Nudists
Don't buy cars with leather seats. Fact.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 11:52, 10 replies)

Not a story. An observation of my feelings. Since this question was aked I have had a sick feeling
in the pit of my stomach and my imagination is doing terrible things. The very thought of any one of you naked is disgusting. That's because my imagination has you all as sunshine deprived, overweight mockeries of the human species. So, exactly like making the mistake of going to Fuerteventura during peak German naturist season.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 11:50, 12 replies)

Also:
I've spent an evening in the company of mongychops.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 11:11, 7 replies)

We've done this before, haven't we?
*wavy lines*

In the dim and distant past I was a naked protester alongside the likes of Vincent Bethell*. At the time, me and my housemate were trying to give up the fags and after a really good week of not smoking he'd heard about a naked protest outside New Scotland Yard so he came up with the idea that naked protesters are allowed to smoke fags. So off we went. As soon as he got there, he stripped off all his clothes, lit a cigarette and went running, flapping in the wind at a line of policemen. I saw the old chap at the back with the peaked cap and the grey hair point to my friend, about twelve coppers surrounded him and he disappeared, leaving me with a bag of his clothes and nine Marloboro lights.

I looked around and spotted some people who were mostly naked except for an orange sash that covered their gentials. It turned out that the police would tolerate only non-genital nudity, so I got myself a sash, put my bollocks in it and joined the protest. Later on we went for a picnic in the park and got properly naked for the assembled media. I ended up smoking all the rest of the fags waiting for my housemate to be released later that evening.

*Who later wrote that one of his fondest memories was being intoduced to my housemate in the NSY cells, smoking a cigarette and wearing only a policeman's helmet (on his head).
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 11:04, 5 replies)

A friend of mine
is a Doctor. Another friend of mine is a weirdo and a bit of an exhibitionist.

Seeing friend 2 drop his pants and bend over to ask Friend 1 what he thought of his haemorrhoids in the beer garden of a crowded pub will live long in my memory. Especially because it looked like he had an extra finger growing out of his arsehole.

We were barred. I didn't argue...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 10:45, 10 replies)

coin purse
One year at Glastonbury back in my student days, we were selling tobacco & rizla outside our tent in the morning (ohms in the evening ;) )

I was sat down with our wears spread out in front of me. I had my head down counting change and I heard someone ask about the price of the Golden Virginia so I looked up to be confronted by the wrinkled meat and two veg of an old naked hippy. I told him and he paid in change, it was warm, I hope from his hand.
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 9:26, 3 replies)

Morning!
When you move into a new, unfurnished flat, curtains are not always the first thing you sort out. Particularly when it's a first floor flat, with no buildings opposite. Thus it was that our hero wanders into the lounge on his first morning, safe in the knowledge that, curtains or no curtains, there is no need to get dressed.

Of course, a man with sharper observation skills should have noticed the bus-stop immediately outside the building - a location which became immediately apparent when a double-decker bus full of startled commuters pulled up directly outside the window...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 9:07, 4 replies)

Aureoles
I saw a performance of "Hair" where I knew most of the actors and actresses. The naked scene was a revelation. One of the women had spectacularly large aureoles. I had no idea! Now, whenever I see her, not making Freudian slips is the hardest.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 6:39, 8 replies)

Nakedness
Yes, nicely caught on CCTV and then replayed for my mortification by the dean the next morning. Maybe it was the pissing in the corner of the lecture theatre, maybe it was the lack of grace in the bollockslapping I indulged in- who knows.
(nickboot, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 5:59, 3 replies)

I once saw Alexei Sayle in the northbound car park of Keele Services on the M6.
He was stark naked except for a heavy overcoat, a scarf, suit trousers and shoes. He could have been wearing more clothes underneath, I don't know.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 1:51, 2 replies)

Eh ...

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 20:01, Reply)

cor!
Imagine if Betty Boo was naked in public!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 19:55, 18 replies)

I remember
being in London and seeing one of those naked bike rides for charity or AIDS or dolphins or whatever. Thing is, I think if you're looking at a large collective of naked people it seems less of a deal.

However, I can only assume one guy either broke down, lost his way or was trying to catch up but we saw him, alone, pedalling frantically a good 3 or 4 minutes after the main group had passed.

Being naked and alone on a bike in central London is a totally different story.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 19:52, Reply)

What . . .

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 19:04, 1 reply)

Pants down master AKA how to get thrown out of a bar quickly
on a recent stag do i learned a new drinking game called ball bag master the rules are simple one person is nominated as the ball bag master, when they put their ball bag on the table the last person to do so has to down their drink and they then become the ball bag master.

the first round of this got us a warning from the bouncers, i don't think they saw it but they did witness the tie breaker between the 2 people who were unable to get close enough to the table to pull down their fly and stretch a bit of scrotum onto the table.

a short while later after a smoke and a trip to the bar i rounded a corner to be greeted by 6 men standing around the table with their trousers around their ankles, arses out cheering. I later found out that ball bag master had evolved/devolved into pants down master. my reaction to seeing this sad spectacle was to turn around and go back the way i came. moments later i saw the bouncers running past me in the direction of said table as one of the barmaids was unfortunate enough to witness the whole pathetic affair and had radioed them.

when the bouncers asked me if i was with them the shameful look on my face said it all

that was the 4th bar we had been kicked out of so far that evening
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 18:35, 30 replies)

bees.
Are to be avoided when naked in public.
( da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 17:03, 14 replies)

Nudists

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 16:13, 4 replies)

In an old job we were on shopwatch
And spent a morning laughing at a lady working in Argos who was giving a running commentary of a drunk bloke who had gotten into the shop window and started to strip.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 16:03, 1 reply)

b3ta.com/questions/fantasies/post2214354
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:50, 3 replies)

the woman frotting herself to a frenzy in the mud beneath the bandstand at Glastonbury in about 2003 was awesome in its appallingness

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:45, 19 replies)

Free Pizza
Used to own a ground floor flat with a huge bay window. The window looked onto a few parking spaces and then a hedge which blocked people on the road from seeing in. As most of the other folks living in the flats were home and parked of an evening Mrs arsefez and I thought nothing of wandering past our window in various states of undress.

Of a Thursday we generally ordered a pizza from our local Dominos (other pizza chains also available). As we ordered regularly we assumed that faster delivery and free sides etc were merely a 'thank you for eating so much pizza fatso' gift....

Turned out when a mate of mine got a job there, that whenever a certain address ordered pizza of a Thursday there was a race to deliver because the woman that lived there was always wondering around topless.

Told the wife... brief embarrassment followed... then she smiled and said 'free pizza bargain!'

That was 10 years ago...

Looking at her now, should've put a stop to it. The only thing she or I get free now are weight watchers leaflets!!!
( arsefez is back, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:31, 1 reply)

The first time
I saw a grown up lady's dangly bits in real life was at the age of 11 at Catford Station one morning, when a drunk old lady on the opposite platform hoisted up her skirt and did a poo
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:12, 7 replies)

No

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 15:04, 5 replies)

Nottingham market square used to have two very large fountains.
One of the common japes played by night time revelers in the city, was for a bottle of washing up liquid or two to be deposited in the fountain. The next morning when they were turned on, the whole thing would become a giant foamy soapy mess.

One bloke, on a stag night, climbed into the fountain and started to undress, throwing each item of clothing into a pile next to the fountain. A few seconds after his boxer shorts joined the pile, a stranger ran over, grabbed the entire pile and ran off down one of the side streets. Everyone, including a police officer watching the proceedings, was too busy laughing to help the poor fucker. His mates did the right thing and left him there, the copper stood watching until the wind started to pick up, removing the bubbles like some freaky public burlesque routine.
( Muns, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:51, 1 reply)

I'm naked RIGHT NOW!*
*_{may contain lies}

I once met that Naked Rambler chap up in Scotland. I was hiking near Loch Katerine and he came down the trail out of the woods. He said hello, hoped I was enjoying my hike, and told me a little bit about the area, which trails were best for the views and that. Seemed like a nice enough bloke really.
I did TRY not to look at his todger. Much.
I wish him well, and think it's fucking ludicrous that our justice system can continually find time to lock him away for walking about with his cock out, and yet seems unable to find ANY reason to lock up religious nut-jobs who call for us all to be beheaded.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:44, 6 replies)

Why am I naked officer?
So, this is some years ago now *wavy lines and mysterious atmospheric music* I used to live in a little town in the North West called Runcorn. In Runcorn there was a nice little boozer called the Quay Side (formerly the Canal Side) it was right next to...yes you guessed it a canal.

It was the local establishment that seemed to turn a blind eye to the MASSIVE drug use that we would partake in (it has since changed hands). It was the usual pound a pint from 8-9 on a Friday night.

Myself and an eclectic mix of wanna be goths, nu metal fruitcakes, emo girls and the usual narcotic fuelled drug addled "regulars" that we tended to gravitate towards. Behind the pub there used to be a football stadium for the Runcorn Town FC boys, I say stadium, I have seen fields that are used for the annual bonfire in better condition. Anyway this had been knocked down some years earlier to make way for housing development, a friend of mine and his goth wannabe girlfriend were renting one of these new apartments so we were less than 5 minutes walk away and less than 1 minute away if we scaled the fence at the back of the pub beer garden.

Kicking out time had come around and we were being shepherded towards the exits like a group of skittish coked up bovine feckless morons. It was a warm, even HOT evening and when outside the pub someone had their shirt off I forget who now, I decided to go one step further and strip to my Animal from Sesame Street boxers, i believe the idea was to take a dip in the rat infested canal. I was dared some extra booze once we got back to Lee's house to strip, knowing that i was only 1 minute from sanctuary I proceeded to do so.

At this point one of the people present launched my clothes over the fence and the rest of them scaled the fence apart from the girls that were with us, that proceeded to take the long route through a relatively new and well lit housing estate, they did this at a jogging pace. I gave chase begging them not to leave me, at this point I tried to scale the rather large fence with some difficulty, gave up and gave chase along the footpath after the females...at this point a police car rounded the corner and saw a group of maybe 4 or 5 females being chased down the road close to midnight by a naked man with a bottle of cheap lager in his hand and a tiny coked up penis.

The female officer was very kind to me, when I say kind, she handcuffed me and was going to arrest me for public lewdness (this is a thing). It was only when the girls came back and explained what was happening that they then allowed me to go and put it down to a drunken stunt.

It could have been much worse.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:38, 2 replies)

Used to live in a seedy bit of Nottingham
What will forever be ingrained in my mind is the sasquatch-like & silvery gray muff kindly shown to me by it's elderly owner, with a wink and a hoik of her skirt, on a glorious sunny morning as I strolled to buy milk.
( rofl harris, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:32, 5 replies)

Second!
Hey and my idea too - I had better come up with some outrageous LIES to post in here.

I do actually have a story or two but busy right now.

And there is no space in-between Spanish and Fly.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:23, 3 replies)

first!
i have nothing to say on this story for myself, but i'll think of some anecdotes to justify this moment.

i do have a friend who nearly got arrested for frolicking topless in the fountain outside buckingham palace with her mate after a long night clubbing. they were let off with a warning. it probably helped that they are both annoyingly fit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:23, 43 replies)