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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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How I have been amusing myself at work today:
Instead of refering to my customer as "Interface" refering to them as "Inyourface"

This makes me laugh everytime as I am a child with NO PACKED LUNCH TODAY EPIC SADFACE. I'm sure everyone apart from Monty gets amused at small things so share, share.

Alternatively if you are a miserable old Monty (MoM)tell us tales of how you got SO ANNOYED AT CHILDISH PEOPLE LAUGHING AT CHILDISH THINGS
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:47, 178 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Every time I drive by one of these signs

I have to say "Boobies!" either in my head, or aloud, depending on the passenger.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)
Oh, come on, people:
Altogether now: "I like breasts."
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I went for a walk earlier
It wasn't that amusing, but it was nice.

What will you buy for lunch today, seeing as you've NO PACKED LUNCH*

*'Packed lunch' is a strange phrase.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
I'll go to the co-op and buy £3 worth of sweeties

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)
Get some Shrimps and Bananas.
There is no finer sweet.

Oh, and get some cola shoelaces too I like them as well.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Haribo is far superior.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)
You're paying 20p for the label!
*Dismisses 'designer/branded' sweets*
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Picking up a theme from an earlier subthread
Buy Haribo and then conceal them in an organic wholefoods bag to make them look more "ethical."
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
If you do that
You can lure 'hippy kids' to the woods easier too.

Apparently
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
No apparently about it
*taps nose*
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
They're getting trickier
Time was, all you had to do was tell them that the woods were about to be bulldozed to make way for a multi-storey car park. Now they scoff at that and go "man, that's, like, so ironic. I hope it's a free range organic car park."
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
I see cuckold and I'm like "oooh yeah!" but then I'm like *sadface*
Nah, I laugh at silly things like troll science and Mythbusters
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Mythbusters would be the best job in the world

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
nah mate, man from Del Monte any day of the week.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
He doesn't get to blow things up.
No competition.

Also, mythbusters get to work with this lady.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)
I quite fancy being flown round by helicopter
in fancy linen suits and squeezing fruit for a few minutes before saying yes. She is gorgeous.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
Who is she?
(Apart from "next on my list")
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
She's a member of the Mythbusters crew
Google her name for more pics!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)
She is a stunner isn't she?
I like Mythbusters.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Ahem
Yes she is, and so do I.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)
Nicely amended.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)
Realised I'd replied to the wrong post...
*belms*
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Currently, this makes me laugh far too much, because in my head, he is Judge Dredd. If you've not seen the film, this will make no sense.

EDIT: Also, this answer had me and a coworker wetting ourselves yesterday afternoon, fairly immature...
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Did he say this before he whipped out his law giver?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Reckon he said "Double Whammy" before he slipped em one?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
I wonder if The Law
Has 6" of JUSTICE?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
This should entertain you then
www.youtube.com/watch?v=glUf4PQ-vuU
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
Did he take down their details?
details pants
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)
I'm going to laugh so hard at the bash when laak gang up on you.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Not really that frightening though, is it?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)
wait until you get punched by the L

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
Donkey Punched?
Nah, she's hit me a few times, doesn't bother me.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)
a few times?!
What on earth did you do to deserve that?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)
I was sat next to her
Only arm punches like.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)
more erotic.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
Are you going to the bash?
You will be a good human shield
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
Yes I am, I will be staying out of the whole sorry affair.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)
that's what you think

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)
Actually I'm going to play both sides off against the other.
"you should have seen what she said about you over gaz... no I can't tell you but it was bad"
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)
Then you'll be found out
and they'll unite as a team and punch you
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)
I laughed at Laurence Fox's face
yesterday (they're filming Lewis at my college atm)
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
I'm amazed you wanted to study in Oxford
The number of murders there seems quite high. I hope you don't do a Phd in Midsomer.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
He reminds me of this fellow:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reinhard_Heydrich
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)
that is rather creepy
good spottage there
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)
Cruelly taken from us by those pesky Slavs.
RIP, my nigga.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)
If you had a decent hair cut, and didn't wear sneekers,
You could pass for him too.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)
*croissant*

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)
*iron croissant first class*

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)
Hahahahahah
I shall be nicking that, if you don't mind?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)
i just accepted you on facebook
hello!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)
thanks
I didn't want to frighten you haha
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)
as if
i've been added by a lot lot lot worse!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)
*waves*

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)
men talking after inhaling helium
always makes me laugh hysterically, which is pretty damn childish.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Speaking as a man whose (limited )range is probably best described as "true bass"
My friends did once take a certain sadistic delight in having me inhale the contents of a helium balloon and attempt to sing Tom Waits songs.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
it is funny
very very funny
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
It does kind of take the atmosphere out of "Little Drop of Poison"
when you sound more like Alvin and the Chipmunks.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
You should definitely write a song about Microsoft updates,
that'd be ACE.


EDIT It's slow, because you are slow.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Did you go for a curry last night?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)
Yes. It was supreme.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)
What did you have?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)
This:
Seekh kebabs
Masalla Fish
Lamb chops
Dry Meat
Tarka Dal
Rice
Roti
PROFIT.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)
Tarka dal? As in Tarka the otter?
You complete bastard!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)
I used to buy cocaine from a fellow called Tarquin*.
He was in my phone as 'The Otter'.


*he was not your typical Tarquin.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)
Sounds fantastic.
I might have to have a curry this evening now.

www.bollywoodspiceuk.com/

Starts planning order.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)
metre

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)
Microsoft.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)
sammich

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:25, Reply)
Nommy sossy sammich.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)
Cut into ickle twyangles

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)
with tommy sorce

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)
an' a gwass of milch

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)
Where is our resident retard today?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post914588

/childish
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)
To answer TGB's question of last night:
Apparently I'm a horrific bastard.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)
i can get on board with that
yes you are.

although i think it should be "aN horrific bastard"
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)
Are you claiming 'horrific' is one of those special cases
Where 'an' comes before an H, or are you being a moron?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)
the latter
i had some form of mockney thing going on but it didn't really work.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)
It is, isn't it? Like historic.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Hanging by a minge-ring half way up a metal pole?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:34, Reply)
that is vile
urgh!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)
Tell me about it.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)
no
you came up with it. just keep it to yourself in future, mister.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)
Squeezed in that edit because you thought of it after you posted?
That's like thinking of the witty comeback 5 minutes after the moment passed.
SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)
Actually I have a 2:30 deadline
What the fuck I am doing on here I do not know.

So, piss off, yeah?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)
How about YOU piss off
Get back to work.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)
I said it first.
PISS OFF, yeah?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:25, Reply)
How about we both PISS OFF, yeah?
On three, ready?
One...two...
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:26, Reply)
PIIIISSSSSSSSS OOOOOOOFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!11111111!!!

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)
Say it, don't spray it
Sheesh.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)
Pthupherin' pthuccotash

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)
*officesmirk*

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)
I go away for a minute
and this happens
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:37, Reply)
something about 'lunatics'
and 'asylum'
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)
That was really shit record.
'Fun Boy Three' were not fun for me.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)
You missed the argument last night
about whether KRS-One is good or not
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:51, Reply)
I know. I have a great deal to say on the matter too.
Fucking TalkTalk.

In summary:
1. He's made some brilliant records but
2. He's a bit of an idiot who
3. Does not deserve the sobriquet 'The Teacher'
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)
strike out number 1
and you're completely right. I had a listen (silly to condemn something without giving it a proper try) and it was just shit.

Since you're here Mr Music Man (please will you play. Laurielols) I will gaz you a request for music recs
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Do that whenever you like
'South Bronx' is one of the best mid-80s hip hop records to me. And I like lots of them.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:08, Reply)
I may watch shutter island again later
after I watch Drop Dead Fred

Monty: That's shit, you're shit, shit you, child, somekind of chocolate bar
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)
THE DAIRYLEA TRIANGLES ARE ON ME!

I've said it before, but the only time Rik (sic) Mayall ever made me laugh was when he dashed his brains out coming off that quad bike.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)
I do like proper cheese
but those little triangles are so much fun!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)
Adding yeah? on the end makes you sound like Gordon Ramsey
Call him "big boy" next.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)
I get amused regularly by the idea of bumming an ox.
I don't know why, it's just an in-joke I have with a friend, along the lines of "it's not illegal, it's just frowned upon." It makes us laugh for some reason.

As you can imagine, the long winter evenings just fly by.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)
Why such a large animal?
wouldn't it be easier to be start with something smaller?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)
Ask Jeff.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)
You might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)
Innit, Blud?
Ya get me?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)
be <-> as well

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)
Everything is wonderful, been laughing at stupid stuff all day.
Spent some rebate money on shoes and it looks like I am going to the Arsenal tomorrow. I have now bought 5 pairs of new shoes in a week.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)

the look like an
nal
in my shit, gay new shoes
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:26, Reply)
Even an evening with you, TGB, al, Pod, and Wankie couldn't dampen my mood.
You could even bring Bert as an after dinner speaker and I would still be smiling so stick it up your arse bromosexual.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)
An evening with you would piss all over my mood
Also what the fuck have you got against PoD?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:37, Reply)
Nothing, it's only the internet.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)
I'm just confused about who 'wankie' is
Is it Wookie?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)
Spanky Wankie

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)
No, I think it's me.
Unless you're calling me Spanky, in which case FUCK YOU.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:03, Reply)
Fuck off Spanky

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)
Suck my balls, grandad.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:08, Reply)
Not another of your sexual lies, Hanky?
Do you never tire of this?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)
NEVER.
I shall *laboured and uninteresting euphemism* your *unnecessarily anatomical description* until the day I die.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:14, Reply)
Hahahah

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:15, Reply)
I'm sure you've already posted a HILLARIOUS story about this on QOTW
crap just reminded myself of this
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)
No, the story was about the time I accidentally sucked his.
LOL.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:14, Reply)
Ah, fair enough
Although I don't particularly like being tarred with the same brush as him.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:04, Reply)
My nephew wants a Bob Marley T-shirt even though he's not quite sure who Bob Marley is.
I've bought him one for his tenth birday and I can't wait for him for wander around Todmorden in it. This is amusing me.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:34, Reply)
Why did he want a Bob Marley t-shirt?
*Waves* Hello itchy arm.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)
*waves*
He's getting into music now and probably heard him at his dads. His dad is Jamaican. I've already bought him a hip hop t-shirt which he loves. I just love the thought of him wandering round thinking he looks hip and cool.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)
You'll be his own personal stylist!
How is your arm today?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)
Damn right.
He's growing quickly and I've seen some awesome t-shirts that I can get him. It will stop me buying them for me instead. I'm getting a bit old for skater t-shirts and the like.

My arm is driving me loco. I can't scratch but I rub lightly to sooth the itch.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)
I always found that holding a cold can or something against your t-shirt
helped with the itching.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)

tshirt crotch
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)
I could have sworn the tattoo was on her arm but wahey

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)
I was saying you had some horrific STIs
due to the fact you have to pay skanky whores for sex
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)

skanky whores me
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:51, Reply)
I'd rather eat Doc Minge's toenails than sleep with you

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)
hey look all I'm saying is you've handed your notice in,
moving to a big new scary city without a job, it might not be too long until you're lying on your back, thinking of England and crying yourself to sleep. £15 enough?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)
This is the chain of events that would lead to me sleeping with you
I die and am burried
You dig me up and have your way
You then have an epic bertdown on OT and write how it would have been better if I was your sister
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:01, Reply)
I dunno,
give it a couple of months, I can see Gonz in a fur coat and a hat with a feather, pimping you around the Beverley Hills of North London's more salubrious establishments.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Beverley Hills of North London's more salubrious establishments.
flat
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)
But then he can only sell your services to Sexface...
Oh.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)
so you die in this scenario?
win win really.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)
POTD for 'epic bertdown'
Possibly POTW.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)
Harsh.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)
Did it also make your nipples go hard?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)
You're never too old
for Vision Street Wear!
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)
I use to like collecting t-shirts with skulls on them.
Not the heavy metal ones though.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)
I had a huge collections of t-shits back in the day
Very little these days, bar a few element t-shirts.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)
I still do. I must have 100+

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)
because you never wash anything you just buy more?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)
Because I have a mania for collecting things.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:11, Reply)
band t-shirts on children are amusing
my favourite was buying my sister an MCR t-shirt just when she was growing out them as a band, and watching her realise she was going to have to wear it out just once to be polite. Sadly she got back into them and now wears it with pride
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:37, Reply)
My daughter had a Hendrix babygro.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)
There's an advert for something on the tv.
One scene is a grungy looking guy with a young daugher at a festival and he's sitting down and watching her as she dances to the music. It always reminds me of you.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)
That reminds me of a peado

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)
That reminds me that you cannot spell paedo.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)
That reminds me you're an utter cunt

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)
Nah! it's lovely.
I always think, that'll be Monty and his kid soon.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)
Bless you.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)
I should just point out that the shirts in the advert BGB refers to are in fact KISS T shirts.
I'm not sure that you want her heading too far down that road.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)
Oh. I see. Certainly not.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Which advert is it?

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:08, Reply)
Oh, y'know - that one that totally fails to get across whatever point it's trying to get across.
Possibly financial - planning for the future type thing.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:26, Reply)
I'd love to take my daughter to Hawkfest next year.
It's quite family-oriented due to the age of most attendees.

Sadly I'd have better luck suggesting I take her to Albert Fish's gaff.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)
Maybe when she's a bit older.
The ex might have mellowed a bit by then or have someone else to concentrate her venom on.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)

mellowed a bit been sectioned
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)
Bit late to comment on this Monty
Are you sure a Hendrix babygro is a good idea?

What if she is sick in her sleep?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:10, Reply)
She's hardcore like her dad. Won't happen.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:44, Reply)
They can occasionally seem a little incongrous
I saw someone with a T shirt saying about Fuck The World (actually, I've no idea if this band related or not) which I was just thought was a bit uneccessary, we were in WH Smith after all.

That said, I do remember the genteel folk of Rosedale having a similar reaction to my T Shirt which read The Cure - Pornography on a camping trip circa 1984.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)
My brother and I
had 'Adolf Hitler: European Tour 1939'* shirts which our (retired general) grandad thought were fucking hilarious when he visited us in the 80s.

*on the back were the dates for each country invaded, listed like gig dates. We thought them hysterical aged 13 and 10 respectively. Our parents 'respected our right to dress ourselves how we liked', the liberal gaylords.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:03, Reply)
Hahaha!

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:08, Reply)
Ha, indeed
Did they have "Moscow - cancelled due to inclement weather" listed amongst the dates?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:19, Reply)
Nearly:

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Outstanding.

(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:31, Reply)
There's a Turbonegro track called Fuck the World
so it might well have been band related.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:15, Reply)
Thanks.
See how educational B3ta can be?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:20, Reply)

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