Bets
Did you break the casino in Las Vegas playing keno? Did you win a packet of twenty fags from your mate at school for getting your cock out in maths class?

Surreal, dangerous, rude, crude, or just downright fucking idiotic.

Tell us about your betting achievements and disasters.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 1 May 2009, 15:19, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The most scared I've ever been in my life
...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 1 May 2009, 15:15, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

EMERGENCY !!!
There you go - run with that fucker...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 1 May 2009, 15:00, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am told
by a lot of people that I am too easily impressed. I, on the other hand, think that the easier you are to impress, the less greedy and grabby and twattish you are, since you're happier with the simpler things.

Anyway - what amazes you?
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 17:58, Reply)

Music festivals
... or supermarkets? Don't think these have been done before but correct me if I've missed it on the list.
(I'm not here was here on, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 17:04, Reply)

If you want to live in my house, you'll live by my rules
As I've got older, I find myself more an more sounding like my mother.

What things have you heard yourself saying, that you never in your life thought would ever pass your lips?

"Hmmm, the Tories have some good policies this time around..."
"Why don't we go to McDonald's for lunch?"
&c.....
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 16:28, Reply)

My mind is too scarred from the copious
amounts of mind bleach needed after the Public Sex qotw to be able to think of a new question. Ever again.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:06, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

People you really don't like but find yourself being actually really fond of.
For instance, Jeremy Paxman irritates the piss out of me, but I (begrudgingly) find him quite admirable. Or posters on message boards that I lurk on who I find personally really quite annoying, but also find myself reading all of their post with a sour smile. Maybe even a relative or nemesis of yours that makes you feel that way.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Who's the stupidest person you've ever met?
Not 'stupid' in the sense of 'intellectually challenged', so that they can't help it - no, I mean TRULY stupid. Criminally reckless. Darwin Award level.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 19:31, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Your proudest achievements
I just mentioned in another thread some software I wrote for the Port of London Authority which they used and still do as far as I know, to monitor the tides in the Thames Estuary in order to decide when the Thames Barrier should be raised and to control shipping. Wasn't difficult, they already had the gauges in place and some software that captured the signals as strings ("gauge number,time,height" from what I remember). All I wrote is a nice chart thing for them to view the data in real time and to smooth and archive the readings. But, if I'd fucked up, all Londoners might now be drownded, so it makes me kind of proud (that I didn't).

I also made the radiation leak software at a nuclear power plant Y2K compliant in case you are worried, I know what I'm doing...

Assuming that you haven't drowned and/or died from radiation poisoning, what makes you proud?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sun 26 Apr 2009, 21:37, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Ignorance
I had some friends visit me in London this weekend. At one point we were by the Thames looking at the 'rubbish filter' cage-type thing that captures rubbish as it floats down the river.

'But what happens when the river flows the other way?' asks one friend
'Eh? Rivers flow out to the sea - they only go one way'
'I didn't know that'
Then the other one piped up 'No I didn't know that either.'

Fucking hell...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Sun 26 Apr 2009, 15:54, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One liners
Let's keep it succinct. Funny one liners that make you laugh, pithy one liners that make you think, one-line quotes that make an impression on you, memes or catchphrases that instantly conjure up assocations and memories, little poetic works of word art... Anything at all... but all only in one line.

Why not? It'd make a change.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 0:11, Reply)

Your first kiss
I was on vacation in Mexico and a Mexican guy that pulled a cart on a bicycle offered to take me back to my cruise ship for free. When we got there, he asked if I would go to the beach with him for ten minutes, I said no because I may be dumb, but not stupid. The guy said "How about a kiss then?" and then gave me a long, deep kiss, tongue and everything. I went back to the ship. That was my first kiss. I wonder if he caught my cold?
(mariam67, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 18:56, Reply)

It's been a loooong time since "My Worst Vomit".
So come on, toss your cookies!
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Owwwww
When I was 12, my brother (who was 24 at the time) was showing me the large fishing knife he had.
I then had a good idea, I sat on the edge of my bed and rested an egg tray (the sort that hold 36 eggs) across my knees. My brother brought the knife down with some force. However, my legs weren't far enough apart and the knife hit that bit of the knee joint where the thigh meets the kneecap.

Because of the knee joint, it only went in about 5mm, but I screamed like a fucking banshee and rolled around a lot.

My knee swelled up over the next two hours and my dad took me to hospital where they put in a single stitch.

I spent the next two weeks hobbling about like someone with polio.

What injury scars do you possess? Operations don't count.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 11:09, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm sorry, you meant... what?
I cannot read people. I simply cannot tell when someone means something other than what they say. Flirting is useless on me - I just can't see signs that are clear to others.

When have you totally misread what someone has wanted?
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 21:54, Reply)

inspired by this
www.b3ta.com/questions/fans/post406657

Grandparent stories please if it hasn't already been done (i.e. I can't be bothered to look) be it war, "you bloody young uns have got it lucky" or other.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 21:05, Reply)

Banks
Bastards.

Discuss.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 19:02, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Public sex
Tales of sex - in public. Probably because Spanky would win.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 11:14, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

needy people

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 19:31, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Birthday suits
When I was about 8 or 9, we were driving around New Mexico and found a pull off with some hot springs. Being the young boy that I was, I took off running and exploring. As I came over a small hill, I encountered a group of what could be described as possibly bikers, possibly hippies. (This was the late 70s) and several of them were naked around the hot spring. After I figured out what I was seeing, I make a quick exit. The couple of women weren't so bad, but fat, naked biker dudes is not an image I wished to keep in my mind.

What are some of your interesting encounters with naked people in public places?
(wanderingjoe should be committed, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 17:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*THE* Showdown!
You know you want it... ...Filth! And you know who can bring it!

FrankSpencer, CHCB, SpankyHanky, ApeLoverage...

It's time for the ultimate showdown. These titanic...erm...titans and anyone brave enough to step into the muvver'uckin ring will now perform their most repulsive, filthy, degrading, vile anecdotes for your edification, education and delight.

There can be ONLY ONE!

(c'mon... do it!)
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 16:46, Reply)

I hate the name Craig
and people called Craig. I don't really know why, I just do.

Are there any names you hate and if so, why?
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 15:15, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Adventures at Disneyland
Tell us of your crazy shenanigans at the happiest place on Earth. Er, not that I have any, but I thought it would be interesting to read what others have to say.
(mariam67, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 3:18, Reply)

How about one on weird people/experiences on airplanes or otherwise while traveling?
I was traveling today and there was a really wierd woman on the plane who needed a lesson in reality. I'll talk about if this gets picked! (It's really not that big of a deaal, she was just an arrogant bit** who thought that she should be treated as a proincess instead of the oiece of @&%%$&#!?><:%%$ she actually was).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Sun 19 Apr 2009, 23:51, Reply)

Wow - That was Surreal
I once flashed open my empty wallet to prove to my friends I was truly broke. A fucking moth flew out! Too stunned to speak, we watched it flit away.

My friends wanted to know "how I pulled that off", but it was just a weird, surreal moment. I was more gobsmacked than they were.

That's my most surreal moment. What's yours?
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Sun 19 Apr 2009, 20:46, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

inappropriate
my brother and i took our older brother's kids (2 and 4) for a run around as they were restless over lunch. the nearest green space was a very pretty old graveyard opposite the pub, so we took them in there. i said something about the tiny door in the church being for children. and my brother, thinking he was joining in, pointed at a tiny gravestone and said:

"and look. there's CHILDREN in there too. children's graves."

they were both still sobbing when we took them back inside...

what have you said that was totally, utterly and completely inappropriate?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 19 Apr 2009, 16:59, Reply)

Back stabbing
Inspired by TV's the Apprentice I want t know about backstabbing. Ever screwed anyone over to get to the top or has someone else ever done the same to you? How did you react?
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sun 19 Apr 2009, 8:56, Reply)

Mum... Dad...
Every parent knows something bad has happened when they hear their name said in an ominous tone.... what have you had to confess to?
(urbanbushmonkey, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 19:44, Reply)