Something you wish you had done
but for some reason never got round to, or had a chance to do it
(Biggsy, Sat 30 Oct 2004, 20:04, Reply)

Bastards
i change my question to "Bastards you know"
It reffers to all bastards be they neighbors, landlords, ex's, security gards, co-workers, bosses, or mebers of your immediate family.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 30 Oct 2004, 19:52, Reply)

most disgusting thing ever seen
used to work on a farm, once saw dead cow with half ofits head hanging off. promptly threw up purple vomit all over da farmers mercedes
(beast on toast has xpango=> http://www.xpango.com?ref=90520974, Sat 30 Oct 2004, 14:22, Reply)

And here's one I made earlier...
Foolproof excuses.
(Pixel, Fri 29 Oct 2004, 18:29, Reply)

Pretending to be older than you are
but fucking it up spectacularly

Like my mate buying his first pack of fags, voice unbroken.
'Yeah, packet of Rich(insert voice breaking tone change from deep and menacing to high and fluttery)MONDS PLEASE?'

cue me n the shopkeep laughing him outta the newsagents :)
(lifelikeandposeable, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 19:53, Reply)

Flat Mates From Hell
After my recent experience I would like to know I am not the only one out there going mad to someone who has moved in.

Btw she is moving out, after two weeks!!!
(Fran, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 9:22, Reply)

trogdor-lover agrees with mabel del taco
All stories about Bastards are funny, it makes petty and vindicative revenge seem justified as well!!
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 27 Oct 2004, 20:43, Reply)

Stupid Counting Games
I had a Maths prof with the annoying habit of clearing his throat loudly and frequently. One day we started keeping count.

A great cheer went out the time he cracked 100 in a single 1-hour lecture! He was rather puzzled by the smattering of applause he recieved.

What other stupid counting games have people played to amuse themselves in class or elsewhere?
(BlurOfSerenity, Wed 27 Oct 2004, 3:27, Reply)

Real incidents involving ice cream vans!
Just remembered this whilst reading the obligatory ice cream van posts in QOTW.

Picture the scene: The early nineties - polltax had just been introduced, political unrest was rife. I, a you ng skateboarder was waiting for a bus to get from Walton-on-Thames to Weybridge to go skate the mini ramps in the park next to the council offices there.

An ice cream van pulls up, and asks if I know where the counci offices are in Wybridge, as they are going there to protest against the poll tax. Being an inventive youngster, I said why yes, any chance of a lift? So I got a lift there in an ice cream van.

Story sounded better when I thought of it, but I've typed it now so no point wasting the keystrokes I guess.
( Liquid Crystal, Tue 26 Oct 2004, 16:31, Reply)

Awkward losses of virginity
And let's face it, they all are. Not sure if someone's already posted this but I don't have the time to read through 25 pages of posts. Who am I kidding, of course I do, and I'll read them all right now.

Aaaanyyywaaaaay, mine involves "herbal Ecstasy" tablets and a waterbed. *the shame*

Edit: I vote for Trogdor-lover's idea! You could also do a whole section on bastard landlords (although mine bought me booze last night! Finally found an awesome landlord! Woo!).
(Mabel DelTaco, Tue 26 Oct 2004, 11:45, Reply)

Wierdest Dream You have ever had
Wierdest Dream You have ever had, question of the week? I think so !
(sorted, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 14:40, Reply)

Most stupid thing anyone has ever said to you
Can't believe this hasn't been done already TBH.

My own contribution would be the idiotic girl from East Lahndahn I met on the Trans-Siberian who actually managed two:

"I cahn't wait to gah to Moscah to visit Einstein's grave. Strange they'd bury him there, tha, considering he worked for America." (I had to point out that it was probably Eisenstein who was buried in Moscow)

"I knaw why the Chinese hate the Japanese, it's because they used nukes on em, init?"(I left this one alone, like me she'd been living in China for a year at this point so I figured she was beyond help)
(Captcheese, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 12:57, Reply)

Best Bullshits
what have you managed to convince your mates to belive something that is blatently lies.

the best one I know of, was getting s friend of a friend to belive Smints (those little mint thingys) had cocaine in them

gullable twunt
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 11:05, Reply)

Things you have done to your flatmates.
Just over a month at Uni, and we're already running a bit low on ideas. And so I turn to b3ta.
(scabb, Sat 23 Oct 2004, 20:42, Reply)

Emails you shouldn't have received
Not spam, I mean when people click Reply to All or the wrong name in the company email address book. The more personal and embarrassing the better, obviously
(Demon-boy, Fri 22 Oct 2004, 11:00, Reply)

hmm
sexual disaters, enough said.
(deathphoiadeath, Thu 21 Oct 2004, 23:08, Reply)

Wrong orders
Wrong change/ ordered item etc....ok its shit but I would be superissed if no one out there was given a porn tape instead of a normal video once.

Sex education one is my favorite, had loads of the bloodly lessons!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 21 Oct 2004, 15:24, Reply)

awkward urinations
woke up very early one morning after a seriously heavy party busting for a piss, so stumbles out of bed and into the bathroom, turned the light on and my god what's that?
There was some porn stars willy where mine used to be, straight out and totally inflexible.
So the problem is how do I aim the damn thing?
worked out that if I leaned forwards holding on to the windowsill the angle would be about right.....bliss, but getting a bit whiffy, so smart me opens the window, oh dear gust of wind, down slams solid oak toilet seat and crack right on the edge of my swollen knob......needless to say the entire house was awakened by my girlish screams
( Dill, Wed 20 Oct 2004, 18:51, Reply)

Most imbarassing Arrest
I was walking out of a club at about 2 in the morning when i was 17, smoking a fag, when i see 2 coppers, it suddenly dawns on me that one is my sister boyfriend, utter prick and general suck up to my old man. in my drunken stupidity i decide to chuck the ciggie and scurry past unoticed. not a hope he sees me and i bolt, he catches me and arrests me for possesion, with his mate looking for my ciggie in the gutter. so a trip to the police station and a pissed off parent, the prick was promptly dumped.


Apologies for the uberness
(Bored, Tue 19 Oct 2004, 20:26, Reply)

Most awkward sex education lesson
For me, that would be when one of the girls fainted during the explanation of menstruation.

And later, my friend asked 'Why does the penis eject?' obviously malopropising the term. And we made 'PING' noises for days. Ahh, good times. Good times.
( ArthurTheRat, Tue 19 Oct 2004, 17:47, Reply)

misunderstood gestures
one afternoon, I was playing the air guitar, until I got a slap as my parents thought I was calling them wankers... whopse
(Ajtag, Mon 18 Oct 2004, 18:42, Reply)

My neigbours are bastards!
stories of your neigbours from hell. crap daytime tv stuff not allowed only true tales of the sick, twisted or puritan ppl next door
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 18 Oct 2004, 16:00, Reply)

Bizzare rituals
what do you traditionaly do that makes no sense?
is it a stupid thing at family get togethers or a daily thing?
what?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 18 Oct 2004, 15:55, Reply)

times you have been told has happened to you when drunk....
Ok, I'm normally quite a solid drinker, even at this time when I had only just turned 15, I could out-drink most teenagers I met. However, this particular party was different, as My parents had split up 5 days before. So I drowned my sorrows like never before, or after.

The story is that I passed out. i dont remember passing out...

Then apparently a female, who may actually read this (so i wont give her name), came in to find me unconscious.

NOT how i planned to lose my virginity.....
(acharps, Sun 17 Oct 2004, 17:39, Reply)

Good Nicknames
When I was at school one of the kids badly broke his arm in a BMXing accident during the summer holiday and ended up having steroids. Thing is he went through puberty in about two weeks and by the time he returned to school he looked about 35. Apart from the fact he hadn't grown any taller. The girls all called him Grown-man-shrunk.

Also there was a girl with wonky teeth and red hair. We called her Gingergoof.
(jimcrock, Fri 15 Oct 2004, 13:00, Reply)

Ex's bad habits
I once had a boyfriend who would get wankered every night and piss the bed, with me in it!

For some reason I stayed with him for 2 years....
(Peelmytangerines, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 19:17, Reply)

Blackmail
We've all used blackmail to get our own way at one time or another. Tell us how you've blackmailed people in the past.

When I was an infant of but a few years, I threatened my mother that if she didn't comply with my requests, I'd break her finger. I didn't break it... but by god did I try...
(bunny_333, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 11:29, Reply)

Times you've soiled yourself
Applies to any agegroup.. could be one of those situations when youre half awake and dreaming you're on the toilet.... but not. Or one from many a year ago when your cousin sat on your head and you soiled yourself in fear of suffocation.
(iheartyourmum, Mon 11 Oct 2004, 17:40, Reply)

The best practical joke you've ever played
Everyone does these- from the heartless and harsh to the ones where they won't kill you...

The most recent for myself was when I went over to a pal's house last week for feeding and beer. He had mounds of food, but only two bottles of beer. So, we decided to start on his flatmate's beer instead as he had about 50 bottles of right tasty brew.
Having drunk an inordinate amount, we then brewed up some cold tea and refilled and recapped about 2 dozen.
His flatmate's invited us over for Friday so we can try this rather tasty stuff. Somehow I don't think it'll be a good idea.

The harshest one we've done was when a bloke who always crashes house parties, drinks all the best booze and then passes out and snores like a bastard crashed our man Big C's flat warming.
Big C is gay (but really cool and not camp) so we moved the snoring bastard into his bed, and taking a condom and some mayonaise proceeded to poke them into his butt crack.
In the morning Big C wandered in, gave him a cup of tea and thanked him.
(greenycrimson I stole the from pyschotherapist, Mon 11 Oct 2004, 13:26, Reply)

Yay!Hurting people
Whats the best reaction you have got from injuring a person? my victim has to be my dear friend Lemony.During a history lesson , Lemony had her head on the table and laughing hysterically after we mocked the obese girl who went to our school then worked in a chip shop.I cunningly pretended to comfort her by gently tapping her on the back twice then slapped her back very hard. As you can guess , Lemony was not expecting this and let out a mightiful scream. I laughed,she laughed and the teacher heard nothing. try it !Ooooo and that gives me another idea "Teacher-student relationships"Oh the fun you can have in a cupboard, on a desk, with the caretakers broom.....



ZEBRA
(TheSadisticThespian, Sun 10 Oct 2004, 13:31, Reply)