I once had a small minor accident
When i was off from school Because there was actually a need and not just skiving like i am today.. I had the squits but they weren't very serious, I was blowing wind quite often but not shitting , and whilst sitting on my sofa playing on my ps2 Thats what all ill people do i thought i could do with farting i did and i shit :( not a lot but i shit

Bugger
(smoglane!, Fri 7 May 2004, 10:21, Reply)

i once went on a trek through the jordan desert
and mountains. i was reluctant to use the hastily assembled toilet on our camp so i opted to just hang on to it for a bit. unfortunately i hadnt had my vacinations before leaving and contracted a tummy bug of some description. when climbing up into the mountains one day with everyone slightly spread out, my bowels unexpectantly let loose a torrent of fizzy gravy in my pants. i rushed and hid in some rocks and sorted out as best i could but my trousers were covered in shit and my spare trousers were not on my person. i attempted to sit in sand and dust for a bit to absorb as much shit as possible. unfortunately people became concerned as they knew id been suffering with my tum. i managed to brush off their concern and wrapped a jacket round me and continued the rest of the trek on my own. upon arriving at the designated camping spot (after hiking along way in shitty pants) i grabbed my bog roll and a bottle of water and elected to find a secluded place to sort everything out and change my rotten pants. i wandered for 10 minutes and proceeded to peel off my duds and wash my arse, just as a bedouin shepherd went past with his flock to be greeted by this glorious sight. it wasnt a nice day.
(hazey, Fri 7 May 2004, 10:18, Reply)

in a land far far away
i used to live in indonesia when i was a kid. labour was cheap out there so my family got a couple of servants to clean the house etc.

one day, we had to let one of them go. why? cuz she shit all over the carpet and hoovered it up to hide the evidence.
(bunny_333, Fri 7 May 2004, 10:03, Reply)

malt loaf apparently looks like poo...
if you nuke it in a microwave for while. This formed the basis of 'the poo gag' for mate of mine called Dangerous Dave(for his love of creating his own pyrotechnics).

Anyway Dave nuked an entire malt loaf and then proceeded to smear it around his uni halls toilet, using some smeared toilet paper for effect and stood back and waited.

One of Dave's mates came back from visiting his mum and dads for the weekend say the toilet and shouted 'which fucking cunt has shat all over the toilet?!' the shout called everyone in to the toilet and some the weaker stomached began to gag, much to Daves amusement
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Fri 7 May 2004, 9:54, Reply)

We were on a coach trip...
Heading down to France, there was this bad smell and no-one knew what it was until we got to a service station that this guy walked rather oddly off the bus - leaving a big brown stain on the seat...

People had to sit next to that for the rest of the journey.

We teased him about it until eventually he left the school after GCSE, and went to a college. Sadly for him, someone else from the school went there as well and kept on teasing him.
We still mentioned it most weeks until the end of 6th form.
(R-T-C Got arbitrage profits?, Fri 7 May 2004, 9:46, Reply)

not poo but
Remember when you were a kid it was funny to burp, and then blow the smell of that burp in someone elses face...

Well my friend Tim did that to me.. but sick burped and puked all over me.

Wanker!
( Obz Click, ting, stamps, Fri 7 May 2004, 9:38, Reply)

Another one
About a month ago I went to Morroco and got a severe bug - I practically had a seizure on the plane back, and had stomach cramps for ages. When I finally went to clear my gut, the effect could best be described as "blamo" . I absolutely nuked the toilet in Gatwick and the smell was unbelievable. I was still ill, but I felt so proud.
(Willboy:, Fri 7 May 2004, 9:28, Reply)

My lil' window lickin' son
My little boy has Lowe Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder which leaves him with physical disabilities and multiple and profound learning difficulties.
Last year his special needs school took him wheelchair ice skating for the first time. He really enjoyed the wind in his wee face, but they spent so long on the ice, that he was long overdue a nappy change, ( he is 10 and doubly incontinent ) He takes various kidney medications which leaves him with loose stools, which I am pretty immune to after a decade....
Anyway the shit had leaked out from the bottom of the nappy and travelled down his leg inside his trousers, into his socks and boots, special orthopaedic ones, all beautifully stitched.

Whoever changed his nappy, put the shoes in one bag and tried to rinse out the trousers, gave up and stuck them in another. All cool. It's not their job to launder shitty clothes.
Someone else came along to pack the school bags, saw the shoes and put them in with the wet shitty trousers to keep them together, not realising how disgusting the trousers were.

Three hours later the schoolbag arrives home, did you ever see pong lines in a cartoon when there's something smelly? I swear these were coming out of this bad when I opened it. The stench was unbelievable...wet shite, leather shoes, you do the maths.

I dealt with the trousers and socks, but the shoes were just plastered with shit, in all the stitching. To try and clean them I had to hand pick the shit out the stitching with a needle, with the tune running through my head " if my friends could see me now"
It only took 45 minutes.

Now that's what I call care in the community, what I earn my £43.15 per week for :(
(Serendipity Long time, No see., Fri 7 May 2004, 8:31, Reply)

There was a really annoying camp teacher at our school.
Once, my brother and his friends left a bag of chocolates in the class room when just that teacher was in there, so as no-one else was around, the teacher swiped them for himself and swiftly devoured them.
What he didn't know was that they'd replaced teh contents of the bag with joke laxative choclates.
The teacher was of school for the rest of the week, and upon his return he was over heard tellign another teacher how he had the shits really bad and how his guts had been killing him.
( StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Fri 7 May 2004, 8:12, Reply)

While volunteering at a special school
for 6th form community services, I was oh so luckily invited to help look after class 7, the most.. "problematic" class...
and it was wednesday afternoon, time for our weekly trip out into the real world.

Today, we were going to a very old mansion, national trust and all that, where all the local proms etc were usually held.
anyway, i had the pleasure of looking after francis, who was about 9 years old, and a bugger to keep hold of.

after a good twenty minutes of gripping his hand, he managed to twist himself free and go running off into the antique sewing machine exhibition. i can't see him, and am begining to panic...

until i notice what MUST be a shit stain on the floor... a long smeared trail of runny shit leads me to francis, whos somehow managed to get shit on his fingers, which hes pressing against a glass display case for one of those sewing machines... with a big lump of semi solid shit just resting on teh top of his shoe.

..i let one of the real teachers clean him up :|

sry for the length
(jaffy, Fri 7 May 2004, 7:21, Reply)

in my other school...
i had to crap half way through an algebra lesson, so i went up to the teacher and asked hip quietly...
"sir plz cud i go to the toilet?"
to which he said loudly
"of course u can james," as i wos new to the school he said
"just go out of the door and in to the door marked TOILET"
i wos soooo embarrassed i shat mtself there and then

it wos very embarrassing, but hilarious 4 every1 else
(ameoba photographer for hire, cheap, see profile, Fri 7 May 2004, 7:05, Reply)

my worst enemy
shat his pants once, we all laughed for the next year and he left that school...



sucker
(ameoba photographer for hire, cheap, see profile, Fri 7 May 2004, 6:57, Reply)

Sandwich of death..
So anyways, the scene is Norwich on a cold winters night, back in the early 90's. Three teenage rapscallions are bored. Dave, Myself, and Matt are all sitting in Dave's bike shed (bit of a speedway rider was our Dave, back in the day). Our other mate, Neil, Was inside the warm of Dave's house, getting off with some young filly he'd managed to pick up a couple of days before.

So anyways, as you do, Dave decided he'd shit in a bucket outside. Having deployed his bum cigar, we were then at a loss of quite what to do with the foul thing.

Then it came to us.

Neil wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. And had previously pissed in Dave's beer a few weeks beforehand.

The plan was hatched, and off to the kitchen did I get dispatched to obtain two slices of Kingsmill. Meanwhile, Matt politely tapped on the closed door of the living room - "Alright Neil Mate, we're makin sandwiches outside, want one?" "Yeah, that'd be great!" Comes the reply of the hapless one. Dave, outside, has found a spatula looking device to make the instrument of Neils demise.

The turd sandwich is constucted, by Dave's not-so-fair hands. And took into Neil by Matt, who informs him "Here you go mate, its crab paste." "Lovely", comes the reply.

And us three gits hang around outside the patio doors...waiting for the scream we knew most certainly would come. And waited. And waited. And waited.

"Did he eat it?" we wondered. Maybe he'd twigged and was playing it cool. I was sent in to knock on the door and tell him that there were more paste sandwiches outside, but we needed the plate, so eat up, eh?

Back outside we waited some more.. and then... The noise we'd been waiting for. I cannot describe it, other than to say that it was probably a combined mixture of revulsion, horror, and disbelief. Combined with the added bonus of a mouthful of human excrement and bread being sprayed at high velocity onto Dave's parents wedding photos. Neil came storming and spitting his guts up out the back door, whereupon we attempted to leg it, but were collectively laughing too hard to run. resulting in me (being the youngest fat kid) getting the shit (aha ha ha) kicked out of me solidly for a full 15 minutes.

Turns out, Neil's little girl had twigged to what the sandwich contained, and stated to him, as he picked the sandwich up, "You're not going to eat that, are you, Its Shit!". Taking that as some kind of challenge, Neil had folded the sarnie in half, and had taken a walloping double-decker bite out of it.

He brushed his teeth with Daves toothbrush, and we didn't leave him alone with our drinks for about 5 years after that.

Sorry about length.
(Napstitch, Fri 7 May 2004, 6:38, Reply)

well i have 2 from today!
i shat myself after eating three sandwiches and drinking a bottle of coke this mornin. i just sat down and thought hmm my ass is cold...

and a bit later my ass started to dribble so i go to the crapper and i discover...MY. SHIT. IS. YELLOW!!
(That guy with a hat., Fri 7 May 2004, 6:38, Reply)

ohh, how could I resist this one?
For the record, my friend has been on and on about how my life is essentially incomplete without b3ta. So I finally go check it out and the topic du jour is shit stories. Nuff said.

Well mine's not that great but I just have to share.
One time in high school my friends and I were wandering about a neighborhood for some now unimportant reason. I started getting that I'm either going to shit or barf really soon feeling so I ducked into this little lot covered with trees behind a church and popped a squat, with one of my friends rummaging around trying to find me some nice big non-rash causing leaves to wipe with (she ended up returning with some kind of fuzzy ones thinking they'd grab the poo better... how much do my friends rock?) and the rest inquiring as to my progress from a distance. Well apparently I have like shit performance anxiety or something cos I couldn't bring myself to do it with everyone there. Probably not such a bad thing.

Also, my cat now and her predecessor seem to view shitting as a succinct way to share their displeasure at their humans. The first one used to shit on my bed when I was a kid when we'd go on vacation (like I would've chosen to take off on a god awful road trip if I had a choice). Spike (the current one) shits in front of our front door if she's pissed off (which is apparently about once a week, Mama deals with it now that I'm away at school). You know she's done it because every time she shits where she's not sposed to she gets really frisky and runs up and down the stairs over and over...
(lilpunkbabygrrl, Fri 7 May 2004, 6:30, Reply)

you either love it or hate it.
A strict teenage diet of two whole days of nothing but marmite sandwiches rewarded me with several days of pitch black shit. I have never been so afraid in my whole life. I still love the stuff though, just in moderation....
(Neo Nervosa, Fri 7 May 2004, 6:12, Reply)

One more....
I gave a snowman a perfect Turd Trilby when snowboarding in Morzine just after christmas. Took an incredible amount of skill in shitting as I was absolutely fucked off my tits at the time and nearly sat in it at least twice. Strangely, it wasnt there in the morning so someone must have scooped it off, probably frozen solid. Vive la France.
( MrUppity, Fri 7 May 2004, 6:09, Reply)

Stories from Army Cadets and OTC (quite lengthy)
In ze Army, as part of the ration pack thats issued to prospective cannon fodder, we are given nasty biscuit things called 'Biscuit Browns'. They taste so-so but their real use is that they are very good constipators - something that is a great boon when u are sent off on a 2-day excercise and dont want to shit in the open (to remain 'covert' or something). This means that you eat all your biscuits and then dont shit for about 5 days.
The return from a weekend camp would hold a highly amusing game because the return of your bowel function was granted swiftly and ferociously, often giving the hapless commando about 15 seconds between onset of "hmm, i think i need to dump" and "Oh bollocks ive cacked me khakis".
We often had a shouted countdown as someone put up their hand to ask to go to the loo and then just gave up and bolted out the door. Fun.

Once in CCF (cadet thing at school) the NCOs (all the 6th years basically) congregated around one of the cubicles because someone had managed to do the widest shit anyone had ever seen. It could only be described as a "coke can" due to its massive girth but diminutive length. We eventually found out that the turd was produced by a fat kid in 4th year who we quite unaffectionately called 'Cartman'.

Also highly funny and to do with the aforementioned biscuits:
One of our mates in OTC once decided to eat 6 peoples' rations of biscuit browns in one go. He didnt crap for about 2 and a half weeks but when he did he made off for the toilet at a fair trot followed by all of us in fits of laughter. He then sat down in a cubicle with us listening outside only to hear a loud squelch and then an ear-peircing scream. The poor chap had just ripped his anus in twain. Actually ripped his anal sphynchter! He then had to endure a couple more minutes of agony as he crimped out the remainder of the shite with us nearly dying of laughter nad him busting a lung from screaming.
Dont eat that many constipation biscuits in one go.

On the subject of ripped anuses (ani?) i once ran out of toilet paper in the loo in Newark Airport while on hols in the US. I had to use the disposable grease-paper like thing that you put over the toilet seat to wipe my arse. I managed to put the edge of the serated paper right in the midle of the wad and so proceeded to give myself a very painful paper-cut on my anus. I couldnt sit down all day. youch.

ENOUGH!
( MrUppity, Fri 7 May 2004, 5:53, Reply)

Do you all have the "upper-decker" over there in the UK?
It's also known as the "backfloater". It isn't possible to inflict it on most public toilets because they're usually the type that just have pipework coming out of the wall to attach to the bowl. At least that's the case over here. For this stunt you need the kind of toilets people have in their homes or, say, in older hotels. It's the kind with the tank on the back of it with the heavy porcelain lid that you can lift off to jiggle with the valve or whatever. And by "whatever" of course, I mean "shit in it". This is a fantastic trick to play at house parties or wedding receptions or really wherever you can manage. It helps if you hate the people who own the toilet, though, or if they belong to the government, or they're your likewise degenerate drinking buddies. Step one, remove lid. Step two, shit in the tank. Step three replace lid. Step four, put on a nonchalant face and walk out. Step five, brag about it to your friends and instantly garner hero status for a month. The toilet's owners will be treated to a week of gradually lightening stinky cream-soda-tan water after each flush. Huzzah!
(kookoobirdz, Fri 7 May 2004, 5:47, Reply)

India
Travelling on a locals chicken bus in India. A little old lady squats on the aisle next to my knees around your ears seat, lights up a tab and fans herself.

Bus stops little old lady gets off minus her very stinky little parcel poohs (very well formed and firm) and wees in the bus aisle. Lovely.
(Varth Daver, Fri 7 May 2004, 4:49, Reply)

dogs and weight-loss drugs
There's a weight-loss pill called Xenical that works by stopping 30% of the fat you eat from being absorbed. I always thought that one of the reasons for its success is not because it reduces your intake, but because it penalises you so harshly for eating fatty foods: you get Fatty Anal Leakage. Not oily turds. You literally leak shitty oil. Now that the context is set, on to the story.

This was told me by my ex who is a dietician. One of her clients had dropped a Xenical pill, and thought no more of it. Unbeknownst to her, the family pet terrier had eaten it and gotten on with its usual doggy life - that is, eating fat-laden dog food...

She came home to the most disgusting smell, and to find the highly distressed terrier pulling itself around with its front legs, smearing its shitty arse up and down their carpet. I can only imagine the reek of fatty dog turd spread over an entire room... or the look on the poor dog's face.
(casey, Fri 7 May 2004, 3:49, Reply)

Once had a friend
describe his "shotgun" poo to me.
(Armer Farmer, Fri 7 May 2004, 3:12, Reply)

My sister
Has this thing called "Chronic Constipation" which sounds like a joke but its a real disease. Anyways because of this when she does blow, she leaves a log seriously about 7 inches long and at least 3 inches wide. Yes they're disgusting, and yes they don't flush, and because she is lazy she sometimes just leaves them in there. I think the longest she left one in our bathroom was 3 days, which doesnt sound too bad, but something like that floating, ripening, and smelling like its starting to rot almost drives me to vomit when I open the toilet lid. Everytime I'm tricked into seeing Geotse, I half wonder if my sister is like that, then I quickly block it out of my mind. *shudder*
(cornsyrup, Fri 7 May 2004, 1:56, Reply)

A few stories
(Long post - a few memories)

Years back, going upstairs to prepare to go out I let out an impressively sharp-sounding yet loud ripper that had me laughing my head off. A few minutes later however my arse felt oddly cold. I checked in the mirror and to my horror found a great brown watery stripe. I cleaned/changed, sheepishly being thankful this happened at home. I took a pre-emptive shit just in case before I left.

I used to work for an IT firm in London & during a normal work day sitting talking to a colleague I kept getting a subtle, vague whiff of something - but checking my shoes revealed no canine curlers. Later on I retired to take a dump and found as I expelled a normal, solid log that I had the sensation of my arse hairs ripping apart. I puzzled this until a stark realisation hit home. I hurriedly checked the insides of my boxers and to my relief found that the previous-nights-beer-fart seepage had only permeated my arse beard. I hurriedly cleaned up all traces of bum grit and returned to the office.

One & only time I had to give a stool sample for which I was given a small plastic jar. Not sure how to do this I hovered suspended and deposited a perfectly just-less-than-small-sized-jar turd into the receptable, put the lid on and marveled as the sides steamed up. I was extremely proud until I noticed a large, bright green blob of mucus on the side of the turd! At the hospital samples counter I handed over the jar stating "this is for you" and quickly walked off. I've never again seen a mucus turd, only the one time it went public, typical.

I was hospitalised with a severe leg fracture once and in traction. After a few days not crapping I had to request the bed pan, and sat there doing the do as the most fetid smell erupted. When I inspected the evidence I found a putrid, slimey, glistening mass of green matter. Being in traction I couldn't get out of bed so had to simply request a nurse to collect
this abomination as I lay there and went a bright shade of red (she was pretty too, curses).

One time in some office toilets I was taking a dump and I heard groaning, huffing, puffing and sounds of pain from the next cubicle as I was trying not to laugh out loud. The guy left, and after I finished up I couldn't resist peeking in for a look and found a humungous OVAL deposit several inches across basking in the bowl. I was stunned and amused as I left the cubicle, only to meet the cleaning lady coming in the door as *I* walked out of the offending trap!

Finally for now, I used to work at a company where there was a very pale guy who seemed to eat nothing but sugary cakes. One time on entering the communal loo I found water near to the brim, and two pale cream coloured "sugar stools" peering up out of the water. A few days later the drains had to be cleaned as we had completely packed them with shit from our endless junk food and burgers diet. All of us except this guy (we didn't tell him hehe) joked about a white stripe running through the shit packed drain.
(BouncingAyatollah, Fri 7 May 2004, 1:24, Reply)

Novelty Cakes and Barium Meals
When I was a child, I had a Sonic the Hedgehog cake for one of my birthdays (don't remember which one). Most of my immediate family had some of it, and all of us were pleased to announce we had blue poo the following day.

Of all the hospital tests I've had to find out what's wrong with my gut (I have finally been diagnosed as having Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which seems a bit of a cop out to me), one of them was a barium meal. A barium meal involves swallowing a very dense "liquid", that can be seen on X-rays whilst passing through you. The following day I had what could only be described as a concrete turd. It stuck to the bottom of the toilet for about a week afterwards.
(SlinkySkunk, Fri 7 May 2004, 0:59, Reply)

Long one but,
When i was in college, I lived with a guy who was a beer monster. Everytime it was someones birthday he would make a collection of money to buy them a diesel (half a pint of various shorts and half a pint guiness). So when it cam to his birthday, EVERYONE chipped in, in fact there was so many shorts, there was no room for guiness. Anyway he downed it and about an hour later was paralitic and had to be carried home. Me and a freind went for food and got home an hour later. The pisshead was lying in the hallway asleep with a blanket over him and everyone else was in the living room laughing. It transpired that they carried him home and sat him down, when he slurred that he need a shit, so they carried him to the bog and helped him get his trousers down and left him. Half an hour later they became worried, so knocked the bathroom door, to which there was no answer. They smashed the door in and found him having fallen forward into the bath with his arse in the air, fast asleep, with a big turd hanging half way out of his arse. 'You dirty bastard' someone yelled, whereupon he woke up and pulled his trousers straight up. They all fell about laughing, he got angry and then collapsed in the hallway.
The next day he had no recollection of this and uttered the immortal line 'At least I didnt puke'. I asked him what happened when he woke up, he replied that he realised he'd shit himself, so ran out the back garden naked and hoyed his pants, shit and all over the next doors garden. He was the forever known as the phantom shitter.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Fri 7 May 2004, 0:59, Reply)

As
is by now traditional, not actually something that happened to me, but when I was at uni, our wildly out-of-the-way campus was visited by a rugby team from either Oxford or Cambridge, can't remember which now. At the regular Friday night disco in one of the rancid nearby towns, I nipped into the gent's for a jimmy just in time to see one of the visiting rugger buggers shitting in a urinal. Which wasn't exactly the funniest thing in the world ever, at first. But it rapidly became very funny indeed when the urinals picked that precise moment to flush, and he ended up with several pints of water and a number of rapidly-disintegrating stools dumped over his trousers.

A good mate worked as a barmaid/cleaner in the same venue and once found one of the cubicles in the gents liberally smeared with poo... and with a couple of nice firm turds neatly deposited on a sheet of newspaper in the corner.
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Fri 7 May 2004, 0:59, Reply)

cleaning bill!
On my travels a few years ago in a nasty hotel in a nasty unfriendly country, Johnny foreigner poisoned me with some deadly prawns. I remember crawling along the floor of my room covered in my own liquid shite, from the bed (also covered in gallons of liquid shite) and trying to get to the toilet (already filled with liquid shite as the water was turned off for 6 hours every day). Now when I hear the name of the city I can think of only one thing, can you guess what it is? .
Did I mention that I was also being sick at the same time ? Well I was. Death started to look attractive before I went into hospital and later got a 200 quid cleaning bill for my shite covered hotel room. Still haven't paid it...
(meatatarian!, Fri 7 May 2004, 0:50, Reply)

Turd balls
When I was 10 years old, I had this friend once named Kris (who was also my age). Never knew him very well, but we were in Cub Scouts together and my mother knew his father (who was also the "Den Leader" or whatever they were called). So, they arranged some kind of "play date" or sleepover thing. We went walking out behind my house that evening, just talking, joking around. All of a sudden, Kris reaches his hand down the back of his pants, pulls out a glob of something, and throws it down the street. "Turd balls" he says to me, and shrugs, with a smile on his face. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Even at 10, I was speechless. I think I murmured something, and I kept my distance for the rest of the night. Fortunately, I had nothing to do with him after that evening. But afterwards, I always watched his hands closely for the telltale evidence... Now it makes me wonder: Did he ever got over the habit? For that matter, I wonder how he STARTED the habit! Surely his parents must have known.
(Jaycatt, Fri 7 May 2004, 0:49, Reply)

Ooh, almost forgot this one
My buddy Duke (how appropriate) told me the most horrendous and humiliating public shitting story I've ever heard. He was at a festival-type all day concert, but they had proper toilet facilities, not port-o-potties. And he had a kettle of volatile diarrhea brewing so he went and got in line for the crapper. It was a bathroom for a large venue so it had lots of urinals but also lots of toilet stalls, only they had no doors for some reason. So the place is packed to capacity and the line (queue) stretches out the door. So you have to stand there facing the row of occupied stalls waiting your turn, looking at people's backs if they're pissing or their genitals if they dared sit. Few dared. One by one people finish their business and walk out and the the next guy immediately takes his spot. So Duke's the next man, and the crapper right in front of the line opens up. He's noted the absence of stall doors by now, but there's nothing for it. He's going to explode. He's got to go. But as with every public-toilet-drunken-concert situation, the raise-the-seat-before-you-piss rule had been abandoned early on, so he's not about to sit on the piss-splattered thing. So he does the awkward hovering squat that I hear the womenfolk speak of now and then, sort of half leaning back and bracing one hand against the wall for balance. He's got his pants down to his knees, legs spread enough to keep them from falling all the way down, because the floor is a under minor flood of urine, and his man bits are on display for the line of guys waiting their turn. I guess none of us are accustomed to having to actually aim with our anuses and Duke was no exception. Because when he let rip, it didn't go down - - it went back - - in an explosive spray of giblets and gravy. The whole line of guys in front of him is recoiling in disgust and trying to look elsewhere and Duke's just frozen there in horror and helpless humiliation, thinking, "Sorry! Oh fuck, sorry!". And he wasn't finished. He tried to correct his aim but it was really no good in that squat position, so a couple more quick salvos went onto the wall and floor. He finishes, wipes, buttons up, takes a quick, pained look at his large mess and just has to leave. And he has to walk out right past the long line of guys who've just witnessed him paint the stall with his shit mud. It's hilarious now, but dear God, that must have been horrible.
(kookoobirdz, Fri 7 May 2004, 0:45, Reply)