Pizza
..or rather one particular blue cheese pizza, which sparked off years of feeling unwell and means I can never have pizza again (unless it's dairy free).

That's the only thing I really regret, that I couldn't have anticipated. The rest of the stuff I probably couldn't have known or handled better at the time. Do I regret some of it? Well, a bit - but as no one actually came to help me make better decisions I've just learnt from experience instead.

Oh, and Mr. Strongbad - even if they are very 1950s I don't think the blood service can turn you down if you're gay and haven't had sex. Once you've had it though - that's it, forever. Unless, of course you're female, as women who have sex with men who've had sex with men can't give blood for a year. Obviously they're purer, or something.

There are some campaigns going on, and things are changing very slowly. We already source blood from countries with more permissive (i.e. will take 'gay blood') regimes, so it's a load of bollocks..

Which leads to another regret - that I didn't realise I was bi, or find nice men and women years ago - would have made things a bit easier. Still, too late worrying about it now.
(syllopsium, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 11:28, Reply)

I regret....
....that, due to a little thing called "the law", I am unable to punch the shit out of my annoying work colleague!
(angelica666, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 11:28, Reply)

I regret..
Getting drunk last night and telling my wife that the real reason I'm a little unenthusiastic about having kids is because I'm afraid the manic depression she suffers from, and struggles to keep in check with medication and exercise, will flare up one day and she'll do something to our baby when I'm not around to stop her.

I am such a cock.
(Hicksion, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 11:19, Reply)

there must not be a double-entendre gap
QUOTE:
I'm sorry, I'm unable to come up with a piss poor double entendre based on phone monkey work

i) a horizontal team bonding exercise.

ii) allowing you to assess his volume and quality.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 9:35, Reply)

My god, you people are cunts
After months of openly lusting after the team leader at my call centre, one pissed up Wednesday night (!) he caved in - instead of laughing off my repetitive pleas to come back to mine for a [apeloverage is teh winner - "horizontal team bonding exercise."], he said "OK". I found myself blind drunk, staggering home on pubic transport for some extremely mediocre sex (but sublimely good kissing, which restored my faith in humanity somewhat). The next morning I had to store the sight of his naked body in long-term memory, since I wasn't going to be getting any more of that any time soon. Damn.

That's not the regret, though. The regret is that I let slip that I thought his penis "petite". It wasn't petite, it was perfectly normal. I am a bucket. Tim, if you're reading, I'm so, so sorry.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 8:37, Reply)

Regrets? Just the one.
I regret not kicking the barsteward out when, after meeting on the innernet and 3 weeks later, his leaving his wife and 2 kids to move in with me, he continued to chat to a selection of laydees via my computer - one of which was an online ex - and drink 4 litres of cider a night whilst doing so. I should *so* have seen the writing on the wall and not waited until one child, many hundreds of quids-worth of debt, no job and his alcoholism underlined how stupid I have been.
(Felidae, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 7:47, Reply)

...and on the down side...
I regret whatever was said or done to my brother which caused him to cut me and our sisters off cold as if we never existed. I'm hoping it was something stupid and inconsequential so I can call him an idiot to his face. Stupit git.(Also, I must have a regret involving some lady or other, I'll let you know)
(out of his league, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 7:16, Reply)

regrets
two stand out above all others:

i didnt sleep with a girl i had a major girl-crush on when she invited me (and she was homecoming queen that year)
and
i did sleep with my cousin -- going to family reunions makes me feel a little awkward
(paloozagirl, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 6:18, Reply)

I should have listened
The intro for the last B3Ta newsletter said "don't google MEATOTOMY". I ignored the advice and did an image search.

Holy shit, do I regret that.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 5:40, Reply)

Billy Connolly
Many years ago, my parents offered me a ticket to see the Big Yin in Glasgow. Home turf. Bound to be pant-wettingly funny.

But it involved a long weekend, visiting the grandparents (not a bad thing) and 4 days off my paper-round. Being a philanthropist (read: greedy bastard - I'm part Scots), I turned it down so I could earn more cash.

Over 14 years on and I've never *ever* been able to get hold of a ticket to see him live since. And he's not funny any more.

Bollocks. Thanks for dragging that memory back up.
(Mosh Worldwide traveller and random mentalist, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 2:07, Reply)

Melanie
Squarefeet: I have not turned down a Melanie, but I did sleep with a Melody (both "Mel"). And she was/is fucking gorgeous. And her husband didn't mind.

Hmm. No regrets on that one.

OK, so this one's not funny, but my biggest regret is leaving my girlfriend in Auckland while I went to Hanoi to do charity work for 6 weeks. I have no regrets at all about the work, which was amazing. No, I regret leaving her on her own so she could cop off with one guy, find another one - a lawyer - and then let me find out about it when she went AWOL for 2 days and turned up in a service station on the way back from a dirty weekend in Rotorua with the bastard.

Yeah, that kinda put a big fucking dent in my round-the-world trip.
(Mosh Worldwide traveller and random mentalist, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 2:04, Reply)

I did not regret...
... not sleeping with him. He was acne ridden, skinny, up himself and generally repellent.

Then I discovered everyone thought I had anyway.


ghey ...


On another note, why has every man on this site turned down someone called Melanie? Is it a more common name than I thought or is this one woman just really unlucky?
(ladyintheradiator, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 23:09, Reply)

I had Roger Lloyd Pack

in my arms, and I let him go. I remember thinking, shit, there's no chance of an only fools and horses reunion now.

Any comments scumbum???

EDIT: that reminds me, I once Rogered Nana Moon, but I suppose Mr Richie did that before me too.
(Lt Columbo, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 23:02, Reply)

biggest regret?
starting n not knowing what to type

:D
(a_monkey_on_a_mission, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 22:01, Reply)

My only regret...
Is not having the balls to ask out any of the ridiculously attractive lasses I know/have known.
(OzEden is probably clinically insane, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 20:29, Reply)

Passing up on a good offer
Last March I had gone out with a friend and some people from the halls I was staying in. Two of the girls were pretty damn hot and seeing as it was just me and my mate... the numbers were looking good. They were going to stay at a friends but came back to our flat instead... and being the gentleman I am I offered the one I had my eye on my bed for the night.

I point out that up this this point me and my now ex-girlfriend had been going out for 5 years and even to this day Id still die for her.

I made the bed, and turned round to look at her. She was mere inches from me and from the look in her eyes she wasnt thinking of sleeping.

What did I do? "If you need anything Il be in the lounge!"

Yeah thats right I dived out of there like she was a hungry tiger. A week later I called my ex. She tells me she doesnt love me anymore... fucks sake.
(infernios, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 17:28, Reply)

I regret taking a phone call
I was in the middle of having sex with a gorgeous girlie when the phone rang and I answered it...

The phonecall was from my wife!

EDIT - There's more:

BIGGER REGRET was my comment when I found out it was her. Girlie and I were having a little bondage fun, so I said "I'm sorry dear, I can't talk right now, I'm a little tied up at the moment..." thereby causing girlie to burst out laughing, thereby revealing her presence impailed on my manhood to the missus.
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 16:46, Reply)

I thought it was a fart.
It wasn't.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 14:23, Reply)

A Regret?!
I regret committing tax fraud

Bigger Regret?!

Not paying out for a decent lawyer.

Biggest Regret

The day before sentencing, my mates decided it'd be funny to get me wasted and tattoo 'NONCE' on my forehead.

In saying that, if it wasn't for my tattoo, I wouldn't have met Crusher... Or Stabby Joe... Or Donkey Dick Derek...
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 14:01, Reply)

My greatest regret
Stacey Porter. She knows why.
( af632 now has an alibi for, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 11:58, Reply)

I don't regret sleeping with my friend's mum

but I do wish I'd finished before I rang and told him about it.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 8 Oct 2006, 8:52, Reply)