World's Sickest JokeTell us your jokes.
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God - smiting mortals since 4004 BC, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:01)
This question is now closed.
I apologise if any are bindun....I havent read through,and gotta go to college soon!
Why did little suzy fall off the swing?
She had no arms
How do you get a clown off the swing?
Hit it in the face with an axe
Whats the difference with a ton of dead babys,and a ton of bricks?
You cant load bricks onto the back of a pick-up with a pitchfork
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller?
A baby with a cheese grator
Ill post more as and when i remember them/have more time
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 7:16, Reply)
Crossword puzzle which was posted by me on here when I first joined.Yeah, like I said crosswored puzzle.
6 letters - Jewish Baker?
H I T L E R
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Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 6:47,
Reply)
This one may have been said before...A guy is screwing a girl, and everything is going fine until the girl cries out "Stop! Stop! It hurts too much!"
The guy sighs and goes and gets some Vaseline, and then they carry on...five minutes later she again cries out "Stop! The pain is horrible!"
So they guy, a bit perturbed, gets off her and goes and gets some lube. They begin again. The guy is just getting into it when the girl AGAIN cries for him to stop "Please stop! The pain is EXCRUCIATING!”
And the guy replies: “Wow, that’s a big word for a five year old!”
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 6:46, Reply)
This isn't funny unless you know about chewing tobacco......and about working-class laborers' love for the stuff in America. But hell, long-haul lorry drivers in the UK probably chew the stuff too. This was the most surreal dirty joke we knew at our school, so I'll pass it around to you.
These two long-haulers are tearing along a rural stretch of motorway in an 18-wheeler lorry when one of them realizes that he shouldn't have skipped the last rest stop - he is in DIRE need of a place to stop and defecate. Unfortunately, they're running behind schedule, and it was for that very reason they didn't stop.
The afflicted passenger turns to the driver and explains the situation. The driver says: "Just roll down your window and stick your arse out."
"But there's houses out there!" the passenger complains
"You think they can see you from so far off the road? Look, we're the only ones out here, so just shit out the window and we'll keep going."
So the passenger does it, cramming his hairy arse out the window sideways in order to fit it... whilst an old couple, true to his worst fears, watches from their back porch.
"God!" says the woman. "Did you see the size of the tobacco chaw that lorry driver spat out?"
"That was nothing," says her husband. "Did you see the size of his fucking *lips?*"
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 6:37, Reply)
Feel free to insert your own local landmarks...A woman is standing on the harbour bridge, ready to jump and end it all. As she stands there, a man comes over and starts talking to her.
he eventually coaxes her down and tells her he can stow her away on his boat, that is going to europe. She like the idea and comes along.
He hides her on a lifeboat, for the next three months he goes there at night with a plate of food and screws the shit out of her.
One day, the captain is doing his routine inspections and finds her there. Hating the life she now has, she breaks down and tells the whole story - ending by telling him about how she's getting screwed every night.
the captain says:
"Too right you're getting screwed, this is the Manly ferry!"
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gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 6:23,
Reply)
An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar. The view
was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.
"Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back hame. Why, in
Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there
goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks,
he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman
there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, that's nuttin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's
O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've
had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid.
All on the house."
"Wow," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"Not me myself, personally, no," said the Irishman "but it did happen to
me sister."
I know it's not a sick joke, it's just a normal funnyish joke. I didn't wan't to post a sick joke, because, well, you know how when you look in someone's profile you see their answers to Questions? Just think how appaling a sick joke is going to look stuck there in a profile, taken out of context of this whole thing. Jeez I'm way too sensible sometimes. I'll just pootle off now and replace the caps on people's pens so they don't all dry out (cos that's the kind of sensible guy I am).
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Purple Martin is board sigless, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 6:01,
Reply)
A couple:what's the worst thing about having sex with a hairless pussy?
having to put the nappy back on
what's black, blue and hates sex?
The eight year old in my boot
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gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:56,
Reply)
dead baby jokeswhat bubbles and claws at a window?
a baby in a microwave
whats better then a pile of dead babys?
one alive at the bottom eatings it way to the top
whats better then that?
when it goes back for seconds
whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a cadillac?
i dont have a cadillac in my garage
whats better then 10 babies nailed to a tree?
a baby nailed to 10 trees
what do you get when a baby falls down the stairs?
an erection
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:50, Reply)
Not too bad...The town's homliest man walks into his favorite bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, "You look happy! Is there anything I should ask?"
The man grins at the bartender and says, "I was walking home last night, and there was a woman tied to the railroad tracks! So I untied her, took her home, and had the best sex of my life!"
"You lucky son-of-a-bitch!" said the bartender, "Was she pretty?"
The ugly man said, "I don't know, never found the head!"
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CapnChkn I would rather be flying elephants., Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:41,
Reply)
...there's a young girl alone crying to herself. A man comes up to her and asks 'what's wrong?'. She says her parents died in a car crash. The man unzips his trousers and says 'It's not your lucky day is it luv?'
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:39, Reply)
i kicked the kid who told this in the testicles.Q) What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A) See you next month.
Q)what's the best part about fucking a two week year old baby?
A) deep throat from both ends.
Q)worst part?
A)cleaning blood of teh clown suit.
Q)how long does it take to microwave a baby?
A)i don't know, i was too busy jerking off.
And now, for the worlds sickest joke.
- Flipper Babies
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:29, Reply)
Two old ladies sitting on a bench in a park.A guy in a mac runs up in front of them and flashes his cock at the two old dears.
One of the old ladies had a stroke.....the other one couldn't reach.
*titter*
(
Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:20,
Reply)
Now, the sickest joke everOk, so this black jew and his faggot friend walked in the bar. The semitic nigger smelled pork from the kitchen and vomited on the lap of a whore in wheelchair, which made her abort her 4 month fetus.
Staring at this unconfortable situation, the faggot said to the bartender in an effeminate way: "she was going to do it anyway, only that now it was for free."
Fin.
*washes his hands*
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:14, Reply)
I'm sickI called my boss, told him I wouldn't be coming into work, that I was in bed sick.
He said, "You don't sound sick."
I said, "I'm fucking my little sister."
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 5:01, Reply)
Oh boy...Q: What do you say to an armless, legless Mike Tyson?
A: "Nigger!"
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 4:45, Reply)
What's The Worst Thing About Raping A 7 Year Old?Trying to get the blood out of your clown costume.
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 4:44, Reply)
Not terribly sick but...one of my all time favorites.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick!
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 4:12, Reply)
What does a condom and a Russian submarine have in common?They're both full of dead seamen.
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 4:09, Reply)
My attemptQ) Why do you put a baby in a blender feet-first?
A) So you can cum on it's face.
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 4:00, Reply)
After the Ball was over...Following the after-show party at the music awards, Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams, Gareth Gates and Will Young are walking down the street. They've all had a few drinks and suddenly Kylie trips over and gets her head stuck in the railings.
"Wa-hey!" shouts Robbie and grabs her by the ass, pulls down her knickers and starts fucking her from behind.
"Oh Yes!" shouts Kylie, loving every bit of it.
After Robbie finishes, he shouts to Gareth, "Your turn next" so Gareth unzips his pants and says, "Oh yes K-K-Kylie you're so S-Sexy and I'm going to f-f-f-fuck you" and he does just that.
Kylie is having a whale of a time and after Gareth is done she cries out "More! I want more!"
"Come on Will," says Robbie, "Your turn next." Then he notices Will is crying. "What's the matter?" asks Robbie.
Sobbing, Will replies, "I can't get my head through the railings!"
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Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 3:50,
Reply)
Several sick jokes...A man goes to the doctors because his penis has turned black. "I've just come back from a trip to China," he says, "And I had sex with a chinese prostitute."
"Sorry," says the Doctor, "You've got Chinese Cock Disease, you'll have to have it amputated."
The man is very upset so he goes to a chinese medicine shop for advice.
"No," says the Chinese guy, "No need to have it amputated."
"Thank God for that" says the man.
"No," says the Chinaman, "In two, three days, it fall off by itself!"
----
The madam answers the whorehouse door and sees a man sitting there in a wheelchair.
"Look at you," she sneers, "No arms, no legs, what on earth are you going to do?"
He replied, "I rang the fucking doorbell didn't I?"
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Q. What's got four legs and goes "Fffffffffffffff?"
A. Rod Hull's television set.
Q. What were Rod Hull's favourite washing powder and fabric softener?
A. "Ariel" and "Bounce".
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1. What's the fastest thing in Africa? - An Ethiopian Chicken.
2. What's the second fastest thing in Africa? - the guy chasing it.
3. What's the third fastest thing in Africa? - The Blue Peter Camera Crew filming it.
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Q. What do you call 100 Lawayers up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What do you call a field full of dead Frenchmen?
A. A good day's shooting.
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An 80 year old man appeared on Blind Date, but didn't get chosen. Cilla Black felt sorry for him so they ended up in bed together. After they had finished, Cilla said, "Wow, that was great! For an 80 year old you sure know how to please a woman, is there any thing I can do for you?"
"Yes," said the man, "When we go to sleep, keep both your hands on my penis."
An hour later Cilla feels a stirring in her hands, so she wakes the man up and they do it again, before falling asleep with her hands on his penis. Three times she wakes him up and each time they fall asleep she puts her hands round his penis. In the morning Cilla asks him: "Does keeping my hands on a man's penis really help him to get it up again and again?"
"Not really," said the man, "But last time I fucked a Scouser she stole my wallet, and I just wanted to know where your hands were."
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Q. What's white and takes the piss out of old people's clothes?
A. A washing machine.
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Q. How does a Chav girl turn the light on after sex?
A. Opens the car door.
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Two tramps are walking down a railway line when they find a dead rabbit. The first tramp starts eating but the other one just sits there. "Aren't you having any?"
"No, I'm waiting for a hot meal."
Half an hour later the first tramp feels ill, and is sick. The second tramp pulls a spoon out of his pocket. "Just what I was waiting for," he said, "A hot meal."
----
Ticket to Hull, please
(
Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 3:40,
Reply)
Sorry. Very sorry.There's an old couple driving behind a truck, when all of a sudden, the truck stops short, hitting the car in front of it. The back doors swing open and bowling balls go flying everywhere. The husband swerves, hits a tree and blacks out.
When he wakes up, his wife isn't in the car. He gets out and starts calling for her. "Sadie! Sadie, where are you?!" After a bit of calling, he goes back up to the road, where he finds Sadie wailing on a bowling ball with her cane.
"Sadie!" he says, "Sadie! What the hell are you doing?"
She says, "I gotta get these niggers before they hatch!"
(, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 2:48, Reply)
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