incontinence nappy and breast firming gel
last year i was really poor, so signed up to all the free stuff websites, and throughout the year managed to collect a box full of stuff of freebies which ranged from (mainly) perfume samples and make-up samples.
but among these i also managed to get some spot creams, some sanitary towels, an incontinance nappy for adults, breast firming gel, tea bags, a chocolate bar, a cd, some jelly beans, a recipe calendar and some tights etc..

my friend who i gave this box of awesomeness too was actually pleased with it and has used most of the stuff in it! (apart from the nappy i am told!)
(piggietress, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:39, 3 replies)

My brother
will be getting a laptop bag that looks like an envelope.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:38, 3 replies)

I'm on a shoestring budget this year
It's a shame my family all wear loafers.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:36, 2 replies)

My brother got me a book a few Christmases back
"Fat is a feminist issue"

"ooo", I thought, some sociological bitchy ranting, I like that. So I thank him politely and it gets shelved away somewhere.

I finally started it the other day: turns out it's not a nice ranty read, but a weight-loss self help book.

He's going to get "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" this year.

If you can think of anything better, add in the reply bit please!
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:36, 1 reply)

Some kind of chocolate overload
I got an absolutely killer deal from Thorntons with the help of a surprisingly thriftly and attentive friend, and so I've ordered about £55 worth of assorted chocolates, fudge, toffee and general sweet things for the princely sum of £23.50 including delivery.

My family told me we were having a budget-conscious Christmas this year. I like to think I'm just buying into the spirit in a slightly alternative way...
(webvictim is invariably at work, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:33, 9 replies)

My dad's recently expressed an interest in beekeeping.
Notwithstanding the rather laboured joke on my profile, this is entirely in earnest.

If anyone out there knows anything about it, and whether there's such a thing as a beginner's kit, could you gaz me?

EDIT: I'm even changing my icon back to Prodge's bee to demonstrate my bona fides.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:29, 11 replies)

My mom bought my brother's fiance a packet of teabags.
She then individually wrapped each one in different sized boxes and put them under the tree.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:27, 2 replies)

One of the most beautiful gifts of all,
A Child's Laughter

_{Still not sure where I'm going to nick the child from...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:22, 5 replies)

Better late than never?
Well i'm skint until december 23rd so it will be the usual assortment of last minute shite.

Lucky people.

My plan is to get everyone drunk until they appreciate their toblerone/socks/novelty penis hat.
(vv STONED vv is also my Xbox live gamertag, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:22, 1 reply)

Metal Detecting Flip Flops!!!
I shit you not.

www.iwantoneofthose.com/treasure-seekers-shoes/index.html
(smuj83, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:19, 2 replies)

For the Star Wars fan
www.thinkgeek.com/geek-kids/7-13-years/bf1b/

I have a feeling toys of the future may be even better than Transformers were.
(Angio can smell your fear just by looking at you., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:18, 2 replies)

An honest answer,
and therefore boring. Last Christmas I got my grandparents one of those calendars that online photo companies print. You know the sort - upload a couple of pictures for each month and your granny has the delight of seeing your oversmiling face grinning down at her while she eats her catfood in front of the superser. They loved it. Thought it was the best thing EVAR. You'd have thought I'd invented the concept of time itself.*

This year I'm either getting them another calendar or more catfood.

*NB: it wasn't one of those naked calendars, just regular photos, not from my private Internet stock library. No breasts.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:17, 10 replies)

Paintball with TANKS
www.armourgeddon.co.uk/ and click on "tank battles".

I'm probably going to get this for my sisters.

Driving around in a real tank, modified to fire 40mm paintballs? It can't fail to be awesome.
(Angio can smell your fear just by looking at you., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:15, 1 reply)

I bought a shit load of these
www.jumpinjammerz.com/


We're all going to look like idiots :D
(i should have joined myspace, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:13, 5 replies)

Cheese.
Everyone lurves cheese.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:12, Reply)

Loob
and a selection of courgettes
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:10, 2 replies)

ME!
The money i'm paying for the train ticket home for christmas is their present...
I might think of summat else...
( awayfromthenumbers, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:06, 1 reply)

I will give my loved ones the gift of my considerably young, large pert breasts.
If they don't like it I will get my mate to kick them in the face.

Everyone else can have the Star Wars toys and 2000AD comics that my mum didn't give away to a jumble sale.

I've asked Santa for a Honda Accord.

Edit: Nuff said, good times, etc.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:06, 10 replies)

A poke in the eye,
from a dog's great big hairy nudger.

If they're fucking lucky.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:05, Reply)

As the song goes,
"All I want for christmas is my two front teeth..."

'cause I look like a fucking retard without them.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 13:02, Reply)

I
Like to Spend Christmas in Morocco, away from the gaudy decorations
and vomit inducing happiness, although i do send my family
a sheep eye ball each. Humbug
( Trollman, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:58, Reply)

I'm getting my family nothing.

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:56, 1 reply)

i don't know what im buying yet.....but I do know I want....
A good QOTW for Christmas.
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:55, 1 reply)

humbug
The consumerism culture of Christmas pisses me right off. They'll get something small but awesome, something that makes me think 'ooh that's perfect for them'. Not a plethora of shit that no-one really wants.
(dingo_aber Put the chocolate in the bag and no-one gets hurt, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:55, 5 replies)

too early for this
my son was born on 28th November and no one is allowed to mention fucking Christmas till after that .
( horace wimp needs more than 49 characters to fully express hi, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:47, 2 replies)

4th??
Woo - first page!
(Cow_Tipping_Samurai, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:44, Reply)

3rd
Highest ever.

Dear family members, please give me a subscription to Private Eye. I've been asking for this present for some six years and none of you have ever bothered. Cunts.

EDIT
Just re-read the question. What am I getting my family? They might get a visit from me. Air tickets from China are bloody expensive.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:37, 5 replies)

I don't know.
They haven't told me yet.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:36, Reply)

nothing
they don't deserve it

bah humbug!
( no longer a user, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:36, Reply)