Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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How have you wasted some time recently?I have just wasted 2 hours hanging around Charring Cross police station before giving a statement and handing over a laptop full of unpleasant material.
Alt: Have I missed anything interesting this morning?
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:23, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Shit, how come you went to the cops?Did you find anything illegal on there?
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:24,
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I found a load of encrypted stuff (approx 8000 images)that combined with un-encrypted stuff (some of which was vanilla, so of which would put you off your lunch) was enough for me to call the Met for advice who told me to take the machine in.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)
Good callBut don't expect to get it back for a while.
Out of interest, was it an encrypted zip or rar file?
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:30,
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There were all sorts of formats - some came up scrambled when I tried to open them which is what the police were interested in(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Cool.Zips can be password protected so you can see filenames but not their content, or encrypted meaning you won't even see that.
You totally did the right thing, hopefully it'll all come back kosher but you never know.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:33,
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I thought it best to call the Met (on the non-emergency number) and get some advice - I have just done what they advised.As I own the company I needed to protect it and myself.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Exactamundo(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:36,
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Someone is going to be in troubleI think
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:30,
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where did the laptop come from?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:30,
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I love you people(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:33,
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I wasn't including you in that comment(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:36,
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It was bought (new and sealed) from a shop on Tottenham Court Road.(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:33, Reply)
eek!Did the guy do this to spite you or do you think he did it when he worked for you?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:25,
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On the plus side this is a major point scoring event for the"People are fuckng bastards" team
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:30,
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And nobody else had access to the laptop?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:31,
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Oh dearwas there illegal grot then?
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:26,
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I'll wait for your entry in the minor misunderstandings thread when it turns outyou downloaded it yourself and forgot about it.
EDIT: nothing exciting, but it's Halloween soon, so get your Halloween party name on
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:26,
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Can't think of a Halloween name apart from Blood Splattered which is lame.(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Like the goldfish in the Halloween SouthparkWhich I thought was surprisingly creepy
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:53,
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Battered to death?(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:31,
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I quite like Blood Splatteredor Lamia's Battered To Death is good, although I would add "with a rusty shovel"
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:40,
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I need a better one(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:45,
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it's too much like Vampito(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:49,
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Something 'Vipers' related?Or a Gonz worthy "Vee-vant-to-suck-your-blood"
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:48,
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you could be on to something with the Vipers one(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:49,
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oh so now Vampros isn't good enough eh?!I'll have another think.
Viprose From the Dead?
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:49,
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it was fine till Lampito changed hersthat's not bad
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:50,
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thanksI feel all warm and fuzzy that lots of people are using my Halloween names, makes me feel clever.
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:54,
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glad to hear it(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:57,
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Therefore you are not?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:33,
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He probably just downloaded it for "research"(seems to be the popular excuse nowadays)
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:33,
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The Townshend Defence, that's called.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:39,
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my first task as a traineewas to sift through some stuff recovered from a laptop to see if the guy had been using work computers in a bad enough way to breach their IT policy. i had to identify whether gay porn was soft or hardcore.
i had no idea. i learned a lot that day.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:40,
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I had to look through a client's emails on fitlads.netwhich is EXTREMELY NSFW, it's a gay scally dating website and all the guys have their cocks out in their profile pictures and the emails that the client had received and sent were quite distasteful shall we say!
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:42,
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niiiiiiiiiiiiceit's like grinder, my friend was showing me that. the pics are quite... revealing. but also flattering!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:45,
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yeah I thought that too!Some of those scally lads had rather lovely physiques, but then I felt a bit sick when the full photo showed burberry and sovereigns.
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:50,
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hahai assumed "burberry and sovereigns" was a "meat and 2 veg" style euphemism then.
it should be!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:53,
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it's funny thoughi will be using it for chavcock
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:55,
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Really?If you just booted up their laptop and browsed through it, then your evidence would have been arguably inadmissible in court.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:45,
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this was his work desktoplooking at over a sandwich at lunchtime stuff! they wanted him out, and we were being asked to advise on whether what he had been looking at constituted sufficient breach of the internet user policy to achieve this. as the trainee, i was only really brought in for experience i think, i certainly wasn't advising! but goodness it was educational
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:48,
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she did say recoveredwhich could easily imply they took a copy of it and then examined the copy.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
IndeedI was just checkin' is all. I get twitchy when watching CSI and the like, when they just boot up a suspect's pc and start trawling through.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:51,
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they might have donethe extent of my knowledge was a paper file with prints of the websites in question on it!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:51,
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That deaf dumb and blind kidsure is fucking shit at accountancy
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:42,
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not as shit as i would bei still have to use a calculator to add up stuff in an excel spreadsheet, despite a 3 hour excel training afternoon the other day.
but i am now singing that song in my head, thank you colonel.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:44,
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thhhh-orry, my badI have adopted a 17 year old cat* called Lucy, and by adopted my mother said "either you take her or she gets the needle". Damn passive-aggressive reasoning.
*insert teen pussy joke here
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:47,
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My bad? Uurrgh.I'm sorry but I'm going to have to send people round to hang you up by your toenails and pour golden syrup into your nostrils.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Then who's going to look after Lucy?Huh?
Doctor Death and his Needle of Doom, that's who!
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:51,
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When I got together with my partner we had four cats and two rabbits between us.Whilst my partner was fine taking them to the vets for injections, when "the time" came and it looked like the end I had take them.
After the first two had gone, the sight of me getting the pet carrier out of the garage was enough to make the others jump up and attempt to be look as sprightly as possible.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Animal know don't they11 years ago I had to put my beloved childhood cat down. She hadn't moved for days and I asked the vet to come to the house to put her down. He walked through the door and my cat ran for it down the garden path. She lived another week.
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:14,
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omgisn't charlie going to be jealous?
17? do cats live that long? don't they stop being fun and get all stiff and scratchy after the age of about 9??
and more importantly, what colour is she?
questions questions! oh and for the record, i never want anything to do with "inserting" and "teen pussy", thank you.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:50,
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She's a very sweet tabbybut yes, 17! Mum had warned me that she might be 12 or 13, but we found some records that stated she was 6 weeks old in June 1993.
We tried to get her into a cat shelter but they are full to bursting.
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:54,
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where did she come frominto your life?
you need to keep me updated with charlie's reaction to you booting her into the garden and sharing your house with an older woman.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:55,
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Loooooong storyFriend of the family runs a cattery and has gone into hospital (and probably wont come out again), Lucy has been in the cattery for over a year because her elderly owner is senile. Cattery has shut, all cats have gone home.
Long story short; she doesn't belong to anybody and nobody wants her.
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:02,
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awww poor lucybut the moral of that story does seem to be that this cat is not good for her owners' health. be careful, you!
i can sympathise with the last sentence. i know exactly how she feels, old and rejected and with her fur falling out...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:06,
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I was thinking "Third owner lucky"*trips over cat Jacques Clouseau style and falls out window*
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:17,
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make sure youkeep her on the ground floor. then you'll only fall into the chicken run!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:20,
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That's another problem...CharlieHopefully Lucy will stay an inside-cat, and i'll have to do my best to stop Charlie from darting into my kitchen.
When did it all get so bloody complicated?
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:25,
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this is what happenswhen you take on a harem of females
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:41,
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I think that's enough animals nowA mad chicken and a geriatric cat. What next, a retarded goat?
(i'll gaz you a photo of Lucy tomorrow)
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:45,
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yes yesplease do!!
also you should go for the goat. you'd never run out of /qotw stories then, just ask chickenlady.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:47,
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It's hard to write a book in nonce-wingthe daily shower beatings sap the creative juices
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:48,
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I'd say there's a probably an abundance of creative juices in prison showers(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:55,
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sorry, I didn't think that was particularly crude(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:04,
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I've been pretty productive actually, but am now taking time out of my busy schedule to shop online.(
Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:34,
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What are you planning on buying? I may have a used laptop for sale when I get it back in about 10 weeks.(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:36, Reply)
using her custom length and girth measuring device(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:43,
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not what I had in mindbut why not
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:45,
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I liked your previousname. Sort of Elvira with a beard. Gave me the right fackin' 'orn, it did.
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Kroney, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:54,
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I'm not in the least bit glad I changed it...(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:57,
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if only....*sigh*but no, I'm very excited about my choice of team, we're top in our division
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:44,
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who's laptop was it?is this the one that went missing with an ex employee?
(is my memory right in thinking you recently had an issue like that?)
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disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:44,
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Yes that's the one. He returned in on Friday lunchtime and I found some "interesting" material on it.(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:45, Reply)
How did you get it back?Do you think these images may account for the delay?
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disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:51,
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He eventually replied to a message I sent to him via Linkedin (emails & texts had been ignored). He dropped it off at the office on Friday lunchtime(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:54, Reply)
You are asking a bunch of peoplewho hang around on b3ta all day how they waste their time? A bit of a superfluous question, surely?
That said I did something in the lab this morning which has almost entirely gone to shit and rendered the better part of two weeks work a waste of time. Not my fault, I might add. So to cheer myself up I've been reading about plague on wiki this morning.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:44, Reply)
It's amazing what people thinkthey can do with company laptops. Also amazing that they think they can hand it back without deleting it all. No admin rights to C:!
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Kroney, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:46,
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I have been told to write an IT policy that future freelancers will have to agree to (and sign) and I will be getting some software to restrict what can be accessedAs it is a small company I haven't bothered with this before.
(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:48, Reply)
and the mirror siteswhat happened to brucer.com?
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disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:52,
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I should so I get some work done. I would like to get some software that allows me to access non-work sites only outside of working hours.(, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:56, Reply)
Bollocks, I've just found out that I have wasted a months work (minus B3ta time of course).We have lost the contract to supply the controls for the BFI cold store at Gladon. A contract that would have been worth 500 grand to us.
I've done loads of write ups and drawings, and all for nowt. Seriously gutted.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:54,
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that sucksI like your halloween name though
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Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:56,
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don't underestimate the little things(
Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 15:03,
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It really does.I hoped to wangle a new car out of the profits.
Your name too.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 14:59,
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