Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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OT is sloooooooowHow I have been amusing myself at work today:
Instead of refering to my customer as "Interface" refering to them as "Inyourface"
This makes me laugh everytime as I am a child with NO PACKED LUNCH TODAY EPIC SADFACE. I'm sure everyone apart from Monty gets amused at small things so share, share.
Alternatively if you are a miserable old Monty (MoM)tell us tales of how you got SO ANNOYED AT CHILDISH PEOPLE LAUGHING AT CHILDISH THINGS
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:47,
178 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
Every time I drive by one of these signs
I have to say "Boobies!" either in my head, or aloud, depending on the passenger.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:49,
Reply)
I went for a walk earlierIt wasn't that amusing, but it was nice.
What will you buy for lunch today, seeing as you've NO PACKED LUNCH*
*'Packed lunch' is a strange phrase.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:50,
Reply)
I'll go to the co-op and buy £3 worth of sweeties(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:51,
Reply)
Get some Shrimps and Bananas.There is no finer sweet.
Oh, and get some cola shoelaces too I like them as well.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:53,
Reply)
You're paying 20p for the label!*Dismisses 'designer/branded' sweets*
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:59,
Reply)
Picking up a theme from an earlier subthreadBuy Haribo and then conceal them in an organic wholefoods bag to make them look more "ethical."
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
If you do thatYou can lure 'hippy kids' to the woods easier too.
Apparently
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03,
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No apparently about it*taps nose*
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:04,
Reply)
They're getting trickierTime was, all you had to do was tell them that the woods were about to be bulldozed to make way for a multi-storey car park. Now they scoff at that and go "man, that's, like, so ironic. I hope it's a free range organic car park."
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
I see cuckold and I'm like "oooh yeah!" but then I'm like *sadface*Nah, I laugh at silly things like troll science and Mythbusters
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Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:56,
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Mythbusters would be the best job in the world(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:56,
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nah mate, man from Del Monte any day of the week.(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:58,
Reply)
He doesn't get to blow things up.No competition.
Also, mythbusters get to work with this lady.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:07,
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I quite fancy being flown round by helicopterin fancy linen suits and squeezing fruit for a few minutes before saying yes. She is gorgeous.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:09,
Reply)
She's a member of the Mythbusters crewGoogle her name for more pics!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:11,
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She is a stunner isn't she?I like Mythbusters.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:10,
Reply)
AhemYes she is, and so do I.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:15,
Reply)
Realised I'd replied to the wrong post...*belms*
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:19,
Reply)
Currently, this makes me laugh far too much, because in my head, he is Judge Dredd. If you've not seen the film, this will make no sense.
EDIT: Also, this answer had me and a coworker wetting ourselves yesterday afternoon, fairly immature...
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:56,
Reply)
Did he say this before he whipped out his law giver?(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:59,
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Reckon he said "Double Whammy" before he slipped em one?(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03,
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I wonder if The LawHas 6" of JUSTICE?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:59,
Reply)
This should entertain you thenwww.youtube.com/watch?v=glUf4PQ-vuU
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
Did he take down their details?(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28,
Reply)
Not really that frightening though, is it?(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:57,
Reply)
Donkey Punched?Nah, she's hit me a few times, doesn't bother me.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:00,
Reply)
a few times?!What on earth did you do to deserve that?
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:11,
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I was sat next to herOnly arm punches like.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:12,
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more erotic.(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:58,
Reply)
Are you going to the bash?You will be a good human shield
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:05,
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Actually I'm going to play both sides off against the other."you should have seen what she said about you over gaz... no I can't tell you but it was bad"
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)
Then you'll be found outand they'll unite as a team and punch you
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:54,
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I laughed at Laurence Fox's faceyesterday (they're filming Lewis at my college atm)
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:01,
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I'm amazed you wanted to study in OxfordThe number of murders there seems quite high. I hope you don't do a Phd in Midsomer.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03,
Reply)
He reminds me of this fellow:en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reinhard_Heydrich
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:08,
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that is rather creepygood spottage there
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:11,
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Cruelly taken from us by those pesky Slavs.RIP, my nigga.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:12,
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If you had a decent hair cut, and didn't wear sneekers,You could pass for him too.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:15,
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HahahahahahI shall be nicking that, if you don't mind?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:09,
Reply)
thanksI didn't want to frighten you haha
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:16,
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as ifi've been added by a lot lot lot worse!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:21,
Reply)
men talking after inhaling heliumalways makes me laugh hysterically, which is pretty damn childish.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:02,
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Speaking as a man whose (limited )range is probably best described as "true bass"My friends did once take a certain sadistic delight in having me inhale the contents of a helium balloon and attempt to sing Tom Waits songs.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
It does kind of take the atmosphere out of "Little Drop of Poison"when you sound more like Alvin and the Chipmunks.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
You should definitely write a song about Microsoft updates,that'd be ACE.
EDIT It's slow, because you are slow.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:07,
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Did you go for a curry last night?(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:13,
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This:Seekh kebabs
Masalla Fish
Lamb chops
Dry Meat
Tarka Dal
Rice
Roti
PROFIT.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:24,
Reply)
I used to buy cocaine from a fellow called Tarquin*.He was in my phone as 'The Otter'.
*he was not your typical Tarquin.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:30,
Reply)
Sounds fantastic.I might have to have a curry this evening now.
www.bollywoodspiceuk.com/
Starts planning order.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:29,
Reply)
Cut into ickle twyangles(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28,
Reply)
an' a gwass of milch(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:33,
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To answer TGB's question of last night:Apparently I'm a horrific bastard.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)
i can get on board with thatyes you are.
although i think it should be "aN horrific bastard"
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:50,
Reply)
Are you claiming 'horrific' is one of those special casesWhere 'an' comes before an H, or are you being a moron?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)
the latteri had some form of mockney thing going on but it didn't really work.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:59,
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It is, isn't it? Like historic.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:42,
Reply)
Hanging by a minge-ring half way up a metal pole?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:34,
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noyou came up with it. just keep it to yourself in future, mister.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43,
Reply)
Squeezed in that edit because you thought of it after you posted?That's like thinking of the witty comeback 5 minutes after the moment passed.
SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:13,
Reply)
Actually I have a 2:30 deadlineWhat the fuck I am doing on here I do not know.
So, piss off, yeah?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:18,
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How about YOU piss offGet back to work.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:19,
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I said it first.PISS OFF, yeah?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:25,
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How about we both PISS OFF, yeah?On three, ready?
One...two...
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:26,
Reply)
PIIIISSSSSSSSS OOOOOOOFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!11111111!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:27,
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Say it, don't spray itSheesh.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:27,
Reply)
*officesmirk*(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:29,
Reply)
I go away for a minuteand this happens
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:37,
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something about 'lunatics'and 'asylum'
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:40,
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That was really shit record.'Fun Boy Three' were not fun for me.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:41,
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You missed the argument last nightabout whether KRS-One is good or not
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:51,
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I know. I have a great deal to say on the matter too.Fucking TalkTalk.
In summary:
1. He's made some brilliant records but
2. He's a bit of an idiot who
3. Does not deserve the sobriquet 'The Teacher'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:00,
Reply)
strike out number 1and you're completely right. I had a listen (silly to condemn something without giving it a proper try) and it was just shit.
Since you're here Mr Music Man (please will you play. Laurielols) I will gaz you a request for music recs
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:02,
Reply)
Do that whenever you like'South Bronx' is one of the best mid-80s hip hop records to me. And I like lots of them.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:08,
Reply)
I may watch shutter island again laterafter I watch Drop Dead Fred
Monty: That's shit, you're shit, shit you, child, somekind of chocolate bar
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:41,
Reply)
THE DAIRYLEA TRIANGLES ARE ON ME!I've said it before, but the only time Rik (sic) Mayall ever made me laugh was when he dashed his brains out coming off that quad bike.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:42,
Reply)
I do like proper cheesebut those little triangles are so much fun!
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47,
Reply)
Adding yeah? on the end makes you sound like Gordon RamseyCall him "big boy" next.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:31,
Reply)
I get amused regularly by the idea of bumming an ox.I don't know why, it's just an in-joke I have with a friend, along the lines of "it's not illegal, it's just frowned upon." It makes us laugh for some reason.
As you can imagine, the long winter evenings just fly by.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)
Why such a large animal?wouldn't it be easier to be start with something smaller?
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:23,
Reply)
You might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:35,
Reply)
Everything is wonderful, been laughing at stupid stuff all day.Spent some rebate money on shoes and it looks like I am going to the Arsenal tomorrow. I have now bought 5 pairs of new shoes in a week.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:23,
Reply)
in my shit, gay new shoes
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:26,
Reply)
Even an evening with you, TGB, al, Pod, and Wankie couldn't dampen my mood.You could even bring Bert as an after dinner speaker and I would still be smiling so stick it up your arse bromosexual.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:28,
Reply)
An evening with you would piss all over my moodAlso what the fuck have you got against PoD?
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:37,
Reply)
Nothing, it's only the internet.(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43,
Reply)
No, I think it's me.Unless you're calling me Spanky, in which case FUCK YOU.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:03, Reply)
Not another of your sexual lies, Hanky?Do you never tire of this?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:12,
Reply)
NEVER.I shall *laboured and uninteresting euphemism* your *unnecessarily anatomical description* until the day I die.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:14, Reply)
I'm sure you've already posted a HILLARIOUS story about this on QOTWcrap just reminded myself of this
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:12,
Reply)
Ah, fair enoughAlthough I don't particularly like being tarred with the same brush as him.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:04, Reply)
My nephew wants a Bob Marley T-shirt even though he's not quite sure who Bob Marley is.I've bought him one for his tenth birday and I can't wait for him for wander around Todmorden in it. This is amusing me.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:34,
Reply)
Why did he want a Bob Marley t-shirt?*Waves* Hello itchy arm.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:36,
Reply)
*waves*He's getting into music now and probably heard him at his dads. His dad is Jamaican. I've already bought him a hip hop t-shirt which he loves. I just love the thought of him wandering round thinking he looks hip and cool.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:38,
Reply)
You'll be his own personal stylist!How is your arm today?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:40,
Reply)
Damn right.He's growing quickly and I've seen some awesome t-shirts that I can get him. It will stop me buying them for me instead. I'm getting a bit old for skater t-shirts and the like.
My arm is driving me loco. I can't scratch but I rub lightly to sooth the itch.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43,
Reply)
I always found that holding a cold can or something against your t-shirthelped with the itching.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47,
Reply)
I could have sworn the tattoo was on her arm but wahey(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48,
Reply)
I was saying you had some horrific STIsdue to the fact you have to pay skanky whores for sex
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:50,
Reply)
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:51,
Reply)
I'd rather eat Doc Minge's toenails than sleep with you(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:53,
Reply)
hey look all I'm saying is you've handed your notice in,moving to a big new scary city without a job, it might not be too long until you're lying on your back, thinking of England and crying yourself to sleep. £15 enough?
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:57,
Reply)
This is the chain of events that would lead to me sleeping with youI die and am burried
You dig me up and have your way
You then have an epic bertdown on OT and write how it would have been better if I was your sister
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:01,
Reply)
I dunno,give it a couple of months, I can see Gonz in a fur coat and a hat with a feather, pimping you around the Beverley Hills of North London's more salubrious establishments.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:05,
Reply)
so you die in this scenario?win win really.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06,
Reply)
POTD for 'epic bertdown'Possibly POTW.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06,
Reply)
Did it also make your nipples go hard?(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48,
Reply)
You're never too oldfor Vision Street Wear!
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:49,
Reply)
I use to like collecting t-shirts with skulls on them.Not the heavy metal ones though.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:54,
Reply)
I had a huge collections of t-shits back in the dayVery little these days, bar a few element t-shirts.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:56,
Reply)
I still do. I must have 100+(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:05,
Reply)
because you never wash anything you just buy more?(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:06,
Reply)
Because I have a mania for collecting things.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:11,
Reply)
band t-shirts on children are amusingmy favourite was buying my sister an MCR t-shirt just when she was growing out them as a band, and watching her realise she was going to have to wear it out just once to be polite. Sadly she got back into them and now wears it with pride
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:37,
Reply)
My daughter had a Hendrix babygro.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:43,
Reply)
There's an advert for something on the tv.One scene is a grungy looking guy with a young daugher at a festival and he's sitting down and watching her as she dances to the music. It always reminds me of you.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:46,
Reply)
That reminds me of a peado(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:46,
Reply)
That reminds me that you cannot spell paedo.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47,
Reply)
That reminds me you're an utter cunt(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:48,
Reply)
Nah! it's lovely.I always think, that'll be Monty and his kid soon.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:47,
Reply)
I should just point out that the shirts in the advert BGB refers to are in fact KISS T shirts.I'm not sure that you want her heading too far down that road.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)
Oh, y'know - that one that totally fails to get across whatever point it's trying to get across.Possibly financial - planning for the future type thing.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:26, Reply)
I'd love to take my daughter to Hawkfest next year.It's quite family-oriented due to the age of most attendees.
Sadly I'd have better luck suggesting I take her to Albert Fish's gaff.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:49,
Reply)
Maybe when she's a bit older.The ex might have mellowed a bit by then or have someone else to concentrate her venom on.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:50,
Reply)
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:13,
Reply)
Bit late to comment on this MontyAre you sure a Hendrix babygro is a good idea?
What if she is sick in her sleep?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:10,
Reply)
She's hardcore like her dad. Won't happen.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:44,
Reply)
They can occasionally seem a little incongrousI saw someone with a T shirt saying about Fuck The World (actually, I've no idea if this band related or not) which I was just thought was a bit uneccessary, we were in WH Smith after all.
That said, I do remember the genteel folk of Rosedale having a similar reaction to my T Shirt which read The Cure - Pornography on a camping trip circa 1984.
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)
My brother and Ihad 'Adolf Hitler: European Tour 1939'* shirts which our (retired general) grandad thought were fucking hilarious when he visited us in the 80s.
*on the back were the dates for each country invaded, listed like gig dates. We thought them hysterical aged 13 and 10 respectively. Our parents 'respected our right to dress ourselves how we liked', the liberal gaylords.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:03,
Reply)
Ha, indeedDid they have "Moscow - cancelled due to inclement weather" listed amongst the dates?
(, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:19, Reply)
There's a Turbonegro track called Fuck the Worldso it might well have been band related.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:15,
Reply)
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