This ought to rattle some cages...
www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23381691-details/Courts+slam+door+on+the+%C2%A31m+serial+race+claimant/article.do

Sorry for pasting an' all, but I actually know this guy. He is a first-class tit, certainly neither bright nor personable enough to compete for the jobs he applies for - and the best (or worst) part of it is, he's now gone to study at law school, so he can learn to represent himself...

Oooh ooh, also, years and years ago I was in Cornwall, in a tiny village only a couple of miles from Land's End. We decided to lunch at the local hostelry. I was amused and dismayed in equal measure to find that they'd listed a certain sandwich on the menu as a 'plowperson's lunch.'
I didn't buy it. I could claim that this was my personal stand against the strictures of the imaginary PC-nazis, but actually, I just don't like pickle.

I have also had a complaint of racism brought against me for calling someone a Scouser, but that's another story...
(jennymnemonic, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 11:16, 4 replies)

Relevant I think
I read this morning that Texas have put more people to death than ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD.

And presumably we're supposed to just stand back and let this happen because they are:

A: Scottish, and
B: Women.

You couldn't make it up.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 11:11, 15 replies)

tell it like it is girl!!
My sister, bless her, is a well educated, loud mouthed middle class white girl brought up in the south of england. She likes a joke, a drink and a laugh but cannot tolerate racism, sexism and of course over the top political correctness. A year or so ago she was traveling in America and doing a bit of work along the way. Hanging out in Austin, a great place apparently but my only impression of it is from Linklater's Stalker in which everyone seems a tad eccentric. Anyways she is in a bar with some nice folk of different ages, race etc. The beers a flowing and her bad jokes are starting. A bit drunk by know she turns to this big black bloke, and says "what do you call a black man flying a plane?" to which the table falls silent and the black dude is already shocked. In her mind the irony of saying the joke to him was funnier then the actual joke, but then it was to late. All attention was on her, she had to deliver the rest of the joke because if she bailed out now the it would seem even more dubious. So...and fair play to this....she shouts out the punch line "..a PIOLOT YOU FUCKING RACISTS!!!". Luckily he laughed. She still turned beetroot red, then they all drank more. Still a shame you sometimes get paranoid about cracking the odd joke.
(kurious orange, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 10:21, Reply)

Close enough to on-topic to count, I guess...
But only just.
www.jesusandmo.net/2007/11/26/fact/
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 10:00, Reply)

I heard the news today, oh boy...
So I‘m now as clued up as I can be on the PC issues of the world…from a BBC perspective anyway (In other words…not very much at all.)

However I also heard the report regarding how it kicked off with the Teddy bear called ‘Mohammed’.

Then I remembered…

One time (not at band camp), I owned a couple of tropical fish – basically because I’m way too lazy and irresponsible to have any kind of ‘proper’ pet. In fact, as it goes, I was even too lazy and irresponsible for fish, but I digress.

Now these fish were big fucking black-with-a-bit-of-gold bulgy eyed bastards (and this isn’t going to go the way you think it is). I’m not quite sure what breed of fish they were but I think it sounded something like ‘Michael Schumacher’. Anyhoo, I bought a lovely tank (that I couldn’t be arsed to clean), those god awful fluorescent pebbles, little castle, the whole shebang. I loved ‘em.

Unfortunately, as no small amount of you have discovered, I am what can be described in non-PC circles as a ‘proper twat’, so I decided to give them names. I called one of them ‘The Intense Humming of Evil’ and the other one ‘Pope John Paul II’ (told you it wasn’t what you thought).

They seemed relatively happy…but not for very long and they started to look a bit ‘limp’. I looked into it and was informed that their tank would require heating. No probs, off I pop to the pet shop and buy one of those long, glass tube efforts that you plug in and stick to the side of the tank. Sorted

The problem was that I didn’t suss that these heaters were controllable…and it was stuck on full, heat-of-the-sun-mega-bastard degrees. I put it in their tank one evening at feeding time, switched it on, gave the buggers a smile, a wink and said ‘You’ll be fine now boys’. Thinking I was up for the ‘fish owner of the year’ award, I went to bed…and the next morning, I went to work…

When I arrived home and went into my lounge…it was rather ‘humid’. I leaned over the tank and lifted the lid, whereupon a huge cloud of steam escaped.

‘Oh scrotes, I’ve boiled the fish!’

Indeed I had…. ‘Evil’ had well and truly ‘bought the farm’. A lifeless (and I think slightly shrunken) globule of goo.

But here’s your Christmas (please feel free to insert your religion here) miracle folks….

‘Pope’ SURVIVED! After a bit of a twitch, he sprang into life and made a full recovery.

This was truly impossible – and a triumph of good over evil. (Crap pun I know, but even that isn’t where this is going).

I decided that because of this, and his relative ‘second coming’, the name ‘Pope John Paul II’ just didn’t do the fella justice. So I decided to rename him…‘promote’ him if you will…and there was pretty much only one way to go…

I called him Jesus Christ.

Now, after realising what I have done, and bearing in mind the Teddy bear ‘Mohammed’ incident, I have decided to ‘own up’ to you all. I consider myself pretty lucky to have gotten away with it for so long to be honest.

So here I am now, sat on my front room floor…with Jesus the fish…hugging my knees, waiting for the Christians with flaming torches and pitchforks to come and tear me a new arse.

There’s been no sign yet…but surely it’s just a matter of time
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 27 Nov 2007, 9:56, 4 replies)

Ah even this board has it
www.b3ta.com/questions/politicalcorrectness/post103125

Cooncil is slang here in Scotland, but did those 2 unfortunates care to know that or jump on the instantly racist idea?

Just as bad as someone else reporting racism from listening in to a conversation.

For shame b3ta...for shame.

Oh and ps - The original post there is bollocks too as I am in Glasgow plenty.
(puggs, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 9:49, 1 reply)

My mother is a bit duff.
She was a hole in the heart baby and, as a result, had a triscupid heart valve replacement and has subsequently had to have these re-installed, so that she has 6 nylon valves, in addition to her working 1. This means her heart is enormous and her lungs crushed and tiny as a result.

We had great fun as kids calling her Darth Vader because of her wheeze and then Dracula because, well, she's got a hole in her heart.

Anyway, part of being a raspberry is that she is susceptible to everything. As well as having the occasional heart attack, she has chicken pox every time she looks wrong at a hen, falls down with flu, had meningitis's badly enough to keep her housebound for years and has a catastrophic kidney failure.

When her kidney gave out I hitched down from Dundee (to be told, upon my arrival at the RDE in Exeter, that I shouldn't be there with holes in my jeans - the old lady in the next bed whispered conspiratorially that she'd looked and my knees were clean under the tears) and, after a small shock when I came back to the loo to find an empty bed, Mother was released back into the wild.

We went for a day out in Barnstaple (horrid place) where I enjoyed a day of kicking the stick out from under my old mum, in order to raise her spirits. Finally she had enough and waved her stick at me, exclaiming that 'If you do that one one more time I'll whack you one', upon which she put her stick back down on a storm drain, it slipped between the bars and she went down on the road like a sack of the proverbial.

Her winded state meant that it was touch and go whether she'd be able to call the mob off before they killed the 19 year old punk who was lying in the road laughing so hard at the fallen cripple that he was unable to stand.
( LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 9:48, 1 reply)

Free Speech (pearoasted from a reply to 'belms' down below)
OK, serious hat on now...

Free speech means freedom to say whatever you please, but you must also accept the consequences.

If I advertise an opinion that has weak grounds for support, it will eventually be debated and I will very probably be made to look a fool. I can deal with that. If, on the other hand, my opinion has widespread support, it will be encouraged and reinforced.

If I say something suspected of being illegal, I can expect to be prosecuted for saying it. The law is based on precedent, which means that if something is illegal, it's because it's already been tested in the courts. If what I say is not illegal, but suspected of being so, I get the chance to prove my point in a court and if I'm right, I should win the case (maybe a little optimistic, but that's the foundations of case law).

Freedom of speech is a self-regulating concept as long as the law continues to be based on testable cases, and as long as intelligent, reasonable people stand up in the face of their obnoxious opponents. With that in mind, the BNP doesn't really stand a chance.

I would hope that Oxford is capable of producing formidable opponents for the likes of Griffin and Irving and so I'd encourage the hate-mongering twats to participate in a debate in that unforgiving arena. If the students of Oxford can't rise to the occasion and defeat such worthless adversaries in a public debate, then the British education system should be ashamed of itself.

(Off with the hat!)

Send them to Loughborough Uni I say. The heckles there between comedy performers and the audience are legendarily barbaric. The 'comedians' of the BNP would be torn to shreds on stage. Jo Brand actually quit the university comedy circuit after visiting Loughborough... maybe the BNP would be persuaded to quit politics.
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 9:33, 5 replies)

I was dahn sarf yesterday at a meeting
and on the way back to Heathrow, we were driving by Henley and Maidenhead. On the way, we passed a roadside hostelry called the Black Boys Inn. I commented to my colleague that it was surprising they were allowed to call it that in these PC times.

"Aye", he said jokingly, "But they have renamed it. Up until last year it was the Black Bastards Inn!"

I was amused. Especially when he got a Daily Mail to read on the plane on the way back.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 8:55, 2 replies)

I'm all for freedom of speech,
no matter how offensive , bigoted and obnoxious it is, look at the David Irving /Nick griffin thing at the Union the other night. They're racist bigoted fucks, but that is their right, and I couldn't possibly see mtself criticising myself or them for their shitty views.
Freedom of speech is not for nice things; it's for views whish we may find offensive and nasty. I hope that the more enlightened members of the |union gave them a bloody good mouthful; respect someones views yes, but don't have to believe in them.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Nov 2007, 7:59, 8 replies)

Hearing Aid implants
Like emvee spoke of, reminded me of a wonderful fella I used to work with in the theatre industry who wore an ordinary hearing aid. What did we call him?

Mono.
(lordy lordy, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 7:22, Reply)

If Political Correctness has truly lost the chuck
Then surely every image I see of Jesus Christ should be an image of a dark skinned, happy smiling Arab? Guy was born in fuck knows when in the middle East and I'm meant to believe that him, his parents, the three wise men and all and mother pissing sundry were white!? Give it a rest!

Also on a sidenote, if Jesus has come back then he's probably in some mental institution.

"I'm Jesus I tell you!"
"Sure in you go Mr Cavalier"

Just a thought.
(TheVomitingCavalier entered one image challenge and failed miserably, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 6:36, 1 reply)

My best mate is deaf
I refer to him as my only cyborg friend because thanks to the NHS he has a little black box that attaches to a matrix-style implanted port behind one of his ears that effectively turns his skull into a soundbox, and allows him to hear. Now you'll never hear him complain about it or ask for any special treatment because of it, except once. He was in front of the main stage at Glastonbury and bursting for a piss, so he jumped over into the disabled arena where they park the wheelchairs, and have special disabled toilets. Confronted by a security guard, he explained that he needed a quiet place to change the batteries on his implant. The guard waved him right through.

Gotta love him, the big deaf twat.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 5:38, Reply)

At the cinema...
I hate these new OTT guidelines that say: "May contain scenes of mild peril" or some other crap - someone who suffers from Mild Peril Syndrome won't get out their front door never mind all the way to the pixtures. Another one I saw was the nuts, in Mr Bean's Holiday: "Contains irresponsible behaviour" - I, like, shit you not, man. What's next? "May potentially contain one vague reference to an idea in the field of Wood Studies which has been frowned upon by the government for 3 months in 1976, thus making this a BAD thing for anyone to view in a motion picture" !!1
(Dan of the Crippled Nipples, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 1:58, Reply)

oh
And also I play a browserbased game. last round I played a guy almoust got banned for changing the galaxy name to:

1 *Never trust black people.*

RACISME! was the bandwagon

2 *Never trust white people.*

why is 1 worse than 2 ?
(Spng, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 0:00, Reply)

our local council
have a speacial team for working with "children of travellers"

they have an even more special sub-team for working with children of "settled travellers" ... errr ... ie they live in phuqing houses like the rest of us ... but I dont sell lavender or steal children so perhaps they are 'special' after all ....
(dr dolittle, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 23:51, 1 reply)

This is a tale from Norway
Once in a while, Norway gets its mediafocus in the "big" countries, like England, USA and well basicly any other country where they are sofisticated. (this includes, but is not limited to France)

We give out the Nobel Peace Price. But what do we do in between our brief stays in the media limelight?

Well off lately there has been a big debate in the media, about racism. Where do you draw the line on racism?

Accourding to people who have nothing better to do than to read old (but darn good) childrens books from the sweedish author Astrid Lindgren, you draw it at the word negro. And you draw it in the past. Result? Printing new copies of tons of old childrenbooks where words including negro is written. (he was a negroking iex this particular one was if I remember correctly replaced with a norwegian word for Southernsea-king)

Now I know that colour of skin is a very sensetive issue. (and a very confusing one, counting all the Wangsters and Wiggers at my school, but I shall not be racist against them due to theyre lack of pigment(its not theyre fault they where born white) If you want to be black, be black.)

But as I am white, my brother is black, and my sister is half-pakistanian, I my self is no rasist. But I do draw the line when we start removing the freedom of speech from authors that are long gone, in boks where the word is used in a positive way etc.

Lenght: My brother is 184 cm

*edit: Hey I feel its like saying: He´s got glasses or his hair is red. But the generation older then me seems to think that its a serious harasment.
(Spng, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 23:25, 1 reply)

I have run various arts workshops,
I referred to my young protogees as "kids"; nope they must be referred to as "children", as "kids" is deemed offensive.
Now "children" is seen to be derogatory, they're either young people, or young adults, (teenagers in Stalinist speak).
So I suppose snotty little other peeps shitty smelling brats is right out then.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 26 Nov 2007, 23:20, Reply)

Political Correctness Is Brilliant
I get paid an astronomical amount of money to convert everything into Welsh for a major company, after Mrs. Norris from Pontypool took rival company to court for not providing Welsh Literature.

It takes me at best 30 minutes per literature piece (which I get 6 a week).

As we say in our language: Dwi'n cynt.

Esgusodion achos feithder.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 22:29, Reply)

You may have heard on the news
about the controversy about the BNP Leader Nick Griffin, and holocaust denier David Irving, being invited to the Oxford Union (a members association not actually linked with the University) to participate in a debate about freedom of speech. Now whatever you think of this, you have to admit that these two individuals have the right to speak (within the confines of the quite justified statutory limitations on racial hatred). I live next to the Union. As I type this, I can hear the sound of hundreds of hysterical protestors shouting "Smash The BNP", a sentiment not wholly in keeping with the numerous signs reading "Peace not Hatred".

These two speakers are being invited to debate, and to be challenged (and they definitely will be). This is not a discussion of whether their views are right or not, there's no question that they're full of crap, it's a debate about where we restrict their freedom of speech. The Oxford Union isn't endorsing them, it isn't supporting them. The only benefit which they gain from this is from the misguided protests which are taking place and drawing a rather large amount of media attention, as well as wasting a lot of police time. I'm not saying that inviting David Irving and Nick Griffin was a good idea, just that it is not something that should be protested, or stifled.

My respect goes out to the few people supporting the lonely banner which read "I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it".

EDIT: A whole parade of people with various anti-BNP signs marched past my window with various annoying chants. The thing is though, this isn't like the Iraq War, showing opposition doesn't mean a damn thing. What you need to do is demonstrate through reasoned debate and clear logic that the BNP are a bunch of racist cunts. They haven't won any council elections in Oxford (as I helpfully pointed out to one protestor), surely the time and effort of these people would be far better used in helping to promote awareness of just how shit the BNP's policies are in places like Dagenham where they actually have some support.


I realise this is all a bit off topic, but it's really starting to piss me off. Also, let's face it, you're probably tired of the whole "War on Christmas" debate.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 21:26, 33 replies)

My First Racial Attack
I grew up in a small Scottish village. It was a pretty sheltered childhood - hardly any crime to speak of, and a distinct lack of teenage gangs. As such, I was a pretty innocent, naive child (I spent most of my ensuing teenage years making up for that). The village was tiny - everyone knew everyone else, and my class in Primary school had about 15 kids in it. The year below us had 10. What you could call a close-knit community, if you were a bit of a wanker.

Anyway, we were all white middle-class Scottish kids, apart from Sayid - he was the only Indian kid in the class. In the whole school, even. We didn't think anything of this - to us, race was something you tried to win at sports day, and as such there was never any bigotry.

Apart from one fateful day. I was eight years old, and had just started Primary Three, It was playtime, and the playground was full of kids laughing, playing and screaming like lunatics. We had started an improptu game of tig, one of those games where you made the rules up as you went along. I was 'it' and was running around, chasing children like a tiny Michael Jackson. I wasn't having much luck, and was slowly becoming more and more frustrated. Eventually, while chasing Sayid, he stumbled and I leapt like a deranged attack dog, shouting "TIG" in as loud a voice as possible. I was elated - finally I had caught someone...

"You didn't tig me - I was keys" shouted Sayid.

"What?" I exclaimed indignantly. "No you weren't. I didn't see you saying keys"

"Well, maybe you need new glasses, speccy"

This infuriated me. "Don't call me speccy!"

"But you are speccy. Four-eyes, four-eyes..."

The rage was building inside of me. I clenched my tiny fists, and shouted, "Shut up, you...you..." I searched my limited vocabulary for a suitably witty retort. "You...poo-skin!"

The whole playground went silent. Sayid stood there, staring at me with his mouth open, for what seemed like ages. Then, to my horror, his face screwed up, and he began to cry. I didn't know what to do - surely my insult wasn't that bad? Not compared to 'four-eyes', anyway. Why was he crying?

Before I could ask him, he turned and ran across the playground, sobbing all the way. Watching him run away, I began to feel quite pleased with myself. I had faced up to my tormentor and won. I had never made anyone cry before. Well, it served him right for calling me names...

The warm glow of victory lasted until I was called to the headmaster's office, just after playtime. The walk there seemed to stretch on forever. When I entered, he invited me to sit, and had a long conversation with me, during which I learned a lot of new words, like 'racism' and 'equality.' I learned it was wrong to insult someone based on the colour of their skin, and that we should be tolerant of other cultures. Most of it went over my head to be honest - I was only eight. The gist of it was, I was wrong to call Sayid a 'poo-skin,' and I should never do it again.

Afterwards, Sayid came in, and I apologised sheepishly. To his credit, he apologised for calling me four-eyes. We became good friends after that, and I still meet up with him from time to time. We can laugh about it now, of course - we were only kids.

And that was the story of my first and only racial attack. Pretty tame, as it goes. Though if it was nowadays, I'd probably be hung, drawn and quartered, and the school would be sued to shit. It was more innocent times back then...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 21:23, 2 replies)

Too young to be racist, too old to be innocent
In Year 1 of Primary School we implemented Schoolyard Sharia Law and using some wet paper towels we'd found discarded in some forgotten corner, we pelted one of our fellow classmates. This lad was a dick yet he was also Asian meaning it was instantly labeled as racist attack and that we needed to be taught a lesson. What followed was a whole afternoon of impromptu lessons on races, colours, creeds etc. I'm sure at one point they even whipped out a special episode of Geordie Racer where Blue Flash gets called an Poofy Pidgeon by a flock of seagulls. The whole idea of this was to teach us that the lad we'd attacked was no different to us.

Yes he fucking was! He was the only fucker at the school who'd chewed the end of every single pencil in the class. It had nothing to do with the fact he was Asian, more to do with the fact we had to use them spittle covered writers too!

Bloody PC Brigade
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 20:14, 1 reply)

Stereotypical Racist Workmate...
Or a complete and utter moron?

-At every opportunity he gets: "Bloody PC brigade"

-On seeing a young Asian lad wearing an England shirt with Rooney on the back: "Look at him man. He's just trying to cause trouble"

-On terrorism: "There was no terrorist attacks until these bloody Afghan's came over". And on pointing out that we celebrate an attempted terror attack on November 5th: "Nah. That wasn't terrorism"

-Calling everyone he doesn't like a "Dorty Mexican"

-His pet name for Asians: "Achmel Foley's" (He's a big fan of Eddy Murphy)

-And when I asked him to list his favourite races in order he said: "Blacks, Whites, Everyone else, then Asians" Bear in mind, he is white.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 20:02, 1 reply)

Ahhh diversity training...
So, like with most large corporations, on our orientation to come down here we need to go through diversity/sexual harassment/racism/not allowed to hate anyone differant that you for any reason training. For my company this means a video... that probably cost a pretty penny to make...

In this video there is a man, who is supposed to be one of our "co-workers" at this company. He is just seen wondering around drinking coffee and talking while everyone else is working. I have tried this approach to working several times only to be informed that enjoying socializing with people who are actually working... does not put you in a "protected group" nuts.

So here are a couple excerpts from this training...of course much more entertaining with the video goodness..

A man goes in to see his boss, who tells him to sit down, and hands him a brouchure for a church, and says "this church helped my marriage, yours will probably fall apart if you dont go.... and i'll like you more." or something to that effect.

Some dockworkers are seen talking (again...not working) about another worker who had been locked up in the mental asylum. Of course she is standing around the corner listening in the most crazy cliche way with frazzled hair and such... doesn't seem like you should be able to get in trouble for something that is clearly true.

And the last one I didn't block out...

Pregnant woman walks by and sort of bumps into a male worker...

"Woa there (insert girls name) we need to get some flashing lights and one of those back up alarms like a truck installed for you!"



Length? I had to stare at this video much longer than it took you to read this...so I shall spread the suffering.... equal opportunity after all...
(I_Live_In_Antarctica No...really...I do.www.travbuddy.com/mtfd528/blogs, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 19:45, 2 replies)

This one annoys me ...
When the local swimming baths is closed so they can hold a 'women only' session.
It can't be an equal rights thing, as there is no men only one - which makes it discriminatory towards men.
I can only assume it is because 'all men are perverts and oglers' which is the same as saying all women are prostitutes - just because a few are doesn't mean they all are.
I'd complain..... but i am a perv :)
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 19:40, 4 replies)

Just spotted this on the Beeb...
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7112929.stm

I think this fits this QOTW perfectly. Fecking mental, I mean we could always run around blowing ourselves up, but renaming a teddy bear, fuck no, end of civilisation as we know it.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 19:08, 9 replies)

Barnes
Just out of interest, and only marginally on topic:

I went up to Merseyside one weekend to see the mighty Arsenal sneak a 1-0 win over Everton.

This was just after Liverpool had signed John Barnes (who was just as fat as he is now, and less dancey), and to say that this bit of business had caused a bit of controversy amongst those happy-go-lucky racially tolerant Scousers was a bit of an understatement.

I went into a pub (The Stanley Arms - a right old dive that is no longer there) for a pre-match pint or three, and decided to use the facilities for a last-minute piss before heading to Goodison.

There, in eighteen-inch high letters on the wall of the Gents was one word that made we want to dry up my bladder and leg it as far from that place as fast as I possibly could: NIGGERPOOL

We've come a long way in those 20 years, I hope.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 19:02, 1 reply)