stupid packageing information
I was purchasing a packet o' frozen fish and read the lable on the back to see what species it was, I noticed that under the heading 'Allergen advice' were the words..... contains fish!...well i never

bindun??
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Sun 7 Feb 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Crafty Codgers
At a wedding, my elderly Nan took a drink order for about 12 people before giving my mum a five pound note to go and pay for it all, meaning my mum had to put in the rest

How have you been conned by the elderly?
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Sat 6 Feb 2010, 13:06, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Mums
They never stop being your mum.
Tell us about the times you mum has still treated you like her little soldier/princess even though you are over 30.

For example, visiting my mum a while ago I left some of my vegetables, she wouldn't let me have pudding until I had eaten them, even though I protested that at 32 I could do what I wanted.
I ate my vegetables.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 6 Feb 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Food Experiments
Whether you were skint, high, drunk or just plain bored at the time - what's the strangest meal you've ever constructed in the name of culinary science?
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Sat 6 Feb 2010, 8:03, Reply)

Plagiarism
Men at Work have been caught with their flutes out having taken the Girl Guides Down Under.

But what was your greatest victory in the name of plagiarism?
(Corbo, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Weirdest Compliment
I had played a few games of Scrabble(tm) on Facebook with a lady previously unknown to me. There had been sporadic bits of chat. She comes up with "You look the sort of man who could be trusted with a shopping list."
(jvz, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 9:52, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Where you live.
We've had shit towns QOTW so let's do something slighty different. Why don't you tell us about where you live? what you like about it, what you hate about it, why you moved there, what it's famous for.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 15:18, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

If you could go back in time and change just one thing in your life what would it be?
Would you ask out the person you really fancied in school?
Would you take the job you turned down?
Would you double check that she really was on the pill?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 30 Jan 2010, 16:30, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

what moment from your life would you most like to have captured on film
my shower went mad this morning - showered me with scalding hot water

which caused me to jump straight through a glass shower cubicle wall - which disintegrated into a million little glass cubes

yet i got away with only minor cuts on by body and fairly bloody feet

i wish i had some slow motion video footage of it

EDIT: suggested by mickyS

'Can we wish for portions off other people's lives to be on film?
I can think of a few choice moments.'
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 29 Jan 2010, 14:53, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Conspiracy theories.
There are so many really strange ones out there. What have you heard and have ever though about starting your own bullshit theory? (It could be fun to make up a bunch of "facts" proving Tony Blair, George Bush, etc are actually mutant space aliens etc.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Fri 29 Jan 2010, 12:29, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Lets get offensive!
One of the few QOTW that i return to for a proper naughty giggle is Sick Jokes...Time has past, Celebs have died, disasters have occured and new diseases have been discovered..come on lets do it again!!

So click in disgust...


(Or maybe keep it an open board like Top Tips?)
(MudButton does not mean to offend but......, Fri 29 Jan 2010, 11:49, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Incompetence
A client phoned me this morning and asked me to take some stuff from a Word doc and put it into a presentation for him. I suggested he just copy and paste it. He didn't know what I meant - I had to talk him through it step by step.

The same guy also once phoned me and asked me to do a sum for him. I asked if he didn't have a calculator on his phone? 'Yes, but I can't use it if I'm on the phone to you, can I?'

Tell us about Numpties, work or otherwise.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:29, Reply)

silly accidents
ever had an accident that was in some way humorous?

tell us about it..

again...

:/
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 22:29, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Conversation Fails?
What conversation fails have people incurred?

What's been your biggest speech fail?
(pinkpunkpython is skinning up, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 22:55, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Accidental Bravery
Have you ever done something heroic by accident? I don't really have a story myself but I'd like to know how you saved the day by mistake.
(CaLFiN, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 20:56, Reply)

Soundtrack to your life
Reading about 'Everybody hurts' being hi-jacked by Simon Cowell reminds me of the time (many years ago) when that song was playing on my Walkman (yeah, I know) on my way to work one winter's morning. Ahead of me, about twenty feet, were a mum and little kid walking along on the way to school, when the child slipped on some frost and fell on his face. "Everybody huu-uurts, some time" played away in my ears as the poor wee mite burst into tears and ran for comfort from his mum.

Tell us about songs that mean something to you - good, bad, funny or tragic, appropriate or totally inappropriate songs that were playing at key times, or just walking down the street.

[...and Mods - I've done loads of good suggestions over the years which would have allowed you to do a new topic, rather than re-cycling old ones and they've never been picked.So how about it? Huh? Huh?]
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 12:27, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Wardrobe Malfunction
Having just pissed myself laughing watching the video of that British Bobsleigh lady who ripped her skin tight lycra suit and showed the entire watching audience of Eurosport her g-string and shokingly white bare arse, I reckon its only right and proper we have a QOTW dedicated to the godawful, gut wrenching, cringeworth wardrobe malfunction.

Split pants aplenty, please. Extra points for protruding boobs and knackers.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Thrifty
My brother drives a dustcart for a living. It's a cushy job with decent pay and most favourable hours. He lives alone, though isn't single. Yet a more miserly person I have yet to meet. I'm convinced he spends time at his girlfriend's house because it won't cost himself anything in gas/electric/toilet paper. Last time I went to his house he had his coat on so he didn't have to put the heating on.

But then, he is bankrolling his 18yo daughter while she's at college, and he does go on at least 3 holidays abroad a year, one of which is usually long-haul.

Do you/someone you know makes Scrooge look like a the World's greatest philanthropist?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 0:26, Reply)

Spoken typos
Ever opened you mouth meaning to say one thing and your voice says something else entirely by mistake?
Recently suffered an entire evening of red faced giggles by saying Southern Cunties instead of Southern Counties.
Spoonerisms are good too
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 0:08, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

New Year's Eve
We've just had one but it doesn't have to be from this year. Some of you oldies must have some stories to tell of new years gone by.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 14:25, Reply)

The Elderly
Apparently within the next 60 years most of us young-uns will be dead or in homes, or in my case hopefully completely off my marbles screaming about imaginative creatures called domos trying to get me and my love for horses.

What awesome things have you experienced with the elitist terrorist group known only as "The Elderly"?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

How did you get your name
Real name or username. Any interesting stories how you got yours.

Inspired by overhearing a covnersation between 2 school girls about hwo they got named. One said she had no name for the 1st 2 weeks of her life, was just called "The Baby". That was until her mum was watching a daytime chat show and like the name of one of the women with problems on it. Nice one mum!
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Wed 20 Jan 2010, 9:31, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Weird personal strategies
I take pride in my sub 15 minutes time in the morning, from getting up to leaving the house by pissing handsfree in the shower whilst simultaneously shampooing my hair and brushing my teeth.

Do you have your own strategies for solving life's little problems, like determining the fastest way of folding the optimal amount of toilet paper to wipe your arse with or driving with a big gap to the car in front because you see the 'big picture'?

Oh. Maybe it's just me then.
*edit* hmmm maybe it's just Top tips in disguise
( Herman Blume is unique, just like everyone else, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 18:36, Reply)

What you'd die for
We all believe in something; religion, morals, family and causes.

If it came to it what would you sacrifice yourself for, and why?
( The Lurker Plenty One, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 17:58, Reply)

y2k + 10
Remember the preparations for the turn of the millennium? Do you still keep a jug of water, candles, matches, and some granola bars in case a flooded stream cuts off your village or an earthquake wipes it off the planet?
( Squilliam but . . . . *I'm* the one with all the talent!, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 0:15, Reply)

Real life slapstick
I have simple comedic tastes -- people falling over, getting splatted by custard pies, that sort of thing. Tell us of the hilarious pratfall you saw or what befell you as a result of your being a clumsy simpleton.

Here's mine:
I had a lovely bowl of soup, and as I sat down to eat it I accidentally put my hand in the bowl instead of on the spoon. I instinctively flung my hand away from the heat and somehow dumped the bowl all over my lap. I then had to pull my trousers down as it was scalding my legs (in the process exposing my old, greying, holey knickers to everyone else present). As a result of the hand-fling and the standing up I threw a 'curtain'/wave of soup across the room.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 23:23, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Partidge
Needless to say, I had the last laugh...

Could be construed as Revenge Pt II, but fuck it.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Misunderstood Science
My dad asked me about weakly interacting particles over dinner one night which caused my sister to look blank and ask "what they only interact like every Sunday?"

that and Peaches Gedolf's infamous guide to the LHC ("like that thing in Texas where they are like trying to build a black hole in space like") have made me wonder what other amusing scientific or similar misunderstandings people have heard?
(ali421, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 9:59, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What's the biggest lie you've ever told about your tits for attention on the internet?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 19:53, 1 reply, 15 years ago)