babies (yet more)
Whats the definition of pain?




A skinned baby in a bag of salt
(BuLmAn, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:45, Reply)

Wife, Meat, Blowjob... What's the odd one out?
The answer is of course, Blowjob.

Why?

You can beat your wife, you can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob.
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:38, Reply)

so sorry
I was walking through the woods with a little boy last night and he said 'I'm frightened' and I said 'how do you think I feel?, I have to walk back out of here alone'.!!
(chossy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:37, Reply)

What's the best thing about you reading this?
You knowing that I'm slowly masturbating while thinking about your children...






/sorry
(lat297, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:36, Reply)

HERE'S TWO FOR STARTERS!
1. How Do You stop a Black Baby Crying?

Lick it's lips and stick it to the window!

2. What's better than making love to a twelve year old boy?

Nothing!
(bigplums, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:36, Reply)

Told this one in the pub, then realised a table of Australians sitting behind me
An Australian, South African and an Englishman are having a cool beer in the desert.
The South African finishes his beer, throws his glass in the air and shoots it with his gun. 'In South Africa we have so many glasses, we never have to drink twice with the same one.'
The other two are impressed.
The Australian finishes his beer, and does the same. 'In Australia, we have so much sand, we never have to drink from the same glass twice either, we simply make more glasses!'
The other two are impressed.
The Englishman finishes his pint slowly, then carefully puts his glass down, before shooting both his companions in the guts. As they slowly die, he picks up his glass and says to them 'In England, we have so many fucking Australians and South Africans....'
(lat297, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:34, Reply)

this is wrong...
Q Whats the best thing about fucking a 5 year old girl?

A turning her over and prentending she's a 5 year old boy
(elgonzorelli, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:31, Reply)

What do Princess Di and Ferrero Rochet have in common?
They both come out of France in a fancy box.
( JKF You ain't seen me, roit?, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:31, Reply)

...
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Acne?
A. Acne waits till you're a teenager to come on your face

Ouch.
(Dr. Crab, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:29, Reply)

what's got 4 legs and goes Miaow
A frozen dog on a bench saw
(lat297, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:28, Reply)

Why are there no arabs in StarTrek?
Because StarTrek is set in the future...
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:28, Reply)

Whats got 4 legs and goes 'Woof'?
A cat doused in petrol
(Daveybaby, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:27, Reply)

i've been waiting for this...
Whats the differance between babies and apples?
i don't fuck an apple before i eat it.

whats the best thing about fucking a nine year old boy? watching him cry in court.

what's the worst thing about being a child murderer? getting the blood out of your clown costume...
( Boondocks, YEAH! has a massive penis. Everyone is scared., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:27, Reply)

What's green and eats nuts
Syphilis
(TheCircusBeyond, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:27, Reply)

What's got 6 legs and a c*nt halfway up it's back?
A police horse.
( alexr, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:26, Reply)

Q. Why are Camels called ships of the desert ?
A. They're full of Arab Seamen


/coat
(Schlottie, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:21, Reply)

Heard whilst drunk...
Q - Dad, what's child abuse?

A - Shut up and keep sucking...

also, not a joke as such, but just a line someone came out with in the pub...
"Daddy's got to clean in there..."

Ooh, one more...

Q - What's got eight legs and a black cunt?
A - The A Team
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:13, Reply)

Heard at Wigstock...
...so I can't be held responsible:

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Have a tiger drag him off the stage.
(Gabbertoons, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 11:05, Reply)

How do you make a grannies toes curl?
F*ck her with her tights on.
( alexr, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:59, Reply)

i hear this one today infact...
you say - "i had a wet dream about you last night!(targeted individual) you got hit by a truck and i pissed myself laughing!" :)
(Ireul, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:56, Reply)

Dando
Jill Dando's husband wanted to paint their front door green, but she was dead against it.
(localknowledge, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:56, Reply)

After the twin towers have exploded, the dust is settling when an Irishman
walks out of the wreckage and walks towards the remaining firemen...
The firemen say to him:
'Oh my God, how did you survive that?! What floor were you on?'
'Floor?' says the Irishman, 'I was in First fucking Class!'
(lat297, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:56, Reply)

2
What do you call a midget in a tumble dryer?

Fucking funny!


Did you hear the one about the cheeky gynecologist?

He got a flap in the face and a clit on the back of the ear.

:D
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:55, Reply)

Where's the Andies?
A vicar is on a train and this pregnant woman gets on and sits down opposite him.

As they travel the vicar is reading his newspaper and the woman takes out her knitting.

As she is knitting, about every 20 minutes she reaches into her bag and pulls out a bottle of pills from which she takes one and swallows it.

This goes on for about an hour when the vicar sees the label "Thalidomide" on the bottle.

"Excuse me", says the vicar to the woman, "Do you know the effect that could have on your unborn child?"

"Yes" says the woman "I never could knit sleeves."
(BobMonkhouse is a lacist, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:52, Reply)

(sorry if done before, etc)
Peedofile & gurl walking into the woods at night:
gurl: "Its dark...I'm scared..."
peed: "How do you think I feel? I'm going to have to walk back by myself..."
(Happy Shopper - synonymous with case modding computer geeks., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:52, Reply)

not that sick, but anyway ...
How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights ?

2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, countless hares, the occasional cock and 1 dead fish that nobody can find.

Have a great weekend !
(crickle, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:50, Reply)

Michael Jackson, Saddam Hussein and the Pope in a plane
The plane is about to crash, and the Pope starts praying for God to save the Children.
'Fuck The Children' says Saddam
To which Michael Jackson replies:
'Do we have time?'
(lat297, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 10:50, Reply)