Battered and bruised
I've got a scar that goes from just below the pad of my thumb in the kink of my wrist to the centre of the palm on my left hand and several in my scalp which where caused by a glass door that went through me. The fact that I was working in a hotel kitchen at the time and was running away from a chef who was armed with an industrial-sized tin of blackcurrant and apple pie filling had something to do with it. At the same hotel and in the same Summer season I also managed to brush a broken bottle into my right foot and got a one inch "trophy" for that!

On my right hand, running down the pad of my thumb I have a two and a half inch scar. This was caused by a plate of quarter-inch brass I was routing out at the time. I went to leave the machine to get a cuppa, snagged my hand on said brass plate and ripped a trench in the pad of my thumb...

On each side of my chest I have three inch long scars from two lung ops to correct multiple episodes of tension pneumothorax (your lung collapses because air gets into the chest cavity through a hole in your lung, pressure builds up and soon breathing gets a little difficult). I had the option to go for a single operation that would have split my sternum and given me a scar from throat to belly-button. Would have been a bit more impressive than six one inch-long scars!

I also have two scars in my lower lip which where made by my upper front two teeth. It was my first night in the top bunk after pestering Mum for ages to let me sleep there instead of my brother. I woke to go for a wee in the small hours and forgetting I was in the top bunk I fell on to the arm of a conveniently placed chair which made my front teeth cut through my lip and broke the teeth off in the gum. Unbelievably (or stupidly. You decide!) I went back to bed and the following morning, managed to shock my Mum by waking her with a cup of tea and a mouth that looked like it had done 10 rounds with Frank Bruno.
(HorusUK livin' the Vida Loca since, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 17:10, Reply)

when i was 7
the cleaner had mopped the floor in the cloak room and i came running in needing the toilet. I skidded across the floor taking out two sinks, cracking open my forehead head and covering the floor, blood and walls in blood, blacking out and pissing myself.

I now have a small titanium plate at the front of my skull
(starbrightboy, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 16:23, Reply)

my dad
is not the best diy gardener, cut a tree/shrub down in our back garden but decided to cut it diagonally.
he effectivly carved an upright stake which playing football i fell on. went thru my back stopped short of the front.
ran inside screaming my mums jaw dropped and my door i was in front of was bright red, i pissed blood.
anyways 7inch scar on my back, turns out i have a condition for excess scar tissue too so 10 years on its still there.

/fucksocks
(Songi, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 16:16, Reply)

About a week before my 15th birthday...
I decided that it would be a good idea to try that cool 'standing on a chair and tipping it over backwards' thing.

There are several reasons why this was NOT a good idea:

1. The chair I decided to perform this trick on was short, squat, heavy, and basically designed to stop fuckwits like me tipping it over.

2. The chair also didn't have a seat. Just a frame. A heavy, badly welded, metal frame.

3. With sharp corners.

4. I am a BIG FAT FUCKING COWARD and chickened out halfway through.

I rather unsurprisingly landed badly, with a large chunk of my left shin missing. Bone showing through and everything. Being as I was at boarding school, I ran (well, hobbled would be a more accurate description) to Matron, who was far too addled on Xmas shandy (this was at the beginning of December) to be arsed taking me to the hospital.

So she sprayed some of that dry antiseptic stuff on it, and I was told "Leave it to dry in the air". Bitch.

Fast forward two weeks to Christmas holidays, my mother is rather interested in why my shin is septic. Cue trip to doctor, who tells us the leg should have had about 10 stitches, but it's now too late and I'll just have to take very strong antibiotics.

Oh, and did I mention a FUCKING PAINFUL tetanus shot?

I now have a 4 inch trench up my shin which looks very weird when I wear a skirt.

Don't send your kids to boarding school, especially if they are too fucking stupid to be left alone without injuring themselves.

Length is relative. I'm apologising for nothing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 6 Feb 2005, 16:05, Reply)

several, actually.
1. inch long scar on my head, perfectly central, where no hair grows. Caused at age 3 by me stepping over a sleeping labrador, which woke up and stood up, pitching me into the doorframe.

2. eight inch long scar across belly. was much smaller when I got it, having life-saving surgery at age 4 weeks. (I had pyloric stenosis, an extra stomach muscle caused me to projectile vomit everything I ate. Cool.)

3. Scar on knee from falling down metal-fire-escape-stlye stairs at Swindon Oasis Waterpark.

4. 2 round scars on back of left hand. One from a cigarette (in the "let's put fags out on each other's hands" era of teen life) and one from a cigar (in the "you're drunk and my hand's next to the ashtray" stage)

5. a series of (thankfully) partial linear scars on my left forearm. From a game. A game involving a botle of southern comfort, a packet of crisps, a pot noodle and a rusty pen knife. It ended up with me and the other competitors with "cum" and "cunt" cut into our right and left forearms respectively. One player's scars are invisible until she gets a tan, when they glow white. Heh heh. Ooops.

6. Circumcision. ow.

7. Left thumb has a "halo" of pale scar tissue from a time I came home a litle the worse for wear and tried to cut some bread... It was held on by a string.

8. Similar ring on index finger of left hand. Got inattentive whilst cutting open bags of SMT components with a scalpel.

9. Holes in both eyebrows, lip and tongue (from piercings, only one of which (the tongue) my work would let me keep.)

10. I don't have a tenth, but I want one so the list is better.

Apologies for length (fnar fnar)

P.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 15:54, Reply)

One Mystery & One Bedroom Incident
1. I have an inch scar on my left arm, it just appeared I'm sure, I like to think whilst I am mild mannered, I have a superhero alternative identity and this scar was picked up during an epic battle with my nemesis. Maybe. I might have fallen off my bike when I was little too. But I like theory 1 more.

2. I have a puncture hole scar on my upper left leg(my right hand side may well be invulnerable, perhaps thats my superhero power). During kinky chase me game towards the bedroom with my now fiancee, her dog decided that the naughty things I was doing to her were BAD things, and he attached himself to my leg. Its not so bad that I would have a little bite to worry about, but to lose sex over it is just plain unfair.
On the bright side, if he was just a couple of inches up and to the left I'd be screaming a hell of a lot more.
(NoMoreFaith can believe its not bloody butter, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 14:03, Reply)

bang...
...went my head on the corner of the table. a metal table. to give me a 2 inch scar on the back of my head.
(happyhardcoregabbatechno, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 13:57, Reply)

the end of the middle finger on my left hand is a pathetic fleshy lump
following a somewhat bizarre drunken accident...

Whilst returning from a local watering hole it seems i decided to break into a run whilst chatting to a friend over my shoulder. It was at this point that i tripped over a curb and fell headlong into a bus shelter... fortunately the window at the end was perspex and so rather than smash it simply bowed out a little way... unfortunately it came back on my finger and trapped it firmly between the glass and the metal frame.

Now in a normal frame of mind i'd probably have bowed the glass out again and retrieved my finger... as it wass i decided to yank it out. The next morning i was woken at 6 am by my mum shouting that the bathroom looked like something from the texas chainsaw massacre; i'd got home and decided to put a plaster over the cut and go to bed... cue a quick trip to casualty where i had the joyeous experience of trying to explain to a young spanish doctor who spoke quite poor english that yes, i had done it running into a bus shelter... thus my medical notes now include a little cartoon sketch of me yanking off the end of my own finger... charming

bloody hell, that was an epic
( lemony, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 13:45, Reply)

scars
My left hip has a scar where they removed bone to fill in the hole where a chunk of bone used to be in my lower leg. My left knee has a 4 inch scar where they put a metal bar in twice down through the marrow to hold the whole lot together and there are loads of screw holes in my knee and ankle. My right leg has everything below the knee missing and the requisite scars you get from having your leg cut clean across like a sunday roast. I was knocked down by a Mr Magoo style red light jumper whilst standing onst pavement....musn't grumple though. still fucking gorgeous.
( bezmanstar, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 13:39, Reply)

Sure you want a photo?
I've got a thin, longish scar on my right buttock from a particularly fast fall onto some broken glass from my bike.
(Guineapiggy Fuzzeh!, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 13:28, Reply)

I have 3 and a half
1 - On my forehead when i ran behind a swing my brother was on when i was 3. It was an ancient, METAL swing. Hit me dead centre of the forehead. Don't remember, but must have been pretty painful.

2 - Fall off bike aged 8, land on elbow, boring scar.

3 - Chasing my cat around my car when i was about 10 (stupid i know), my brother decided to get out the side opposite to where he was sitting. For no reason whatsoever. I now have a perfect line down the middle of my forehead. Car doors can be suprisingly viscious at high speed impact.

3 1/2 - Got drunk and fell down a hole in Paris. That was in October and it's almost gone now anyway.

Due to scars 1 and 3 i can never have short hair again cos the scars are to obvious. Still thinking of ways to get my brother back for 'em...
(Graz Da Frog, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 13:21, Reply)

Swimming
When I was about 7 I was in the swimming pool and as I tried to get out my hands slipped cos there was no grip on the tiles resulting in me smashing my chin off the edge. Saw that a couple of people had seen this happen, so decided to play it cool and just keep swimming assuming it was just a small cut until i noticed that I was getting a surrounding of red in the pool like in Jaws or something... only needed a few stitches but I still have a small scar under my chin today. Reminds me of the "If there's blame, there's a claim" type adverts, although I don't think litigation was so hot about 12 years ago... Shame...
(monkeymadness, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 13:08, Reply)

Just Say No To Drugs
1990, inner Sydney music venue (the old Evil Star, for the trainspotters). Bad acid trip (my last as it happens), was talking to some bloke who I didn't know, found that I didn't like his mate, and thought that the best way to deal with this was to smash my glass right into my forehead.

Ow. Nine stiches later, I was still freaking out, rang my best mate (4am, he was slightly bemused). Now have scar in the middle of my forehead.

Never, ever get stiches in your head whilst tripping. Good party story, though.
(Pleiades, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 13:02, Reply)

a couple of years ago
down the park with my mates on a friday nite thourght id try and break a bottle and hold the neck of the bottle like they do in the movies all cool like instead of doing it the cool way i do it the uncool way and end up cutting my hand to ribbons told my parents i fell over and landed on some glass. left plenty of scars physical and mental havnt tried it since although my mate has go it down to a fine art havnt askd him to teach me.
(fwack bang on it, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 12:46, Reply)

Just the one for me
When i was living in ireland and we were sort of repairing this new house we built and i was fucking around with a bit of wood and a chizel as a 6 year old would

Then i missed the wood and it sliped into my thumb, ouch, Blood

Don't expect a house without any Electricity to have any bandages or plasters so i had to wrap my hand in a mucky looking teatowel,

I should of had stitches but because i had a mental irish brother in law when he was in hospital for taking and overdose on his way out he took all he could carry (toilet rolls, towels, those cardboard bedpans and.. Butterfly stitches) No need for no hospital
(smoglane!, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 12:35, Reply)

Bikes....
I have two nice smooth looking scares on my hand from 60MPH tarmac burn....

OWCH!
(harrydewhirst, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 12:07, Reply)

idiot
Ive picked up so many scars, these though are the most stupid:

#1 a 4 inch one on my forehead earned by flying into the toilet wall at school, I was running to help out my mate who had managed to stab himself in the mouth with a pen.

#2 a little one on my left shin I got while I was chopping something with an axe..missed thing, hit leg.

#3 a chunky one on my right shin I got whilst kicking out at some machete wielding spanish chav in malaga.

#4 a perfectly round one on my left hand I did with a cigerette one new years eve in a who can withstand pain competition

#5 a few on a finger after I tried to wash up one of those electric hand blender thingys...while it was still plugged in
(the_snakes, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 11:59, Reply)

Where to begin
Well, i have my share of scars.
Just to mention a few;
I'm going home on my bicycle after consuming half a bottle of scotch, 10+ beers and a couple of joints. I turn a corner and suddenly see there's a lamppost in my way. Eyebrow open wide and, because of obvious intoxication, massive bloodloss.

My left leg. Again, i'm cycling home, after another night of drinking, and pretty close to home, my mudguard starts wobbling from side to side.
I try to adjust it with my foot, and ofcourse get my foot stuck between the mudguard and the weel.
Mudguard breaks, and shoots right into my upper leg. Massive bloodloss once again.

First year of highschool. I'm carrying one of those leather, nerdy-type bookbags. To close my beloved bag, at the same time i'm putting a book back in it, i press the rather sharp lock. Unfortunately, my hand is still in the middle of the lock. Small, but very bloody cut just below my thumb.

More bike-stories; Me, a friend of mine and his wife visit a concert by Mark Foggo's Skasters. Beer and ska-music go together pretty well, so cue to utter oblivion. After the gig, we decide to go to the bar I work at for a nightcap.
7 nightcaps down the line we go home. I step on my bike, drive it for at least 3 yards and fall off. I smash my head on the curbstone and look; great scar, about 2 inches below the scar from the first story in this post.

Bikes are evil.

One more;
I'm attending a open air festival in the beautiful city of Eindhoven (Holland). After consuming a doublefigure number of beers, i'm standing at the side of the festivalground, and try to hold on to the world. A friend of mine pops up with yet another round of beers, and after handing me a cup of lager, taps me on the shoulder, just as to say "Cheers mate". This turned out to be to much, and I fall over backwards, smash into the merchandise-stand, and I'm left hanging from the -very sharp- edge of the stand by my armpit. I'm bleeding like a pig, shirt ripped and a 3 inch scar, just below my armpit as a result.

Joy.
(Bokbiertrol, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 11:44, Reply)

Scissor Scars
Once, my sister acquired a 'Toy Story' flag from McDonalds, but due to her intense distaste for Buzz-lightyear, decided to cut him out, with a moleste pair of Kitchen Scissors...whilst sitting on a swivel chair. Anyway, I gave it quite the push, the scissors slipped and actually lodged themself in her cheek (yeah,they had to be specially removed). As you can imagine, I got quite the tell off, from basically all my relatives, and in my infinite wisdom, thought that tidying my room would sort this whole mess right out.
(PensocraticA, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 11:40, Reply)

"your mother" jokes and traffic cones...
Me and a friend of mine were having a stupid argument in class and he made a few of the aforementioned mother jokes, after a while I got bored and said "Why don't we move on to your mother, afterall everyone else has already been there."

5 minutes later I'm standing there and he hits me with the weighted end of a traffic cone. I now have a nice scar right accross my back.

Other scars of mine are just from stupid things like hitting my hand off a stone lamppost.
(Skawt, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 11:07, Reply)

Erm...
Well, I have a nice set of chicken-pox scars on my stomach. Mother told me not to scratch, but did I listen?

There are three or four, maybe even FIVE of them, and they're like THIS BIG!! .... O


There.... I think that story should hold its own amongst the burns and lacerations that everyone else has.
(Pseudonym, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 11:04, Reply)

My many scars....
1: On my right calf, I have a lovely scar caused by me sitting on an old armchair that my mate found. The reason it had been thrown out was the fuck-off spring sticking out the side of the cushion, which went straight in my leg. Hospital, tetanus shot. Infection. Woohoo.

2: On my lad. Caught my foreskin majorly in my zip when I was around 8. Split all the way and there is still a weird line on it.

3: On my left arm. A very thin but very long scar all the way around my elbow. Cause unknown.

4: My left hand. 2 broken fingers (little finger and middle finger) playing volleyball, plus a scar on my palm from when I worked for a popular holiday company (rhymes with shaven) and I was clearing glasses, one of which exploded and imbedded itself in my palm. Hospital. Tetanus. Steri-strips. No time off work. Woohoo.

5: Right hand. Broken and deformed little finger. Caught in my sister's bedroom door. The hinge side.

6: Left cheek. Star-Trek logo shaped scar from when I was about 4. My sister was looking after me, and went to the loo. I was running round the bathroom, slipped on a sheepskin rug and impaled my cheek on a rocking chair. Lots of blood. Plaster. No hospital. Chocolate. Mother whingeing about ruined rug.

7: Forehead: Chicken pox scar caused by scratching when I should not have.

8: Top of head: Good old scar from when I did a forward somersault over my bike's handlebars, landed on the road head first, and was knocked out for about 20 minutes. This being the middle of nowhere, I was found in a heap by the local postman on HIS bike. Ambulance. Hospital. 3 days in. Headaches constantly until aged 13 (when it was cured by a tonsillectomy, strangely). Ice cream.

Never apologise. Never explain.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sun 6 Feb 2005, 10:58, Reply)

burns
my mums got a pretty funny set on her arms that she got from working in the cafe at tescos. she reaches into the oven, without wearing long sleeved gloves, and catches the bottom of her arm. of course, on impulse, reflexes send her arms crashing into the top of the oven, cue more burns.

i've got a centimeter long bald patch on my head. my bedrooms in the loft, and its got a bit were theres a long alcove, and thats wear my bed was. i set out some books at the side of my bed, trying to jump over them and land on my bed successfully. unfortunately, i didn't duck my head down enough and smacked it neat against the corner of the alcove.

and i can't forget the scar on my knuckle my granddad gave me when he caught me with his ring while playing mercy...
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 9:56, Reply)

Mystery scar
I've a scar with no history at all - every doctor who has ever seen it swears blind it's an appendectomy scar, which is all well and good except I have never had my appendix out. It's been there ever since I remember, and my mum's no idea either, so the only conclusion I can draw is that I was abducted by aliens...
( When the internet was all fields, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 9:49, Reply)

I haven't asked to look, but...
chances are, my brother has a big scar just above his arse from where my mum burnt him by getting him to sit on an AGA hob as a toddler (and these hobs are a form of hotplate, they're always on). well, i say "getting", she picked him up and said "i'm gonna burn your bum! i'm gonna burn your bum!" in jest, but then actually did it accidentally :)
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Sun 6 Feb 2005, 9:40, Reply)

I HAD MY CHEST HACKED OPEN.
I have a scar slightly below my right clavicle that's probably (I look a bit strange now, trying to see it) about one and a half inches by half a centimetre (shut up do I have to be consistent with my means of measurement). It's from when I had a very minor operation years and years ago to remove some kind of non-threatening lump or something. When people ask me about it I tell them I once had a heart transplant. To reach my heart from there you'd have to go in past the wrist. But sometimes they believe me.
(Gandylion, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 9:12, Reply)

Oh.....the memory...the excruciating memory...
My ex-girlfriend and I, a year or so ago, had decided that in the absence of my family (i'm only 18) at the end of summer, we would have the house to ourselves...yes...come to your own conclusions...Anyhoo, events found me being..."rewarded"...for being so romantic. My ex wore earrings, and at one point during the proceedings, one of these got caught on my fly, which neither of us noticed...until she moved to pull her head away...rather sharply...for an undisclosed reason...ahem. This tore half her earlobe away (leaving her with a fairly impressive scar actually...), but also causing her to clamp down her teeth...

Every girlfriend since has asked about how i got my scar, and for months afterwards I couldn't look at a pair of earrings...

I'm sure you can understand why I'm not posting a pic...
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Sun 6 Feb 2005, 9:05, Reply)

HumptyDumpty was Pushed
He should have an impressive scar on his 'nads after his "near death experience" bum raping a bull with a mountain bike. (See previous QotW)

I still laugh
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 7:42, Reply)

Electric cheese grater mishap
I have a small series of slashes on my right index fingertip. You can barely see them, but they show up on my fingerprint and my finger feels funny when I swim.

Over ten years ago I had to work in an Italian restaurant kitchen for a work experience program. Once they had me grating big blocks of parmesan cheese in a giant electric cheese grater.

Anyway, curiousity got the best of me and I put my finger in. After a while, I got my fingernail chipped a little by the spinning serrated blade. It didn't seem sharp enough to cut skin (and it sure wasn't grating the cheese well), so I got a little more brazen. Then I got my finger stuck between the spinning blade and the inside wall of the grater facing it, and it did some damage. When I got my finger out it was a slashed mess. They bandaged it like mad and put one of those workplace condoms over it. Everyone got a break and they sat around and discussed how this would affect my masturbation regime.

A few weeks later, my bandaged finger stopped a goal in a football match. The ref saw it and ruled it was a legal play because I was unable to get my bandaged finger out of the way.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 5:21, Reply)

Invisable scar
I shot myself in the ear at point blank range with a BB gun once.

Twas a wargame, and I was shot out with my gas revolver cocked and loaded.

So, I put my hands up, and decock my revolver. Here is where a vital flaw came into play.

When decoking the revolver, the gas release valve is exposed. So, if the hammer were to be held back by something, the mechansim would vent all of the gas i nthe resevior and fire a incredibly powerful BB bullet (due to all the excess gas).

Of course, someone shot at me, so Instinctively I put my hands over my face, with the revolver.

Things get a bit sketchy here, but what seems to have happend was that my face mask somehow caught the hammer, thus releasing all of the gas into my ear and a very powerful shot into my ear lobe and punching a nice bloody dent in it.

Of course, the gas is stored at a very cold temperature, and so my eardrum and eyelids (I had JUST managed to close my eyes in time, but it stil hurt) froze over.

Cue temporary deafness and screaming whilst rolling around on the floor clutching my eyes in agony.

I got a small, perfectly circular scar on my right earlobe now, but it's already faded.

Watermelon.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sun 6 Feb 2005, 4:26, Reply)