Women cry and bleed.
Occasionally they will crash a car.
( BindiBaji, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 16:08, Reply)

women cannot
walk on snow
(danceswithferrets is leaking sanity, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 15:16, 9 replies)

Multi tasking
Women always harp on about about it, yet it's just the ability to do several things incorrectly all at the same time.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 15:14, 6 replies)

The idea that men are all obsessed with porn
is a load of horny teens.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 14:27, Reply)

History is a lie
They would have you believe that Man was the hunter, sent to kill the beasties and warr with neighbouring Man. That Women were the homemakers, the childbearers. That sociological changes recently (i say recently....) have brought upon us a different way of being.

This is a lie.

Man used to have a good lie in, until Woman woke him up and kicked him out, nagging him until he 'got off his lazy ass' and did something. Man meets up with fellow men, shares jokes, admires the latest bling (shiny new axes, pebbles, strange yellow goldish looking thingies) then legs it out to the bush before Woman can summon him back for chores. The rest of the day would be spent drinking and fighting with fellow Man, until happily stumbling over a dead possum that would do for dinner.

When he gets back to the cave, he is moaned at for forgetting the sugar.

Some things never change.
(searlichek, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:43, 2 replies)

Having a grown up discussion with my other half one time
I spent a good twenty minutes pointing out that men can run further, jump higher, lift more, swim faster, and generally do everything a gazillion times better than a woman could. (Obviously not talking about myself, I’m a lazy bastard. But on the whole as a gender the male is by far the bestest when it comes to running about and doing any type of physical activity).

My girlfriend, who had been patiently reading and paying very little attention while I delivered my passionate rant set out her counter argument. It was two words long. Two words that made me shut up and go off in a huff to do some man-stuff. I stalked off to do the washing up and polishing, only in the rugged, manly style of Matt Damon out of those Bourne films.

My girlfriend simply said: “Multiple orgasms…”
( SpankyHanky, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:40, 12 replies)

I don't think there's anything wrong with being sexy.
(7 points)
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:35, 9 replies)

how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
presuming she is able-bodied, there's no reason to believe the action couldn't be performed by just one. if, however, the light pendant is at a considerable height she may require somebody to hold the chair or stepladder in position, so that she can ascend with a far reduced risk of injury and safely change the bulb.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:17, 2 replies)

Just consider
The amount of music men would give up the pretence of caring about if it wasn't for the fairer sex liking it.

I mean the stuff with supposed crossover appeal. For example, 'Sweet Child O' Mine' by Guns 'n' Roses - one of the most latently mawkish pieces of crap every written. From the duff lyrics, to that honking windsock of a vocal performance, it's bilgewater from the arses of Satan's mallards.
( the_other_jeff_lebowski Croutons on my tits, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:15, 29 replies)

Ladies
Are you one of those shallow ladies who judges men on cock size? Then remember that anything more than a mouthful is a waste.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:04, 5 replies)

I was told off at work for using the term "manpower" as it is inherently sexist.
Apparently I should have used the term "peoplepower" (note, not "personpower" as this is also inherently sexist - "per SON" not "daughter").

The woman who ticked me off quickly followed the comment by remarking to a colleague that men are such divs.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 12:37, 6 replies)

Reverse Sexism... and it has nothing to do with parallel parking
I think this post is concrete proof that any comparison of gender, religion, race, likes or dislikes is entirely derived from a persons upbringing and subject to their gender, religion, race, likes and dislikes. Human nature is like that, we work best that way. Communities need diversity in order to survive and evolve so no one of these things is better (or worse) than the other.

However, let me add one thing to the mix.. Common sodding sense!

If, as a female you are carrying two heavy bags up a flight of stairs and I offer to help, please choose one of the following options:
a.) Say "Thank you" and let me carry one of the bags
b.) Think "You look like a paedo" and say "No thank you"

DO NOT righteously say "I'm quite capable" and stagger up the stairs. I know you have two arms and two legs but its a lot chuffing easier if two people do it. Im not trying to be a stereotypical knight in shining armour. There is no veiled sexism in my offer, I am merely being friendly and had failed to realise you were a militant feminist...

with lovely pert bouncy breasts.
(skintagain, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Women: Please have your money ready
Why is it that when you are in a shop queing to pay, the woman in front of you only starts to look for her purse in her giant handbag after the poor shop assistant has asked for the money? It's almost as if they are thinking 'What? I have to pay? Ok hold on, it is in here somewhere'.

My tip is to begin the search maybe 30-60 seconds before you are required to hand over the cash to avoid the chagrin of the poor chaps behind you.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 12:22, 13 replies)

This doesn't answer the question in any way
But since I'm not the first to have a whinge about an other half I don't feel too bad.

The other week I drove us home from somewhere in Europe. It was an 8 hour drive all told, including half an hour in the channel tunnel, and the weather was utterly filthy. Freezing rain, sleet, spray, fog, it was vile. Because of my irrational dislike of polar bears I own a very large and inefficient car which helped keep my arse comfortable, but this was not an easy drive to the shops by a long shot.

The journey started off in a way that I'm sure many other men would recognise. Sure enough, almost as soon as I'd pulled out of our friend's drive, my gorgeous fiancee fell fast asleep with her head tilted back, her mouth wide open and her tongue lolling out like an overworked sheepdog. I was slightly worried I'd get pulled over for carting an obvious corpse around in my front seat, but perhaps the policemen could hear her snoring from outside.

Result. Peace and quiet for me. I got out my regulation driving music (dad rock) and settled in for a good long stretch with my thoughts. I absolutely love this; there's nothing better than a good, long drive alone to sort things out in your head. She grunted and snored her way through two Pink Floyd live CDs, the Allman Brothers at the Filmore East and The Band's first two albums. She only woke up when I got tired and put some Mastodon on; even so I thought it was a bit off for the cheeky wench to immediately ask me if we could have some silence for a bit as "you've had your music on for hours."

Grrr.

Anyway, annoying as that was, when I eventually got us home safely and well after a journey so epic and taxing I could write it up for the National Geographic, I told her I was putting my feet up and would she be a sweetheart and get me a beer (from the fridge, not even the shops.)

Oh no, no relaxing for James the fucking chauffeur. Despite my heroism in faultlessly guiding a hyper-complex, two and a half tonne machine powered by tiny explosions going off hundreds of times a second, at speeds nearly ten times faster than man has achieved at any previous point in his entire evolution, across four hundred miles of rain-soaked, foggy, unlit roads filled with benzedrine-addicted Albanian truckers and drunk Belgian Eurocrats, despite the danger that a microsecond's inattention posed, despite the almost unimaginably horrible death I'd prevented, countless times on the journey, while she snuffled in her sleep like a happy pig across four countries, I'd had it EASY.

"Being a passenger is just as hard you know. It's really boring! I'm just as tired by the drive as you are. Make me some dinner. Can you carry the bags downstairs? Feed the pets will you? They've missed you. I need a wee."

So, sexism? I suppose I clearly had my role here. Chivalrous knight, escorting fair maiden across dangerous ground. Sturdy porter, bearing any load with fortitude. Doormat, upon which dainty foot may be caressed clean.
( Scrumper, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 12:14, 7 replies)

Now this might be a little controversial
There are a lot of people on here having a winge about their other half. I have some advice for you. It might seem a bit controversial, a bit sexist, but here it is anyway:

I think that if a woman pisses off a man, he should punch her in the face.

However, if a man pisses off a woman, she should wait until he is asleep then stab him repeatedly.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 11:47, 2 replies)

Gender specific portmanteaus
I guess this is related, one thing that really does my head in from recent years is the making up of stupid new words usually with the word 'Man' stuck in. EG:

BROMANCE: Call it a fucking buddy movie
MANCATION: Because what? Vacations are for girls only?
MANTRUM: When a guy has a trantrum.

But the worst one I've heard is:
MANGAGEMENT RING: An Engagement Ring for guys. For when the girl wants to propose.

Now, if i'm in love with someone I don't mind being proposed to. I'll probably say yes, and if she asked I'd probably wear an engagement ring too. But if she offered me a Mangagement Ring I'd throw it back in her face.

Besides, what kind of guy is so insecure he'd have a problem wearing an engagement ring but is then okay with it if he's told: "Don't worry it's a MANgagement ring"?
(cH3$h7846J#7, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 11:12, 13 replies)

Reminded of this buy someone else
cushions and throws

Women: if you need these then you have bought the wrong fucking sofa
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 11:03, 9 replies)

My ex was the opposite with her "monthly visitor"
That week I could guarantee she was loving, affectionate and basically all over me.
The other 3 weeks of the months though was like living with a rabid, shouty bear.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 10:15, 6 replies)

Theory

Following on from my earlier ramblings - I have a theory I'd like to test on the b3tan community. Again, this doesn't apply to everyone, but I think there are distinct differences between men and women which go right back to our earliest ancestors - the hunter/gatherers. In those societies, the men went out on hunts for meat, while the women stayed nearer to the home, looking after children and gathering vegetables. This basic difference leads to several in-bred traits in the survivors which are noticeable in the modern day, e.g. shopping, sports and driving.

When men go shopping we know what we want, we have a pretty good idea where we can get it, we go, we get it and we come home with it. Women on the other hand have a vague idea about what they want, they know where the shops are and they spend hours wandering around from one known spot to another comparing the goods. They might say that they know what they want, but they are easily distracted by other things and will usually come home with lots of stuff that wasn't 'on the list'.

Sport: men like to act in teams, they communicate with grunts, shouts and gestures. After the 'kill', they like to gather together and bond, replaying their victories and picking over mistakes. The result of the 'hunt' is very important - both for status within the tribe and to obtain meat. Women know that as long as they know where the best fruit and nut trees are, they'll survive and the men are just being silly.

Driving: men are quite good at judging space and speed, they like danger and are competitive. They like maps which show them how to get to places and have good spacial awareness. Women have excellent peripheral vision (useful for spotting approaching carnivores and keeping an eye on the kids when gathering). This means that they often think the car will hit a lamp-post when it is a yard away from it and don't like over-taking. It also means they can see where their mate's eyes are pointing, even if they are sitting side by side.

The home: men will happily go to a DIY store, make plans, build something, use tools, look after those tools then sit back and admire their work. Women know exactly how they want the home to look - they want to improve their status with other women. It is more important to have a cosy nest with everything exactly in the right place than to sit down and enjoy it. A man would be happy living in a shed, a woman needs curtains and cushions.

None of these behaviours are universal, most of them are common. I'm not sexist - I'm an observer.

I've said before, I'm not much of a 'hunter'. I would have been one of the restless young men that left to find adventure, going out on his own to spread the gene pool around. I would have made myself cosy in a lovely little shack with a wild woman from another tribe, re-telling my adventures by the fire and passing on wisdom to anyone that came by and wanted shelter for the night.

Oh. I did.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 9:56, 2 replies)

2 kids, 2 very different pregnancies
Mrs Mattster has always been at the mercy of her hormones. Ragweek is, without fail, a challenging and volatile time, often painful too for a variety of reasons. Within a few days normality will return. Sounds familiar, non?

We decided to start a family and she fell pregnant, our naughty outdoor nooky doing the trick. What followed was the happiest 9 months of my life / our relationship; gone was the mental unreasonableness, the petty accusations and shouting competitions. The 'one week in four is going to be bastard, head down and get on with it son' approach to life it was necessary to adopt was banished.

We now have a beautiful son approaching his 3rd birthday and in general we love him to bits and being parents has improved our lives immeasurably. However, the dark (red) week returned with a vengeance; no better or worse than before but business very much as usual.

Aside from that, so much are we enjoying our new family that we decided to have another baby and the wife again falls pregnant. Mint! thinks I, another 9 months of blissful love time with my beautiful wife, followed by a 2nd bundle of joy. What could go wrong?

We're just over 6 months in and it's been hell on earth. Like a perpetual period but with added violence. I've run out of lip to bite. Now the probably sexist bit: we know our second child will be a girl (yea one of each, what we both wanted). I'm seriously entertaining the notion that the joyful first pregnancy was due to our son being just that: a boy not a girl. Could it be that a male foetus balanced out the bad hormones? Could it be that now she’s carrying a girl it’s double trouble? An insight to what our household will be like in a dozen years or so?

Could this be a bit contentious for a first post?
(The Mattster, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 9:34, 2 replies)

Toilet seats.
It’s just as much trouble for us to lift the toilet seat as it is for you to put it down.
I’ve never known a man who, when in need of a shit, complains about putting the seat down.
(TheColonel, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 9:31, 7 replies)

Well, it would appear
that women are getting it all wrong as far as limited range of abilities and curious behaviours. So, Gentlemen please enlighten us as to the correct method and manner of the female in 2010.

The floor is open.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 9:17, 6 replies)

Ok
Fully aware of my ignorance and the potential annoyance it causes, I'd like to know what the angry ladies of b3ta lynch mob is all about. They seem made to defend feminism in this QOTW. How does one rouse their ire? By attacking one of them, by attacking women, or by attacking their group as a whole? The badge they have intrigues me.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 3:25, 2 replies)

Well
Speaking as a girl, albeit a girl who likes drinking, smoking and hanging my local, and hates fake tan, dieting and nightclubs - WHY DOES IT TAKE YOU SO LONG TO FINISH YOUR 'LAST PINT'?! The thing is - if I've been at the pub for a couple and our lad phones me to ask when I'll be back, I don't lie. If I want to stay out, I'll tell him. If Mr Anodyne goes out after work, his 'last pint' will begin at 9pm, when I ring to make sure he's not dead in a ditch, and at 11pm, he will STILL HAVE THE SAME DRINK. The thing is - I'm not ringing him to be a nag. If I ring at 9pm, and he is supposed to be home by 9.30, I will get worried by 11 and ring him to make sure he's not dead. To be honest, as long as he gets home at some point, I'm happy. I'd rather him come home three hours late and be happy than straight away and be in a bad mood (and I believe the same goes for me). So WHY MUST HE LIE? If he told me at 9 that he'd be out until late, I wouldn't have to phone to make sure he's not dead every two hours, and thus make myself look like some kind of nagging valkyrie. Bah. MEN.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 5 Jan 2010, 2:27, 12 replies)

The French government are planning to bring in a law banning 'psychological violence'
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8440199.stm

I've got to say I'm not sure about this one. Obviously one partner shouldn't consistently denigrate the other but given that most healthy relationships have arguments where do you draw the line?

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the idea are I suspect most of the people who will be prosecuted are blokes. Personally I think I'm being very fair, politically correct and slightly untruthful by saying both sexes are equally good at 'psychological violence' *flinches and cowers in a corner*

What do you think?

Incidentally, for a British take on this could I refer you to own former home secretary and anti-domestic violence campaigner Jacqui Smith on how she treated her husband (also her employee) when he got caught looking at some fairly vanilla porn: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7970492.stm Would it be acceptable for a male politician to say the same about his wife?

I'm genuinely intrigued to hear your thoughts.
( ElParrot, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 1:18, 6 replies)

Never get behind a group of womens at a queue for the ATM during drinking hours
Man: Insert card, press numbers, receive service required, leave.

Womens: Talk, giggle, cajole, lengthily search for card in handbag only when you reach front of queue. Insert card. Discuss. Search for number written on bit of paper somewhere in handbag. Have a good laugh about it. Type in PIN. Plan which club you might be going to later. Read every available option. Giggle and pose for good looking man in queue who looks very serious for some reason. Press a button. Discuss available options at great length. Adjust hair in reflection in bank window. Spend a VERY long time waving your hand over the screen for no apparent reason saying 'What's that mean!?'. Press another button. Squeel. Eject card. Complain loudly at how stupid these machines are. Insert card. Repeat...

See also queues for train tickets when your train is due in 5 minutes.
( ..wil, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 0:14, 6 replies)

The Pain Game.
A frequently raised point in this qotw has been the old 'pain of childbirth' thing, and whether women have the right to moan about it. It reminds me of a time I encountered such a debate.

I returned from a tea run in time to hear Martin the Office Numptey discussing the issue with Kelly. "Name me one thing men have that's more painful then!" she demanded, "And don't say being kicked in the bollocks, because that doesn't count." Martin's response was something I'll probably remember for the rest of my life as an outstanding example of someone making no sense at all.

"Doing a poo. No listen, cos women have to push a baby through a hole this big maybe two or three times in their life, while men have to push a poo through a hole this big two or three times a day!" He said, holding up his hands to demonstrate the sizes of said holes.

There was a pause of almost half a minute before someone piped up with "Erm, women poo too you know Martin." and a further 30 seconds before Martin mumbled something about us 'missing the point'.

So there you have it. When it comes to sexism, surely implying that women don't poo is a pretty outlandish example.
(Uncle Comrade, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 23:57, 5 replies)

Why
hasn't the QOTW changed yet?

Its because i'm a women isn't it! god you're all the bloody same!

/coat.
(stitched, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 23:55, Reply)

Cushions...
You meet, you talk, you drink, you make the beast with two backs, you agree to meet again, you repeat, you move in together, and suddenly, THERE'S FUCKING CUSHIONS EVERYWHERE. You didn't buy them, you don't remember her buying them, SO WHERE THE FUCK HAVE ALL THE CUSHIONS COME FROM?

And that, I believe is the main difference between the sexes. Men will possess two cushions (that probably came free with the 3-piece), and women will magically attract them.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 23:39, 7 replies)

Now now ladies
Don't you worry your pretty little heads about sexism.
(paxvobiscum, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 21:36, 4 replies)