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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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A week ago I had an hour to kill on a train journey so I treated myself to the exorbitantly expensive Elle Decoration magazine
convincing myself that it was all part of my studies and therefore a necessary expense, even though it is nearly a fiver. I chose Elle over all the other equally expensive design magazines and over food as well so I was pretty hungry whilst I pored over the beautiful furnishings.

Yesterday I received a free gift from the Institute of Interior Design as I'm a student member. It was the same sodding magazine.

What's the crappiest free gift you've ever received?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:21, 228 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I got sent a little stainless steel thing yesterday
that is supposed to reduce the amount of water you use for a shower.

fuck that. I want to be forced to the floor by the power of my shower.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)
I got sent one of them, I don't really know how it works though
and Wiggy likes to be bruised by the water pressure as well so it's unlikely he would agree to it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Amen!
If I don't have at least two layers of skin flayed off me, the shower wasn't good enough.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)
that's a little gross Lab.
:P
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Not as bad as the disappointment you get from a crappy shower
One where it takes you a good minute to even get wet.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)
so true, a shower should almost be too much
not equivalent to being spat on by an army of asthmatic grannies
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)
A bad shower is worse than bad sex.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)
one of my exes showered in my old flat and whilst I didn't really mind the pathetic shower
he said "FFS, I've got more wet by being sneezed on"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:36, Reply)
A lovely image there.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:49, Reply)
he was a lovely guy

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)
trudat

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)
You say that now
But think about how you'll look in (No of skin layers penetrated by tatoo ink divided by two) dvided by (no of showers per day) days.
(Cave Duck, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:35, Reply)
My skin grows back quickly
Plus tattoos go quite deep, into the dermis rather than the epidermis.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)
*bows to your superior knowledge of that sort of thing*

(Cave Duck, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)
I asked my tattooist where the surplus ink goes when it's inside my blood stream and why some ink stays where it is
but he didn't know.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)
From what I understand
The ink that reaches the dermis layer stays and 'melds' with it in situ. Ink that doesn't make it there (ie, as the needle pushes through the epidermis) either gets rubbed off, or comes away as the skin heals over the top (scabs off).
As far as ink in your blood stream, I'm sure it'd be a miniscule amount, and it'd get filtered out like anything else.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:57, Reply)
my tattooist should have known that, tut.
However, he took my mind of the pain by regaling me with stories about camping next to a paedophile so I'll let him off.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Erm... how'd he know he was a paedophile?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)
he was mostly kidding
he was saying how he and his mates had gone camping and the guy in a tent nearby had come out and asked them to keep the noise down, even though it was only 9pm and he said they were just chatting. He said "the guy looked like, well I can only describe it as a stereotypical paedophile", so I guess he looked like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)
Not seen it
Have seen some actual paeds though, and they were all steretypically paedish. Lank hair, no chin, beady eyes, hunched figure etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)
taught geography or PE...

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)
My geog teacher was sound
The PE guy though... looked like a fat Hitler, called some kids "Filthy Arabs", and showered with the rugby team.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)
my geograpgy teachers were all shitcunts
even the ones who never taught me. I was obliged to tell one to fuck off one.

that PE guy sounds like a raving paedo
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
It wouldn't surprise me if he was
Our Physics/IT teacher was found to be a paedo though. We all joked that he was a kiddy fiddler when we were at school. Turns out we were right.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)
Bubbles is the guy on that picture that says "_____ makes me moist"

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
Doesn't look sinister enough to be a total paed
But not far off.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)
he's pretty retarded in the show

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)
guys penis in his boyscout ass probably gave it away

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
The cells in the dermis replicate with the ink in.
Dermis cells are essentially immobile over your life. Any other cells with ink in are mobile and so get passed out of the body eventually
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)
the doctor is in!
Thanks. Your description also gave me a really cute image of little blood cells zooming around my body all splattered with ink.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
A more professional way
Of saying what I said. Kinda. If you squint while reading mine.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)
Nah, yours is spot on.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
I got given a free pen that didn't work
I went to the Royal Band of Scotland stand at our freshers fair in 1st year, where it said you got £100 if you opened a student account with them. Having opened an account about 3 days earlier, I asked if I could get the money, to which they immediately said no. I asked if I could get a pen instead then, which they gave me. It didn't work.

For some reason I'm actually still with this bank.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I would write a strongly worded letter of complaint
oh no wait, you can't.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)
You joke
But it still hurts so bad.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:28, Reply)
Barclays give away free pens
that say "stolen from my bank" and "I miss the chain" on them. I heart Barclays. Although I'm cheating on them with HSBC.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)
I might just spend a day going round and seeing what I can get free from various banks
A bit like my plan to go and test drive lots of expensive cars.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)
I've always wanted to book a viewing to go and see a really expensive house and pretend that I can afford it
but I don't have the balls to do it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)
You just need to put on some really nice clothes
And act like you belong there.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)
I read an article on how to blag it,
it says you should arrive in an expensive (borrowed) car and the woman should be immaculately done up, whilst the bloke should be in expensive-looking casual wear, like jeans and a nice shirt. The article also said to act rude and stand-offish which I definitely couldn't do!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)
I've gone to see a house I knew I absolutely couldn't afford
although it wasn't what you'd term 'expensive' by todays standards. It was bloody gorgeous. Some other cunt bought it three weeks after it went on the market - I was devastated :(
(berk, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I did that with a rental property
because it had all the features I've always wanted, exposed brickwork, wooden beams and a spiral staircase inside with a mezzanine level. It was £1500 a month though. 3 months later we moved into the flat next door in the same building though so I'm happy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
Same here
Penthouse flat, two bedrooms, massive open plan kitchen and dining room (with a Smeg fridge!), spiral staircase up to mezzanine level. £1200 a month, but with 3 of us sharing would have been awkward (only 1 parking space too).

I would have had the mezzanine level, it rocked!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
i get about a million photo-calendars
from clients every christmas.

on the plus side, my lovely lovely client [major drinks manufacturer] sends me booze!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)
I got sent a mug with my name on it from our printers, it's pretty good.
The office manager gets sent calendars that have her name in the photos, like in a photo of the sea, the seaweed will spell out her name. I'm jealous.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)
that is quite cool
i just get "here are some more photos of our development with a different filter to change the colour of the sky so you don't think we have just recycled last year's shots"
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)
3 free golf balls when I bought a set of clubs. Pathetic.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)
but surely as a golfer you are always in need of balls?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Yep but the free item value to purchased item value ratio was insulting
My best "free gift" was a Breitling watch. Bought it for myself a few years ago in New York when the dollar was 2 to the £ and it has never appeared on my credit card. I consider this a free gift from Amex.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:35, Reply)
nice!
is it massive?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)
It's not too big - heavy though
www.goldsmiths.co.uk/product/breitling-blackbird-windrider-mens-watch-17530482

NB - with the exchange rate it would have cost me nowhere near the price shown
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)
I can't fathom spending that much on a watch!
My car only cost a shade over that!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:49, Reply)
As I said - it was going to cost me nowhere near that much with the exchange rate - plus no VAT to pay either.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:50, Reply)
I know but I'm sure someone somewhere has spent that on it
I didn't say I can't belive YOU spent that much on a watch.

It's not all about you battered
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:51, Reply)
It IS all about me. Some people spend a lot more - there are watches in Harrods and other places that sell for ten's of thousands.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Well those people are idiots

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:59, Reply)
Depends. If you've worked hard it's up to you how you spend your money. If you have purchased it at the expense of feeding you kids that is entirely different

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)
You're an idiot

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)
that's pretty sweet!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Yep. Amex never got in touch about it. Neither did the retailer (who had my details for the warranty)

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:51, Reply)
sweet
on a lesser scale, I got a free raptor tshirt that says Clever Girl on it because Wiggy ordered the wrong size and changed it, but they sent both anyway. I gave the free one to my friend so we could be raptor buddies.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
I want one of those hoodies that has like a dinosaur head and stuff

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)
message Spangolin on talk

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)
When you have a baby you get a pack with loads of shitty free gift vouchers in
One was for a bin especially for nappies. It was actually pretty good sealing each one individually and stopping all the smell. However you couldn't buy the replacement cartridges anywhere near us and when we found some online they were ridiculously expensive. I have however got some awesome free gifts by signing up for credit cards with fake names and addresses. You know those guys in shops who say sign up and get a free Toaster/MP3 Player/Inflatable sofa etc etc. Well you fill in the form and they hand you the free gift. There is no Alexander street in the town I choose to use and my name is not Derrick.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)
They just hand it over?
I've never seen that before, I thought they always send it in the post or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)
I've never seen them do it down here in Cornwallland
But when I was living in London they used the set up in the entrance of shops with a huge pile of free gifts behind them.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)
My neighbours and I at uni had a running tally of who could get the most free samples.
That house probably still gets 400 marketing letters a day.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)
We did this at uni with those CDs they sent out for dialup internet
We managed to coat the walls of the living room with them but we did recieve a lot of marketing bollocks too.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)
One of my idiot friends had a load of fetish porn brochures sent to my flat
forgetting that I had moved and it had tenants in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)
animal or dwarf?
(the porn not the tenants)
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)
It was mostly BDSM
I assume to make it more believable that it was mine.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:55, Reply)
Surfboard wax when I bought a Quiksilver jacket.
I was my hugest then and looked at the man and just said 'really?'
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:28, Reply)
fat people can surf too you know

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)
not me broseph
I don't know a huge amount of physics but I am pretty sure a bowling ball on a lollipop stick isn't going to be 'nifty'
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:35, Reply)
my board is 9'4
and about 2 and half inches thick, hardly a lollipop stick ;-)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:36, Reply)
you're missus must constantly walk like John Wayne

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)
she does
but only because she is a great fan of his work
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)
haha like it!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)
Men! Always boasting about the size of their boards.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)
This may be true
But Bobby appears to be a proper fatty-fatty-fat-fatty on the internetz.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)
yes this is me

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)
you'll never be as fat as me.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)
lies!
besides I have lost 2 stone in 6 weeks according to the scales in the gym.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:48, Reply)
I've lost weight too, check it out
www.b3tards.com/u/4aa2d80bbccd68cdacd6/fatme.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)
the stretching on that picture gives your face the appearance of
being covered in downy fluff.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)
I just hadn't had it waxed in a while.
I'm like a duckling.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)
wouldn't it just negate the need for the board?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)
it helps

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)
haha aww, like a weebl

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:48, Reply)
That's how the tsunami started.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:48, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)
He probably thought you wanted it for use as wanking lube.
Or food.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)
I cannot think of much that would be more unpleasant
than trying to rub surf wax on your knob
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)
getting your mum to rub surf wax on your knob?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)
it's ok if she brings tea

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Deep Heat?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)
Swarfega and sandpaper?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
Hey I am only a few months from 'completion' then no more lol fatty jokes for you old man!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Really? It only takes me a few minutes to reach 'completion'
much longer if I think about elderly asian men taking a dump.

But several months sounds like a medical problem.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)
I'm always impressed with the calibre
of free gifts from stationary companies, but recently we were sent out of date condoms as a "complimentary product" by a supplier.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:28, Reply)
as opposed to moving companies?
I'm sorry, I couldn't help it!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:48, Reply)
I hate getting those No 7 vouchers from Boots
Sexist bastards.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:30, Reply)
It just reminds me I don't have a girlfriend.
The bastards.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)
you're never too young
or too smoothskinned to moisturise, boys.

or alternatively just use it as lube. on yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:36, Reply)
you are wise
not the moisturising part. I don't need that shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)
if they haven't figured it out for themselves yet
then i thought i'd just give a helping hand.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)
I'm sure anyone here would welcome a helping hand from you
so to speak
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)
despite your kind words
i see no Q of volunteers...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)
I'm not sure I'd trust putting anything quite so valuable in the hands of a lawyer.
She'd probably want to keep a percentage, and I can't really afford that.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)
I have warned them all off. (strikethrough heaven right here)

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)

n m
off up, as I'm lovely
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)
I've been sat here with my cock out since yesterday waiting for this blowjob

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)
I told you that I've taken your place

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:48, Reply)
I bet that made going out for the milk a bit awkward.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:49, Reply)
the milk run was fine
looking after my nephew for 15 minutes this morning though, a little tricky.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:55, Reply)

+s r
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:57, Reply)
it took me a while but ....
dude, nasty.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)
heh

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)
you need to gimme an address first
it might be long, but it ain't reaching the city from where you are sitting
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)
I have moisturised since I was about 12
as I have the skin of a callow Victorian youth.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)
you bender
although if I weren't blessed with great skin etc. then I might consider it too.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:49, Reply)
bear with me
+ a result

all Victorian youth
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:49, Reply)
You've made an elementry mistake there.
Blokes don't use moisturiser we use FACE PROTECTOR which is wholly different and is for protection when battling through hurricanes to save little baby bunny rabbits and other similar daily occurrences.
(Cave Duck, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:55, Reply)
Ah, I see.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)
it's still moisturiser
which is fine, i don't mind a guy taking care of himself.

but if he starts using my £50 phillip b conditioner, he will die.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)
You know it has the same shit in as boots value conditioner, right?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)
nonono
it has all sorts of white truffles and dandelions and other things in it...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)
white truffles in a £50 hair product? why would you need that?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
because you are daft
and want to be separated from your money
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)
It's all bollocks,
men need deodorant, shower gel, and toothpaste. Anything else is extravagant and borderline homosexual.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)
pretty much true
it is good to have a little something to soothe the skin after a shave though, particularly as I only shave once a week, it makes it get a task.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)
Yeah, some aftershave balm is fine
I get some for Christmas, and it tends to last me a while, as I don't wetshave that often, just use an electric trimmer.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
I have to wet shave (aside from enjoying it) I couldn't fit a close shaving electric one between my beard and sideburns
I think my aftershave gel stuff was free with my razor or something.

I've done well using free samples of some Hugo Boss cologne as well. Need to get a proper jar of the stuff really.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)
wet shaving is one of the most disgusting things in the world
Beards are a badge of manliness
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)
they are
but I don't mind wetshaving to define mine more. I'm not a full face beard kind of guy. it'd obscure my magnificent sidies.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)
sidies are for farmers
and under 21 year olds.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)
oh bobby
how wrong you are
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
I never shave
occassionally beard trim but still not short enough to require bumder lotion.

Actually I do own some beard oil, which I bought and is a bit gay.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)
I have to moisturise
but then I'm having phototherapy so apparently it's a clinical need.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)
the question is
why would anyone not need that!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
You see rabbits, right?
covered in shit and mud? that's what happens when you wash your hair in dandelions.

And don't get me fucking started on "our innovative amino-glycine formulation". Fucking charlatans.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
If I condition my hair it goes really flat
I miss the days of.. oh those people who do the really minty shower gel... they did a tangerine shampoo which smelt AMAZING but they seem to have stopped doing it. EPIC SADTIMES
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
I have shampoo and conditioner that smells like oranges
it's big salon bottles so I will have a look at the name for you as it is ace. (it was a gift) I did not buy this gayness.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)
ah
you wait til you move to london. the water is so hard it's condition or frizz!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)
Original Source
and the mint one ... not for getting under the foreskin, that tiger.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)
The best shampoo for making your hair smell nice
is Loreal Kids. Seriously, it smells like strawberry icecream and makes your hair smell lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)
You cynic, you'll be claiming that there isn't actually a kiss from Tinkerbell in every bottle, next.
Oh and rabbits are always immaculately clean. Which raises the question as to why shampoo manufacturers haven't thought to use rabbit spit rather than a load of chemical gubbins in their products.
(Cave Duck, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)
I had Creme de lar Mer for a bit
but I didn't pay for it. I'm not fucking stupid.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Give them to me, you nob.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)
But you don't need make-up!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)
OMG
I can't believe you wrote "but maybe some stuff to sort your stupid hair out" then deleted it
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)
I saw that too
he's on thin ice there
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)
He's so mean to Clendrix for no good reason

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)
There is good reason.
However, there'll be a good old-fashioned ball-kicking nonetheless.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)
WOOHOO

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)
*frowns*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)
*sighs*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:50, Reply)

them it +r
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Again with stationery companies
One year whilst working for the local secondary school our chosen supplier sent us all micro scooters for Christmas. Can you imagine the fun we had once all the students and teachers had buggered off for there Christmas holidays whilst the IT staff had to work up to Christmas Eve. The school was built like a giant doughnut so many and hour was wasted doing laps of the school, the six of us racing each other.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)
I hate when you get those awful tax disc holders that are about a meter square
and have loads of crap on a massive bit above and yeah like you know

I'm GLEEING HARD today
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)
How long in the job's left?
And when are you burning the place down?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)
3 1/2 weeks
FUCK YEAH
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)
You 'did the deed' then?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Yes.
I hear you also "did a deed"
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)
With his GIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNDDD?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:48, Reply)
His official giiiiirrrrllllllllllllllllllllllfrrrrriiiiiiennnnnnnnnnd

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:50, Reply)
WHAT A GAY!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:51, Reply)
have relationship statuses been changed on her FB?
because otherwise it's not a real relationship.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Oh man I dunno I never go on facebook
Lab, go look
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Monty's not on FB, is he?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)
She is though.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
But she can't link a relationship partner
Unless they have a FB profile, no?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)
you can just set it to "In a relationship"

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)
and if you try and put you're in a relationship with someone
it will ask them if it's true!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)
OMG!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)
Have you been trying it with Vipros and
crying as he denies the claim?
Sad times Kitty, sad times
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Why won't he facebook marry me?!
I even tried "it's complicated" but he wasn't having it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
the world isn't ready for it yet

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)
Of course I'm fucking not.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)
I know you're not
That's why I said her FB.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)
Woah really?
I am going to mercilessly tease her next time I see her.
Congrats though Monty!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)
I tease her over text
it's much more convienient
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Hahaha!
Monty and his girlfriend
Sitting in a tree
H.i.d.i.n.g
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:50, Reply)
Ha.

(Cave Duck, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)
Wait what?
I can't believe you're going to live in North London *sigh*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
well believe it fuckface

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)
Well, I can't wait 'til you update
that on facebook
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)
I'm not sad enough to update anything on facebook
I've only got an account to nose at other peoples pictures
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Haha!
*blocks badger from her pics on facebook*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)
sadface

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Facebook is shit and for cunts.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)
You should have an account then as you are a massive cunt

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
You do have an account because you have a....

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Hope you die in a housefire
started by Facebook.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
I hope you get bummed to death
by a lolwaki flashmob.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)
Please don't
I'm already in danger of being bummed to death day to day.

That's about as lolwaki as I can stand.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)
I once fixed a ladies laptop saving all her PHd work in the process
She offered me a blowjob in return. It was a crappy free gift as she knew I was married and not the sort to cheat on my missus. She didn't even offer me a pack of biscuits instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)
bitch

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I know!
I could do with a blowjob right now too!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I everyone
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Even those without cocks?
Awesome
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Should have called her out.
and claimed it's not cheating if it's payment for work.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
haha yeah
like tax-deductable
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)
If only I could get away with that.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)
I donno.
I spoke to the recruitment agent today, and he said that the job I went in for was a senior roll @ £40k; the one I was waiting for, but they're so impressed by me, that they want me for a junior-to-mid-level possition and train me up over the years; that they've done that with their current lead developer.... and that I can pretty much gaurnty, but not 100%, that I'm going to get an offer over the next couple of hours.

OH MAN, I'M ON TENDERHOOKS !

//edit//

Cheers ya'll =DD
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:50, Reply)
oh that sounds awesome Gonz, I hope it all comes up Milhouse

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)
that's excellent gonz
nice one. hope you get it!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)
gaurnty FTW
Also woo one of us will be able to afford food
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)
I am desperately trying to cross my fat fingers for you Gonz
but this donut and can of coke are getting in the way!!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
fingers crossed for you!

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Ooooo! good luck Gonz.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Good work there, Gman.
Try not to destroy all the traps in the gents in the first week, eh?

seriously, well done chap.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:55, Reply)
Get in there my son.



PS it's 'tenterhooks'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:58, Reply)
Monty, be nice now
He has sensitive hooks, has to rub Sensodyne on them and everything.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)
tenderhooks
is much better though. it's almost a nickname, tenderhooks.

woo gonz!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)
*highfives*
Nice work!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:59, Reply)
OOOOOOOH GONZITO!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)
congratumalations!
hold out for 35K starting plus Oystercard and a weekly handjob from the admin assistant.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:40, Reply)
Oh! It's so exciting!
Good luck!!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
I have seen at least two of you make the stationary/stationery mistake now.
NOT good enough.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)
I was copying the previous offender
Honest, Or I was talking about a company that remains still all the time. You choose.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
Be confident
Strike out alone!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)
I called one Roota, did you see?
The rule is E for Envelope!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Your standards are exemplary, Kitzo.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)
Yes
StationEry - Envelope
and stationAry cAr
(jajwhite, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:28, Reply)

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