minutes; of my life. Than be put in a battery farm all my life and killed by an mostly-effective (rather than always-effective) electrical shock followed by the same treatment.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

The 'animal welfare' objection to Kosher/Halal is indeed a nonsense.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

On the farming prog this morning, they said that all NZ lamb and beef was Halal,
and it is all stunned first.

What is the world coming to?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I read that bit about Stephen Fry
Then read SF's blog where he replies. TDM really don't have a clue, it's just hatred lashing out wildly.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Moaty.
Five minutes goading - 55 minutes of hilarity.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I thought about Moaty - or Albert Fish.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

but the problem with talking to mentals is, they are mental.
The conversation would be very unsatisfying.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

That is how I feel about Xmas with the in-laws.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Cheers Tuggers, first smile of the day.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Douglas Adams
and I'd berate him for being a stupid fucking fat bastard who basically killed himself from exertion thirty whole years before he was due. And just when he was starting to get good at actually writing - because let's face it, for all the humour and satire, Hitch Hiker's Guide is an incoherent sprawling mess.

I rant because I love, of course.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

You must have loved the 6th book/

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

And Another Thing?
I did actually. He certainly didn't shite all over the memory like I anticipated. (High praise indeed!)
I actually gave a signed copy to my dad, cause he was the one who was responsible for my H2G2 love, due to playing the LP - LP! - of the radio series at us repeatedly throughout childhood.

I think Dad did think it shat all over the memory though. Bugger.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

I thought of a real answer!
David Gemmell: And I would ask him to finish his Troy Trilogy himself rather than his wife do it from the notes. Stella my dear you did a wonderful job, you really did but I wan't David to finish his own masterpiece.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

not to be cruel
but for the sake of fiction it's best that David Gemmell stay dead
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Plus it would scare the kids.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

^this
but the main reason is he was shit
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

You are great AICMFP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Thanks!

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

He was my favourite author, what didn't you like about his stuff?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

It was unbearably generic
and he had the pure audacity, with a total paucity of writing talent, to lay his dirty mitts on Troy
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

He did follow a fairly strict formula. But it worked on me, his Wolf in Shadow series, and Ghost King,
the take on King Arthur were my favourites. I thought the Troy series were brilliant and a great reimagination. I just didn't like the end.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I just found him some unoriginal
there was no genuine innovation, nothing to raise him above the dross of what was basically sword and sorcery dressed up a bit.

Poor Bobby caught between a rock and a hard place on music and literature
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I have worked out my niche and am prospering rather nicely for it thanks,
I like swords and sorcery.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

sword cock
sorc bugg
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

cock swords
bugg sorc
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

The ending was fucking great.
Patroclus coming back as a zombie, killing Hitler and getting married to Princess Diana was a stroke of genius.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

you're forgetting the MASSIVE DRUGS SEX scene

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Oh yeah - when he was on tour with Led Zep in 71.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Bernard Cornwell's Warlord series
is good modern Arthurian fiction.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Bernard Cornwell I can take or leave
T.H. White though..
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Was he 'The Once and Future King'?
Magnificent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Indeed he was
pure genius. Made me cry as a child
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Bless you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:29, Reply)

And I was a unfeeling little fucker as a child
so that means something
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:32, Reply)

war gay
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 12:01, Reply)

John Peel
I would be happy sit about drinking red wine and talking shit about music. A true legend, and the world is a much duller place without him.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I'd have agreed with this an hour ago
but it's been pointed out to me that it's just noise.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Organised noise
Or, Organoise, as I like to call it.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)