I am utterly terrified of my own arse.
It's supernatural. It manages to do things that are not physically possible.

After a really good curry, too much coffee, too much of anything in fact, It manages to spraypaint the underside of the SEAT. HOW??

Seriously.. that feat requires a projectile trajectory of approx 120° Away from the direction shit SHOULD be travelling.

Every now and then I hear it rumbling, and I try to back away from it, but that bastard's attached. No matter how fast I run I can't get away from it.

I only leaned recently that running away from it was futile... but I sometimes forget while I'm drunk. .. sometimes when I wake up there are nasty patterns on the walls and floors. I can only assume that during the night and in blind drunken panic - my arse attacks while I'm at full terrified sprint.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:53, 4 replies)

Foodie Phobias
One of my closest friends has a phobia about fried eggs. Now, any reasonable pub you go to is guaranteed to have a menu showing the offending foodstuff as part of an all day breakfast offering. All you have to do is hold the menu up, point to the egg and she starts wretching. It's the easiest and most fun way of winning any arguement I've ever found.

Going one better I know a guy who once had an horrendous food poisoning incident involving some bad salmon so now, and this is no exaggeration, all you have to do is say the word 'salmon' and he vomits! Obviously we treat this sensitively, not wanting to upset or injure the poor man. Do we bollocks. We've got our own barfcannon!

"Ready. Aim. Salmon. Fire!" It is, without a doubt, the most fun I've ever had!

I'm going to hell aren't I?
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:53, 3 replies)

Birds
Actual birdy birds, not 'da layteez'.

Beaky eyed, flappy, horrid things.

I've always maintained that even were I to be a vegetarian, I'd still want chickens to die.

Pigeons? Scabrous, mutoid verminous pigeons?

Don't get me started....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:53, 3 replies)

Horses.
Especially when they do that thing when they snort & bear their teeth.

Urgh. *shudders*
(Xstopher, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:53, 3 replies)

Seagulls.
Seagulls are fucking filthy smelly dirty evil shrieking greedy scavenging creepy demonic bastard pieces of bastard shit.

WHY WON'T YOU ALL STOP SQUEAKING AT ME AND FLAPPING AT ME LIKE THAT! I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD FOR YOU! I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD FOR YOU!

*cries*
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:51, 2 replies)

cross sections of macaroni cheese
Cross-sections of anything that leaves hollow tubes in the cross section. EEEAAAGHHRRRRHHHHhhhhh.

Has to be moist though - dry cross-sections aren't nail-pullingly awful. Honeycomb is okay, for example, because it's not overly moist. Cross-sections of macaroni cheese make me want to rip my veins out though.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:51, 18 replies)

Gin
and lack thereof
(Xyphious : Sinkin' Gin since '85, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:51, 2 replies)

sponges and knee caps
As I kid I hated the feel of wet sponges in the bath, similar to the original post I guess as it made my teeth hurt. I have grown out of this one now thankfully.

Anything to do with interfering of knee caps really freaks me out. I hate people touching my knee cap and I have been known to have a knee jerk (pun wasn't originally intended) reaction and swing for the person touching my knee. Some years ago I went out with a girl that had a knee problem which sometimes locked up or something. She would get a blunt knife and dig around under the knee cap to do whatever needed to be done. I once threw up watching this and had to leave the room whenever she done it after that.
(emuholic, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:50, 4 replies)

Jumping into water...
Diving into or jumping into a swimming pool etc just fills me with dread...my legs can't move and I feel sick and panicky...don't know why it just does..
(archstanton The gold is next to me....leave me be, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:49, Reply)

Nothing much
Just really 2 girls and 1 cup. Dunno why, can cope with both seperately but together...
(B3any_pants, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:49, 3 replies)

polystyrene cups...
touching one's teeth.
AAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!

And not getting to reply in time to althegeordie that it was a curly one...
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:47, 7 replies)

Fear of...
- being bored
- being unable to count (weird, I know)
- being unable to read (less weird)
- losing my mind (OK, a bit late for that)
- ECT
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:47, 3 replies)

Cotton Wool
If you tell us you're afraid of cotton wool don't you realise we have no choice but to cover your keyboard in the stuff before you get to work?

It was kind of disappointing that you just carefully picked up the keyboard by the edges and tipped all the cotton wool onto the floor though. For some reason we never thought of that...
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:46, 2 replies)

Harking back to Legless' post last week...
Smoothly shaven adult genitalia.

Just... wrong. In every way.

*Shudder and eeek*

*Goes pasty white at thought*

*Gets back to work*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:45, 13 replies)

Not Funny
Even I can't make this amusing.

I've a phobia about greenfly. Possibly the most harmless, innocuous creature on this green Earth.

It stems from an incident in my childhood when, after running through some long grass, I ended up cover in the little bastards. Screamed like a girl and I've been bothered about them ever since.

Some people are scared of snakes. Or sharks. Or spiders. Sensible phobias as some of those gits can actually hurt you. Me? I'm scared of greenfly.

Mind. I bet the bastards could give a nasty suck if they wanted to.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:45, 9 replies)

Chewing gum
I am very, very scared of chewing gum.

I have nightmares where my mouth fills up with sticky, salty chewing gum. More and more fills my mouth, sticking to my teeth. I try to pull it out but I can never get rid of it all. All the time I'm gagging on the salty, rubbery taste, finding it hard to breathe.

As a result I can't stand seeing people chewing gum, I can't bear to see it lying on the pavement and I run a mile, heaving, from bits stuck onto tables and in ashtrays. If I'm on the Tube and someone near my ear is chewing it takes all my strength to stop myself boking on their shoes.

It may be Freudian but trust me, it has left me with a fear of chewing gum, not oral sex.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:45, 4 replies)

Candles
No really... I vomit uncontrollably in the presence of "blown out" candles, the smokes hits the back of my throat and its "chunky soup" time.

Ruined plenty of birthday cakes when I was little until my parents cottoned on to what it was, had many uncomfortable moments including holding my breath for over a minute at my sons christening whilst my parents giggled.

Hoping to see a hypnotist about it, but worried he'll turn me into a chicken.
( timothy claypole, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:44, 2 replies)

loads
Spiders, snakes, serious heights, pregnancy scares.

Not really amusing, hoping someone will have funny ones to brighten up the week.
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:42, 1 reply)

My daughter's phobia
is toast. Specifically, the sound it makes when you eat it.

Until she pointed it out, I had never really noticed how many "toast scenes" there are in movies and on TV.

Apparently watching "Superstar" about sent her to the mental ward...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:42, Reply)

Classic one of ......
Spiders, I dont care what any says, the way the move is awkward, unpredictable and at such a speed the mind boggles!!! I cannot even stay in the same room after i have seen a spider it must be killed. I have also been known to sleep on the landing and i have a ritual of spraying every window, every vent, every door frame, every conceivable place that they may get in with bug spray. What makes this sad is im 26 next month.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:41, 2 replies)

Absolutely

Fuck all.

So that's the end of that question.


(Kip, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:41, Reply)

"Tell us what innocent things make you go pale, wobbly and send shivers down your spine"
I'd be interested to ask Gary Glitter that same question....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:40, 2 replies)

fear of shit QOTWs
bindun?
That's never stopped the QOTWs.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:39, 1 reply)

Goats
At least it's been so since this week.

Ewww!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:39, Reply)

I have a phobia about not being first

ARRRRGHHHHHH!!!!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:39, Reply)

Damn!
Damn your filthy hide Enzyme!
Damn you from stopping my hat-trick!
( Cawl, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:38, 11 replies)

First?
Oh, yes.

I'll see Chthonic's dry flannel and raise him: for me, it's wire wool - specifically, biting wire wool. Now, quite why I'd ever find myself in a situation in which I'd have that stuff anywhere near my mouth is beyond me... but, for some reason it's an image that occasionally pops into my mind. And it's one that gives me the horrors.

*Goes for a quiet lie-down*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:38, 2 replies)