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This is a question Pretentious bollocks

Possibly the worst event I ever went to was an evening of turntablists in London. The lights went down, the first guy put a cymbal onto a turntable, dropped the needle on it and left it making screeching noises for ten minutes.

When the lights came up, half the audience had snuck out.

What's the most pretentious rubbish you've ever been to see in the name of art?

(, Wed 28 Sep 2005, 14:19)
Pages: Latest, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, ... 1

This question is now closed.

People like you discodaz?
As for myself, the video for Election Day by Arcadia.

I can understand why they made it though, the song isn't up to much and they needed something to distract people's attention away from it.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 12:34, Reply)
nappy rash
Jilly Goolden (hehe thinks of gold member)
was pure genious. Albiet half my family had to leave the room when she came on, but I thought she was halariarse. My all tim favourite being "hhmmmmm cow's udders and rubber gloves".

Dropped me pork product butty.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 12:05, Reply)
2 hours of my life
my actor buddy raved about this brilliant play, so along i went.

There were 3 player – angry fella, crazy woman, and soldier type.

Angry rants a lot for half an hour, to no-one in particular, takes clothes off for no reason, rapes crazy woman.
Crazy woman disappear briefly, brings back dead baby, leaves it on the windowsill and wanders off.
Enter the soldier – he rapes angry bloke for a good 10 minutes, then tears his eyes out. There was much squirming in seats and a couple of people even walked out at this point..but I was going to get my money's worth, gosh darn it.
Angry comes round, feels around for the baby and tears the baby’s eyes out.
The end.

Cue massive standing ovation.

(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 11:49, Reply)
After reading teh bobs post
i decided to take a little look around that site and came across this stroke of masterful genius.


Now forgive me if i sound out of place but surley this kinda thing can drawn by most people.

My 10 yr old sister can draw shit like this and the only resons she dosnt get praize for it is because she hasnt gone to some sort of lardy da art school.

Its the description that gets me "In the centre of the drawing there are two shoes. The shoe on top is drawn from sideways on, it has a stiletto heel and a chisel toe. The other shoe is drawn from above and is very narrow in the middle, widening at either end. Both shoes are entirely decorated with hearts.

The Artist's initials SZ are in the bottom right hand corner, and the composition is framed in a continuous row of small hearts some of which are dripping - tears or blood?"

For those of us who have a very limited understanding of simple objects and shapes

Pretentious Bastards
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 11:22, Reply)
Jilly Goolden ('celebrity' wine taster)
Once sniffed a red wine on tv and said, in an 'i know everything about wine' kinda voice: "mmm...saddle soap. and wax."

stupid buck-toothed bitch.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 11:06, Reply)
Shakespeare is cock
I was a member of the Bardophile Society at school - where we sat around reading Shakespeare once a fortnight - it doesn't get much more wanky than that
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 10:52, Reply)
Tracy Scumbag Emin
I was unfortunate to get dragged down to Tracy Emin's display of complete twuntery in Shoreditch a few years ago by my then girlfriend.

The exhibition was called "You Forgot to Kiss My Soul". I remember walking around in complete and utter disbelief, my jaw dragging around on the ground out of sheer amazement of what I was seeing. The shite on display was inferior to that as might be offered by a disinterested 15 year old with a crack problem. The studio was packed with shoreditch wankers; ironic mullets, metrosexual handbags, drinking frappucinos, etc etc.

The anger starting building up quite nicely, until I happened to see a Japanese tourist accidentally knock over a display of crappy jars or something. She was about to pick them up when this twat minces over and says "No! leave it. Oh my God!" with his hand over his mouth as though it's the most profound thing he has ever experienced.

"You forgot to kiss my arse, morelike!" I shouted as I barged through everyone out the door. I stood outside and chain smoked rollups until my girlfriend finished fucking around. As she came out, she made some comment about me not appreciating art, to which I replied something witty like "you're a cunt for liking that bullshit so fuck you."

I didn't get laid that night
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 10:37, Reply)
Student Union Politics
Or in fact, any kind of student politics.

Yes I was involved. Yes I thought it was important. Once I left I realised it was of importance to no-one except those involved, probably including 99% of students.

I have a particularly cringe making memory relating to a debate held in a General meeting of the very left wing students union, about banning French products from the Students Union shops and bars in the wake of the French unilateral nuclear testing programme in the South Pacific, sometime in the mid 1990's. Pure gesture politics.

Inevitably the huffing and puffing lefties carried the motion in a fit of anti-French hysteria (which ironically they would have called xenophobia if a right-wing person have voiced it). Strangely, although it became union policy, it was conveniently forgotten after the Union Bar management pointed out that they were contractually obliged to sell Kronenbourg, it was their most popular draught lager and that there would be a mutiny if the Sports Science department got wind of what the lefties were trying to do. Draught Kronenbourg is probably brewed in Wales or something, but as I was constantly reminded "its the principle thats important".

On another occaison, a motion was put forward by a HIGHLY pretentious student to rename the union office building. At the time the building was named after a former ANC activist, now a senior member of the Government of the RSA. It was suggested that the building should be named after a more up to date freedom fighter. The motion proposer was in favour of naming it after a Chechen Terrorist (remember this was the mid 1990s). Any change was hotly opposed by the Anarcho-Green-Socialist-bedwetting coalition that ran the Union Executive.

The most popular proposal, when put to the vote in the General Meeting (I can't remember who by but I wish I'd bought him a pint of Kronenbourg) was to rename it the Luke Skywalker Building. Everyone fell about laughing. It was great to see the pretentious bubble that these people lived in burst completely by a well placed needle of wit.

No apologies for length. Lets Ban it. All those in favour? Motion Carried.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 10:30, Reply)
The National Trust, usually so down-to-earth
Had an exhibition of 'pressed seaweed' at one of its properties.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 10:09, Reply)
Pretentious scouser !!!!
My ex G/F is a scouser, but also happens to be a very successful local businesswoman (minted , needless to say)
When I proposed that we went to the Newmarket races one day, she was up for that , no problem.
However when I said that we were going in the "cheap" side to meet up with a few friends, she backed away quicker than a ewe from a welsh farmer!!!
Her excuse for not now wanting to go, was that "some business aquaintences" may see her in the common side of the track !!
I ask you , a scouser, they are more used to nicking in through a hole in the fence !!!!!
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 9:55, Reply)
The mood room
My cousins an artist so I can'y really have anything against them, however some of the people that show up to look at his work .... that's another story.

Being an engineer I got asked by one particularly strange man if I could explain how one "piece" worked.

Apparently you walk into this room and the lights in change colour to match your mood i.e. red if you are feeling in a warm mood like angry or in love, yellow if you are feeling relaxed or some gonads like that.

All he could go on and on about was the brilliance of the artist that created this bloody room.

Only after I suggested that the room changing colour might in fact be affecting his mood and there was nothing more too it did he realise that the artist was in fact mindfucking him.

He was wearing a cravat, had small round glasses and a beret.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 9:53, Reply)
People who laugh at 'jokes' in
Shakespere plays - that's fairly pretentious in my opinion.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 9:38, Reply)
Revolution Number 9
From the Beatles 'White Album'.

(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 9:34, Reply)
Where to begin
I work in a translation agency and below is part of one of the translations we have just done for a client:

The blatant discrepancies dominate masterfully like a mild vertigo. A cinematic ambiance is immediately noticeable. David Lynch and Dario Argento come to mind for those who penetrate into this chocolate-dominated space which expresses an asserted sensuality and an affirmed radicalism.

Its a fucking shop! OK, it's a designer clothes shop in Paris but still, a SHOP although apparently, they prefer to use the term 'boutique'

First against the wall...
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 8:47, Reply)
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 8:17, Reply)

That's all.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 8:09, Reply)
i posted this previous without reading the board haha. pretentious? spongebob squarepants. and he doesn't even know it. how i love that little twat.

no apologies for niavely pretentious squishy yellow things that aren't even real sponges
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 7:24, Reply)
I graduated from art school

'nuf said.
no apologies for shortness or whatever
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 7:18, Reply)
According to the definition

then it has to be Elvis.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 5:25, Reply)
The two best secret tracks on CDs:
The two best secret tracks on CDs:

-Man or Astro-Man, Destroy All Astro-Men. After six minutes of silence, a voice tells you "Boy, whatchoo waiting around for? Thar ain't no secret track on this durn CD."

-Kasuals, Hate Me. It's an EP so it's only about 12 minutes long, then there are 68 minutes of crickets chirping.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 5:17, Reply)
Korn (I refuse to do the capital R; that's
pretentiousness in itself)

As if spelling it with a K weren't already bad enough.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 5:16, Reply)
Smashing Pumpkins
In high school I had the reputation of being, not exactly the class clown, but the class prankster. For some reason, a friend of mine gave me a free ticket to see Smashing Pumpkins play a hugeass stadium show.

Normally I wouldn't pay that much to see them, but it was free, so why not? This was just after they released that double CD, and I think either right before or after one of the guitarists was caught doing drugs.

Anyway, the show was okay, but I could've stayed home and watched their videos on TV or something instead.

Then came the encore. By then I wanted to get out of there.

Then came the second encore. This one was 40 minutes long, and it was essentially ambient music with Billy Corgan occasionally interjecting to share his wisdom with us. Things like "School sucks and your parents will never understand you."

Halfway through, the damn thing had everyone on their feet. Except me. The guy next to me, not the friend who invited me but his friend, told me "Stand up."

I said, "Nah."

He repeated "Stand up!"

I looked around and saw that everyone else was on their feet. Why? I stayed sitting. After, they barely talked to me. I figure they just invited me along because they were expecting the music to make me go crazy and do something funny. Not if it's 40 minutes long and stuffed with pretention.

Christ, what a lame encore. It made me hate stadium shows.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 4:59, Reply)
I'm not sure if pretentious is the right word
Here's the sickest art exhibit I've heard of.

Canada gives artist $15,000 grant to hang rabbit carcasses in exhibit

A University of Manitoba art professor's federally funded art exhibit of 12 rotting rabbit carcasses strung up in a forest has critics hopping over whether taxpayers should be picking up the tab.

Photographer Diana Thorneycroft was given $15,000 by the Canada Council to complete the installation, which opened on September 17. Art enthusiasts will be asked to tramp into the woods near the St. Norbert Arts and Cultural Centre with flashlights to see the corpses, which have been suspended, Blair-Witch-like, in trees. Stuffed inside each carcass is one of her own "photographic relics," which will be exposed as maggots decompose the rabbits' flesh.

Called Monstrance, the carcasses in the exhibit are supposed to signify the partially transparent cases or holders in which the bread of the Eucharist is displayed in Roman Catholic churches. An indoor part of the exhibit features 23 shaved toy bunnies with various parts of the real rabbits' bodies stuffed inside.

"I'm celebrating the gloriousness of putrefaction," Thorneycroft said during a preview tour of the exhibit area. "All of us are moving toward death and dust. A lot of people won't acknowledge that."

The subject of two documentaries by CBC, Thorneycroft has exhibited all over the world, including at galleries in Prague and Moscow, and the Carpenter Centre for the Visual Arts at Harvard University.

"The site deals most directly with the realities of death and decay and the way in which all life returns to earth," she said in an artist's statement provided to the Canada Council, which chose her proposal for funding from 232 applications.

John Goldsmith, a spokesman for the Canada Council, said Thorneycroft, 42, applied to a grant program for "mid-career" artists. A jury chose her work because of her lengthy record of well-received exhibits, he added, agreeing the subject matter would be "difficult and challenging." However, he said, "art is not merely to entertain and distract."

Inky Mark, the Reform party's heritage critic and a Manitoba MP, doesn't think "too many people would consider this art.

"I don't think anybody would object to people doing this on their own, but I don't think you need $15,000 to do this. What's the cost of getting a dozen rabbits?"

Thorneycroft said she spent $10 each on the rabbits from a local grocer, and one of them was donated road-kill.

"We do this, and, on the other hand we're axing a national symbol in the Snowbirds," Mr. Mark said.

Louise May, the president of the St. Norbert Arts and Cultural Centre, said she has received a number of complaints from taxpayers and animal-rights activists about the exhibit, but said the centre's board of directors fully supports the show. "People are responding to the way the issue is framed and not necessarily the work itself, because, of course, nobody has seen the work.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 4:47, Reply)
up, down, left, right, a and start:
Yeah, that makes me [sic].
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 4:44, Reply)
Peeling Potatoes Film
When I was at a Short film night, the film right before mine was of two blokes peeling potatoes, it wasn't well shot, it wasn't funny, and it went on for 17 whole minutes.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 3:19, Reply)
and in my humble opinion, anyone who uses :


Its only purpose is to point out other people's mistakes.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 1:36, Reply)
The shittest piece of modern art is tracy emins bed. what the fuck? i don't make my bed, does that make it art? if so, does anyone want to buy a bed, one previous and messy owner. will sell for £50,000.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 1:30, Reply)
I once wrote a song that was *exactly* 4 minutes and 33 seconds.

Apologies for length.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 0:52, Reply)
Bobb Todd the groincrusher,
the 13 tracks of silence at the start of the korn album actually make up 2 minutes of silence (or something like that) in memory of a fan that died in a moshpit at a Korn gig.
my brother told me this the other day, completely randomly, and it didnt make me hate the band any less.
(, Thu 29 Sep 2005, 23:47, Reply)

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