banana sweat
Not so much PC as out-and-out racism...

So the drummer in the band I was in - a blond, blue-eyed, nazi poster boy - is going out with a beautiful black girl. One night she is talking about how if you eat garlic, you can smell it on you the next day. Quick as a flash, drummer boy replies "that's why you smell of bananas".

And she didn't leave him or kick his arse or anything.

Although later on she did sleep with one of his mates then lie about it and *then* leave him. I guess he deserved it.
(johnnyevil, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 22:04, Reply)

Gin-jew
I saw a glossy, high class leaflet for a 'Young Social Innovators' group the other day. It featured cartoons on the cover of , and I'm not taking the piss:

A Black Man in a suit
A White man in a hoody
A ginger in a cardigan
An Asian Woman in a suit (with trousers)
A Hispanic Woman in a suit (with skirt)
A Sikh Man in a suit
A goth

and:
An Islamic woman in a full eye slit burka.

guess they were afraid of offending them.
(BobbyDarin Was somewhere Beyond the Sea on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 21:52, 2 replies)

The Gollywogs from Noddy
made me grow up to hate black people*


*Disclaimer: Not really

My favourite story of PC-ness gone mad is the story of the teacher in North Carolina who was disciplined for using the word "niggardly" - meaning miserly or stingey.

As David Howard once said, "I used to think it would be great if we could all be colorblind. That's naive, especially for a white person, because a white person can't afford to be colorblind."
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 21:27, 1 reply)

A PC nativity play (almost)
There was a star burning brightly over the cottage as the three monarchs approached. Contrary to myth, they were a Sikh man, a agnostic woman, and a transexual. The latter was in a wheelchair. And black. They were not particularly wise, but of average intelligence - apart from the woman, who was dyslexic. She'd been made a monarch as part of an affirmative action vote.

They approached the cottage and knocked on the door, which was answered by Joseph - a Jew. Mary, his wife, was a Muslim and they were living together in perfect harmony and religious tolerance. Their child, Jeremy, had just been born and was hailed as a generic deific being relevant to all faiths (and to atheists).

"We have brought gifts," said the Sikh monarch. "I have brought a vegan ready meal without wheat or nuts. It's kosher, halal and blessed."

"I have brought a non-violent inspirational toy made of recycled hessian and not treated with any toxic chemicals. It was made by a worker's collective in Benin," said the dyslexic one.

"I have brought a DVD for the child," said the wheelcair-bound black transsexual monarch. "It is a message of hope certified by all religions and philosophies as non-offensive and without any distress. It has a soundtrack by Richard Clayderman."

At that moment, the infant emerged from his crib and stared with amazement at the tat the monarchs had brought him. And, mere babe that he was, he was not impressed. "Fuck that hippy shit!" he said.

He dashed them all to the ground, cracked open a bottle of Newcastle Brown on the edge of the crib, lit up an unfiltered Marlboro and extracted a tatty copy of Club International as the others went into apoplexies of outrage.
(frankspencer, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 21:10, 3 replies)

The craziest thing about political correctness in the workplace
is that there are often workshops/meetings lasting for hours to explain the details of the latest legislation changes. Thankfully it's my boss who has to go to them and not me.

The last one he went on was about age discrimination, and he described how we are not allowed to refer to any person with a remark about their age. So now, during our daily banter, I'm no longer allowed to call him an "old cunt" but "cunt" is fine.
(Grobie, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:49, Reply)

The only metaller/goth in the office...
There's a thing,

Where I work, I am probably the only token metaller/goth (delete where appropriate). And yes, I do have the long hair, into the music, and all that. And, even take a goth route of sometimes proudly wearing pinstripe for work (as I am an Office Admin).

For years, they have taken the piss in a jovial manner. Such as numerous references to "Hair getting in the way of my ears" (despite being tied up), and other such things.

One example I can think of is, say, an exhaust system or a load of piping or whatever being brought through the offices by our stores manager, en-route to his department in the building. He would quote something along the lines of "Hey Panteneman, you new hair straighteners are here, and the new hair dryer is in stores for yer you got from eBay!". And somehow, this guy, and loads of others take the piss out of my hair or whatever. Or if I am reading Terrorizer in the staff canteen, one person would enter to make a coffee and quote "Is that the latest edition of Satanic Ritualist with the special on goat sacrificing?". You get the picture.

I could, in theory, sue the place until it collapses. But do I?

No!

They're merely just having a laugh, banter, call it what you will. And 90% of the time, take it on the chin and it doesnt' bother me.

It appears ok to mock someone that is Caucasian and a metaller/goth like me, but if it were anyone else there would be a big tribunal about it all.

This is definitely political correctness gone mad.
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:49, 7 replies)

My Dad
Used to work for a civilian airworks company, based in Saudi. Worked there for over 15 years, until he suddenly rang me one day and announced he'd been sacked for misconduct.

His crime? Wearing a pair of shorts in the base bar. Now, as all of the personnel on the base were Brits or Americans, the bar was an allowable perk. Part of the package for attracting workers to do stuff that the Saudis either couldn't or wouldn't do themselves. So who would complain about one of the staff wearing a pair of shorts (it being a bloody hot country) in a staff bar?

A Saudi national, apparently, had been present and taken offence at my dad's sartorial misdemeanour. So the company had 'no option' but to set an example and send out a message to all the other staff, to not 'offend' their host countrymen. My Dad's arguement that it was bloody hot and a private bar sanctioned by the Saudis cut no ice, and within 48 hours he was back in Blighty.

Apparently management didn't question what the fuck an Arab was doing in an establishment that sells alcohol in the first place. From what I can gather, he shouldn't even have been on the base either.

Fucking jobsworths.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:26, 1 reply)

Scared of sacking the "ethnically different" guy...
I’m quite astonished at the stories on here. It’s a cracking QOTW methinks…

Anyway,

I have a good friend of mine that is a head caretaker for a primary school, and he has something like 4 or 5 people that are under his control. A couple of them are African.

I was over at his gaff one night, and he was stressing about work, and one of his staff being a bit of a lazy arse. He was showing me video footage that was burned on a CD-R, from the security cameras. Because, it clearly showed one of his staff openly dicking around at his job, and slacking off (various instances, such as spending excessive time on his mobile phone or playing Tetris on it or whatever, or very long smoke breaks, etc). He is sick to death of said person slacking off, and he has been disciplined. But, he is openly taking the piss and my mate is sick of his slacking off antics.

He wants to sack him, but he is scared of giving him the chop due to him being African. For this character will start quoting racism, and quoted discrimination and being targeted upon. My mate says he uses this to his convenience, and acts as if he doesn’t understand too well. But, as my mate says, “He’s very quick to understand and let all hell break loose because he has had pay docked for slacking though”. So, my mate is stuck with someone that is shite at their job, openly taking the piss, being a thorn in his side because they’ll quote the racism card.

What sort of society are we living in, where the employer is scared of sacking someone because they are of a different ethnic background?
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:22, 5 replies)

Xmas PCness
The trailer for the film "The Golden Compass" starring Daniel Craig has the text and vocal "THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!" strewn across the start of it.

Waiiittt... This holiday season? You mean, "THIS CHRISTMAS" surely? No? Wankers..
(roband dropped the screw in the tuna, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:21, 12 replies)

I'm not normally anti-PC
...after all, its effect has been that the majority of people in this country now know it's wrong to call black people niggers, and disabled people can get jobs, stuff like that. You're complaining about having to call a blackboard a chalkboard? Boo fucking hoo, grow up.

HOWEVER I was a bit shocked a few months ago at work when I found out that a colleague had been taken aside by a manager and dressed down for taking the mickey out of a ginger girl in his team. She hadn't complained (because she's got a sense of humour and knew he wasn't trying to upset her) but the comment had been overheard by someone from a different team who'd been passing and had taken offence on her behalf, being a strawberry blonde himself. What really tops it is that the bloke who complained was this big old metaller in his mid-twenties, the sort of person who should have been exposed to enough piss-taking in his life to know what's on and what isn't.

You'd think he wouldn't be too sensitive about the ginge issue - in his case it paled into comparison to his shitty goatee and the bandana, skater jeans and leather accessories he would wear on casual dress days...it's 2007 ffs, and he's a grown man. Ooops, off topic :)
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:10, 2 replies)

Another story from the pigs....er..Law Enforcement Officers.
This was with another officer...not officer urine from the last story...

It was about 5:30pm and we were parked along the side of a busy congested roadway. As the cars drove by at about 20 MPH we were entering every plate we had enough time to read into the computer to look for suspended licenses, warrants, and the like. This was because traffic was so heavy we couldn't easily get around on a street patrol, and it was too slow to be looking for speeders...so here we were.

I should mention that the cars were going by fast enough we barely had time to look at the plates, let alone the driver of the car.

Beep beep bepp (more annoying noises) and we have a winner...suspended license a few cars up...of we go slowly through the traffic we pull the mid 1980s buick to the side of the road, and approach the vehicle.

The driver happens by the chances of the universe to have his family's roots somewhere in Africa, yay for him, and no more is thought about it.

So the officer goes through his normal procedure, out of the car, blah, blah, blah. The man is very cooperative and has a clean record besides the failed emissions test that got his license suspended (environmentalists...a whole nother QOTW there..)

So, with all this in mind the decision is reached that there is no need to take him into lock up and all that. The paperwork can be done on the street, and he can sign a signature bond, and be on his way. He says he can call his sister for a ride home since we do have to tow his car. Everyones at least moderatley happy...well...content.

As he sits in his handcuffs in the back of the squad car (a requirement) we proceed to do an inventory search of his car. This is to list all items in the car, so when he gets it back from impound he can't say anything was stolen. So, we open the trunk and find a old battered axe handle...with no sign of it being intended for use as an axe. This is what we call a "Class B Weapon" and it gets confiscated to be destroyed... no extra charges to the man.

Had he had a brand new axe handle that he reasonably could have bought for use as an axe handle, this would have been okay. When questioned it went like this..

"Why do you have this old axe handle"

"Because sometimes people need an axe handle when they get aggrivated"

So, thats the end of Mr Axe handle, and it gets put in the trunk of the squad car...

We take our arrestee to the hotel down the street to meet his sister and we release him with his court date in hand. Then he asks us to give him his axe handle back... to which he is told he can't because its a weapon...then it begins

"You are only keeping that, and only pulled me over because im black!"

Kindly the officer informs the man that we couldnt see who was driving until we had pulled him over... oh, and he could have spent the night in jail, but since he was being cooperative we saved him that hassle.

It continued "Ya'all are a bunch of racists, in gonna get you both fired"

Such a scene was caused that a African family walking past stopped to watch. The officer asked them if they were being disturbed, to which they replied in almost creepy unison "Yes".

And that is how a black man who was out to be a victim of racism was put in prison on disorderly conduct charges by members of his own race who were sick of PC bullshit.

Yeah its long, made of wood, and kind of splintery...mind the tip.
(I_Live_In_Antarctica No...really...I do.www.travbuddy.com/mtfd528/blogs, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:04, 3 replies)

Packing.
At my dad's work place they got a new shipment of something or other. It was quite poorly packed in one way or another and as a result causing the people working with it some grief.

"Bloody packing" utters one fellow struggling with the stuff. Just so happens one of the management-types was showing round someone of some importance who happens to be of Asian heritage, and she overhears. Only she didn't hear "packing", she heard "Paki". The man was out of a job within a couple of hours. No interview, no disciplinary, no opportunity whatsoever to plead his case. He was just gone.
(matthyaouw, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:00, 5 replies)

"political correctness" ???
...surely you mean "Spastic Gay-talk!"
(bl33dingsaint how's your father?, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:58, 2 replies)

Auntie
I thought it was a myth at the time, but when I went for a contracting job at the BBC about five years ago, I mentioned the fact I was going to a friend of mine.

She burst out laughing. I asked her why. She turned to me and said 'have you looked at yourself recently?". I asked her what she meant. Her response: "Tall, normal build, White, Straight, British, Not obviously Disabled, Degree in a useful subject rather than archaeology or classics*, and a non-regional accent!! You've sod all chance of meeting their profiling requirements."

And, truth be told, I didn't get the job. But as fate would have it, the guy who interviewed me became a colleague at my present place a couple of years later, and one evening over beers on the roof (the office of my employer has a lovely roof terrace overlooking the Thames just by the formerly 'tumescently-challenged' bridge) I asked him about it. He said that I was the second best candidate, but he said if I had been the top one and the guy who came first was second, he'd have still got the job as there was a quota to meet to keep the balance of the team - not his choice, but one made very clear to him, although never in writing, from his superiors.

* Nothing against archaeology or classics, btw - I'm quoting.
(Calamity wetter than a fish's wet bits - bloody rain on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:56, 1 reply)

And there's more...
Politically Correct Teaching In The Classroom

Blackboard = Chalkboard
Brainstorm = Thought Shower (oh yes)
Detention = Catch-up
Nit nurse = School Health Officer
Truant Officer = Educational Welfare Officer
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:56, 5 replies)

i once
heard the phrase "Political Correctness Gone Mad" referred to as "the distress call of the thwarted bigot"...which at the time I wholeheartedly agreed with.

But now I'm not so sure...If many of these stories are true then I may have to reevaluate my standpoint!
(Katurian, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:48, 3 replies)

Teaching...
Here's some well known phrases in teaching jargon:

Spoilt brat = Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Rude bastard = Oppositional Defiance Disorder
Plain weird = Autistic Spectum Disorder
Boffin = Gifted & Talented
Thick = Challenged
Violent = Emotional And Behavioural Disorder
Quiet = Socially Anxious

See a theme here?

Yes. If they can't cope being in school, stick a tag on them, let them know their rights, give them loads of support and watch them fuck their lives up and throw it back in your face.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:46, 5 replies)

How To Reduce An Entire Department To Hysterics... (2)
Oh the joys of the English language....

It's not often I read The Sun but when someone leaves it open at a page telling the tale of a wheelchair called The Spazz then it's worth a look.

It gets better though. The makers of The Spazz have another model, The Spazz-G. The blurb for that is slightly lacking in taste.

E-mailed those images to the department. Cue 20 minutes of 15 people reduced to helpless hysteria.

If I end up in a wheelchair (which is quite probable as I have been in one before) then I want it to be a Spazz!
(Jamie and his magic bat You can bump n' grind, it is good for your mind, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:39, 3 replies)

Bah
I decided to run for 11th grade class president way back in the day. One of my campaign posters had a picture of saltine crackers and proclaimed, "Don't be a cracker, vote for me!".

Cut to a week later, the vice principal called me into her office, and brandished the sign. Suddenly I realized that "cracker" is an offensive term for white people in the American south, where I live, albeit antiquated. I had to take down all the posters.

What makes this so egregious, howevs, is that the baseball team of my hometown was known a few decades ago as the "crackers". Double standard much?
(I bape rabies Let's go get Chick-fi-A!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:34, Reply)

Can I make this *any* more vague?
I went to school with this other lad (and some 400 others). He was a nasty little rat-faced shit, by the way. And a bit of a mentalist. Somehow, he managed to get away with pulling a honest-to-goodness (and illegal even then) lock-knife on someone and stabbing them with it.

He claimed to be a member of a certain ethnic and religious group, although displaying none of the normal behaviour of his supposed co-religionists (and going to a church school from a different brand of god-botheryness).

One day, he was going on about how the country primarily associated with his particular claimed ethnic status was the best country in the world, and loads better than the dump that forms part of my dual heritage (no, not Wales, the other one).

I suggested that if it was so great, that perhaps he should try living there, to see if it lived up to his vision of it.

Well now. The following afternoon, I'm hauled up in front of the Head of House to explain my comments. I re-tell the story, mostly as above.

---- me, I discover a very small PTA meeting, to discuss the uncomfortable subject of my racist views. To give the headmaster credit, he managed to keep a straight face as my parents (one white, one black) march in, followed by me. We sit neatly in colour order, just to make it obvious, and politely listen to him explain the problem.

Then my Mom suggests that he discipline the other person involved too. Apparently he couldn't discipline the 'victim' as this would 'send the wrong message'.

My mom suggested that he might be mad.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:33, Reply)

The "Stress Card" myth
for servicemen has been exposed as bullshit on snopes.
(Slyph, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:24, 3 replies)

Not me, my Mom (but I was there)
I hope my Mom doesn't read this... because it's all true.

We were at an exhibition once. My Mom works in publishing, creating books that feature a fair mix of all cultures, ability statuses, and so on. She and I were working a stand. It's actually damn hard work. I'd driven 110 miles there, we'd got up at 4am, and we'd been standing up most of the day. I'd gone for (milk-free) coffees, and on my way back managed to catch the following exchange:

Random passer-by of colour: Gimme that chair!

Mom: No, we need it. There's two of us, and two chairs.

Him: Er, er, er, (did I mention my Mom is West Indian?) You're treating me like a white person would, and denying me the chair because of my colour.

Mom. who was somewhat taken aback by this one: You're totally mad, aren't you? I suggest that you (words to the effect of) sod off.

Him: ...sods off, mouth open.

My Mom made several friends that day, as no-one else would have dared. I have no idea if he made an official complaint, but I like to think that he was laughed out of court.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:24, Reply)

Oh
And according to local council guidelines. If I send a saloon cab to a wheelchair customer I can be in deep doo-doo even if I have no idea that the customer is disabled.
(bluetuba has a special friend in Blue Label Smirnoff, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:23, Reply)

Blind bloke and Taxis.
We have this pain in the arse who is blind and will quite happily use this to his advantage. He will run off to the local council to complain about anything that offends him as an example he complained about not being able to have his guide dog sit in the footwell of a saloon taxi as the driver wasn't happy about the safety aspect. He won that one.

Anyway, i've been told that he can't be refered to as the 'whiney blind twat' anymore but I can still him a twat.
(bluetuba has a special friend in Blue Label Smirnoff, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:21, 1 reply)

Being tolerant for everyone
Is anyone else in the position where they seem to be the only one who CAN be politically correct? My family and friends are an educated bunch, but as soon as the topic comes around to (in no particular order):
-Immigration (They're not all Polish and they aren't trying to take your jobs)
-Gun crime
-'Reverse racism' (by which I mean the old bollocks about "Why isn't it racism if the asian bloke picks on the white bloke, it sickens me")

The conversation turns into a Bernard Manning gig? I don't buy into all this PC rubbish, but surely educated people are able to talk about people of different ethnicities without being horrendously racist?
(steadfastmeat Laconic ham, perhaps?, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:20, 2 replies)

Dull, sorry, but completely true.
Just after the war in Afghanistan had started I was in my first creative writing type job (pharma marketing - ironically second only to the arms trade in terms of ethics) and loving the freedom to say new and - at last - interesting things. I'd had 9 months working as a technical author before this, and there's not a huge amount of room for imagination in a standard operating procedure.

Anyway, one of my first assignments was a review of a marketing technique (I forget which), the point being that it was very, very targeted. As opposed to broader techniques.

The phrase excised with some vehemence by my boss for being "politically insensitive given the current climate"?

...gives better results than untargetted "carpet-bombing" approaches...

Hmmm. Perhaps I can see the point, but I'd rather cut it out for being a terrible bit of writing than for fear of offending someone...
(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:20, Reply)

Here's a pretty egregious example.
www.nytimes.com/2007/11/18/magazine/18wwln-medium-t.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Weep for our children.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:20, 1 reply)

I like the minimalist look,
so my living room has pale walls and contains mostly white furniture.

I was sitting on the sofa, whiling away a dreamy summer afternoon with my (mixed-race South African) girlfriend, when the conversation went like this:

She: [looking round at the contents of the room] You quite like white, don't you?

Me: [struggling to keep a straight face] Yes. I feel that that white is a superior colour.

She: Mm.

(5 minutes of dreamy nothingness pass)

She: What!?
( teedyay, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:16, 3 replies)